# f*%$ing pigeon



## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

I'm trying to work, ok so I'm posting on here too but never the less. I have a pigeon that is either trapped behind the fire (it's been a week) or it's flying in and out. It's doing my head in. Every now and again it's popping it's cheeky ba%$ard head through the gap!


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## mattyb (Oct 22, 2010)

Shootgun.........


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## marc (Jul 16, 2007)

We need a Video of this or its all lies - LIES


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

ha, i wish it were lies because i'm going to have to get a fire engineer out to move the fire! it's really loud scurrying and then nothing for ages!


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## joeedoom (Jul 31, 2009)




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## NLG (Sep 6, 2007)

Ah yes, the old anti social Pigeon problem... You never know what they might do next...

I need to see a picture of its head peering at you because you will then have made the best post in interweb history.


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## GunnerKes (Apr 26, 2010)

Lol awesome, gotta see a pic of this pigeon! Gwan!


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

Thing is, I can't make the fu$%er pop it's head out otherwise I'd just grab the thing and pull it out! My kids are loving it, apart from my eldest who is for some reason shitting his pants! I just sat for twenty minutes in front of the fire to wait and nothing. Now it's going for it again!


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## christomo (Nov 20, 2007)

if dastardly and mutley couldnt do it, im sure you may struggle, a song comes to mind.......


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

:laugh: LMFAO - zero pitty from UK-MMA.

I have a stray cat taking residence in our house at the moment - what's your address and I will stuff him in an envelope to you!.

On a serious note - can you remove your back plate an let it out? - as once it dies your house is gonna stink and it will attract maggots.


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

It's doing my nut in! And for those of you that think I'm lying;;


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

before you say why don't you get your hand in and get it, I could only just fit the camera through there! OK!!! :tuf


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## christomo (Nov 20, 2007)

ewrayzor said:


> It's doing my nut in! And for those of you that think I'm lying;;


looks like its posing if you ask me, taking the piss!! haha


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

HA HA yeah, nuke the bastard.


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

Look at the way the cheeky bÂ£$%ard is just chilling out as if reading a book on his fire lounger!

Last laugh's on him anyway because he's gonna die down there. I can't get, he can't out. Fu$%ed if I'm getting someone out for a ton to get this shit out. It'll die and I'll get a long spoon and get it! :thumb


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## Kempo_JuJitsu_Guy (Jun 8, 2009)

Just feed it dried rice wait for it to pop then it should be easier to scoop out with a laidel. Just means you'll have to buy a new laidel lol.


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

Long spoon - LMFAO...do you have experience at poking pigeons?...I hear it can be quite tricky?.

What type of fire do you have? ....most of the time you do not have to switch the gas off to get the back plate off (possibly able to remove the carcass of the fire whilst leaving the gas pipes alone)...just make sure you have insulation tape to secure it all back up (properly)...sorry many years of watching my dad get sparrows outta our flu - he was a gas fitter for 35 years and trained the British Gas massive in Liverpool.


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## willpac (Jan 23, 2010)

Turn the fire on and then eat it when throughly cook through.


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

:good I was thinking that!

Si get your old fella round then! f$%k. I think it's sleeping now! I tried to take stuff off but I don't want the fu$%er shitting on my stuff when it flies out!


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## christomo (Nov 20, 2007)

willpac said:


> Turn the fire on and then eat it when throughly cook through.


:good i agree !


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

ewrayzor said:


> :good I was thinking that!
> 
> Si get your old fella round then! f$%k. I think it's sleeping now! *I tried to take stuff off but I don't want the fu$%er shitting on my stuff when it flies out!*


Sorry mate he's about 300 miles away...taking your clothes off will not solve the issue.

If you wanna be really mean feed it bread...this will expand and result in it thinking it is full (when it is not) and it will starve to death...my mate used to race pigeons! and decided to give me that bit of wisdom who would have thought 20 years later it may have been useful?.

I would just pay to get it removed as your gonna have to do that either way might as well let it live and get your gaff back to normal ASAP I say - oh, and get a chimney guard to stop anymore things getting in their. :yes:


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## marc (Jul 16, 2007)

That is a Handsome pigeon, can some one start a pigeon appreciation thread - i think you should name him Barry and keep him as a pet, or turn the fire on a cook the ****er, whichever floats your boat


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## NLG (Sep 6, 2007)

ewrayzor said:


> It's doing my nut in! And for those of you that think I'm lying;;


Spoon, spoon, spoon!

haha

Cant you unscrew the plate? Get in there and stomp on its face. Or just let it fly away... Though it might just do it again!


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

Barry has talent...set him free:-






Otherwise his identical eveil twin will get you:-

Barry Pigeon | Facebook


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

You know I have a friend true story this. He plays drums in a band called the pigeon detectives. Maybe I should get them round, the meddling kids!


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

Ha ha - he sounds like the man for the job:-


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## GunnerKes (Apr 26, 2010)

FREE EWRAYZORS PIGEON!!! That needs to be on a t shirt! Keep us updated mate!


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## spitfire (Apr 19, 2008)

Ha pigeon detectives. I bet they never thought that they would be linked to an mma site via barry the pigeon.

If you were french you would have it in a pie before you could say "have it in a pie".

This must be the fastest growing thread weve ever had on here.


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## rsp84 (Dec 9, 2008)

I found a pigeon once, it was during a gas service on a fire, got the old rubber gloves on, and when I pulled it out, it was light as a feather(all the heat) and no head.

My theory is a cat bit his head off, and planted him down the chimney, its the puuurrfect crime (sorry for the bad pun)


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## rsp84 (Dec 9, 2008)

Wait, Ive remembered another story. Was working in a rich fellas cottage on the first floor, my mates were working downstairs. The homeowner comes upstairs muttering to himself, a pulls a rifle from the cupboard, by which time im gripping my wrench tight wondering what the hell is about to go down.(then figured it was a pellet rifle). He aims out the window, then shoots ( the guys downstairs burst out laughing). Found out he justshot a poor pigeon straight in the neck. The lads just saw it suddenly nose dive from a branch. The fella then proceeds plucked and cut out the breast, and popped it in the fridge. Yummy.


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## GunnerKes (Apr 26, 2010)

Ahh when I was living in Cyprus, one of the cats managed to get hold of a pigeon and was running around with it in the garden. Managed to get it off the cat but this pigeon was completely man down but still alive. I tried to do the 'fly away as I throw you from my hands thing' but he just nose dived. He was still alive, the poor bugger and the cats were waiting for him. So I took him round the back, wrapped him up in some kitchen roll then got my shovel. Mercy killed him by hitting him on the head. Died instantly. Had to do it or the cats would have proper messed him up. YOU MUST SET FREE BARRY THE PIGEON!


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

all of this is great and very amusing but there's still a fu%^&ng pigeon in my fire! It's doing my nut in!

I've just paid for 30 sets of shorts and 30 rash guards, I have no money to free Barry!


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## joeedoom (Jul 31, 2009)

inb4 "Barry the Pidgeon Appreciation Society" FaceBook page.


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## marc (Jul 16, 2007)

ewrayzor said:


> all of this is great and very amusing but there's still a fu%^&ng pigeon in my fire! It's doing my nut in!
> 
> *I've just paid for 30 sets of shorts and 30 rash guards*, I have no money to free Barry!


You could have just bought one of each and washed them you dozy bastard!


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

Ha, my misses said the same joke!


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## marc (Jul 16, 2007)

your missus sounds like a sharp lady


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## TheIceman5 (Jan 13, 2009)

Ewrayzor...how's Barry doing? :happy:


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## GunnerKes (Apr 26, 2010)

Yup defo! Need a Sitrep on Barry the Pigeon. Is he still alive?


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

Hi, sorry I was in Leeds all day yesterday so not really been mythered by him. I've not heard from him this morning but took a picture because I think there's a little funky smell going on. He's still there but not looking good. I wont post this picture for fear of upsetting many of you.

I think you should remember him as the magnificent bird that he was!

I have a net know and this afternoon he's coming out. For the pie or to fly? that is the question


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## TheIceman5 (Jan 13, 2009)

He's probably dropped his bowels all over your fireplace...


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

UPDATE!!!

Barry is now free! I got him out about half hour ago. Looks ok but tail feathers are a mess and he's very light.

He has a tag on his foot that registers to an owner in birkenhead! He has no number though!

Rspca said to give him some sugar water and dried rice but he's not having any of it.

This f*%$ing pigeon is now my buddy! I don't even want to give him back but I'm not sure he'll last anyway!


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## christomo (Nov 20, 2007)

HES FREEEEEEEE

how did you get him out?


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## mattyb (Oct 22, 2010)

Pdgeons apparently lose their tail feathers when there frightened/Stuck, had one in my chimmney, and when i grabbed it, all the bloody feathers fell out!! If hes tagged, might be worth something?? A reward for his safe return.....


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

yeah he could be a top notch racing pigeon and worth a few quid..although if he was why the f**k did he go down your chimney...bloody sat navs!.

I reckon you killed him and have a model standing in for him.....Murderer - just go to the supermarket and buy bird seed they will eat that oh an sausage rolls.


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

I put him in a nice warm box, fed him up a treat, went out to swimming with the kids, got back, checked on him and........

You can guess the rest! Happy or sad? I'll leave it up to you!


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## NLG (Sep 6, 2007)

Probably found a bit of a mess in there!

Could it be a postal homing Pigeon? Might belong to Ghost Dog, so keep it safe!...


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

yeah, bit of a mess! I have no idea what you're on about though!


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## TheIceman5 (Jan 13, 2009)

So is he dead or alive  ?


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

He'll never die in my eyes!


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## Expertly_Blended (Oct 27, 2009)

That didnt really answer the question, youve got us all interested now.


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## Si-K (Jul 23, 2007)

Come on people read between the lines...he fed him to the cat and then to kick him while he's down he changed his avvy!!!!.


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## marc (Jul 16, 2007)

ewrayzor said:


> He'll never die in my eyes!


pmsl


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## ewrayzor (Jun 19, 2010)

I didn't feed him to the cat. I was concerned that when I had him in the garden a cheeky sparrow hawk might come on over and take him but I put him in a nice warm box with some feed. I actually wanted to keep him in the end.


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## SanshouMatt (Jul 1, 2008)




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