# Automatic 'turn offs' of the opposite sex



## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names

Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play

Turn Off two 'Jessica' - She got me a cup of tea, which still had the t-bag in it. When I pointed this out, she stuck her fu**ing stinking fingers in it and stuck it in the bin...Now I don't mind if she wanted to stick her fingers in her arse and make me suck them after, but putting your fingers in your Tea is just plain wrong

Turn Off three 'Amy' - Was walking down the corridor, approaching the toilets, and saw her coming out of the girls toilets. I then walked by the toilet door, and the stench of shite nearly made me collapse

Anyone else got any?


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## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 If they were high on your scale these things wouldn't have put you off. Maybe reconsider, as I'm not sure you have the luxury of being picky lol? The s**t might not have been hers, could be an accumulation, or the gents next door.


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

A woman that's self conscious of her looks! And one that lets it run down her leg after, rather than cleaning it up


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## superpube (Feb 18, 2015)

SwAn1 said:


> A woman that's self conscious of her looks! And one that lets it run down her leg after, rather than cleaning it up


 Thats quite a turn on actually


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## RepsForJesus (Jul 9, 2015)

superpube said:


> Thats quite a turn on actually


 agreed


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

Anyone pretentious i fvcking hate.


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

superpube said:


> Thats quite a turn on actually


 Lol dirty ****er


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## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

Stinky breath or armpits.

I can relate. There was this super fit guy at my work and I was having rude fantasies of him for the first few months. Eventually reality took it's toll... he always had a crusty bogey hanging out of his nose when you spoke to him and he would go into the one toilet for all of the staff for at least 15 minutes twice per day and you knew you were going to be confronted by an almighty stink and an oil painting on the porcelain.


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## RedStar (Aug 8, 2014)

Poor hygiene e.g. unshaven legs, instant turn off.


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## Pancake' (Aug 30, 2012)

Poor Hygiene, Bad habits in general, but chav like or really rough is just a no.


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## 31205 (Jan 16, 2013)

When I found out she had a dick.


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## Tomahawk (Dec 24, 2014)

Women who go on and on about how they're "intelligent" but have nothing to show for it..


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Lotte said:


> Stinky breath or armpits.


 Haha my ex used to love it if my arm pits smelled!


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

SwAn1 said:


> A woman that's self conscious of her looks! *And one that lets it run down her leg after, rather than cleaning it up*


 @Lotte


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

Dark sim said:


> If they were high on your scale these things wouldn't have put you off. Maybe reconsider, a*s I'm not sure you have the luxury of being picky lol?* The s**t might not have been hers, could be an accumulation, or the gents next door.




He may...some of us are lucky. :whistling:


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## Plate (May 14, 2015)

sen said:


> When I found out she had a dick.


 In for a penny?


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## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

Drogon said:


> He may...some of us are lucky. :whistling:


 You're a 7 mate, don't flatter yourself.


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## Major Eyeswater (Nov 2, 2013)

I'm from Lancashire originally, though I've lived in London / Surrey / Kent sine I was 18

For some reason, I cannot stand women with a particular type of Lancashire / Mancunian accent - the whiny, nasal type that you hear on Coronation Street. Horrible.


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Drogon said:


> He may...some of us are lucky. :whistling:


 Why not use your pic as your Avi then ?


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

Dark sim said:


> You're a 7 mate, don't flatter yourself.


 solid 8.5-9 depending on what I'm wearing.

Youre not too bad tho yourself, Richard. I'd say you're a good 7 (no ****)


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

SwAn1 said:


> Why not use your pic as your Avi then ?


 Huh me not understand


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## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

Drogon said:


> solid 8.5-9 depending on what I'm wearing.
> 
> Youre not too bad tho yourself, Richard. I'd say you're a good 7 (no ****)


 Means a lot, thanks


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## DLTBB (Jan 26, 2015)

The worst is when they won't stop telling me how handsome I am or how intelligent I am or how huge my dick is!


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Drogon said:


> Huh me not understand


 Oh sorry, your posts suggest you're gods gift I presumed that pic wasn't you


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Only one real rule for me: If ive had previous involvement with them, then that's that, no more, total turn off if I know how they 1) screw 2) think and 3) behave.

Other than that it's game on no matter what. You never know how valuable a diamond is until you've cleared the s**t off it and polished up the edges.

And fingers in tea Ffs?!? That's pickier than Peter picklewick at the picky competition over on pickwick green.


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## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 i agree with the fingers in the tea, just plain rude!


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## bjaminny (Jan 3, 2015)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 What if Hot Jess wanted to stick her fingers in your ass (no ****) and then stuck it in her mouth, is that worse than putting it in your tea? Beggars can't be choosers you know Barsnack 

Amy gets my vote. No visible evidence that the deed was hers. We can call her " Amy 2nd chance"


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


You gay mate..if me I f**k all given the chance


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

SwAn1 said:


> Oh sorry, your posts suggest you're gods gift I presumed that pic wasn't you


 Well you're the first person to successfully confuse me in a while :lol:


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Drogon said:


> Well you're the first person to successfully confuse me in a while :lol:


 On that basis I'm a 13! :thumb


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Drogon said:


> *solid 8.5-9 depending on what I'm wearing.*


 Dragged down to a solid 4.5-5 due to vanity, hubris and that big ass lump on your face, sorry, nose


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Dark sim said:


> If they were high on your scale these things wouldn't have put you off. Maybe reconsider, as I'm not sure you have the luxury of being picky lol? The s**t might not have been hers, could be an accumulation, or the gents next door.


 nope, I smelt the lads to make sure...goinna have to leave a letter on her table explaining how to carry out a courtesy s**t


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

barsnack said:


> nope, I smelt the lads to make sure...goinna have to leave a letter on her table explaining how to carry out a courtesy s**t


 make sure you sign it and print your name, it will make it easier for them at your disciplinary hearing.


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## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

barsnack said:


> nope, I smelt the lads to make sure...goinna have to leave a letter on her table explaining how to carry out a courtesy s**t


 what the hell is a courtesy s**t?


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## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

barsnack said:


> nope, I smelt the lads to make sure...goinna have to leave a letter on her table explaining how to carry out a courtesy s**t


 It may have been a rough dinner. Give her benefit of the doubt, but if you can't you can't.

I'm assuming your s**t doesn't stink?


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

bjaminny said:


> What if Hot Jess wanted to stick her fingers in your ass (no ****) and then stuck it in her mouth, is that worse than putting it in your tea? Beggars can't be choosers you know Barsnack
> 
> Amy gets my vote. No visible evidence that the deed was hers. We can call her " Amy 2nd chance"


 when im in sexy time, then anything goes...but when im sat behind my desk at work dreaming of my tea, then keep your fingers out...and she was defo guity



Frandeman said:


> You gay mate..if me I f**k all given the chance


 the better looking I get, the picker I become...its a curse


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## Mingster (Mar 25, 2011)

Too much make up.


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

SwAn1 said:


> On that basis I'm a 13! :thumb


 Ain't you lucky then...!

Just going off experience with day to day life. Post a pic of yourself then? (Doubt you will...)



HakMat75 said:


> Dragged down to a solid 4.5-5 due to vanity, hubris and that big ass lump on your face, sorry, nose


 Perhaps on this forum/my online persona, but nudes don't do it for me so idc about that.

Oh and nose is fine, it's actually my teeth that are my fallacy


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

banzi said:


> make sure you sign it and print your name, it will make it easier for them at your disciplinary hearing.


 i'll sign it Barsnack...they'll never know....unless their on here


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Dark sim said:


> It may have been a rough dinner. Give her benefit of the doubt, but if you can't you can't.
> 
> I'm assuming your s**t doesn't stink?


 I flush at it hits the water, therefore excluding a lot of the smell...there will be no quarter given


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Mergal said:


> what the hell is a courtesy s**t?


 see above...flush once the pooh hits water


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## EpicSquats (Mar 29, 2014)

Looks like a chav, obese, bad speller ( like special needs bad ), bad teeth, lazy, but enough about my mrs, I would say a major turn off is going to their house and it's not clean.


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## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

barsnack said:


> see above...flush once the pooh hits water


 fairplay, makes sense

does sound like bro science tho!


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Drogon said:


> Ain't you lucky then...!
> 
> Just going off experience with day to day life. Post a pic of yourself then? (Doubt you will...)
> 
> ...


 You've got false teeth?


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Drogon said:


> Ain't you lucky then...!
> 
> Just going off experience with day to day life. Post a pic of yourself then? (Doubt you will...)
> 
> ...


 I would class myself similar in rankings, looks wise to you. I class myself as a strong 7.


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## superpube (Feb 18, 2015)

Plate said:


> In for a penny?


 In for a pounding.


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## Mr Beefy (Jul 6, 2014)

out of 10 what would you give each one before said incidents?


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## nitrogen (Oct 25, 2007)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 Funniest thread in long time.

So you don't mind sucking Nutella marinated fingers but mind the stench of site. You're a fu**ing hypocrite.

Would you mind her sticking her fingers in your coffee after she pulled them out of her arse ?


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

I eat posh foods and my s**t stinks too ?


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## superdrol (Aug 9, 2012)

My personal favourite was a nice lass, worked out she was definately wearing a wonder bra once I got her top off... Fair enough, not all ladies are blessed... Got to the nakedness in the bedroom and she was shaved and tight... Two kids so I was impressed... Then as I went down on her... BO of the muff... Instant passion killer... Didn't see her again...

other than that bad breath and hairy pits don't do it for me!


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> You've got false teeth?


 No, my front teeth aren't that straight (fine by everyday standards, but not for me). Only thing making me not going into modelling (or back into, used to do a bit when I was like 10 years old).

i can't afford veneers, which is sad.



SwAn1 said:


> I would class myself similar in rankings, looks wise to you. I class myself as a strong 7.


 Sure you would, let's see a pic then.

Mines out the shower, hair not done, barely see my face anyhow.

Or if you are actually, similar, stop being modest.


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## Varg (May 17, 2010)

Mingster said:


> Too much make up.


 Fixed.


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Drogon said:


> No, my front teeth aren't that straight (fine by everyday standards, but not for me). Only thing making me not going into modelling (or back into, used to do a bit when I was like 10 years old).
> 
> Sure you would, let's see a pic then.
> 
> ...


 I prefer to remain anonymous, don't get me me wrong you're not ugly or anything.


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

dumdum said:


> My personal favourite was a nice lass, worked out she was definately wearing a wonder bra once I got her top off... Fair enough, not all ladies are blessed... Got to the nakedness in the bedroom and she was shaved and tight... Two kids so I was impressed... Then as I went down on her... BO of the muff... Instant passion killer... Didn't see her again...
> 
> other than that bad breath and hairy pits don't do it for me!


 Oh yeah that reminds me. Messy fannys. Technically the OP was talking about pre-sex turn offs but there's nothing worse than a big horrible axe wound, like a well frayed, out of date lettuce.


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

SwAn1 said:


> I prefer to remain anonymous, don't get me me wrong you're not ugly or anything.


 That's fine, I know mate  .

but 7 would be your average handsome man.

above that is when you have stuff that sets you apart, physique, your aura/confidence, little things like style


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## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Drogon said:


> That's fine, I know mate  .


 Good! You're just not a 10 lol


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Drogon said:


> That's fine, I know mate  .
> 
> but 7 would be your average handsome man.
> 
> *above that is when you have stuff that sets you apart, physique, your aura/confidence, little things like style*


 thank you,.


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

SwAn1 said:


> Good! You're just not a 10 lol


 See my edit and I said I'm an 8.5-9 real life standards, I'm not an idiot.

Will happily say/admit those better (and do), but I just say it how it is. Call it cocky, over confident, is what it is, based on my life so far.


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Drogon said:


> See my edit and I said I'm an 8.5-9 real life standards, I'm not an idiot.
> 
> Will happily say/admit those better (and do), but I just say it how it is. Call it cocky, over confident, is what it is, *based on my life so far.*


 a life up to now that includes thinking a woman cant tell if you shot your load?


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

banzi said:


> a life up to now that includes thinking a woman cant tell if you shot your load?


 apparently so


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## seandog69 (Mar 8, 2013)

Drogon said:


> Only thing making me not going into modelling (or back into, used to do a bit when I was like 10 years old).


 what did you model for? the catholic priest monthly or choir boys uncut.....


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Major Eyeswater said:


> I'm from Lancashire originally, though I've lived in London / Surrey / Kent sine I was 18
> 
> For some reason, I cannot stand women with a particular type of Lancashire / Mancunian accent - the whiny, nasal type that you hear on Coronation Street. Horrible.


 Oh ohhhhhhhh


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

seandog69 said:


> what did you model for? the catholic priest monthly or choir boys uncut.....


 Children's clothes, cba to troll :lol:

(although I'm sure there are those that got off on it perhaps @duranman)


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## seandog69 (Mar 8, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> Oh yeah that reminds me. Messy fannys. Technically the OP was talking about pre-sex turn offs but there's nothing worse than a big horrible axe wound, like a well frayed, out of date lettuce.


 my friend is the opposite, he loves the 'hanging ham' and 'sugar puff's' just dont do it for him


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## Major Eyeswater (Nov 2, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Oh ohhhhhhhh


 Are you sexting someone ?


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## seandog69 (Mar 8, 2013)

Drogon said:


> Children's clothes cba to troll :lol:


 like balaclavas and and other things that obscure your face sloth?


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## mrwright (Oct 22, 2013)

I ain't fussy


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

If I know she's been with a black man


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

I can't afford standards with my face. I'll take anything.


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

seandog69 said:


> like balaclavas and and other things that obscure your face sloth?


 Jealousy is unattractive Sean


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

bottleneck25 said:


> If I know she's been with a black man


Why?


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

FelonE said:


> bWWhy?


 Been ruined my little Willy will not Evan touch the sides


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## bjaminny (Jan 3, 2015)

barsnack said:


> see above...flush once the pooh hits water


 That's multi tasking.....and for that reason, I'm out!


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

bottleneck25 said:


> Been ruined my little Willy will not Evan touch the sides


Lol phew,thought it was gonna turn in to one of them threads then haha


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## coke (Jan 17, 2015)

I would not date

Full time smokers! (bit of a hypocrite here, see i smoke when i drink but not when sober)

women with children (would fuk though) aint no way im brining up some one elses kid.

women who do not work (would fuk though)


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## zyphy (Jun 23, 2014)

Drogon said:


> See my edit and I said I'm an 8.5-9 real life standards, I'm not an idiot.
> 
> Will happily say/admit those better (and do), but I just say it how it is. Call it cocky, over confident, is what it is, based on my life so far.


 5.5/10 for misc standards @Yes


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## seandog69 (Mar 8, 2013)

bottleneck25 said:


> Been ruined my little Willy will not Evan touch the sides


 but you didnt mention it was a turn off if she enjoyed the occasional vaginal fisting, i smell a liar


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

FelonE said:


> Lol phew,thought it was gonna turn in to one of them threads then haha


 Haha no I'm not racist lol I thought that after I put it .


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

seandog69 said:


> but you didnt mention it was a turn off if she enjoyed the occasional vaginal fisting, i smell a liar


 Haha you caught me


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

bottleneck25 said:


> Haha no I'm not racist lol I thought that after I put it .


Lol


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Fvxked up feet


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Smashed in looky fanny


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## nitrogen (Oct 25, 2007)

The list is not exhausted


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

Bad fake tan. Loads of make up . greasy hair minging teeth . sluty dressed .


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Major Eyeswater said:


> Are you sexting someone ?


 No but I would turn u off in an instant ....


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## Varg (May 17, 2010)

Smoking.

Eating meat.

Watching moronic TV.

Liking "girly nights out".

Too precious to walk anywhere.

Thinking clothes, hair & fashion are the most important things in life.


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## Heavyassweights (Jan 18, 2014)

any bird that says no to anal

@Skye666


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## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

Hairy legs, bad breath/teeth, messed up beef curtains.


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

zyphy said:


> 5.5/10 for misc standards @Yes





zyphy said:


> 5.5/10 for misc standards @Yes


 What the f**k did you just fu**ing say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f**k out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fu**ing words. You think you can get away with saying that s**t to me over the Internet? Think again, ****er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fu**ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little s**t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fu**ing tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will s**t fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fu**ing dead, kiddo.

@Yes


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Varg said:


> Smoking.
> 
> Eating meat.
> 
> ...


You don't want a girl......you want a hostage


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

bottleneck25 said:


> *Bad fake tan. Loads of make up . greasy hair minging teeth . sluty dressed . *


 So that's @Drogon out of the picture then.


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Fat birds


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

A girl in Lonsdale trainers


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## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

SwAn1 said:


> Haha my ex used to love it if my arm pits smelled!


 No no no, I mean acrid BO stank not delicious testosterone man smell. :tongue:


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> So that's @Drogon out of the picture then.


 You know, there's a massive difference between effective trolling and making comments that make you feel better because you know you're inferior.

Unfortunately, most don't understand that.

Maybe @banzi can find the time to show you the way (over PM of course)


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## BULK (Sep 13, 2015)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 Man up , I bet all 3 was turned off you automatically when they realised how soft you are! Don't you sneeze? Does your shite smell nice ? And fingers in tea !!! Mate I've had worse!!


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Heavyassweights said:


> any bird that says no to anal
> 
> @Skye666


 Errrrr no disgusting bye !!


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Drogon said:


> You know, there's a massive difference between effective trolling and making comments that make you feel better because you know you're inferior.
> 
> Unfortunately, most don't understand that.
> 
> Maybe @banzi can find the time to show you the way (over PM of course)


 Inferior? Moi?

Son, your insecure hubris is starting to write cheques your life cannot ever hope to cash.

If you're the vain, narcissistic type who measures their life by such things, and you clearly are, then in any way you want to measure our lives against each other, even in my advancing years, I will out score you in every single department. There would be no aspect of your life that is not inferior to mine.

Get over yourself, practice some humility and self-effacement wherever possible, and wind your crass, arrogant, humourless, narcisstistic neck in before it starts to hinder what could be a promising life.


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Lotte said:


> No no no, I mean acrid BO stank not delicious testosterone man smell. :tongue:


 Delicious testosterone...yakkkkkkk :nono:


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## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> Inferior? Moi?
> 
> Son, your insecure hubris is starting to write cheques your life cannot ever hope to cash.
> 
> ...


 Got ya


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## Major Eyeswater (Nov 2, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> No but I would turn u off in an instant ....


 No worries - if you saw my face, the feeling would probably be mutual


----------



## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> Delicious testosterone...yakkkkkkk :nono:


 Pipe down *****


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Major Eyeswater said:


> No worries - if you saw my face, the feeling would probably be mutual


 Nah u would be ok...I never get that high up


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Long nails on men..no.....and if their dirty worse. Dirty shoes or trainers like u walked across a field! No.....eating like a pig, and making a noise whilst doing it ewww. And deal breaker sloppy, slavERING,tooooo much tongue, eating face off kissing..NO.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

SwAn1 said:


> Pipe down *****


 Just be coz iv crossed to the darker side in the past dosnt make me a *****...RIGHT IM NEVER EVER EVER EVER TELLING U LOT ANYTHING EVER again.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Long nails on men..no.....and if their dirty worse. Dirty shoes or trainers like u walked across a field! No.....eating like a pig, and making a noise whilst doing it ewww. And deal breaker sloppy, slavERING,tooooo much tongue, eating face off kissing..NO.


Can never have to much tongue me dear


----------



## Major Eyeswater (Nov 2, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Nah u would be ok...I never get that high up


 Ooh-er Missus


----------



## benji666 (Apr 18, 2015)

Staring at her mobile in my presence all her attention should be on me . I turn mine off on a date. Farting,swearing, shouting.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Can never have to much tongue me dear


 Yh i agree but u know when it's all messy and feels like an angry snake in ya mouth I don't like it


----------



## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> Just be coz iv crossed to the darker side in the past dosnt make me a *****...RIGHT IM NEVER EVER EVER EVER TELLING U LOT ANYTHING EVER again.


 It's no biggie my missus is a ***** she hates cock


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Yh i agree but u know when it's all messy and feels like an angry snake in ya mouth I don't like it


Mouth?.......oh.....crossed wires lol


----------



## Heavyassweights (Jan 18, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Yh i agree but u know when it's all messy and feels like an angry snake in ya mouth I don't like it


 you sound like a booooooooooooring ride skye


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

SwAn1 said:


> It's no biggie my missus is a ***** she hates cock


 See this is were we differ I love penis (I refuse to call it the same as an animal that has legs)


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Mouth?.......oh.....crossed wires lol


 Lol kissing....kissing!


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Heavyassweights said:


> you sound like a booooooooooooring ride skye


 Hmmm ...pony...genuwine


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Lol kissing....kissing!


Kissing is gay......me like to kiss de pum pum


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Long nails on men..no.....and if their dirty worse. *Dirty shoes or trainers like u walked across a field! No.....eating like a pig, and making a noise whilst doing it ewww. And deal breaker sloppy, slavERING,tooooo much tongue, eating face off kissing..NO. *


 Now Im sure we have met....


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> Now Im sure we have met....


 We have ..but we were both asleep ..no one argued it ended nicely :thumb:


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> We have ..but we were both asleep ..no one argued it ended nicely :thumb:


 I'm pretty sure we wouldn't argue, I tend not to get offended by people asking me "what the f**k do you want" when I first introduce myself.


----------



## Heavyassweights (Jan 18, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Hmmm ...pony...genuwine


 think bigger and bingo you have heavy


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

banzi said:


> I'm pretty sure we wouldn't argue, I tend not to get offended by people asking me "what the f**k do you want" when I first introduce myself.


That's a relief....see ya soon


----------



## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

nitrogen said:


> Funniest thread in long time.
> 
> So you don't mind sucking Nutella marinated fingers but mind the stench of site. You're a fu**ing hypocrite.
> 
> Would you mind her sticking her fingers in your coffee after she pulled them out of her arse ?


 she can put her fingers anywere, with anything on them, but not in my tea.....EVER


----------



## BettySwallocks (Aug 1, 2012)

bit late to the party but... smelly bum holes.

nothing worse than bending a bird over and being able to smell her ar5e crack.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> I'm pretty sure we wouldn't argue, I tend not to get offended by people asking me "what the f**k do you want" when I first introduce myself.


 Lol I'm never going to live that down am I


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Heavyassweights said:


> think bigger and bingo you have heavy


 Yes but bull dosnt have the same ring ...to it.....see wht I did there


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Lol I'm never going to live that down am I


 I know you didnt really mean it, if we ever meet I promise I wont shake hands.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

BettySwallocks said:


> bit late to the party but... smelly bum holes.
> 
> nothing worse than bending a bird over and being able to smell her ar5e crack.


 I can't take much more of this thread....left whilst squirting perfume >>>>>>>>


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> I can't take much more of this thread....left whilst squirting


 fixed

oops.. sorry, mixing you up with @Lotte


----------



## skipper1987 (May 1, 2013)

AIDS


----------



## Omen669 (Jun 11, 2015)

Smoking, bad language, rudeness


----------



## mcrewe123 (Nov 18, 2012)

Bragging and un-needed bitching!


----------



## Archaic (Mar 8, 2010)

If female, sexually attractive in my opinion, and show interest in me.. There's no turn off, just so long as I don't get to know them too well.

I will find character trait faults in 99%, no matter how pretty their face is. If I don't, then that means the worst has happened and love is blind etc.

People in general, I have a very small like list. :cool2:


----------



## jackdaw (Jun 18, 2014)

Poor hygiene and also uneducated, "trailer trash" type women.


----------



## GaryMatt (Feb 28, 2014)

Drogon said:


> Anyone pretentious i fvcking hate.


 I def prefer to be around more humble folks.

Joking of course, is fine but true pretentious peeps make me wanna vomit.


----------



## onions1976 (May 1, 2015)

I'm always put off by somebody who looks like they'd report stuff to the police


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

onions1976 said:


> I'm always put off by somebody who looks like they'd report stuff to the police


 Can you define this "look"?


----------



## onions1976 (May 1, 2015)

Self-worth/respect/holding head up

Its a joke


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

onions1976 said:


> Self-worth/respect/holding head up
> 
> Its a joke


 so you wouldnt date someone with self respect?


----------



## onions1976 (May 1, 2015)

I'm already married. My wife has enough self-respect to spare some.

It was a joke intended to imply that I'm a sex-offender


----------



## AngryBuddha (Nov 25, 2015)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 The last one gave me wood


----------



## Varg (May 17, 2010)

FelonE said:


> You don't want a girl......you want a hostage


 Nevertheless, I've found several girls who have none or only of these traits over the years, including my wife who has none of them.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Varg said:


> Nevertheless, I've kidnapped several girls who have none or only of these traits over the years, including my wife who has none of them.


Fixed


----------



## empzb (Jan 8, 2006)

Girls that eat cheese.

Girls with big feet.

Girls that smoke.

Girls that are stupid.


----------



## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

girls that tell you 'my ex was bigger'

true story!


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

Being selfish, i can't stand that!


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Mergal said:


> girls that tell you 'my ex was bigger'
> 
> true story!


Never had that lol


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

FelonE said:


> Never had that lol


I can help mate


----------



## RUDESTEW (Mar 28, 2015)

Freaking all of them when they get their clouts out ,inys or outys over filled kebab looking things looks like aliens mouths ....nasty snatch only in the [email protected]&King dark . Oh and when they talk .


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Frandeman said:


> I can help mate


Doubt it peewee


----------



## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Never had that lol


 oh....neither have i, guess that back fired!


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Mergal said:


> oh....neither have i, guess that back fired!


Lol


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

RUDESTEW said:


> Freaking all of them when they get their clouts out ,inys or outys over filled kebab looking things looks like aliens mouths ....nasty snatch only in the [email protected]&King dark . Oh and when they talk .


Possibly the gayest post in the history of UKM


----------



## Tomahawk (Dec 24, 2014)

I once had a girl naked in bed and had the weirdest conversation: she said "ooh that's so good I like that".. and I said "what else do you want".. and she goes "I want a husband". Instant mood-breaker..


----------



## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

Tomahawk said:


> I once had a girl naked in bed and had the weirdest conversation: she said "ooh that's so good I like that".. and I said "what else do you want".. and she goes "I want a husband". Instant mood-breaker..


 Hahahahaha some bants on that girl.


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

Lotte said:


> Hahahahaha some bants on that girl.


Top chat


----------



## superpube (Feb 18, 2015)

sneeky_dave said:


> Possibly the gayest post in the history of UKM


 Now THAT is saying something


----------



## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

superpube said:


> Now THAT is saying something


 You're not wrong sweetheart x


----------



## superpube (Feb 18, 2015)

Gary29 said:


> I'm still gaping sweetheart x


----------



## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

A LOT of lads wanting to come out in this thread.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Tomahawk said:


> I once had a girl naked in bed and had the weirdest conversation: she said "ooh that's so good I like that".. and I said "what else do you want".. and she goes "I want a husband". Instant mood-breaker..


I was shagging a bird years ago and half way through she said 'make me pregnant' ...I stopped,got dressed and kicked her out. Bumped in to her some years later and she had 5 kids haha lucky escape


----------



## RUDESTEW (Mar 28, 2015)

Dam exposed by a load of muscle men 

i better come clean and put the light bulbs back in the bedroom :-(


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Gary29 said:


> A LOT of lads wanting to come out in this thread.


Gary


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Gary


Gary the heterosexual that doesn't like looking at poon


----------



## superpube (Feb 18, 2015)

Gary29 said:


> A LOT of lads wanting to come out on this forum.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

RUDESTEW said:


> Freaking all of them when they get their clouts out ,inys or outys over filled kebab looking things looks like aliens mouths ....nasty snatch only in the [email protected]&King dark . Oh and when they talk .


 Shuddup moaning


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> I was shagging a bird years ago and half way through she said 'make me pregnant' ...I stopped,got dressed and kicked her out. Bumped in to her some years later and she had 5 kids haha lucky escape


 Oh I recognize this.....it means u were crap she needed it to stop..politely


----------



## RUDESTEW (Mar 28, 2015)

Right I'm full on metro mucho macho now and gonna get a Virginia tattoo on me shaft so I can get the lezzers to give me a nosh , and I did call it a Virginia one step at a time


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Oh I recognize this.....it means u were crap she needed it to stop..politely


Touche young lady touche lol


----------



## RUDESTEW (Mar 28, 2015)

Most of the birds iv had a go with usually just say stop your hurting me


----------



## AngryBuddha (Nov 25, 2015)

The attractive ones turn me off, uglier the better, as theyre always gagging for whatever you give em


----------



## The-Real-Deal (Dec 5, 2014)

RUDESTEW said:


> Most of the birds iv had a go with usually just say stop your hurting me


 You're not supposed to punch them...


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Bad hygiene, bad teeth, facial or body acne, miserable with money, really negative and too talkative is all I can think of at the moment!


 Im in.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> I'm not too negative


 thats a self fulfilling statement.


----------



## jjab (Apr 6, 2003)

Crusty or horrible feet


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> You probably aren't you just think you are. there's a balance, *people who go round happy all the time are just as annoying lol*


 'Bubbly' people. :angry:


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> Meh well that depends when it comes to looks I pretty much hate myself


 well at least you have a good judge of character..


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> You probably aren't you just think you are. there's a balance, people who go round happy all the time are just as annoying lol


I'm happy all the time lol annoys the Mrs


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

banzi said:


> well at least you have a good judge of character..


Made me lol you tosspot


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> But I wasn't judging my character but my looks ?


 I should have bolded the last few words of your post, it would have made more sense.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> I'd find a way to pi$$ you off for lolz


You?Never lol even when she's p1ssed off and having a go at me I laugh and take the p1ss......doesn't help the situation tbh


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> Still dosent make any sense to me ol boy remember I ain't the brightest


 I pretty much hate myself

well at least you have a good judge of character..


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> Ah right well I did mean in regards to my face but I guess you already knew that


 Yes of course sir...


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> I'm actually quite good at it if I want to do it. It's suttely so you wouldn't know I was purposely until I smiled when I got you


I'd just laugh at you


----------



## vetran (Oct 17, 2009)

when you ask them on your second date if you can stick it up there bum and they say yes,big turn of i want to work at it the longer it takes the better lol


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

vetran said:


> when you ask them on your second date if you can stick it up there bum and they say yes,big turn of i want to work at it the longer it takes the better lol


 Is 3 yrs too long?


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> Well that's the point, to wind you up until you get pissed off but them laughing about it because it was messing!
> 
> Do it to my friend cos he thinks he's super disciplined and calm  I laugh when he caves and then he just laughs and calls me a fcuking bitch!!!


 Arrrr....that's the bit u like at the end


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Is 3 yrs too long?


 is that three years for a second date or three years for anal?


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> Is 3 yrs too long?


 That's aeons.

3months if they haven't got kids, one month if they have, providing we can satisfy the vagina until it purrs and says "aye son, go right ahead, put it wherever you wanna."


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> is that three years for a second date or three years for anal?


 Anal...

actually all this anal,talk,I'm not sure it is what it is.....I get asked that all the time and I just say go on then.....and he dosnt ..dunno how many times we have had this situation...so


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Anal...
> 
> actually all this anal,talk,I'm not sure it is what it is.....I* get asked that all the time and I just say go on then.....and he dosnt *..dunno how many times we have had this situation...so


 Knowing your sense of humour I bet he suspects you have one loaded in the tube.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> That's aeons.
> 
> 3months if they haven't got kids, one month if they have, providing we can satisfy the vagina until it purrs and says "aye son, go right ahead, put it wherever you wanna."


 No 3 months is not a good period of time for that.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> Knowing your sense of humour I bet he suspects you have one loaded in the tube.


 Lol..I don't know ..I'm wondering if all these men go around saying urggggg yehhhh anal raaaaa and actually they don't.


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> No 3 months is not a good period of time for that.


 In our twenties perhaps, but past 40 the clocks fu**ing ticking.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Lol..I don't know ..I'm wondering if all these men go around saying urggggg yehhhh anal raaaaa and actually they don't.


 You might be right, its a game of chance, if it goes wrong, it can ruin the moment in no uncertain terms, even a finger nail with s**t under it puts a whole new slant on trying to keep going without her noticing and you getting any on the bed.


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> Lol..I don't know ..I'm wondering if all these men go around saying urggggg yehhhh anal raaaaa and actually they don't.


 It's got to be 'female led,' and be in tune with the relationship, even if it's just a casual one, otherwise it seems as if it's just something to do, like re-enacting porn they've seen.


----------



## vetran (Oct 17, 2009)

Skye666 said:


> Is 3 yrs too long?


 up to you the longer you deny me the longer you got me lol


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

banzi said:


> You might be right, its a game of chance, if it goes wrong, it can ruin the moment in no uncertain terms, even a finger nail with s**t under it puts a whole new slant on trying to keep going without her noticing and you getting any on the bed.


 Aww bless, I knew you were a sensitive soul deep down somewhere.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> You might be right, its a game of chance, if it goes wrong, it can ruin the moment in no uncertain terms, even a finger nail with s**t under it puts a whole new slant on trying to keep going without her noticing and you getting any on the bed.


 Arghhhhhhhhhh bonzo stop it!!!!!!!


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> It's got to be 'female led,' and be in tune with the relationship, even if it's just a casual one, otherwise it seems as if it's just something to do, like re-enacting porn they've seen.


 Surely ...go on then....said by me is female led lol


----------



## jjab (Apr 6, 2003)

banzi said:


> You might be right, its a game of chance, if it goes wrong, it can ruin the moment in no uncertain terms, even a finger nail with s**t under it puts a whole new slant on trying to keep going without her noticing and you getting any on the bed.


 Sweet corn ... That's all I'm saying


----------



## anaboliclove (Oct 9, 2010)

Farting would defo put a dampener on things for me lol


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> Well that's the point, to wind you up until you get pissed off but them laughing about it because it was messing!
> 
> Do it to my friend cos he thinks he's super disciplined and calm  I laugh when he caves and then he just laughs and calls me a fcuking bitch!!!


I just fvcking told you you can't wind me up ffs woman pack it in......fvxking b1tch


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Lol..I don't know ..I'm wondering if all these men go around saying urggggg yehhhh anal raaaaa and actually they don't.


Only the gay ones......real men fvxk ass


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Surely ...go on then....said by me is female led lol


 Maybe a bit more enthusiasm on your part may not go a miss, you sound like hes asked you if you want a brew.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Only the gay ones......real men fvxk ass


 Yh yh I'm convinced y'all say this


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> Maybe a bit more enthusiasm on your part may not go a miss, you sound like hes asked you if you want a brew.


 Hahaha well not really ( a brew ...Pml) I'm not gonna go into it on here but ya know they mention it u say go On then...I mean how else ....oh please do sir I'm dying for it? Iv told u i can't do round the houses


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Hahaha well not really ( a brew ...Pml) I'm not gonna go into it on here but ya know they mention it u say to I then...I mean how else ....oh please do sir I'm dying for it? Iv told u i can't do round the houses


 OK, next time he's round the back sawing away , just turn your head and whisper, f**k my ass hard......

If he doesnt do it then he never will


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

Lets be honest anal is pretty sh1t isn't it.. Rather the vag any day or the mouth.. Will still put it in any hole possible but they are my faves..


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Surely ...go on then....said by me is female led lol


I'd be bang on it if you said that lol


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Eewwwww, what is the attraction... It's regular varying positions not good enough.
> 
> *I just have a mental image of skid mark sheets..*. spew!


 we blame the cat...


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> Eewwwww, what is the attraction... It's regular varying positions not good enough.
> 
> I just have a mental image of skid mark sheets... spew!


I like to tongue the ass first to warm it up lol


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

FelonE said:


> I like to tongue the ass first to warm it up lol


 Its better when she has a pile, something to work with..


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Plate said:


> Its better when she has a pile, something to work with..


Or a bit of tissue on the asshole


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

FelonE said:


> Or a bit of tissue on the asshole


 Or when she's on so you can try and tuck the tampon string in her ass, with your tongue..


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

Bignath4607 said:


> Good ol tongue punch lol


 It's like a game of thread the needle.. With sweetcorn in the mix..


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Plate said:


> Or when she's on so you can try and tuck the tampon string in her ass, with your tongue..


Or when she comes on while your going down on her and you end up chewing a clot like it's a Fruit Pastille


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

And coming back up looking like Dracula after a feed


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

FelonE said:


> Or when she comes on while your going down on her and you end up chewing a clot like it's a Fruit Pastille


 Hahahaha

Thats fvcking sick mate you win!

I just actually dry heaved thinking about that!!


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Plate said:


> Hahahaha
> 
> Thats fvcking sick mate you win!
> 
> I just actually dry heaved thinking about that!!


Lol


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> Hahaha well not really ( a brew ...Pml) I'm not gonna go into it on here but ya know they mention it u say go On then...I mean how else ....oh please do sir I'm dying for it? Iv told u i can't do round the houses


 If anal is 'on' then it Shouldnt really come down to words and permission / question / mix-f**k discussion. It should be natural and embroiled in the balls to the wall passion, not ticking off a shopping list  (Or like asking for a cuppa!)


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Bignath4607 said:


> All protein brah thing of the song


I'm all about them gains bout them gains.....fvck nattys.

I'm all about them gains bout them gains.....just jab me lol


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

MissMartinez said:


> Eewwwww, what is the attraction... It's regular varying positions not good enough.
> 
> I just have a mental image of skid mark sheets... spew!


 Tightness and increased grip where grip has previously been lost vaginally due to a damn good wet session, exacerbated by childbirth and / or age.

and its a taboo, which has been the biggest reason / turn on for most of the women I know. Birds like a bit of filth more than men, the mental side of it being 'naughty' and off limits.


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

The thing is tho, especially with your other half when doing anal, you bust your load up there then the next day they let off a fart because you have been together long enough for it to be ok apparently, it's fvcking hanging!!! And you know exactly what you are inhaling witch makes it 10x worse!


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Plate said:


> The thing is tho, especially with your other half when doing anal, you bust your load up there then the next day they let off a fart because you have been together long enough for it to be ok apparently, it's fvcking hanging!!! And you know exactly what you are inhaling witch makes it 10x worse!


My Mrs hasn't farted in front of me in the 4 yrs we've been together......I've cracked off at least 25 just today haha


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Plate said:


> The thing is tho, especially with your other half when doing anal, you bust your load up there then the next day they let off a fart because you have been together long enough for it to be ok apparently, it's fvcking hanging!!! And you know exactly what you are inhaling witch makes it 10x worse!


 See a urologist mate, your spunk ain't suppose to stink!

Spunk bubbles from farts are a giggle though


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

FelonE said:


> My Mrs hasn't farted in front of me in the 4 yrs we've been together......I've cracked off at least 25 just today haha


 Tren has made me fart like fvck for some reason, so been a rough ride but I have been with the Mrs over 8 years so farting is just one of them things..

she doesn't even spread her arse cheeks so it's silent anymore, it's like a comp now haha


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> See a urologist mate, your spunk ain't suppose to stink!
> 
> Spunk bubbles from farts are a giggle though


 Spunk that's been sat there for a few days mixed in with a fart is going to stink..

Never seen a spunk bubble tbh lol


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Plate said:


> Tren has made me fart like fvck for some reason, so been a rough ride but I have been with the Mrs over 8 years so farting is just one of them things..
> 
> she doesn't even spread her arse cheeks so it's silent anymore, it's like a comp now haha


When I first started eating lots of oats my farts were horrific. First she thought it was the dog....then she thought they were doing the drains outside.....rotten haha


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

FelonE said:


> When I first started eating lots of oats my farts were horrific. First she thought it was the dog....then she thought they were doing the drains outside.....rotten haha


 Thats it mate blame it on the dead rat under the floor boards..

oats made me like that too, strange!


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Plate said:


> Spunk that's been sat there for a few days mixed in with a fart is going to stink..
> 
> Never seen a spunk bubble tbh lol


 She needs to go loo more than once every few days, that's the problem there!

And for bubble I meant right after sex (getting ready to go again). Doesn't quite work couple of days later. "Hey Hun, remember that wad of sperm I deposited up thine anus t'other day, give it a little push eh, blow us a bubble as you're doing the dishes."


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Plate said:


> Thats it mate blame it on the dead rat under the floor boards..
> 
> oats made me like that too, strange!


The dead rat was George Foremaned mate lol


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> She needs to go loo more than once every few days, that's the problem there!
> 
> And for bubble I meant right after sex (getting ready to go again). Doesn't quite work couple of days later. "Hey Hun, remember that wad of sperm I deposited up thine anus t'other day, give it a little push eh, blow us a bubble as you're doing the dishes."


 Mate if you spunk up a birds arse and the next morning she farts it's going to smell different if you know what I mean lol you get me now?

i know what you ment all I said was that I haven't seen it, the only time that is seen is when a bird has been banged that many times she uses spunk like its hubba bubba..


----------



## AestheticManlet (Jun 12, 2012)

Plate said:


> Spunk that's been sat there for a few days mixed in with a fart is going to stink..
> 
> Never seen a spunk bubble tbh lol


 Few days? How often does she get washed mate twice a week or something?


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

FelonE said:


> The dead rat was George Foremaned mate lol


 Haha got to love a George fornby!


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

Ross1991 said:


> Few days? How often does she get washed mate twice a week or something?


 How often does someone put a hose up They're arse to wash it?


----------



## AestheticManlet (Jun 12, 2012)

Plate said:


> How often does someone put a hose up They're arse to wash it?


 Finger and some shower gel is quite effective, feels good too


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

Ross1991 said:


> Finger and some shower gel is quite effective, feels good too


 obviously too often lol


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Plate said:


> How often does someone put a hose up They're arse to wash it?


 A bird I'm seeing does it every 3 weeks. A thin tube with a douche and warm water, not a hose mind !


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> A bird I'm seeing does it every 3 weeks. A thin tube with a douche and warm water, not a hose mind !


 You got a number?


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Plate said:


> You got a number?


 No, we communicate only via the medium of messages written in arse issued spunk bubbles.


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Prety boys are gay...?


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> Rank!!!


Lol you love it


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Frandeman said:


> Prety boys are gay...?


A lot of men look like fvcking girls these days


----------



## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

MissMartinez said:


> I was training legs, they were doing triceps so nope!
> 
> im in love with Steve Cook now, he has to be the most beautiful looking man facially I've ever seen :blush:
> 
> if I lived here though I'd have to actually try and diet along with a boob job, Botox and fillers. Everyone is all about looks here so you've to keep up with the Joneses or suffer bad self esteem... Bit unfortunate really but hey ho, least we keep it real in Ireland and the UK for the most part!


 Please don't, the pics I have seen of you tell me that you don't need any of that shite.


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Thought you were a 9!


I bet my salary he spends more time to get ready before leave the house than you... I'm ready in 5 min 

I was blessed in many departments

Appreciate the 9 ... You are best looking women in UKM


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

FelonE said:


> A lot of men look like fvcking girls these days


I know women tell me all the time they need a proper man lol


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Frandeman said:


> I know women tell me all the time they need a proper man lol


I walk down the street and look at these couples and wonder which one the girl is haha. I've had loads of girls eyeing me up when they're with their boyfriends lol


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

FelonE said:


> I walk down the street and look at these couples and wonder which one the girl is haha. I've had loads of girls eyeing me up when they're with their boyfriends lol


When I was younger I used to spend loads of money in nice cloths..perfume..shoes ..watch the whole lot. And only got materialistic girls.

Nowadays I finish work smelling like s**t and get more pussy lol


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Lies! I have eyes and it's only my far vision which is rubbish


Sexy legs do it for me too


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Frandeman said:


> When I was younger I used to spend loads of money in nice cloths..perfume..shoes ..watch the whole lot. And only got materialistic girls.
> 
> Nowadays I finish work smelling like s**t and get more pussy lol


The amount of little poofter looking lads round here is unreal haha


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> I don't have them, I got a pair of tree trunks! Those damn Alpha 2 receptors concentrated on my inner thighs and hamstrings  Anyway let's change the topic back to how handsome Steve Cook ishe looks particularly good in white tops!


In some cultures men go for the women with the strongest thighs..means fertility lol

I'm a Bradley Martin fan now..guy is funny as f**k..thanks

The other two look retarded


----------



## MBR (Feb 28, 2014)

Arrogance and if a women says 'I want to be treated like a princess'. Both are a big turn off for me.


----------



## Venom (Feb 17, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Bradley is sh*t cool, you see him box jump around 5'6 at 260lbs. Pretty functional for such a big guy.
> 
> he was at the LA expo and 2 girls were trying to get his number and he was tactfully trying to get away but they kept following. He didn't give it lol! Women are brazen as fcuk here, they dont mess around


 Yeah my whole family live in California, the girls there are definitely way more upfront. I like it though

Like one day I was trying to cross a street on the way home from the gym, some girls were honking at me. I thought I was doing something wrong since it was my first day in the USA, but I walked up to their car and they said "we thought you were cute, what're you doing tonight". That'd never happen in the UK aha


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

And strong but guy is hilarious

At least he's got a personality.

Can't say that about Steve cock


----------



## Venom (Feb 17, 2014)

Frandeman said:


> And strong but guy is hilarious
> 
> At least he's got a personality.
> 
> Can't say that about Steve cock


 I've met Steve Cook a couple times and he was definitely the soundest guy in the whole expo IMO

I agree though, he's not a comedian but he's really cool person


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Venom said:


> I've met Steve Cook a couple times and he was definitely the soundest guy in the whole expo IMO


Thats how he makes his living...


----------



## nitrogen (Oct 25, 2007)

I never get this when a woman says on a dating profile: Preferably want someone who looks like Tom Hardy or Brad Pitt ....



















What the f**k?


----------



## nitrogen (Oct 25, 2007)

Steve Cook looks particularly nice wearing a hat










Or should we call him Steve Cock


----------



## Goranchero (Mar 26, 2015)

Maybe a little late to this thread, but the major turn offs are not about looks but character traits.

Nothing with mental patients.

No dates with fascists and/or religious fanatics.


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

nitrogen said:


> Steve Cook looks particularly nice wearing a hat
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey missmartinez when I finish this this cycle on May I will better than that cock


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

And I always will have time for you ?


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> It's his face dammit, obviously Bradders had the body hands down!
> 
> Sure come over to Ireland for a drinking session, pubs open longer than London!


I'm dry since Christmas... You don't want to see me pissed... I change lol


----------



## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

any sign of wimpiness


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> OK, next time he's round the back sawing away , just turn your head and whisper, f**k my ass hard......
> 
> If he doesnt do it then he never will


 No I'm not asking for it if they miss the opportunity ...oh well


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> I walk down the street and look at these couples and wonder which one the girl is haha. I've had loads of girls eyeing me up when they're with their boyfriends lol


 Yh...going...damn thank god that didn't happen to me


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

MissMartinez said:


> Get a bird that hasn't been too much round the block then


 I'm 40 and live in the North of England, so that's easier said than done darling!


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Bignath4607 said:


> Yeah I would like it if women were more upfront here


 Erm!!! When women are upfront in the uk the men cry.


----------



## Plate (May 14, 2015)

MissMartinez said:


> I take 10 mins so he most likely does
> 
> *Take 30mins if I've had a shower* before when going out on the town. Diminishing returns to doing yourself up so can't be arsed as i won't be topping it up throughout the night, too busy drinking and chatting lol!


 You set the shower head to pulse mode too?


----------



## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

MissMartinez said:


> Age is creeping up on me! I was just saying if I lived here in LA I'd end up doing it as it's expected there. Everyone's so vain! People aren't as false at home though so it's unnecessary
> 
> Thank you though :blush:


 Instant turn off for me if a bird has had lots of work done.

Depends what bloke you are going for I suppose.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> Still outta likes :angry: although I fear when I visit I may need to walk round with a bag on me head I could personally never go down the cosmetic route il stick to making the neck down look decent
> 
> going on the pic you posted you don't need any of that crap either granted* I didn't look at the boobs lol*


 She has nice boobs....


----------



## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

MissMartinez said:


> Bradley is sh*t cool, you see him box jump around 5'6.....a big guy.


 Did I miss something?


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Women who smoke...instant NO!

Women who wear shiny plastic s**t like they bought half the acessorize shop and wear it all at the same time.

Fake tan.

Fake tits.

Fake lips.

Pretentiousness.

Fake laugh.

Shouting out loudly across a restaurant OH MY fu**ing GOD LIKE!!

Women that don't work out.

Women who had an abortion.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Women who smoke...instant NO!
> 
> Women who wear shiny plastic s**t like they bought half the acessorize shop and wear it all at the same time.
> 
> ...


 Rape victims?


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> Rape victims?


Obviously not rape victims....ffs


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Obviously not rape victims....ffs


 Noted

I just dont like people making sweeping statements.


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> Noted
> 
> I just dont like people making sweeping statements.


Rape victims...too much baggage.lol


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Erm!!! When women are upfront in the uk the men cry.


Uk men yes ... Try a Spanish


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Women who smoke...instant NO!
> 
> Women who wear shiny plastic s**t like they bought half the acessorize shop and wear it all at the same time.
> 
> ...


My luck...that's what get to f**k most nights lol


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

So yeah just to clarify thanks to Bonzo I couldn't date a rape victim either...


----------



## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

Acidreflux said:


> Rape victims...too much baggage.lol


 too far dude!


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Mergal said:


> too far dude!


It's true...I doubt I could date a rape victim.


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

banzi said:


> Noted
> 
> I just dont like people making sweeping statements.


 No but you prefer highlighting something that statistically would almost never happen. (A man romantically meeting a woman who is 1. A rape victim who 2. had had an abortion and 3. THEN would be open enough to talk about it with a new beau.)


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> No but you prefer highlighting something that statistically would almost never happen. (A man romantically meeting a woman who is 1. A rape victim who 2. had had an abortion and 3. THEN would be open enough to talk about it with a new beau.)


 I was with a woman who after 6 months told me she had an abortion... then a few months later she told me she did it twice neither were mine and for me that is just pure scumbag behaviour I never looked at her in the same light again then dumped her!


----------



## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

Acidreflux said:


> It's true...I doubt I could date a rape victim.


 im really not trying to start an argument but why?

just because a woman or man has been raped why does this make them any different than anyone else?


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> So yeah just to clarify thanks to Bonzo I couldn't date a rape victim either...


 You seem to have missed the point, you said you were put off by women who had abortions, I meant did you include your distaste for women who had abortions to include women who aborted a foetus after rape.


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Mergal said:


> im really not trying to start an argument but why?
> 
> just because a woman or man has been raped why does this make them any different than anyone else?


It doesn't? I just can't be asked with the emotional reckage as the poor ****er would never get over it.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

HakMat75 said:


> No but you prefer highlighting something that statistically would almost never happen. (A man romantically meeting a woman who is 1. A rape victim who 2. had had an abortion and 3. THEN would be open enough to talk about it with a new beau.)


 another one who missed the point.


----------



## Mergal (Nov 7, 2013)

Acidreflux said:


> It doesn't? I just can't be asked with the emotional reckage as the poor ****er would never get over it.


 fairplay i respect your honesty!


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> You seem to have missed the point, you said you were put off by women who had abortions, I meant did you include your distaste for women who had abortions to include women who aborted a foetus after rape.


No you missed the point bonzer I don't blame them for wanting to do it but the ordeal would destroy them so why would I want to take the misery that brought them and put it on my plate?


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> It doesn't? I just can't be asked with the emotional reckage as the poor ****er would never get over it.


 So if your wife got raped you would dump her?


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> So if your wife got raped you would dump her?


Yes...


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> No you missed the point bonzer I don't blame them for wanting to do it *but the ordeal would destroy them* so why would I want to take the misery that brought them and put it on my plate?


 Having an abortion doesn't destroy someone, lots of women do it all the time and they are fine, a baby may not be convenient at that time in their life and they happen to get pregnant in error.

Im not sure your thinking straight.


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

I don't agree with abortion at all...


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Yes...


 Even if that were true, you would never openly admit it on here unless you were trolling.

Trolling has to be subtle.


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> Even if that were true, you would never openly admit it on here unless you were trolling.
> 
> Trolling has to be subtle.


Seriously it would depend on how the relationship went after the rape had happened but I'd lay money on the fact it would destroy it...


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> I don't agree with abortion at all...


 So if a woman gets pregnant and to have the child would mean she will die due to a medical condition, she has to die?


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Acidreflux said:


> It's true...I doubt I could date a rape victim.


 How would you know? Unless POF has a section where they can write it in, then That s**t doesn't generally get talked about until months or years down the line.

Only the complete fruit loops and attentuin / sympathy seekers let on about that in the very early days.

I dodged a bullet this time last year with a stunning sexy dirty younger bird, who luckily after just a week of messing about blurted out a list of things 'wrong' with her, proper mental issues, paranoia, schizo, manic depressions and big ups and downs.

She told me she spent the year before so wired and manic she was playing with herself on webcam for 8hrs a night, then getting random blokes round to shag her. Went through hundreds of blokes apparently, and ended up at swingers clubs and orgies getting all kinds of welly.

I nodded with feigned empathy, wiped my cock hard on her sheets as she spoke then made my excuses and left.

on way home I bought a new SIM card, changed phone number, and thanked the fu**ing Lord I never nailed her at my house or gave my address.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Seriously it would depend on how the relationship went after the rape had happened but I'd lay money on the fact it would destroy it...


 that would be down to your insecurities , not hers.


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> So if a woman gets pregnant and to have the child would mean she will die due to a medical condition, she has to die?


Your full of what ifs and so if or if this or if that...thats alot of ifs!!!


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> that would be down to your insecurities , not hers.


? How'd you come to that?


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Your full of what ifs and so if or if this or if that...thats alot of ifs!!!


 Your sweeping statement covered all possible scenarios.

I don't agree with abortion at all...


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> Your sweeping statement covered all possible scenarios.
> 
> I don't agree with abortion at all...


Only in your mind.


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> ? How'd you come to that?


 what if she dealt with it and never mentioned it again?


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Off to gym now then the spa...oooosh!


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Only in your mind.


 You said you dont agree with abortion at all, so I gave you a scenario and now you dont want to answer???


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> what if she dealt with it and never mentioned it again?


What if she didn't? What if she did but kinda didn't really....


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Off to gym now then the spa...oooosh!


 mind you dont get raped...


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> What if she didn't? What if she did but* kinda* didn't really....


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> You said you dont agree with abortion at all, so I gave you a scenario and now you dont want to answer???


I'm gonna be off for a while I'll leave you to mull it over...Ciao!


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> mind you dont get raped...


Already have but I got over it and my life is perfect...


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> Already have but I got over it and my life is perfect...


 Your posting style tells another story......


----------



## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> I don't agree with abortion at all...


Better option than a single mum with 4 kids from 4 blokes


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Yh...going...damn thank god that didn't happen to me


Thinking 'look at that beefcake,I want him to suck icecream out my asshole with a straw'


----------



## Armitage Shanks (Jul 7, 2014)

I had a girl riding me and she sh1t herself. Lots of diarrhea everywhere!

That was a right turn off, but once you've started you may as well see it through till the end.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Armitage Shanks said:


> I had a girl riding me and she sh1t herself. Lots of diarrhea everywhere!
> 
> That was a right turn off, but once you've started you may as well see it through till the end.


Urrrrrgh........fvck that she'd of been gone


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Armitage Shanks said:


> I had a girl riding me and she sh1t herself. Lots of diarrhea everywhere!
> 
> That was a right turn off, but once you've started you may as well see it through till the end.


 That's a real man right there. Spunk first, disgust later


----------



## Armitage Shanks (Jul 7, 2014)

HakMat75 said:


> That's a real man right there. Spunk first, disgust later


 I just flipped the mattress and breathed through my mouth


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Armitage Shanks said:


> I just flipped the mattress and breathed through my mouth


 Quality ! :beer:


----------



## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> I was with a woman who after 6 months told me she had an abortion... then a few months later she told me she did it twice neither were mine and for me that is just pure scumbag behaviour I never looked at her in the same light again then dumped her!


 Meh. She did herself a favour by being herself and testing whether you could accept her for who she is and the life she has lived. You couldn't and you both found out. Best for everyone really.


----------



## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> It doesn't? I just can't be asked with the emotional reckage as the poor ****er would never get over it.


 ~20% of the female population can be discounted as just emotional wreckage then.


----------



## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Lotte said:


> ~20% of the female population can be discounted as just emotional wreckage then.


 I'd put it at more than that. most of the women ive known intimately in my adult life have been raped, touched up or abused by some sick f**k of a relative, neighbour or teacher.


----------



## CROcyclist (Jun 1, 2015)

I'm also weird motherf*cker.for me ugly nails,moles,fat fingers,hair on arms and the list goes on and on.... I will never find a nice girlfriend


----------



## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

HakMat75 said:


> I'd put it at more than that. most of the women ive known intimately in my adult life have been raped, touched up or abused by some sick f**k of a relative, neighbour or teacher.


 Yup, 20% is just the rape statistics. Not including all of the other terrible things that can happen to people that aren't quite rape


----------



## ellisrimmer (Sep 9, 2012)

them body studs some women get. gross.


----------



## Fluke82 (Sep 10, 2015)

HakMat75 said:


> I'd put it at more than that. most of the women ive known intimately in my adult life have been raped, touched up or abused by some sick f**k of a relative, neighbour or teacher.


 @LotteHaven't thread any of the last pages but this is true in a sense.

probably 80% of the girls I know around my age group (17-25) have all had sex with guys without remembering anything, been black out drunk, only know because they were told, the guys more often than not sober/not that drunk.

very common at house parties

Which in my mind is rape.

However, because it happens so frequently and people don't wanna be seen in bad light, people don't see it like that and almost laugh it off as if it's okay or just a drunken mistake etc.

My friend took some absolute black out drunk girl upstairs at some house party who could barely put a sentence together recently and So I ended up chucking him out and putting her in a taxi with one of her friends.

Just disgusts me tbh.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Armitage Shanks said:


> I just flipped the mattress and breathed through my mouth


Soldier lol


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Lotte said:


> Yup, 20% is just the rape statistics. Not including all of the other terrible things that can happen to people that aren't quite rape


And that's just the ones that have been reported


----------



## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

Can't think of any logical reason why a woman having had an abortion would be an instant deal breaker?


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

banzi said:


> Your posting style tells another story......


In your mind lol


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Lotte said:


> ~20% of the female population can be discounted as just emotional wreckage then.


Why 20 %?


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Bignath4607 said:


> Erm not if they're real men


 There's no real men on here


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Frandeman said:


> Uk men yes ... Try a Spanish


 Yes they are different I lived in Spain a few years and they are not all like u!! Lol


----------



## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Frandeman said:


> Better option than a single mum with 4 kids from 4 blokes


 The only option for a single mum with 4 kids from 4 blokes was a full frontal labotomy before the said future events happened.


----------



## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> There's no real men on here


Yes there is.......you


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Acidreflux said:


> I was with a woman who after 6 months told me she had an abortion... then a few months later she told me she did it twice neither were mine and for me that is just pure scumbag behaviour I never looked at her in the same light again then dumped her!


 I'm interested to know what u think of the guy or guys that made her pregnant Are they scumbags too? Takes two. If it was a one nighter why keep it? Yes she should protect herself but so should he


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Acidreflux said:


> No you missed the point bonzer I don't blame them for wanting to do it but the ordeal would destroy them so why would I want to take the misery that brought them and put it on my plate?


 It's not bonzer


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Acidreflux said:


> The only option for a single mum with 4 kids from 4 blokes was a full frontal labotomy before the said future events happened.


They don't have time for that... Then is too late ..


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> How would you know? Unless POF has a section where they can write it in, then That s**t doesn't generally get talked about until months or years down the line.
> 
> Only the complete fruit loops and attentuin / sympathy seekers let on about that in the very early days.
> 
> ...


 Is it not u that is at fault here for not recognizing signs earlier before u even slept with her? That's what I see before I see the issue with the girl.


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Lotte said:


> ~20% of the female population can be discounted as just emotional wreckage then.


After 40 years old goes up to 90%

The other 10% where nuts already


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Thinking 'look at that beefcake,I want him to suck icecream out my asshole with a straw'


 U vile young man!


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Bignath4607 said:


> Really ? Care to explain I consider myself a real man as it goes


 Ok there's one or 2 max ...


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Yes there is.......you


 Thanks...compliments are always appreciated


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Thanks...compliments are always appreciated


S'alright Dave


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Ok there's one or 2 max ...


 Whos Max?


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> S'alright Dave


 I wouldn't be a Dave ...I'd be a jake..cool name fit body good girth..don't mess with jake ...erm troublesome Paul


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

banzi said:


> Whos Max?


 Max e mus.....nice fella


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> I wouldn't be a Dave ...I'd be a jake..cool name fit body good girth..don't mess with jake ...erm troublesome Paul


You'd be a Paul....hung like Mandingo,hard as fvck and great on bed.....hmm sounds familiar


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> I don't. They're tiny.


If they fit on my hands they are the right size


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> Is it not u that is at fault here for not recognizing signs earlier before u even slept with her? That's what I see before I see the issue with the girl.


 Possibly, but People with mental health issues don't generally walk around with a disclaimer stapled to their arse.

Not much time for intuition or wiggle room when you meet someone on a Saturday night see them a few times at evening and then that all hits the weekend after. I'm not psychic


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

My hands are too big for those lol


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## jake87 (May 7, 2010)

Skye666 said:


> I wouldn't be a Dave ...I'd be a jake..cool name fit body good girth..don't mess with jake ...erm troublesome Paul


 Stop looking at my photobucket account plz


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Told you


Don't worry babes I'm not perfect myself..


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## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

MissMartinez said:


> View attachment 120442


 :bounce: :wub:


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> I'm stocky lol, I'd be good working on a farm :lol:


How would you manage with a noisy cock at 5am?


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> This! Note there is also a tiny bit of pad from the bra as in its not that sheer type but not a padded one either
> 
> View attachment 120442


 cant see properly, need more pics.


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Bignath4607 said:


> Yours makes noises ?


Sloppy ones


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> Possibly, but People with mental health issues don't generally walk around with a disclaimer stapled to their arse.
> 
> Not much time for intuition or wiggle room when you meet someone on a Saturday night see them a few times at evening and then that all hits the weekend after. I'm not psychic


 U don't need to be psychic there are very clear signs if they are fruit loop...generally men arnt so much so but women..almost all


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> U don't need to be psychic there are very clear signs if they are fruit loop...generally men arnt so much so but women..almost all


Am I a fruit loop?


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> This! Note there is also a tiny bit of pad from the bra as in its not that sheer type but not a padded one either


You look good,can't stand big t1ts


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

jake87 said:


> Stop looking at my photobucket account plz


 Lol...hello jake


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

MissMartinez said:


> I'm stocky lol, I'd be good working on a farm :lol:


 Stocky?? Behave....but get ya roots done ffs


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> U don't need to be psychic there are very clear signs if they are fruit loop...generally men arnt so much so but women..almost all


 Ha ok like what? I'll take some guesses...

1. fu**ing on first night.

2. fu**ing me.

3. Being very attractive but single.

4. Taking me back to hers two hours after meeting in a decent bar.

You thinking along these lines or are there other mysterious secrets into the way of the female fruit loop I need initiating into?!?


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Am I a fruit loop?


 No..I like u I think ur a genuine down to earth type what u see is what u get...natty


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> No..I like u I think ur a genuine down to earth type what u see is what u get...natty


Wrong......I'm fvxked up in the head


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Fvcking natty.....you cvnt


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> Ha ok like what? I'll take some guesses...
> 
> 1. fu**ing on first night.
> 
> ...


 No actually I wouldn't consider any of them characteristics of this type

in the early stages if u get caught looking at another woman and she drops a mood or laughs and slaps u....

asks why u didn't txt back

....staring at u when ur just watching tv or asleep ( and tells u look cute when asleep eeeek)

asks u if u think the girl opposite is pretty and if she says coz I do..she's pushing for an answer

says 'have u told ur mate about me'

asks ur mums name..lol

when u first start dating wants u to meet her friends or wants to meet urs.

just some of the little watch out fors in first few weeks I'd say.....


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

FelonE said:


> Wrong......I'm fvxked up in the head


 Yes...but look u admit it that makes u genuine ....and I'm a Cnut a hairy honest one


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## FelonE1 (Dec 23, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Yes...but look u admit it that makes u genuine ....and I'm a Cnut a hairy honest one


That's why you're my favourite.....cos you're a hairy cvnt


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> No actually I wouldn't consider any of them characteristics of this type
> 
> in the early stages if u get caught looking at another woman and she drops a mood or laughs and slaps u....
> 
> ...


 Yeah I know all that, and ive been through it in my teens to my late thirties, but none of it for this one week, until the big 'confession' which was brought on by her getting paranoid about a waitress over a coffee.

Though it did start with "I am very fond of you (after a week?!?) so want to come clean and move forward." As if that was ever going to help.


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

HakMat75 said:


> Yeah I know all that, and ive been through it in my teens to my late thirties, but none of it for this one week, until the big 'confession' which was brought on by her getting paranoid about a waitress over a coffee.
> 
> Though it did start with "I am very fond of you (after a week?!?) so want to come clean and move forward." As if that was ever going to help.


 What was the confession...?

and out of interest how old are u ...I had u down for mid 20s ( posts)

i like u..fond of u...think about u ...etc after a week yes


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

Skye666 said:


> What was the confession...?
> 
> and out of interest how old are u ...I had u down for mid 20s ( posts)
> 
> i like u..fond of u...think about u ...etc after a week yes


 " dodged a bullet this time last year with a stunning sexy dirty younger bird, who luckily after just a week of messing about blurted out a list of things 'wrong' with her, proper mental issues, paranoia, schizo, manic depressions and big ups and downs.

She told me she spent the year before so wired and manic she was playing with herself on webcam for 8hrs a night, then getting random blokes round to shag her. Went through hundreds of blokes apparently, and ended up at swingers clubs and orgies getting all kinds of welly."

I'm 40.


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## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

MissMartinez said:


> Nice try


 I still have some in my personal files.


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## Kill Kcal (May 11, 2013)

Major Eyeswater said:


> I'm from Lancashire originally, though I've lived in London / Surrey / Kent sine I was 18
> 
> For some reason, I cannot stand women with a particular type of Lancashire / Mancunian accent - the whiny, nasal type that you hear on Coronation Street. Horrible.


 I moved to Lancs at 20, from the West Midlands, can't stand the faux Wolverhampton accent that seems to be in my Mums town.

Never noticed it as a kid though.


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

Kill Kcal said:


> I moved to Lancs at 20, from the West Midlands, can't stand the faux Wolverhampton accent that seems to be in my Mums town.
> 
> Never noticed it as a kid though.


 im same really don't like whiny strong whingey nasally accents or people who speak really loudly #cringeshutyourbeak


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## mrwright (Oct 22, 2013)

Anyone who uses the word cringe or hash tags is a massive put off


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## Cookjt08 (Mar 25, 2011)

I had a woman once say she was peeling skin... I replied what do you mean? so she sent me a picture of her grating her hard skin off her feet it looked like parmesan, instant turn off. I should of sent her a picture of my s**t in response..


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## Acidreflux (Mar 3, 2015)

Ass Hashing is never a good sign...


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## Ares (Dec 3, 2015)

Bad spelling/grammar.
Saying things like 'bae.'

That s**t goes through me like nails on a chalkboard!


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## Kill Kcal (May 11, 2013)

Cookjt08 said:


> I had a woman once say she was peeling skin... I replied what do you mean? so she sent me a picture of her grating her hard skin off her feet it looked like parmesan, instant turn off. I should of sent her a picture of my s**t in response..


 Note to self, don't read UKM whilst eating.


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## SG83 (Mar 16, 2016)

I find the lack of ability to spell properly (assuming English is her native language) and being proud of their stupidity ("nah, I don't read books, they are boring", "let's watch X factor!!!111" etc) as a turn off.


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Cookjt08 said:


> I had a woman once say she was peeling skin... I replied what do you mean? so she sent me a picture of her grating her hard skin off her feet it looked like parmesan, instant turn off. I should of sent her a picture of my s**t in response..


 Vile girl!!! Was it a deal breaker?


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Ares said:


> Bad spelling/grammar.
> Saying things like 'bae.'
> 
> That s**t goes through me like nails on a chalkboard!





SG83 said:


> I find the lack of ability to spell properly (assuming English is her native language) and being proud of their stupidity ("nah, I don't read books, they are boring", "let's watch X factor!!!111" etc) as a turn off.


 Stay tuned then! Annoying guys on here who don't like bad/ poor / grammar / spelling ....is my fave past time :thumb


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## CG88 (Jun 4, 2015)

Cookjt08 said:


> I had a woman once say she was peeling skin... I replied what do you mean? so she sent me a picture of her grating her hard skin off her feet it looked like parmesan, instant turn off. I should of sent her a picture of my s**t in response..


 That's fvcking lifting that mate.

How a woman looks after her hands and feet says a lot about how they look after themselves IMO


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## Henda929 (Oct 21, 2016)

I had a dream the other day that wor lass lent over the table right in front of me and farted twice really loudly and turned at me smiling and said "bah that's stinking" and started wafting the smell towards my face with her hand.

even though it was a dream I was a bit repulsed by her for a few days.

i have a poor memory and often confuse dreams as reality a few months down the line and hope it dosent happen in this case


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

Henda929 said:


> I had a dream the other day that wor lass lent over the table right in front of me and farted twice really loudly and turned at me smiling and said "bah that's stinking" and started wafting the smell towards my face with her hand.
> 
> even though it was a dream I was a bit repulsed by her for a few days.
> 
> i have a poor memory and often confuse dreams as reality a few months down the line and hope it dosent happen in this case


 Strong first post.


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## CG88 (Jun 4, 2015)

Henda929 said:


> I had a dream the other day that wor lass lent over the table right in front of me and farted twice really loudly and turned at me smiling and said "bah that's stinking" and started wafting the smell towards my face with her hand.
> 
> even though it was a dream I was a bit repulsed by her for a few days.
> 
> i have a poor memory and often confuse dreams as reality a few months down the line and hope it dosent happen in this case


 That wasn't really a dream was it mate


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

A smelly fanny


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## Henda929 (Oct 21, 2016)

CG88 said:


> That wasn't really a dream was it mate


 Haha I hope not mate, I'd probably not mind the sound or the fact she did it but commenting on the smell and wafting it to my face would be a bit ower much haha


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## Ultrasonic (Jul 13, 2004)

Smoking.


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## Grunz (Apr 11, 2016)

Ultrasonic said:


> Smoking.


 This ^^^

and blue waffle


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## ellisrimmer (Sep 9, 2012)

Cookjt08 said:


> I had a woman once say she was peeling skin... I replied what do you mean? so she sent me a picture of her grating her hard skin off her feet it looked like parmesan, instant turn off. I should of sent her a picture of my s**t in response..


 lmao that is my job


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## ellisrimmer (Sep 9, 2012)

CG88 said:


> That's fvcking lifting that mate.
> 
> How a woman looks after her hands and feet says a lot about how they look after themselves IMO


 if she's doing that she is looking after her feet!!


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## AestheticManlet (Jun 12, 2012)

Cookjt08 said:


> I had a woman once say she was peeling skin... I replied what do you mean? so she sent me a picture of her grating her hard skin off her feet it looked like parmesan, instant turn off. I should of sent her a picture of my s**t in response..


 Haha that's quite grim although I do love women's feet so it may not have put me off, plus sounds like she's looking after them.

i don't really have any turn offs that I know of other than neglected feet like grime under or on the nails etc, fvcking horrible.


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## CG88 (Jun 4, 2015)

ellisrimmer said:


> if she's doing that she is looking after her feet!!


 She obviously hasn't been to let them get in a state where she needs the cheese grater to get rid of her crusty bits


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## CG88 (Jun 4, 2015)

Henda929 said:


> Haha I hope not mate, I'd probably not mind the sound or the fact she did it but commenting on the smell and wafting it to my face would be a bit ower much haha


 Haha that would be too much like


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## benji666 (Apr 18, 2015)

Swearing. Hear enough of it in the gym/work {I work in a gym}, don't want to hear it in my private life,I expect women to be polite and smell nice . Wanting me to get off my arrse when I come home from work to tidy around ,etc etc/go out on a weekday evening . When I come home, I expect to lie on the sofa and not move ,and the only movement I do,is to lift a fork into my mouth and climb up the stairs to bed.


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## SILV3RBACK (Jun 23, 2012)

Skids in her knicks.


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## ellisrimmer (Sep 9, 2012)

CG88 said:


> She obviously hasn't been to let them get in a state where she needs the cheese grater to get rid of her crusty bits


 no at all true, you can't stop it from building up


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## CG88 (Jun 4, 2015)

ellisrimmer said:


> no at all true, you can't stop it from building up


 "Moisturiser"


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## ellisrimmer (Sep 9, 2012)

CG88 said:


> "Moisturiser"


 Nope. I wasn't joking when I said it's my job...


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## TREACLE (Jun 6, 2016)

Consent is probably the biggest turn off.


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## Frandeman (Mar 24, 2014)

Everything turns me on :thumb

Some things more than others


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## Smitch (Dec 29, 2008)

Hairy top lip, have fancied this Doris for a while (not that I'd do anything as I've got a missus) but saw she pretty much had a tache the other day.

Now looks wise i could get over it, but that stubbly feeling when snogging would just do me in!


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## CG88 (Jun 4, 2015)

ellisrimmer said:


> Nope. I wasn't joking when I said it's my job...


 Moisturiser for the win


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## Ares (Dec 3, 2015)

Smitch said:


> Hairy top lip, have fancied this Doris for a while (not that I'd do anything as I've got a missus) but saw she pretty much had a tache the other day.
> 
> Now looks wise i could get over it, but that stubbly feeling when snogging would just do me in!


 I used to work with a girl like this! Absolutely beautiful but more often then not.. had a tache.

I didn't understand. She must have known.. it wasn't exactly subtle!


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## ellisrimmer (Sep 9, 2012)

CG88 said:


> Moisturiser for the win


 haha f**k you


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## Ultrasonic (Jul 13, 2004)

Ares said:


> I used to work with a girl like this! Absolutely beautiful but more often then not.. had a tache.
> 
> I didn't understand. She must have known.. it wasn't exactly subtle!


 I don't understand why some girls do this. I mean, they'll shave their legs and armpits but for some reason they don't think about the hair on their face in the same way.


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## Growing Lad (Feb 14, 2009)

Ultrasonic said:


> I don't understand why some girls do this. I mean, they'll shave their legs and armpits but for some reason they don't think about the hair on their face in the same way.


 My ex had this, she used to bleach it (refused to shave it) just ended up looking like a blonde tache


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## empzb (Jan 8, 2006)

Girls with big feet.

Girls who eat cheese.


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## Quackerz (Dec 19, 2015)

empzb said:


> Girls with big feet.
> 
> Girls who eat cheese.


 I understand the foot thing but cheese? What's the problem with it? And is this relevant to all types of cheese or just specific types/brands?


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## Ultrasonic (Jul 13, 2004)

empzb said:


> Girls with big feet.
> 
> Girls who eat cheese.


 I'm very suspicious of anyone who doesn't like cheese, there is clearly something wrong with them  .


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## empzb (Jan 8, 2006)

Ultrasonic said:


> I'm very suspicious of anyone who doesn't like cheese, there is clearly something wrong with them  .


 @QuackerzI love cheese. Just not girls who eat it.

Stems back to an old job where I watched a girl get off while being fed stinking bishop by her boyfriend in the middle of the supermarket.

Then my mind took it to darker places and since that day 13 years ago it's been a thing.

Even thinking of it now makes me feel wierd.


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## Quackerz (Dec 19, 2015)

empzb said:


> @QuackerzI love cheese. Just not girls who eat it.
> 
> Stems back to an old job where I watched a girl get off while being fed stinking bishop by her boyfriend in the middle of the supermarket.
> 
> ...


 Sounds traumatic mate. I'm glad I wasn't there to witness it. lol


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## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

Massive ego, not to be mistaken for confidence as that's a turn on.


----------



## Ultrasonic (Jul 13, 2004)

empzb said:


> Stems back to an old job where I watched a girl get off while being fed stinking bishop by her boyfriend in the middle of the supermarket.


 Are we still talking about dairy products here?


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## empzb (Jan 8, 2006)

Ultrasonic said:


> Are we still talking about dairy products here?


 :lol: unfortunately. I'd have preferred the literal meaning to be honest instead of that kinky food based version.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Dirty finger nails

skinny with no ass

or all of the above ...nope


----------



## Ghostspike (Jan 21, 2013)

barsnack said:


> Anyone really fancy, or like someone of the opposite sex (of same sex if your gay), and they do something in an instant, and your instantly turn off them for good...I fancied 4 girls at work when I started my current Job 6 months ago, now I'm down to fancying one....I'm not using real names
> 
> Turn Off One 'Jane' - She sneezed beside me in a meeting, and it was cute, but she followed it up with a fu**ing massive sneeze, which ended up with a load of green snot flying across the table quicker than Gary Glitter to a School Nativity Play
> 
> ...


 2 sounds like a future wife.

Smelly armpits.

Smelly feet

Too much mascara.


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## HakMat75 (Dec 5, 2015)

General immaturity, as characterised by them being on and regularly using:

1. snap chat . It's for teenagers. Grow up or get in the fu**ing sea and take your piss golden butterflies, fat chin filters and zombie eyes with you.

2. Instagram. You're a no mark promoting nothing but your inane life. No one cares wtf you had for tea.

3. Stupid hashtags on any of the above, like #mykidsaremyworld #cheekyvino #biggergirlshaveallthefun #whydoineedaman #besties #sisters4life etc etc.

Started seeing a very decent bird last week, 42yr old 6ft blonde, and yday she showed me all that crap saying "follow me on insta ya can see my life." I'm seriously considering changing my ****jng number. It's all so very embrassing. She'd already put pics of me & our s**t up there, with all the hearts and #soulmates4eva crap, it's like a mental illness to these women !


----------

