# The Best/Funniest Gym Quotes...



## Ant Marks

Alright dudes,

During the past few weeks in the gym...ive heard various saying that have amused me and many other:

''There's no mice on my shoulders...ive got too many traps''

''If these peaks were any bigger...i'd ive snow on them''

Can any of you add to these?


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## hamsternuts

do you have tickets to.....

....THE GUN SHOW?


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## pea head

If the bar aint bending,you're just pretending.


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## Markc

touch my pecs and call me Wendy


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## nosusjoe

up the amp and lower the reps


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## nosusjoe




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## Chew

"If you don't get this last rep I'm going to sit on your face!" - My mate shouted that at me when I was benching. He consequently had to pull the bar off me because I ****ed myself laughing and couldn't press it.


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## strange_days

I don't want to build too much muscle cause if I stop training it will turn to fat :lol:


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## TinyGuy

Whats brown and sticky?

sh1t.

Well it made me laff lol


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## MillionG

strange_days said:


> I don't want to build too much muscle cause if I stop training it will turn to fat :lol:


"I don't want to get 'too big'"

:cursing:

That rags me off.


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## Bambi

GET OUT THE SQUAT RACK

yelled by the biggest guy in the gym to the umpteenth person curling in there

asked a guy for a spot a few days ago on incline and as I grinded it up he said:

"Push! Push it up like you'd push a rapist off your mother"

It works!


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## MillionG

Bambi said:


> *GET OUT THE SQUAT RACK*
> 
> *
> *
> 
> *
> yelled by the biggest guy in the gym to the umpteenth person curling in there*
> 
> *
> *
> 
> asked a guy for a spot a few days ago on incline and as I grinded it up he said:
> 
> "Push! Push it up like you'd push a rapist off your mother"
> 
> It works!


Yessss, buy that man a drink.


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## B-GJOE

I don't want to be big and buff, I just want tone up around my waist.


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## MarcusWright

Best one i heard lately was a skinny bloke telling his mate he should do squats heavy rather than leg press.

Skinny bloke then did a set with 140k where he didnt even do a half squat, his ass dropped couple injects


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## Khaos1436114653

" i don't wanna get as big as Ronnie Coleman"


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## BennyC

Do you know if there's a vet in town?

No, why?

Somebody needs to tame these Pythons!


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## gt190

BennyC said:


> Do you know if there's a vet in town?
> 
> No, why?
> 
> Somebody needs to tame these Pythons!


one of my mates says something similar

Do you know if there's a vet in town?

No, why?

because these swans are sick


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## Jsb

i hate it when the arms and chest brigade train in groups of ten and take up the whole f**king gym

i know its not a quote but it grips my s**t


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## Bri

I don't like deadlifting, it makes me sore the next day, that's why i train biceps everyday. They're fine


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## Bale

not a quote but when there are noobs in the gym and you crack a hugeeeee fart when squatting/deadlifting and they look at you like you've broken the law...

others who do such excersizes just smile


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## craftybutcher

Sounds like a lie but somebody screaming "lightweight" like RC only for it to drop on his second rep then the plates fall off. He actually made the sound "oof" when it hit his chest. Haven't seen him since.


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## Gym Bunny

Funniest in a very sad way:



> hamstrings are merely stablizers that don't actually move anything so you don't need to train them


 :blink:


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## tomass1342

"if this stuff works im gonna b massive"

"i dont do back.........or legs, cos i dont need too"

"feel my pecs, they dont look big but theyre massive"

"how do i work these bits?"


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## solidcecil

i dont have to train legs because i play football at the weekends


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## mal

im coming in on test e


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## Jsb

solidcecil said:


> i dont have to train legs because i play football at the weekends


thats my fave:lol:

p***ies

no offence ladies


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## tomass1342

"i wanna do a show, do i need to go on a diet?"


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## strange_days

The stupid personal trainer at my gym shouting encouragement at his sad little pupil

"Come on, chase the burn"

"Push it push it"


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## bassmonster

I don't train my legs because I don't want to walk like Charlie Chaplin.


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## bassmonster

strange_days said:


> "Come on, chase the burn"


Haha, I quite like that... :ban:


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## mal

dont go in the showers...theres a turd in there


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## ^King Leonidas^

mal said:


> dont go in the showers...theres a turd in there


 :lol: :lol: :lol: another one!


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## Lousy_Bastard

Of course I'm in shape, Isn't Round a Shape?


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## Lousy_Bastard

mal said:


> dont go in the showers...theres a turd in there


:laugh: Was it a steamer?


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## strange_days

That would make it a steamshit


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## mal

Lousy_Bastard said:


> Of course I'm in shape, Isn't Round a Shape?


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## mal

OH MATE...i just slid on a log in there....dirty cvnts


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## BigStew

Said by a newbie at the gym the other day, looking at a signed photo of Dorian from 1996....

Urrgh, who's he? Why would anyone want to be that big, it's disgusting! Bet he's strong though!


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## TinyGuy

lol... im not that big but, im not that tiny lol despite the name. However, i DONT want to be as big as ronnie coleman! and i dont want his gut either.

I still want to be about 3 stone heavier, if its sustainable without the continued use of AAS, but thats still 36kg shy of coleman in comp.

reason for not wanting to look as big as coleman: it just dont look nice to me, and in my head, i can imagine that most women out there feel the same, might be wrong, but in my heed, thats the way it is.

No offense to the geezer either, super respect to the dedication and hard work he must have put in to be the hench mofo he is, not knowing him, i've got nothing but respect for him and what he does, i just dont have envy for that physique.


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## hotchy

TinyGuy said:


> lol... im not that big but, im not that tiny lol despite the name. However, i DONT want to be as big as ronnie coleman! and i dont want his gut either.
> 
> I still want to be about 3 stone heavier, if its sustainable without the continued use of AAS, but thats still 36kg shy of coleman in comp.
> 
> reason for not wanting to look as big as coleman: it just dont look nice to me, and in my head, i can imagine that most women out there feel the same, might be wrong, but in my heed, thats the way it is.
> 
> No offense to the geezer either, super respect to the dedication and hard work he must have put in to be the hench mofo he is, not knowing him, i've got nothing but respect for him and what he does, i just dont have envy for that physique.


 :thumbdown:


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## TinyGuy

i dont understand how i can get the thumbs down for having the personal opinion that someone doesn't look nice lol

besides, i couldnt look like im if i wanted to 

edited to add: also, im sure RC couldnt care less what i think of him, i probaly fall somewhere between a chicken wing and a light lunch to him 

We dont all want the same thing from Weightlifting! some of us just want to get what we consider to be a nice figure  nowt wrong with that, as long as u arent down on other people and what they want.


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## Mark W H

My fav gym quote is "HELP...." from the stupid saps that try to bench too much and find they can't manage after all and should have had a spot.

Also "can you spot for me on my benching mate, i should get 8 or 9 on my own" and you find yourself doing a set of heavy upright rows for 7 or 8 reps.


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## Smitch

My missus always says she doesn't want me to get massive.

As if it just happens over night!!!

Chance would be a fine thing.....


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## Jaff0

Gym Bunny said:


> Funniest in a very sad way:
> 
> :blink:


I guess whoever said that, never talked to sprinters and track athletes, then :whistling:


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## Jaff0

solidcecil said:


> i dont have to train legs because i play football at the weekends


I've heard that so many times, too.

And ain't that the most retarded thing, too?

You would have thought that if you played football, you'd have more of an interest in training your legs, then less of one?


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## Cheese

I once asked a bloke if he wanted a spot he said "i'm good mate" 5 reps later i was pulling the bar off him, he was slightly embarrassed to say the least. :lol:


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## steevey

I don't want to get to huge,as my dick will shrink!!! cos all them top blokes have little dicks don't they?

From a 17 year old chav who was 6 stone dripping wet,lifting very little weights in front of his pal in the gym a couple of months ago....hysterical.

The same lad a few weeks later,told staff in the gym he was really a cage fighter and was working his mind rather than his body when he lifts 15llb dumbells....I **** you not peeps.....hes priceless-reckon every gym should have one


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