# Scottish Insults for your enjoyment



## Wee G1436114539 (Oct 6, 2007)

Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan

Shes got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle.

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

She's got a face that could make an onion cry.

I wouldnae ride her into battle.

everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege

I wouldny do her with a rusty pole"

mair chins than a chinese phone book

...face like a melted welly

She smells like an alkies carpet

she has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician

It's like shaggin a pail of water.

It's like shaggin the sleeve aff a wizards cloak!

she's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher

fanny like a ripped out fireplace

face like a sand blasted tomato

**** like a bag a washing

Your face could get a job haunting houses

I wouldn't ride her if I had a bag of spare Dicks

She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant

she's seen more helmets than Hitler

The wheels turning but the hamsters died

she has been cocked more times than Davy Crocket's Musket

face like a stuntman's knee

She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab

Cheers,

G.


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## duffman16 (Mar 30, 2008)

looking forward to using some of these tomorrow


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## Geo (Apr 3, 2007)

PMSL!


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## donggle (Aug 28, 2007)

haha love it


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## weeman (Sep 6, 2007)

minted LMFAO


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## TomTom1 (Feb 1, 2007)

'shes got a fanny like a badly packed kebab'

outstanding mate


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## Abide (Feb 15, 2008)

Haha.. Excellent..

Also have wriiten some of these down for use tonight


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

ROFL those are awesome


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## SteamRod (Oct 1, 2007)

bangs like a ****-house door in a gale.


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## am1ev1l (Feb 25, 2008)

She's got a face that could make an onion cry.

Classic!


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## Jimmy_Cricket (Aug 3, 2006)

What a bunch of onion bhaji's (gadgi's ha)


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Heh heh - badly packed kebabs :laugh: still makes me laugh every time I hear it

She's so fat her bath has stretch marks...


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## 4NT5 (Jun 1, 2007)

cracking qoutes good to here again!!!

here is another one:

From one Scot to another.......(in most cases)

You know you are a true Scot if...........

1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie,

<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:Street w:st="on"><st1:address style="BACKGROUND-POSITION: left bottom; BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(res://ietag.dll/#34/#1001); BACKGROUND-REPEAT: repeat-x" tabIndex=0 w:st="on">Sauchiehall St</st1:address></st1:Street>, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.

3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.

4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer

blootert.

5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories pure

class!

7. Ye measure distance in minutes.

8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him,

in yer ain family.

9. Ye go tae <st1lace w:st=on">North Berwick</st1lace> cos ye think it is like gaun tae the

ocean.

10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding

day date.

13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

Church/Chapel.

14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips,

iron-bru, **** and nappies all in the wan shop.

15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.

18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals

.

19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these

words;

How's it hingin

TT>

Clatty

Boggin

Cludgie

Pished

Get it up ye

Wee beasties

Erse bandit

Amurny

Away and bile yer heid

Peely-wally

Humphey backit

Ba-heid

Baw bag

Dubble nugget


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## brasco (Mar 3, 2007)

quality - reps!


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## squalllion1uk (Mar 27, 2008)

ahh reps reps reps   

SHIZ I NEVER REALISED! wee G youre scottish O.O beastin!!!


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## paulo (Feb 17, 2007)

lol-the mrs just asked what am laughing at (sitting there on her badly packed kebab!)


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## 2tpaul (Feb 27, 2008)

i never forget one my grandad used to say to me (im half scottish on my mums side) ARE YOU TALKING TO ME OR ARE YA CHOOIN A BRICK, EITHER WAY YIR GONNY LOOSE YA TEETH) lol he was only joking, ive got a full set of nashers


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