# Have you ever crapped yourself in public?



## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

Tonight, In asda..... wondering around picking up a few essentials and horrified myself when what I thought was going to be a little sneaky SBD (silent but deadly) whilst in the dairy isle..... quickly turned to a follow through! DAMN IT! I done a protein submarine in my pants in the supermarket!

Quickly bought my milk (self service) and quick walk/brisk jog home.

Told my mate when he phoned just a moment ago, once he finished p1ssing himself he told me he sh1t himself at his sisters wedding few years back, he was bladdered with an upset tummy and his dad had to take him to one side to find out why everyone was saying "I think your son has had an accident"!!!

Ever had a poo poo accident ?


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hahahahahahahahaha :-D. Were u drunk or got bad gut or somethin mate?


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> Hahahahahahahahaha :-D. Were u drunk or got bad gut or somethin mate?


been really piling in the food these past 2 weeks and i thought I wanted to go for a dump before going but risked it as i was in a rush and damn....... got caught out!


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## Smitch (Dec 29, 2008)

I followed through whilst farting when I was brushing my teeth the other week, good job I've got a tiled floor in my bathroom.


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

I left my last gym because of this. Now I have no shame but there was no way I could go back there. I knew I had a serious bout of the squits anywha but thought would be a good idea to so heavy leg press. Yep, mid set I had shat myself and it was fcuking everywhere. I got up and waked very fast to the changing rooms which is all the way past all the cardio equipment in a big health and fitness gym. I just knew it was dripping everywhere but didn't dare turn around. Grabbed my stuff out the locker and ran out side. Being covered in sh1t there was no chance I was getting in my beloved Toyota supra like that so began to take shorts and boxers off as carpark was quiet but in comes a car and it's a fcuming woman from work and I'm stood there next to my car with my bits out for the world to see and just a tiny little hand towel. Chucked the sh1tty shorts and boxers in the bush and that was the fattest drive home I've ever had to get washed and go to work. Big lesson learnt - do not straight hard if you have the squits!!


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

Smitch said:


> I followed through whilst farting when I was brushing my teeth the other week, good job I've got a tiled floor in my bathroom.


Hahahahaha!! Oooops moment!


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## Trapps84 (Oct 26, 2011)

I was once in town shopping with an ex girlfriend when I was about 16

I saw this lad who kicked the sh1t outa me a few months earlier. He looked at me , I started to poo. Literally.

I couldn't get away fast enough from my girlfriend lol. I said some **** about her staying safe and ran off lol.

Poo dripping down into my shoes

Got home. Ran upstairs. Had a shower, put my jeans in the dustbin ...

Week later the jeans were in the laundry pile , turns out my mum looks in the bin for dirty washing hahaha


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

Oh and luckily she left my workplace very soon after so never found out if she saw me lol.


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Raw meat 1984 said:


> been really piling in the food these past 2 weeks and i thought I wanted to go for a dump before going but risked it as i was in a rush and damn....... got caught out!


Ohhhhh mannnnn lol. I have to hold my **** in for hours sometimes cuz i can only go at home lol. I bet your washing machines doing a late spin or have the bin had em?


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## DeskSitter (Jan 28, 2013)

Thread is hot


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> Ohhhhh mannnnn lol. I have to hold my **** in for hours sometimes cuz i can only go at home lol. I bet your washing machines doing a late spin or have the bin had em?


Jumped in shower with my browned shorts and boxers, they had nearly a whole bottle of sh1tty lynx shower gel on them. Then yep the washing machine is on right now! Lol

The mrs will not let up on this..... I'll never hear the end of it. Haha


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## BLUE(UK) (Jan 9, 2008)

Jesus..!!!


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## Trapps84 (Oct 26, 2011)

Another time ...

I was well out of my head out in town one New Year's Eve.

Went back to another ex girlfriends that nice. My little willy was lucky I had Viagra on me as I needed it.

Got undressed got into bed. The decided I needed a p1ss. Worst decision ever.

Have you ever tries p1ssing being on Viagra.

You have to push it out ... Hard.

But not so hard you sh1t yourself at the same time.... All over her shower.


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

Umm I've never actually pooped myself in public but I have had a wildy (poo) in public. Didn't have no choice my ex and I camped out on a mountain and I'd been holding it in so much that my stomach was killing, he wanted to have sex but I couldn't relax myself so he made me poo in a bush with some wet wipes. I never knew your poo was hot before that happened, could feel the heat off it.


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## GreedyBen (Mar 8, 2011)

I did a few months ago whilst doing some deadlifts, had done my usual pre gym dump but still had a bit of what I presumed was wind.

Grabbed the bar, pushed with my legs and pooped a bit. Dropped the bar, walked calmly to the bog, inspected the damage then decided to ditch my boxers in the bog such was the faalout(sorry cleaners). I walked back out and round the corner to my folks place to get the rest out!

I was back in the gym finishing my set 10 mins later


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

tamara said:


> Umm I've never actually pooped myself in public but I have had a wildly (poo) in public. Didn't have no choice my ex and I camped out on a mountain and I'd been holding it in so much that my stomach was killing, he wanted to have sex but I couldn't relax myself so he made me poo in a bush with some wet wipes. I never knew your poo was hot before that happened, could feel the heat off it.


That's properly made me laugh!!!!! Imagining you say there looking at your at steaming sh1t lmao brilliant.


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

GreedyBen said:


> I did a few months ago whilst doing some deadlifts, had done my usual pre gym dump but still had a bit of what I presumed was wind.
> 
> Grabbed the bar, pushed with my legs and pooped a bit. Dropped the bar, walked calmly to the bog, inspected the damage then decided to ditch my boxers in the bog such was the faalout(sorry cleaners). I walked back out and round the corner to my folks place to get the rest out!
> 
> I was back in the gym finishing my set 10 mins later


I would've finished it there and then. On leg press I threw my guts up into my hands and stuck it all in my gym hoody pocket so I could finish the set lol. Sh1ts a whole different ball game though I suppose.


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## Ballin (Aug 24, 2011)

Hahaha these are awesome.

One time, at band camp...

Lol nah I was drunk and I sneezed and I lost my bowels.

No amount of freshening up would have sorted that- right up your back job!


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Raw meat 1984 said:


> Jumped in shower with my browned shorts and boxers, they had nearly a whole bottle of sh1tty lynx shower gel on them. Then yep the washing machine is on right now! Lol
> 
> The mrs will not let up on this..... I'll never hear the end of it. Haha


I cant belive you still went and got the things you went for haha. If it was me i prob wud of dropped the milk and ran. Well ran enuff not to shake things loose. Imagine that on the announcment lol.


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> I cant belive you still went and got the things you went for haha. If it was me i prob wud of dropped the milk and ran. Well ran enuff not to shake things loose. Imagine that on the announcment lol.


Cleanup on aisle 5.


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> I cant belive you still went and got the things you went for haha. If it was me i prob wud of dropped the milk and ran. Well ran enuff not to shake things loose. Imagine that on the announcment lol.


Hahahah "beeep, calling all cleaners, there is a turn in isle 4 that needs to be taken care of"

I need my milk mate and I was practically done and it was empty so it was a quick purchase I tell ya!


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Raw meat 1984 said:


> Hahahah "beeep, calling all cleaners, there is a turn in isle 4 that needs to be taken care of"
> 
> I need my milk mate and I was practically done and it was empty so it was a quick purchase I tell ya!


Bet you was out the shop before the money finished dropping in the machine haha.


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## BLUE(UK) (Jan 9, 2008)

A mate of mine's mum worked in Morrisons for years and once told me that there was a 'clean up' at least once a week, usually old people.


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## resten (Apr 4, 2012)

Suprakill4 said:


> I left my last gym because of this. Now I have no shame but there was no way I could go back there. I knew I had a serious bout of the squits anywha but thought would be a good idea to so heavy leg press. Yep, mid set I had shat myself and it was fcuking everywhere. I got up and waked very fast to the changing rooms which is all the way past all the cardio equipment in a big health and fitness gym. I just knew it was dripping everywhere but didn't dare turn around. Grabbed my stuff out the locker and ran out side. Being covered in sh1t there was no chance I was getting in my beloved Toyota supra like that so began to take shorts and boxers off as carpark was quiet but in comes a car and it's a fcuming woman from work and I'm stood there next to my car with my bits out for the world to see and just a tiny little hand towel. Chucked the sh1tty shorts and boxers in the bush and that was the fattest drive home I've ever had to get washed and go to work. Big lesson learnt - do not straight hard if you have the squits!!


And in the mean time you put god knows how many other people at risk.

Well done.


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

BLUE(UK) said:


> A mate of mine's mum worked in Morrisons for years and once told me that there was a 'clean up' at least once a week, usually old people.


Damn, they don't get paid enough for that! Lol


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## nowhereboy (May 22, 2012)

haha I've never even came close.

I do have a friend who whilst on copious amounts of ketamine convinced himself he had sh*t himself and he kept quietly asking people "have I sh*t myself?"

It was proper funny, he still gets the **** took out of him to this day for it


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

Suprakill4 said:


> That's properly made me laugh!!!!! Imagining you say there looking at your at steaming sh1t lmao brilliant.


Yeah could roast marshmallows off it and everything! It was dark I couldn't see it. The worst thing though in the morning my ex said he wanted to look at it, dirty bastard!


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

tamara said:


> Yeah could roast marshmallows off it and everything! It was dark I couldn't see it. The worst thing though in the morning my ex said he wanted to look at it, dirty bastard!


Lmao that is pretty fcuked up lol.


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## Guest (Oct 5, 2013)




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## zack amin (Mar 13, 2012)

resten said:


> And in the mean time you put god knows how many other people at risk.
> 
> Well done.


ghonorea?


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Suprakill4 said:


> I left my last gym because of this. Now I have no shame but there was no way I could go back there. I knew I had a serious bout of the squits anywha but thought would be a good idea to so heavy leg press. Yep, mid set I had shat myself and it was fcuking everywhere. I got up and waked very fast to the changing rooms which is all the way past all the cardio equipment in a big health and fitness gym. I just knew it was dripping everywhere but didn't dare turn around. Grabbed my stuff out the locker and ran out side. Being covered in sh1t there was no chance I was getting in my beloved Toyota supra like that so began to take shorts and boxers off as carpark was quiet but in comes a car and it's a fcuming woman from work and I'm stood there next to my car with my bits out for the world to see and just a tiny little hand towel. Chucked the sh1tty shorts and boxers in the bush and that was the fattest drive home I've ever had to get washed and go to work. Big lesson learnt - do not straight hard if you have the squits!!


Have i read this right? You went to the gym and had a case of the two bobs there and it left your trousers? Asin went over the equipment or everywhere as in just in your pants lol?


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)




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## Phil7655 (Aug 30, 2013)

nowhereboy said:


> haha I've never even came close.
> 
> I do have a friend who whilst on copious amounts of ketamine convinced himself he had sh*t himself and he kept quietly asking people "have I sh*t myself?"
> 
> It was proper funny, he still gets the **** took out of him to this day for it


Haha epic. I have a mate that actually shat his pants whilst on ketamine. He hadn't got a clue. Great way to end a rave early. We left him with ****ty pants for a while because we wanted to watch a particular dj. After that we took him home. Haha.


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## eezy1 (Dec 14, 2010)

pugster said:


>


best gif ive seen in ages lol


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## jon1 (Jul 19, 2012)

used to work in Fire & flood restoration. i was sent out to clean up this shop that was having building work.

The builders had taken out the bathroom and toilet, just leaving the 5" soil pipe open. The system for the toilets for the apartments above the shop were blocked. so there was a great big pile of poo, a couple of feet high on the floor in this shop. Me and other guy just looked at each other and laughed.

when someone in the apartments above flushed there toilet and sh*t came blowning out like a fountain out of the soil pipe all over both of us.

we both run out gagging from the smell, covered in sh*t


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> Have i read this right? You went to the gym and had a case of the two bobs there and it left your trousers? Asin went over the equipment or everywhere as in just in your pants lol?


I had shorts on and it went all over mate. On the floor, leg press seat and no doubt a big trail of it to the changing room.


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Suprakill4 said:


> I had shorts on and it went all over mate. On the floor, leg press seat and no doubt a big trail of it to the changing room.


Oh dear god. I would of died. Did u know you had the squits before u went to gym or was that the place you found out lol?


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

After reading some of these posts IM SCARED TO FART!


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> Oh dear god. I would of died. Did u know you had the squits before u went to gym or was that the place you found out lol?


I already knew but was so set on getting a new PB on leg press I put it aside.


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Suprakill4 said:


> I already knew but was so set on getting a new PB on leg press I put it aside.


Did you atleast manage that before you redecorated the gym lol?


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## simonthepieman (Jun 11, 2012)

Suprakill4 said:


> I left my last gym because of this. Now I have no shame but there was no way I could go back there. I knew I had a serious bout of the squits anywha but thought would be a good idea to so heavy leg press. Yep, mid set I had shat myself and it was fcuking everywhere. I got up and waked very fast to the changing rooms which is all the way past all the cardio equipment in a big health and fitness gym. I just knew it was dripping everywhere but didn't dare turn around. Grabbed my stuff out the locker and ran out side. Being covered in sh1t there was no chance I was getting in my beloved Toyota supra like that so began to take shorts and boxers off as carpark was quiet but in comes a car and it's a fcuming woman from work and I'm stood there next to my car with my bits out for the world to see and just a tiny little hand towel. Chucked the sh1tty shorts and boxers in the bush and that was the fattest drive home I've ever had to get washed and go to work. Big lesson learnt - do not straight hard if you have the squits!!


Brilliant


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

Had a bad case of squits a few months back, i was home waiting for a guy to turn up and fix the motor on my washing machine, as i went to open the door i felt this intense pressure in my guts and holding it in felt like i was being stabbed in the arss so i let it go just as the door opened, he was greeted with a smile and the sound of thunder. The smell was fairly overpowering as it ran down both sides of my trackies, i said " ill be back in a minute" and waddled upstairs like a chaffing penguin.


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

IGotTekkers said:


> Had a bad case of squits a few months back, i was home waiting for a guy to turn up and fix the motor on my washing machine, as i went to open the door i felt this intense pressure in my guts and holding it in felt like i was being stabbed in the arss so i let it go just as the door opened, he was greeted with a smile and the sound of thunder. The smell was fairly overpowering as it ran down both sides of my trackies, i said " ill be back in a minute" and waddled upstairs like a chaffing penguin.


You alwayd manage to make me giggle!!


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

IGotTekkers said:


> Had a bad case of squits a few months back, i was home waiting for a guy to turn up and fix the motor on my washing machine, as i went to open the door i felt this intense pressure in my guts and holding it in felt like i was being stabbed in the arss so i let it go just as the door opened, he was greeted with a smile and the sound of thunder. The smell was fairly overpowering as it ran down both sides of my trackies, i said " ill be back in a minute" and waddled upstairs like a chaffing penguin.


Hahahha poor bloke stood at the door wondering if it's safe to enter! Golden!!


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## just-that-ek (Nov 10, 2011)

Not the ****s, but just had a dribble on the phone to my mate now. Safe to say it was t to much


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## Guest (Oct 6, 2013)

eezy1 said:


> best gif ive seen in ages lol


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## Gridlock1436114498 (Nov 11, 2004)

hahaha, Best thread ever.

Since everyone is being so open I will throw my shame out there as well.

Worst time ever. I had a gut rumble and liquid explosion in the car on a motorway. Had to sit in my filth with the windows down for about 15 miles to the motorway services. Waddled into the service toilets dropping small nuggets of poo out the bottom of my trousers as I went. I got inside the cubicle, got rid of my boxers and had a good wipe down, but the inside of my trousers were completely smeared with liquid ****. I had nothing else to wear and no way could I put them back on.

So I left the cubicle naked from the waist down and stood with my **** hanging out washing my ****ty trousers in the sinks. Just think about that for a moment. imagine walking into a public toilet and some half naked guy is washing ****ty trousers in the sink.

I then had to take the trousers and dry them under the hand dryer again standing there with my cock and balls hanging out. then put my stinky damp trousers back on, cancel my meeting and drive home.


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## MyronGainz (Apr 29, 2013)

When I first started taking creatine I didn't quite appreciate the change in my bladder/kidney function. I got "caught short" walking back from the gym srs. I also had a close call in my bed. I woke up thinking I really need to ****, the house alarm was going off and I just stood there thinking do I turn it off or try and turn it off then go. Just made it!

I've got a dodgy stomach and it's my squat and hip thrust leg workout.......... I've not decided if I'm gonna risk it yet.


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## SickCurrent (Sep 19, 2005)

Suprakill4 said:


> I left my last gym because of this. Now I have no shame but there was no way I could go back there. I knew I had a serious bout of the squits anywha but thought would be a good idea to so heavy leg press. Yep, mid set I had shat myself and it was fcuking everywhere. I got up and waked very fast to the changing rooms which is all the way past all the cardio equipment in a big health and fitness gym. I just knew it was dripping everywhere but didn't dare turn around. Grabbed my stuff out the locker and ran out side. Being covered in sh1t there was no chance I was getting in my beloved Toyota supra like that so began to take shorts and boxers off as carpark was quiet but in comes a car and it's a fcuming woman from work and I'm stood there next to my car with my bits out for the world to see and just a tiny little hand towel. Chucked the sh1tty shorts and boxers in the bush and that was the fattest drive home I've ever had to get washed and go to work. Big lesson learnt - do not straight hard if you have the squits!!


OMG Lol'd hard at this!! That is the funniest sh1t I ever read on here mate!! lmao


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## dixie normus (May 11, 2008)

when i was younger i used to do running. we had a sodium bicarbonate protocol which helps with lactate buffering. if you take too much it tends to loosen your bowels.

one day this happened about 2 miles in and the chocolate rain struck. it was pouring out my hole and running down my legs like the finest chocolate fondue.

kept going though. had to bin my kit at the end.


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## TommyFire (Jul 18, 2010)

When I was 18 I came home from a big night out absolutely battered. Done the usual raid the cupboards thing and just before I was going to go to bed I got that 'dizzy' feeling just before you chuck your guts up.

Managed to get to the toilet just in time and proceeded to be violently sick in the pan....so violent in fact that I lost all control of bodily functions and filled my trousers with warm, runny sh1t. Being so drunk I couldn't be ****d to clean it up so I crawled to my bedroom, chucked my jeans on the back of a chair and passed out in bed in a drunken coma.

I don't know what time it was but I was woken up in the morning by my mum coming in to see if I was ok.

The dog followed her and started scrapping and jumping up at my sh1tty jeans. It took a while for me to recollect the previous nights incident and I froze in terror as my mum (wondering why the fvck the dog was going mad at my jeans) walked over and picked them up.

Needless to say a stream of molten **** ran out over her hands onto the carpet.

She just looked at me disgusted and said "Good night was it?".


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

I once got into my car and proceeded to drive to work, about an hour's drive. My gut started playing up on me almost immediately, but I thought nothing of it at first. Instead of subsiding things started to look really bleak and my hopes of making it to work to get to bathroom rapidly dwindled.. I then started thinking of a plan B... All of the bars on the road were all closed, so no chance of getting to a proper toilet. By now I really felt like it could have come out of me at any moment so I started to look for side-roads which weren't too busy.

I eventually found a side road where there was a house in construction. I came waddling out of car trying to hold it all in, started to pull down my jeans and let it fly, although not without soiling my pants first (luckily jeans were more or less ok). I removed my pants and cleaned myself as best as possible.

I called in sick to work and went home again, but not without another scare on way back.

Could have been far worse though - I was supposed to pick up a colleague and go together to workplace, but luckily he called me earlier to say he wasn't around. Would have been equally bad if not worse to have made it to work and then crap myself in carpark or before getting to bathroom.


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

This is the sickest funniest thread ever on uk-m.


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## marknorthumbria (Oct 1, 2009)

never in one thread have so many adjectives being used

plz use all these adjectives on different topics lol!!

im in a mixture of laughing stitches, and feeling sick lol

i almost have a few times after a big protein shake 2 close to a meal lol but i uaually catch 90% of it lol


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## rectus (Jan 18, 2012)

It was my first day on heart medication and I was waiting at the bus stop. I felt a little rumbling so I looked around to see if it was safe to let one off. Unfortunately it made a squirty noise so I had to return home sporting an unusual walk. I'm sure passers by could identify that walk "oh look, that man has sh!t himself". I never took that heart medication again.

Here is a guide for when it happens to you: http://www.holytaco.com/how-deal-shitting-your-pants-powerpoint-presentation/


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

I was on my way home from school and really needed a poo so had to run home the faster I ran the more I needed to poo nearly made it home but shat myself about 20 seconds away from home. It's so hard to not walk like ou have Pooped your pants when you actually have. But my trousers and boxers in the wheelie bin and just hope nobody found them. I had left my house keys in the pocket but darednt rummage through the wheelie bin in the front garden knowing it was full of poo.

Was camping and had food poisoning and was holding in a poo threw up and shat myself. Had to walk through the campsite to the toilet and my mum decided to come and she said it stinks here and I had to come clean and tell her I had a load of poo in my pants and it was actually me that stank.


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## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

SickCurrent said:


> OMG Lol'd hard at this!! That is the funniest sh1t I ever read on here mate!! lmao


I had to laugh because they were boxers my mum had bought me for Christmas as a stocking filler and when she asked me a few days later are they ok, I said no their sh1t lol.


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## Blinkey (May 14, 2012)

In my mis spent youth I thought it would be amusing to let off a fart at the cinema whilst the film was at a quiet part. Unfortunately I followed through. I was in the mid row so I just had to sit there as there was no way I could walk past anyone.

For the next hour of the film I could hear people around me saying, " can you smell sh!t."


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## dreco (Aug 22, 2013)

Suprakill4 said:


> I left my last gym because of this. Now I have no shame but there was no way I could go back there. I knew I had a serious bout of the squits anywha but thought would be a good idea to so heavy leg press. Yep, mid set I had shat myself and it was fcuking everywhere. I got up and waked very fast to the changing rooms which is all the way past all the cardio equipment in a big health and fitness gym. I just knew it was dripping everywhere but didn't dare turn around. Grabbed my stuff out the locker and ran out side. Being covered in sh1t there was no chance I was getting in my beloved Toyota supra like that so began to take shorts and boxers off as carpark was quiet but in comes a car and it's a fcuming woman from work and I'm stood there next to my car with my bits out for the world to see and just a tiny little hand towel. Chucked the sh1tty shorts and boxers in the bush and that was the fattest drive home I've ever had to get washed and go to work. Big lesson learnt - do not straight hard if you have the squits!!


Reminds me of this....


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## 36-26 (Jun 30, 2009)

It's happened everyone but no one likes admitting it in person. It's happened me twice. Both times while drinking a bit too much, fell asleep in an armchair and must have done it in my sleep. Another time in a nightclub what I thought was a sneaky fart felt very wet, straight to the jacks to find my pants destroyed. Tried to clean up as much as I could but I'd say I stank on the hour long bus drive home oops.


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## 1manarmy (Apr 22, 2012)

Not in public but I've shat myself at work at a customers house


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

No I haven't but this thread is awesome :lol:


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## MarkF (Sep 20, 2013)

Been close to it since I started taking more supplements and altered my diet, But always made it to toilets in time.

I've been laughing so much reading this thread!


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

I have been that close so many times l cant begin to tell you, its practically a weekly thing for me, probably down to some kind of IBS.

I am now, slowly becoming accustomed to using the nearest bush to avoid it but many, many times l have been pouring with sweat, goose bumps and hairs stood on end in shear panic !


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## Fergie1979 (Sep 17, 2013)

Never even sh1t myself....never mind in public lol


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## DeskSitter (Jan 28, 2013)

tamara said:


> Umm I've never actually pooped myself in public but I have had a wildly (poo) in public. Didn't have no choice my ex and I camped out on a mountain and I'd been holding it in so much that my stomach was killing, he wanted to have sex but I couldn't relax myself so he made me poo in a bush with some wet wipes. I never knew your poo was hot before that happened, could feel the heat off it.


Shame you didn't video it I know a fella who'd pay for that sort of thing


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## Scott9585 (Oct 4, 2013)

Nearly **** myself in result from laughing at this thread


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

my mate shat himself at Glastonbury. we were at the stone circle and had all took trips, he necked some pills instead. all sat there laughing at nothing when he starts asking can we go, no one budged and he carried on nagging so eventually we all got up. as we walked off he sprinted down the road and dove into some bushes over a fence. we ran over to see that behind this fence was a 10 foot drop into a ditch. looked down, one of his trainers was stuck in the side of the mud wall about 6 foot up and he was at the bottom of the ditch with his keks round his ankles covered in shit. it was at this point he started to come up off the two pills as well. seeing his face of utter confusion and the general state he was in plus the fact he had whipped his pants down but still shit all over them is one of the funniest things i have ever seen :lol:


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## rectus (Jan 18, 2012)

Ashcrapper said:


> my mate shat himself at Glastonbury. we were at the stone circle and had all took trips, he necked some pills instead. all sat there laughing at nothing when he starts asking can we go, no one budged and he carried on nagging so eventually we all got up. as we walked off he sprinted down the road and dove into some bushes over a fence. we ran over to see that behind this fence was a 10 foot drop into a ditch. looked down, one of his trainers was stuck in the side of the mud wall about 6 foot up and he was at the bottom of the ditch with his keks round his ankles covered in shit. it was at this point he started to come up off the two pills as well. seeing his face of utter confusion and the general state he was in plus the fact he had whipped his pants down but still shit all over them is one of the funniest things i have ever seen :lol:


Ahh man, to be that free. I would love to be high, drunk and covered in my own sh!t. Imagine how liberating it would be! Just to be able to excrete from every orifice and not care about what people thought.


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

rectus said:


> Ahh man, to be that free. I would love to be high, drunk and covered in my own sh!t. Imagine how liberating it would be! Just to be able to excrete from every orifice and not care about what people thought.


it didnt end there tbh 

when he finally managed to get out, had to bin his shorts and boxers. I got one of those plastic bin covers with the hole in the middle and told him to wear it like a skirt, get his legs through the hole. in his twatted state he couldnt get his head round it so just wrapped it round his waist, his cock hanging out the hole







http://www.uk-muscle.co.uk/uploads/emoticons/default_laugh.png' alt=':lol:'> and shit all down the back of his legs. Some people in a nearby tent took pity on him and gave him some shorts. he was that off his head he convinced himself my mate had a P.E kit with him and kept asking him for it


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## pea head (May 28, 2008)

Yes.....in HMV

And that was from drinking too much of Dat Dare Cell Tech crap.


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## Dudeofdoom (Sep 3, 2010)

Years ago just under the Eiffel Tower - wearing cream trousers had follow through situation - funny and my mates hasnt let me forget this for about 25 years.

And the usual in bed wiv girlfriend after more stupid% Polish Vodka than I shudda - relationship survived thou but she wasnt happy.

funniest was when i started taking statin - 2 days of it over a weekend couldn't leave the house - I musta crapped myself about 8 times - go to the point i'd have a giggle

about it and poof off we go again.

DoD


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

pea head said:


> Yes.....in HMV
> 
> And that was from drinking too much of Dat Dare Cell Tech crap.


yeh but the 12lbs of solid muscle you got from it surely made up for a small mishap?


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## pea head (May 28, 2008)

Ashcrapper said:


> yeh but the 12lbs of solid muscle you got from it surely made up for a small mishap?


No not really..i only gained 11lbs and was wearing a pair of Nike shorts :surrender:


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

pea head said:


> No not really..i only gained 11lbs and was wearing a pair of Nike shorts :surrender:


I'd be asking for your money back


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## pea head (May 28, 2008)

Ashcrapper said:


> I'd be asking for your money back


Vile stuff.it went through me quicker than Herpes in a Soldiers camp.


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## guvnor82 (Oct 23, 2011)

Last year at a mates 40th birthday party not been out in weeks and thought I'd have me a good drink had around 8 pints of thatchers in just over two hours was chatting to a m8 then the unthinkable happened it stared to trickle out me fart pipe wasn't like tried to fart it just flowed out of me. :-(

Ran to toilets and quickly set about removing my boxers and cleaning myself up.

In hindsight pint of milk and curry pasty before I went out probably wasn't one of greatest ideas.


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## Aldinblack (Aug 8, 2012)

I hardly ever post on here just read some of the interesting stuff, but I just have to say that these are some of the most entertaining tales I have ever read & the way they're described just has me laughing my ass off, keep this $hit coming !!


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

Another time (the 2nd time in my entire life) was this summer..

I was at beach with my GF and my stomach started to moan and groan, all the usual horrendous symptoms.. There probably were toilets around but no doubt they would have been horrendous and I didn't want to stink up the place and get laughed at. So...I headed off into water, dived under very briefly to get a large handful of seaweed and then headed out to deeper water as far away as possible from innocent bathers.

I pulled down my speedos and let rip. It wasn't even quite how I expected - it all shot out of me like a cannon. I proceeded to clean up my ar2e with the seaweed and put back my speedos once I was cleaned up. Before obviously getting as away as possible from crime scene.:laugh:


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## Del Boy 01 (Dec 19, 2012)

I once had a wildy on the way home from a party on someone's drive.

An experience I will never forget.


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

Fergie1979 said:


> Never even sh1t myself....never mind in public lol


your time will come my friend, embrace it when it does!


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## Raw meat 1984 (Sep 17, 2008)

this is brilliant, i dont feel quite so bad about pooing myself in Asda now.


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

Another time me and my dad were about to go out both stood in the hallway and I thought it would be funny to push out a premature fart it wasn't due for at least another 10 mins. He saw my face go from a smile to panic he asked what was wrong as said I just shat my pants.

This one and poo but its along those lines. It was year 6 mock exams and I was a right nerd back then And needed a wee. I sat there with my hand in the air but the teacher never looked up. Because you had to be quiet I did as I was told and just sat there with my hand in the air until I eventually weed myself. There was bloody loads as well. I can still remember whispering to the guy next to me I just wet myself.


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

a few years ago i left my house to go to the pub, less than 100m from my house, i felt the rumble, then next thing i felt it seeping out. Luckily there was a skip near by so i jumped in, dropped my trollies and shat. wiped my ar$e with some newspaper that was in there and carried onto the pub.

another was when i went for a curry with my mum, step dad and my first proper girlfriend. We had the curry and hopped back in the car to head home. about 10mins into the journey, the rumble started again and then the cramps! We were on the motorway at the time and the last thing i wanted to do was sh1t myself in front of my mum, step dad and Lorraine! So i thought i'd keep shut and make it home. 5mins later i was sweating, doubled over, so i shouted for them to pull over onto the hard shoulder, they did and i legged it into the bushes and had the biggest sh1t in my life, as well as throwing up at the same time. Walked back to the car ashamed.

Oh and last year at Oktoberfest, my mate sharted in the middle of one of the tents and had to walk 2 miles back to the hostel with sh1t in his shorts


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## rectus (Jan 18, 2012)

Bull Terrier said:


> Another time (the 2nd time in my entire life) was this summer..
> 
> I was at beach with my GF and my stomach started to moan and groan, all the usual horrendous symptoms.. There probably were toilets around but no doubt they would have been horrendous and I didn't want to stink up the place and get laughed at. So...I headed off into water, dived under very briefly to get a large handful of seaweed and then headed out to deeper water as far away as possible from innocent bathers.
> 
> I pulled down my speedos and let rip. It wasn't even quite how I expected - it all shot out of me like a cannon. I proceeded to clean up my ar2e with the seaweed and put back my speedos once I was cleaned up. Before obviously getting as away as possible from crime scene.:laugh:


See, in situations like that it's all about the face. What kind of expression were you sporting whilst doing all of this? XD Andrex or Seaweed?


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

Bull Terrier said:


> Another time (the 2nd time in my entire life) was this summer..
> 
> I was at beach with my GF and my stomach started to moan and groan, all the usual horrendous symptoms.. There probably were toilets around but no doubt they would have been horrendous and I didn't want to stink up the place and get laughed at. So...I headed off into water, dived under very briefly to get a large handful of seaweed and then headed out to deeper water as far away as possible from innocent bathers.
> 
> I pulled down my speedos and let rip. It wasn't even quite how I expected - it all shot out of me like a cannon. I proceeded to clean up my ar2e with the seaweed and put back my speedos once I was cleaned up. Before obviously getting as away as possible from crime scene.:laugh:


that's really not normal behaviour :lol:

rather than get up and walk to the toilet you decided to wade into the sea instead and then wipe your arse with seaweed?!


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

Ashcrapper said:


> that's really not normal behaviour :lol:
> 
> rather than get up and walk to the toilet you decided to wade into the sea instead and then wipe your arse with seaweed?!


I'm sure toilet paper is a relatively modern invention..


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

Bull Terrier said:


> I'm sure toilet paper is a relatively modern invention..


and im sure choosing to wipe your arse with seaweed over nice soft toilet paper isn't normal


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

Ashcrapper said:


> and im sure choosing to wipe your arse with seaweed over nice soft toilet paper isn't normal


Don't knock it till you try it mate. Toilet paper is vastly overrated!


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## Wheyman (Sep 6, 2011)

Yes once in Mumbai in the middle of Victoria Terminus

last Day in India in my clothes to board a flight to Singapore all clean fresh and just come out of Mcdonalds having eaten the first bit of meat for two week walk into the station to get my bafg from left luggage and splat alldown my leg. Rush hour, people laughing the lot


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

Bull Terrier said:


> Don't knock it till you try it mate. Toilet paper is vastly overrated!


will report back with my findings!


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## FlunkyTurtle (Aug 5, 2013)

I would love to say no...but this has happened many times.

Was out on a snow day with a few friends miles away from anywhere, desperately needing a dump. Couldnt hold in anymore and just took a **** right there in the snow. Wiped my bum with more snow and pulled my trousers back up and carried on.

dont ask me why but thought it would hilarious to go round with my mate in a dingey in the river where i walked my dog, suddenly needed a poo while in the middle of the lake so dropped my trousers stuck my bum over the side and **** into the river infront of everyone walking past.

Doing deadlifts i strained a bit hard and shat out a little turd, luckily it was a hard one so i could shuffle to the loo and then carry on.

Just before a night out with the lads i went to fart at one of my mates and **** myself all in my pants, luckily i was at home so i went at got changed before going out.

Think there is probably more but i would imagine i've mentally blocked them out of my memory.


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

Not done it myself, but had a mate who decided to take a dump in a busy pub before a football game. Only to emerge with a look of terror on his face. They had one of those toilet paper dispensers on the wall, there was no paper hanging so shoved his hand up... only to pull it out covered in shit. Someone had obviously got inventive with the lack of toilet roll and used their socks, then realised they couldn't be flush so shoved them up the machine :wub:

Only time I've used anything other than a toilet was when I'd had an argument with the ex. Stormed off in my car and slept the night in the countryside. Woke up full of the joys of a summer morning feeling all pound of myself like Bear Grylls so decided to treat myself to some breakfast. Found a village shop selling some pastries so bought a few and went back to my scenic spot and enjoyed them... forgetting breakfast is usually the trigger for my morning dump. Sure enough on cue, about 10 minutes later my stomach started rumbling. Not wanting to speed home and looking and to look like I'd admitted defeat for the sake of a poo I thought I'd try and ride it out. Soon the cramps were that bad I thought I was doing myself internal damage lol So grabbed the wet wipes out my glove box and headed behind the biggest tree I could find. Wow... afterwards I felt so good. Skipping back to my car, whistling a tune and swinging my car keys around my finger lol Felt quite liberating actually :lol:

in hind sight I should have just stayed in a b&b


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## BLUE(UK) (Jan 9, 2008)

2004mark said:


> Not done it myself, but had a mate who decided to take a dump in a busy pub before a football game. Only to emerge with a look of terror on his face. They had one of those toilet paper dispensers on the wall, there was no paper hanging so shoved his hand up... only to pull it out covered in shit. Someone had obviously got inventive with the lack of toilet roll and used their socks, then realised they couldn't be flush so shoved them up the machine :wub:


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## rectus (Jan 18, 2012)

2004mark said:


> Not done it myself, but had a mate who decided to take a dump in a busy pub before a football game. Only to emerge with a look of terror on his face. They had one of those toilet paper dispensers on the wall, there was no paper hanging so shoved his hand up... only to pull it out covered in shit. Someone had obviously got inventive with the lack of toilet roll and used their socks, then realised they couldn't be flush so shoved them up the machine :wub:


Some people can be so cruel. You don't need that kind of extra stress when pooing in a public toilet.

I've had 2 toilet roll terrors before:


Someone had smeared faeces on the outside of the toilet roll so that every sheet had been touched by his essence making the whole roll void.

The toilet paper holster was broken so the roll was placed on the cistern lid. I picked it up and some sick son of a b!tch had smeared his excrement all over in the inside of the roll. It was a stealth attack!


And something that always has me laughing to myself is when my friend went to a public toilet for a sh!t. He was comfortably sitting there doing his business when all of a sudden a man's head popped underneath the cubicle door, smiled, and then retreated. hahahaha


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## Enhance (Jul 18, 2013)

Done this loads of time, mostly when I go out on the **** and go back out on it the next day, always end up ****ting myself


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

rectus said:


> Some people can be so cruel. You don't need that kind of extra stress when pooing in a public toilet.
> 
> I've had 2 toilet roll terrors before:
> 
> ...


That's more bad toilet luck than any man should have to endure :lol:

On another note though... does any one ever 'comfortably sit there' like a boss on a public toilet. Don't ever think I've made skin-ceramic contact in my life in public. Always hover!


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## rectus (Jan 18, 2012)

2004mark said:


> On another note though... does any one ever 'comfortably sit there' like a boss on a public toilet. Don't ever think I've made skin-ceramic contact in my life in public. Always hover!


It's something I've had to force myself to do because I have to use them almost daily - try hovering after leg day... it's not happening. Now it's not a problem and I even include it on my CV in the attributes section.


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## Gridlock1436114498 (Nov 11, 2004)

I'm Ressurecting this thread because you have to read this

It is a bit of a read but believe me it is worth is. Best crap in public story ever

http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

Gridlock said:


> I'm Ressurecting this thread because you have to read this
> 
> It is a bit of a read but believe me it is worth is. Best crap in public story ever
> 
> http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/


Feck me that was horrendous!!

I'd change name and job, move out of the country. Something like Witness Protection Program lol.


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## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

DeskSitter said:


> Thread is hot


You mean sh1t hot...


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## NotSoBig (Jun 28, 2013)

rectus said:


> Some people can be so cruel. You don't need that kind of extra stress when pooing in a public toilet.
> 
> I've had 2 toilet roll terrors before:
> 
> ...


Ohhhh man, this has literally had in rollin on the floor :lol:


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## theshrew (Nov 7, 2011)

My mate had a funny experience ( well it was for us )

Been out on the p1ss, no taxi's available no buses running so we walked home about 3 miles. About half way my mate starts moaning that he needs a sh1t. He doesnt shut up about it for 20min eventually he jumps over a 3ft wall and drops his bags. Were all taking the p1ss out of him, chucking stones at him etc.

The look on his face was a picture you could see the relief. He wipes off with a sock and pulls his pants up. His face went from a smile to a OMFG face in a split second - Yup he didnt pull his pants forward and his sh1t had landed in them lol

He dumped his undies and walked home with nothing on he bottom half. I never stopped laughing for ages after. Matters were also made worse he'd forgot his house key so had to wake his mum up to let him in lol. She told me the next day that he was stood on the doorstep when she opend the door he just said 'Help Mum ive sh1t myself' haaaaaaaaaaaaa


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## tuktuk (Sep 30, 2009)

My uncle once took me and my cousin swimming and then for some grub at a nearby pub. He went and ordered the food and then came back to the table, sat down and then bolted upright again and grabbed the table. "Howay lads were going" he said quietly.

Following him out the pub the back of his white chinos looked like the japanese flag from the **** stain.

Had to hang our head out the window all the way coming home.


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## Redbeard85 (Mar 26, 2011)

Done a sh*t outside if that's good enough. Totally f*cked out my tree, got lost, needed a ****, so did


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## Cactus87 (Mar 30, 2009)

Gridlock said:


> I'm Ressurecting this thread because you have to read this
> 
> It is a bit of a read but believe me it is worth is. Best crap in public story ever
> 
> http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/


actual tears of laughter running down my face


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## Cactus87 (Mar 30, 2009)

rectus said:


> Some people can be so cruel. You don't need that kind of extra stress when pooing in a public toilet.
> 
> I've had 2 toilet roll terrors before:
> 
> ...


READ THIS

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-****-dungeon


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## Jaff0 (Oct 3, 2008)

Cactus87 said:


> actual tears of laughter running down my face


You gotta read the Agent Picolax thread (link to it on this page).

I do wonder how many people have shit themselves laughing when reading it.


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## Hendrix (Sep 16, 2009)

I followed through whilst teaching a spin class once, music was very loud, so though i would get away with farting, only to realise pants were full of liquid crap. 45 mins of trying not to dribble down my shorts.


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## ASOC5 (Jun 10, 2011)

Once came close on a night out. Went for a **** and was stood thinking could really do with letting one off, but in a moment of wisdom decided a trip to toilet was probably the best course of action.

Was a lucky call as my arsse exploded, i felt that moment of relief crisis averted only to find that there was only one square left in the bog roll dispenser spent the next five minutes been an origami expert folding it into many tiny squares, never had so many wipes out of one square.


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## murphy2010 (Dec 17, 2010)

I've nearly dropped a few nuggets deadlifting but so far I've been lucky


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## comfla (Feb 26, 2013)

was using nuts to bulk up one time...easily eating about 500g per day

one day.

I was sitting my 4 work colleagues at lunch in a fancyish cafe at the office... chatting away

Felt a silent fart moving in, thought I'll drop this for some comic relief.

It felt like warm water flowing from my backside...back of my jeans all stained and a brownish stain on the cafe chair. Nobody said a goddamn thing. Went into the office and cleaned my scuds and trousers with handsoap....


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

Gridlock said:


> I'm Ressurecting this thread because you have to read this
> 
> It is a bit of a read but believe me it is worth is. Best crap in public story ever
> 
> http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/





theshrew said:


> My mate had a funny experience ( well it was for us )
> 
> Been out on the p1ss, no taxi's available no buses running so we walked home about 3 miles. About half way my mate starts moaning that he needs a sh1t. He doesnt shut up about it for 20min eventually he jumps over a 3ft wall and drops his bags. Were all taking the p1ss out of him, chucking stones at him etc.
> 
> ...


Please... stop... hahahaha

My Dad's in the office next to me, I'm sure he think's I'm having some sort of breakdown :lol:


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

tuktuk said:


> My uncle once took me and my cousin swimming and then for some grub at a nearby pub. He went and ordered the food and then came back to the table, sat down and then bolted upright again and grabbed the table. "Howay lads were going" he said quietly.
> 
> Following him out the pub the back of his white chinos looked like the japanese flag from the **** stain.
> 
> Had to hang our head out the window all the way coming home.


That's just pushed me over the edge haha... I'm a mess... tears everywhere lol


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## 1010AD (May 30, 2009)

Ever crapped my pants? Yes loads of times from being born to probably up to the age of 3yrs.


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## suliktribal (Apr 4, 2010)

Yeah. When I was a young lad.

Friend and I walking past village po po station and he felt the urge to shout "POLICEMEN ARE PIGS!" And out of seemingly nowhere this huge copper was sprinting after us at like warp speed and I just completely emptied my guts all down my corduroy pants.


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## Panda909 (Mar 29, 2012)

The amount of times people on this train have tutted or glared because of my giggling at this thread you'd thought I had s*it myself


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

Here's a joke which somebody once forwarded to me via email...

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening, stinkin' drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "...and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. This isn't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen,now are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, ".....don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".

Never" replies Brian.

Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken ba * tard, you're shi ** ing the bed....


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## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

**** myself in the car the other week, hadn't been feeling great for a couple of weeks, needed to fart, so let one out, warm wet feeling between my ass cheeks, liquid sh1t all over the place, luckily it didn't permeate down into the car seat itself though, could've been a lot worse.


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## kniterider (Nov 24, 2011)

I've done the usual shart from dead lifts or straining to hard In the gym. managed to save a few sharts in the making with some quick sphincter action but the best story I heard was my dad's

he used to work down the pit and if they needed a **** they would either do it on the conveyor belt or do it out the way somewhere so they could keep working and earning.

well one of the black lads needed a **** so he shuffles off and pulls down his boiler suit, squats and drops the kids off. wipes his bum and he's done.

so he stands up pulls his overalls back up with haste...

and smacks himself at about a hundred miles per hour in the back of his own head with his richard the third!!!

the daft sod only shat in his own collar!!


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## Radioactive Man (Mar 7, 2013)

Met a up with a lass in Brugges, after a bite to eat we walked through the maze like streets and got lost this whilst my gut just unleashed a nuclear ****nal explosion that had the runny stuff dripping down my leg. few minutes later we found the the street of the hotel went up to the room. I still remember the cleaning staff cursing in the hall way.

One of them magical moments she never lets me forget.


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## Bull Terrier (May 14, 2012)

Judging from all the replies to this thread it seems that crapping yourself in public is quite common.

So why the stigma? :lol:


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## marknorthumbria (Oct 1, 2009)

Bull Terrier said:


> Judging from all the replies to this thread it seems that crapping yourself in public is quite common.
> 
> So why the stigma? :lol:


Because poo is concentrated evil leaving your body mate


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## marknorthumbria (Oct 1, 2009)

I love everyone's descriptions in this thread more than the stories

Richard the third hit him in the back of the head pmsl


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## braxbro (Aug 6, 2013)

A good few years ago now a mate of mine was seeing this weird bird. One night she convinced him during sex to allow her to slip a condom over her finger and place it up his anus. Reluctantly he agreed and continued to pound her away as normal. He said it felt slightly strange at first but it added a bit of a weird sensation to the process so he just went with it. Just at the moment he blew his load, the girl who had obviously planned this all along quickly pulled the condom out while his butt muscles were relaxed, in doing so he emptied the contents of his bowels all over the bed. He was fuming, embarrassed and violated. Apparently the girl had some weird obsession with poo.


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## Cactus87 (Mar 30, 2009)

braxbro said:


> A good few years ago now a mate of mine was seeing this weird bird. One night she convinced him during sex to allow her to slip a condom over her finger and place it up his anus. Reluctantly he agreed and continued to pound her away as normal. He said it felt slightly strange at first but it added a bit of a weird sensation to the process so he just went with it. Just at the moment he blew his load, the girl who had obviously planned this all along quickly pulled the condom out while his butt muscles were relaxed, in doing so he emptied the contents of his bowels all over the bed. He was fuming, embarrassed and violated. Apparently the girl had some weird obsession with poo.


This has me laughing in the office. it's too early for me to smile and people are looking at me strangely.


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