# Lies you've told to get someone into bed?



## ableton (May 24, 2013)

Just heard 2 men in the gym talking about it.... And now i'm curious


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

Told a girl I was looking for a relationship. Morning after I told her I wasn't and couldn't remember saying that.

Lulz


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## The Cheese (Sep 22, 2012)

"It's meant to drip like that".


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

I will show my ar*e in Tesco's if this stays clean :lol:


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

"Iv got a really big willy"

"I just wanna have a cuddle"

"Iv always liked you" (somehow they link that to wanting a relationship!?!?!?)


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## welshman (May 22, 2008)

"I promise, I will never die......."


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## HAWKUS (Jan 11, 2012)

'its ok i just want to cuddle' haha


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## Ian_Montrose (Nov 13, 2007)

Milky said:


> I will show my ar*e in Tesco's if this stays clean :lol:


Took me a minute to realise you were commenting on the thread and not replying to the OP. I'm disappointed, TBH. The backstory to using that as a chat-up line would have been interesting.


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## mills91 (Sep 18, 2012)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> Told a girl I was looking for a relationship. Morning after I told her I wasn't and couldn't remember saying that.
> 
> Lulz


Ohhhh yes!

I had it one night

'I don't just wanna be used, I want a relationship'

'Oh yeah course, me too! Lets get a taxi to mine'

Dropped her off at home the next morning... Text comes through

'I'm dead excited about us giving it a go! X'

'Ermmm yeah... About that...'


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## mozzwigan (Apr 20, 2012)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> Told a girl I was looking for a relationship. Morning after I told her I wasn't and couldn't remember saying that.
> 
> Lulz


i kinda did this too haha


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

mills91 said:


> Ohhhh yes!
> 
> I had it one night
> 
> ...


aw poor wee chicks you guys being wreckless wiv their wee hearts


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## luke030588 (May 20, 2009)

"Yeah I promise I will stay awake after and talk"


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## andyhuggins (Nov 21, 2008)

I will respect you in the morning.


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## Kazza61 (Jun 14, 2008)

mozzwigan said:


> i kinda did this too haha


We all did.....


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## Bashy (Jun 16, 2010)

'I love you'


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

mozzwigan said:


> i kinda did this too haha


I do it regularly. I always feel bad about it the next day though :innocent:


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

I don't get it?

why do you have to tell lies?

surely you can pull women without lying?


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

I must be a good boy as I have never honestly lied about it as to me I would rather she was wanting to go to bed with me rather than make excuses to tho not saying yous guys are wrong or judging yous either


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

Loveleelady said:


> aw poor wee chicks you guys being wreckless wiv their wee hearts


Its not wreckless its women being ott and putting 2 and 2 and getting 40 years. Wtf is with that. The amount of times iv just picked up a girl for the night and come a few days later they hate me because i dont want them as a gf, i might try a free sample of cheese if its being given out dont mean i want to invest in the ****ing dairy :lol:


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## Captain-splooge (May 29, 2011)

told someone I played international in a sport she wouldn't bother googling, like badminton


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## dannyp90 (Aug 21, 2011)

Loveleelady said:


> I don't get it?
> 
> why do you have to tell lies?
> 
> surely you can pull women without lying?


Nope no chance, 'hi there I don't like eating out as my diet is conflicted, I enjoy minimal movement as cardio ruins my bulk so romantic walks are a no go, fancy a smash' or pretend your superman. Tough call


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## simonthepieman (Jun 11, 2012)

Just the tip


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## dannyp90 (Aug 21, 2011)

Captain-splooge said:


> told someone I played international in a sport she wouldn't bother googling like badminton


Haha you hero that reminds me I do that, Im commonly a professional rock climber/snowboarder/ cliff diver, what ever develops moisture in there knickers


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

Loveleelady said:


> I don't get it?
> 
> why do you have to tell lies?
> 
> *surely you can pull women without lying*?


Actually no


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## latblaster (Oct 26, 2013)

Bashy said:


> 'I love you'


Yes mate, you broke my heart.


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## Bench&amp;curlz (Nov 18, 2013)

I'll pay you tomorrow


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

IGotTekkers said:


> Its not wreckless its women being ott and putting 2 and 2 and getting 40 years. Wtf is with that. The amount of times iv just picked up a girl for the night and come a few days later they hate me because i dont want them as a gf, i might try a free sample of cheese if its being given out dont mean i want to invest in the ****ing dairy :lol:


I agree to an extent and that's the flaw in all this modern women stuff that makes out we is all sexually liberated and can behave like men when the reality is we cant as most women if they are honest want a relationship and not a one night stand and they shudnt be foolish enuff to believe men when theyre out drinking spinnin them crap about wanting relationships when its clear the men just want hanky panky

but do think its not rite for a man to blatantly lie and say he wants a relationship just to get action


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> Actually no


lols don't believe that!


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## MunchieBites (Jan 14, 2013)

Does wearing spanx count as lying?


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## Ballin (Aug 24, 2011)

I definitely do not want to sleep with you.


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

MunchieBites said:


> Does wearing spanx count as lying?


WTF is spanx?


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## Major Eyeswater (Nov 2, 2013)

Don't worry, it's nothing sinister - that's just an allergic reaction to the new brand of talc I used earlier.


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

Loveleelady said:


> I agree to an extent and that's the flaw in all this modern women stuff that makes out we is all sexually liberated and can behave like men when the reality is we cant as most women if they are honest want a relationship and not a one night stand and they shudnt be foolish enuff to believe men when theyre out drinking spinnin them crap about wanting relationships when its clear the men just want hanky panky
> 
> but do think its not rite for a man to blatantly lie and say he wants a relationship just to get action


I think im probably one of very few men that would never lie about wanting a relationship or lead a girl on like that just for sex. I thinks its very unfair. I may not always makenit 100% clear that its off the cards but i would never say it is on the cards.


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> WTF is spanx?


It's control underwear to hold all your wobbly bits in!


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

MunchieBites said:


> Does wearing spanx count as lying?


lmao and tan and lashes and make up and heels and well cut clothes

take it all off and :wacko: scary times lol


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## Dan 45 (Aug 16, 2012)

'You can stay in my room if you want, I can stay on the sofa'. Worked twice on holiday.

:lol:


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## MunchieBites (Jan 14, 2013)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> WTF is spanx?


Hide wobbly bits pants


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## dannyp90 (Aug 21, 2011)

'Its not cheating if I only put the tip in'


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

IGotTekkers said:


> I think im probably one of very few men that would never lie about wanting a relationship or lead a girl on like that just for sex. I thinks its very unfair. I may not always makenit 100% clear that its off the cards but i would never say it is on the cards.


ok fair play lad

im ok with avoidance of assertin the truth as opposed to blantant lies


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

"it won't hurt"


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

ironman1985bcn said:


> "it won't hurt"


Pffft I've been told that many a time and it's always been a lie!


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## Breda (May 2, 2011)

I dont want to sleep with you I'm just tired and want to cuddle


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## Guest (Nov 18, 2013)

Loveleelady said:


> I don't get it?
> 
> why do you have to tell lies?
> 
> surely you can pull women without lying?


We really can't


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

Loveleelady said:


> ok fair play lad
> 
> im ok with avoidance of assertin the truth as opposed to blantant lies


So erm.. are you looking for a bf atm? :whistling:


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## MunchieBites (Jan 14, 2013)

Breda said:


> I dont want to sleep with you I'm just tired and want to cuddle


I've had that one tried on me!!

LIES


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

tamara said:


> Pffft I've been told that many a time and it's always been a lie!


Stop insisting on 7"+ pipes then!


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

MunchieBites said:


> Hide wobbly bits pants


I see. Well I agree with you that that's quite deceiving in itself


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## mattc1991 (Jan 2, 2012)

Told a girl in played football for Newcastle United on a night out in the toon, stopping in an apartment in the Hilton so she fully believed me, actually got incredibly keen n planned seing me again as she presumed I had cash.

Text her couple days later saying I was moving to a team in France so could no longer see her, she wanted to move out there with me? This was after only 2 days of knowing her, I ain't saying she a gold digga...........


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## MunchieBites (Jan 14, 2013)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> I see. Well I agree with you that that's quite deceiving in itself


It was the only way I could get a willy hug


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

IGotTekkers said:


> So erm.. are you looking for a bf atm? :whistling:


no not just a bf more long term potential (very scarce)


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

Getting someone in bed for a "one night only" without any little lie it's just not as fun,


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

MunchieBites said:


> It was the only way I could get a willy hug


lmao!


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## freddee (Mar 2, 2009)

Father Chrismas wont come your not all asleep by 10pm!


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## freddee (Mar 2, 2009)

I am showing my age now but an old girlfriend was stopping around my parents house and was nervous about staying in my room, we agreed to get a video, so I got the Excorsist, we watched it then I got her a blanket and said good night, she said sod that I'm coming with you, result!


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

'im really good in bed'

'I don't have an STD'

'I promise I wont tell anyone'


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## Guest (Nov 18, 2013)

That's the best I've ever had

God you can suck a d*pick

The list is endless!


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

IGotTekkers said:


> Stop insisting on 7"+ pipes then!


The pain is part of the appeal!


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

barsnack said:


> 'im really good in bed'
> 
> 'I don't have an STD'
> 
> *'I promise I wont tell anyone'*


I was told by a girl not to tell anyone I'd slept with her because she didn't want people we know thinking she was easy and then I went out the following weekend and she'd told everyone all about it and told everyone I was really rough with her but it was ok because I'm really big and don't know my own strength lol.

Fvcking head case


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> I was told by a girl not to tell anyone I'd slept with her because she didn't want people we know thinking she was easy and then I went out the following weekend and she'd told everyone all about it and told everyone I was really rough with her but it was ok because I'm really big and don't know my own strength lol.
> 
> Fvcking head case


head case? i'd fcuking love some girl to spread them rumours about me


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## Radioactive Man (Mar 7, 2013)

Loveleelady said:


> surely you can pull women without lying?


Women do it all the time too, maybe not always with words.... but still.

When the chicken fillets came off I was horrified They could be seen as a lie or false advertising at the least...


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Loveleelady said:


> aw poor wee chicks you guys being wreckless wiv their wee hearts


The truth is....these women didn't give a **** they prob didn't want a second go on their weeny willies anyway more like!!


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

luke030588 said:


> "Yeah I promise I will stay awake after and talk"


Does anyone actually do this?? I'm normally he first one snoring!!


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> The truth is....these women didn't give a **** they prob didn't want a second go on their weeny willies anyway more like!!


haha so is u saying the lads making these stories up to cope wiv the rejection?


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## kitinboots (Oct 20, 2013)

I once told a coworker on New Year's Eve that I couldn't get hold of my friend with whom I was supposed to be staying so could I stay with him.


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

kitinboots said:


> I once told a coworker on New Year's Eve that I couldn't get hold of my friend with whom I was supposed to be staying so could I stay with him.


My sister did that pmsl! She went up stairs 3 seconds later ...back down stairs!

Me "that was quick what happened"

Her "he shot and missed, fell hit his head on the mirror and now I think he's a sleep"

I didn't stop laughing for days!

I always liked the first half of "the invention of lying "

"We NEED to have sex NOW or the worlds gonna end!!"


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Loveleelady said:


> haha so is u saying the lads making these stories up to cope wiv the rejection?


Yep lol


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## Mark2021 (Apr 13, 2012)

I won't try anything...


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

Mark2021 said:


> I won't try anything...


You know I've been in bed with two guys! That said that and then didn't!! :-/ must be something up with me :-/


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> The truth is....these women didn't give a **** they prob didn't want a second go on their weeny willies anyway more like!!


 :crying:


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> :crying:


Lol...it's true!! Weeeeeeny weeeeeeny!


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## Kiwi As (Nov 4, 2013)

Me: "Just so you know, I don't wanna ... tonight."

Her: "What, shag??" *giggles*

Me: "Yeah, but we can still have fun."

BOOM!!!


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Skye666 said:


> Lol...it's true!! Weeeeeeny weeeeeeny!


oh great....a reminder of primary school


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

mrssalvatore said:


> You know I've been in bed with two guys! That said that and then didn't!! :-/ must be something up with me :-/


2? Pure greed


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

barsnack said:


> oh great....a reminder of primary school


Just when u thought it was a distant memory...weeeeny barsnack :whistling:


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## Mark2021 (Apr 13, 2012)

mrssalvatore said:


> You know I've been in bed with two guys! That said that and then didn't!! :-/ must be something up with me :-/


You had help since mate? U alright? :lol:


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> The truth is....these women didn't give a **** they prob didn't want a second go on their weeny willies anyway more like!!


Or just the type of women they attract. I'd never be tricked and have never been tricked into bed. That crazy guy I met off pof absolutely put his foot down and said that he does not want a girlfriend la la la la la fast forward 5 weeks and I've apparently ruined his life and led him on by saying I wanted a boyfriend but then changing my mind.

The guy I was seeing off here, met him originally January 2012 for what was supposed to be a one off shag and he told me under no circumstances would a relationship ever happen. Fast forward a year and a bit and he was willing to move from way way up north of England all the way down south to Wales! So the guys were lying to themselves not to me.


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Radioactive Man said:


> Women do it all the time too, maybe not always with words.... but still.
> 
> When the chicken fillets came off I was horrified They could be seen as a lie or false advertising at the least...


Lol false advertising..


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## andyhuggins (Nov 21, 2008)

tamara said:


> Or just the type of women they attract. I'd never be tricked and have never been tricked into bed. That crazy guy I met off pof absolutely put his foot down and said that he does not want a girlfriend la la la la la fast forward 5 weeks and I've apparently ruined his life and led him on by saying I wanted a boyfriend but then changing my mind.
> 
> *The guy I was seeing off here, met him originally January 2012 for what was supposed to be a one off shag *and he told me under no circumstances would a relationship ever happen. Fast forward a year and a bit and he was willing to move from way way up north of England all the way down south to Wales! So the guys were lying to themselves not to me.


No lies needed there then:lol:


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## pumpster (Apr 6, 2010)

Loveleelady said:


> I agree to an extent and that's the flaw in all this modern women stuff that makes out we is all sexually liberated and can behave like men when the reality is we cant as most women if they are honest want a relationship and not a one night stand and they shudnt be foolish enuff to believe men when theyre out drinking spinnin them crap about wanting relationships when its clear the men just want hanky panky


we don't just do it when out drinking, we'l lie through txts, facebook, pof, you name it


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

tamara said:


> Or just the type of women they attract. I'd never be tricked and have never been tricked into bed. That crazy guy I met off pof absolutely put his foot down and said that he does not want a girlfriend la la la la la fast forward 5 weeks and I've apparently ruined his life and led him on by saying I wanted a boyfriend but then changing my mind.
> 
> The guy I was seeing off here, met him originally January 2012 for what was supposed to be a one off shag and he told me under no circumstances would a relationship ever happen. Fast forward a year and a bit and he was willing to move from way way up north of England all the way down south to Wales! So the guys were lying to themselves not to me.


Very true ...


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

pumpster said:


> we don't just do it when out drinking, we'l lie through txts, facebook, pof, you name it


Backside?


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## pumpster (Apr 6, 2010)

tamara said:


> Or just the type of women they attract. I'd never be tricked and have never been tricked into bed. That crazy guy I met off pof absolutely put his foot down and said that he does not want a girlfriend la la la la la fast forward 5 weeks and I've apparently ruined his life and led him on by saying I wanted a boyfriend but then changing my mind.
> 
> The guy I was seeing off here, met him originally January 2012 for what was supposed to be a one off shag and he told me under no circumstances would a relationship ever happen. Fast forward a year and a bit and he was willing to move from way way up north of England all the way down south to Wales! So the guys were lying to themselves not to me.


Going by your avi pic id happily meet you for a one off shag, round 2 even if you fancy it - promise I wont fall in love with you


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## vtec_yo (Nov 30, 2011)

"I'm gay"


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

vtec_yo said:


> "I'm gay"


What was his name?


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

pumpster said:


> Going by your avi pic id happily meet you for a one off shag, round 2 even if you fancy it - promise I wont fall in love with you


I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

tamara said:


> I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


What kind of nonsense is that?


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## andyhuggins (Nov 21, 2008)

tamara said:


> I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


Cant say i blame you with that orange peel ass :lol:


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

andyhuggins said:


> Cant say i blame you with that orange peel ass :lol:


Mean


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## ableton (May 24, 2013)

These are amazing!

I've got a friend with rich parents, Whenever they were on holiday we all used to take turns taking girls back there and pretending we were footballers.

Never could explain who all the pictures of random chinese people on the walls were though


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## kev d (Nov 3, 2010)

tamara said:


> I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


dear lord, av got no idea how you could do without for so long, that would crack me up with frustration, al bet there will be some frantic masturbation sessions going on in the meantime, hehehehe


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

tamara said:


> I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


Besides, why did you change your avi then?

LIAR. hehehehe Sexy, but still a liar


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## ableton (May 24, 2013)

James s said:


> You should have played the adopted line, awww there there.


Didn't think of that one! Their house was huge, swimming pool and everything  ....... Man, i miss playing for ****nal!


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## ableton (May 24, 2013)

The "i just want to cuddle" line is my all time favourite though


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## Hendrix (Sep 16, 2009)

I told a girl I was a bin man, untrue, was on really decent money at the time, and wanted to check she wasn't a gold digger, anyway she still stayed at mine


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## suliktribal (Apr 4, 2010)

Lol no amount of lies could ever have worked for me to get someone in bed. "I don't REALLY look like this!" Lol.

Always had to rely on just being a nice guy and decent to talk to.


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

Mark2021 said:


> You had help since mate? U alright? :lol:





Skye666 said:


> 2? Pure greed


Lol it was purely innocent!

Just a case of bed sharing on a drunken night out,


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

mrssalvatore said:


> Lol it was purely innocent!
> 
> Just a case of bed sharing on a drunken night out,


Oh....lost all respect for ya now pffft


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

When I was on plenty of fish I used to tell girls that I dont fcuk on the first date and that they were welcome to stay over but they would be staying in the spare room. Worked very well.


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## Paz1982 (Dec 16, 2012)

"It's just an optical illusion, it'll seem bigger once it's in there"


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

Paz1982 said:


> "It's just an optical illusion, it'll seem bigger once it's in there"


Hahahah I like that one


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## mrssalvatore (Apr 13, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Oh....lost all respect for ya now pffft


Lol ...... Oh no......


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## vtec_yo (Nov 30, 2011)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> What was his name?


He wouldnt tell me his real name but he insisted I call him big daddy milky. Weird eh?


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## Ben_Dover (Apr 12, 2012)

"You look like Mariah Carey"

She didn't, but it worked


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## Fergie1979 (Sep 17, 2013)

Ive had girls lie to me, a few have said they didnt want anything apart from a bit of fun.......then spend their time stalking my facebook asking who this girl is? Whis that girl?


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## Spragga (Feb 16, 2009)

I won't tell anyone about it..... honest!?! :whistling:


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

pumpster said:


> we don't just do it when out drinking, we'l lie through txts, facebook, pof, you name it


o gawd that's whild ill never believe a man again u ruined my life pumpie!


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## RACK (Aug 20, 2007)

"Sorry I've got a girlfriend......."

Works like a charm as most girls seem to see it as a challenge


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## funkdocta (May 29, 2013)

I used to be a right [email protected], some of my best work was...

"I will definitely call you tomorrow"

"You're mum wont hear us I promise"

"I haven't just fvked your sister upstairs, don't be stupid"

"I'll be gentle"

"I'm single"


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## Fergie1979 (Sep 17, 2013)

RACK said:


> "Sorry I've got a girlfriend......."
> 
> Works like a charm as most girls seem to see it as a challenge


Agree with this...... a few times ive had a girl come up to me, i tell them i have a girlfriend and the first thing tbey say is 'So'?


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## Guest (Nov 19, 2013)

Never needed too.


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## mccreesh (Jan 30, 2013)

" i promise i'll be gentle"


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## Mark W H (Jan 25, 2010)

how about - no this video i'm taking on my phone won't end up in the MA section of UKM? :thumb:


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

I am hung like a donkey


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

I'm 29 :whistling:


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## braxbro (Aug 6, 2013)

2004mark said:


> I'm 29 :whistling:


to an older or younger girl?


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

braxbro said:


> to an older or younger girl?


Well I'm 32 so work it out :lol:


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## braxbro (Aug 6, 2013)

haha gotcha! still in your prime mate, reckon it goes downhill with younger birds at about 35


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## pumpster (Apr 6, 2010)

tamara said:


> I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


see girls can lie as well...


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## pumpster (Apr 6, 2010)

Loveleelady said:


> o gawd that's whild ill never believe a man again u ruined my life pumpie!


argh im sorry. But truth is iv tried both approaches, tried being generally nice to girls and honest, they don't seem interested or put you in the friend zone, lie and be a bit of a dick and wham bam thank you mam - doesn't make sense to me


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## Madoxx (Nov 7, 2010)

tamara said:


> I'm not having sex till after Xmas and the new year.


Is that what the doc recomended? cant you get stronger anti biotics?


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

a few years ago i would lie like fcuk to get a girl into bed, now i'm honest if its just a fcuk and most seem to be fine with it. problem seems to be that even when you are honest a girl thinks she will be able to change your mind and want them to be your girlfriend. When this doesn't happen some get proper bitter!


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Lol I've heard some of those lies - you must all be daft if you think we believe them (well OK some girls do believe them, because they want to, they can't be THAT stupid..can they?)

I do like the 'I'm single' lie.....lol....I've got into more grief telling the truth....though I have told some lies just for fun..

You're not my usual type at all (they make more effort)

You're far too young (they try to act all mature lol)

I'm not trying to chat you up....

I don't do that anymore cos I'm attached and not looking


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## glenn (Jan 20, 2008)

Being on gear and thinking I have a low zero sperm count made me say,,,I,v had the snip


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## man_dem03 (Oct 1, 2008)

'No, weve never met before'

'I've only slept with two girls before'

'i dont want to have sex, i just want to sleep inside you and feel close' (this one is fvcking golden)

'yea that is my number just my battery died'

'my names james' (my name is not james)

'no idea who that girls over there is, shes looking like that cause shes jealous of how beautiful you are' (last weeks victim with the stone cold glare)


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

Beklet said:


> Lol I've heard some of those lies - you must all be daft if you think we believe them (well OK some girls do believe them, because they want to, they can't be THAT stupid..can they?)
> 
> I do like the 'I'm single' lie.....lol....I've got into more grief telling the truth....though I have told some lies just for fun..
> 
> ...


i had a girl say "you're not my usual type" a few weeks ago, i told her she isn't mine either so agreed she'd come mine for one night and we'd call it quits. So she came round, she pretty much acted like she didnt even like me apart from when we had nookie and i kicked her out in the morning. Couple day later she whatsapp's me saying "i'm not proposing or anything, but i'd like you in my life and could make you happy!" So from saying i'm not her type one day to then this, proves what i always say

B1TCHES BE CRAZY!!


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

pumpster said:


> see girls can lie as well...


Nah genuine, I haven't had sex since May and I'm moving house at the end of this month so I'll be busy doing that and then Xmas and new year, haven't got time to be looking for a lover and I haven't got the right head on to be after a one nighter cos I just wanna wear my pyjamas on the weekends and eat food and watch films. I'm writing this year off and starting again tidy next year!


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## ohh_danielson (Oct 16, 2013)

"I don't normally do this kinda thing, but do you want to come back to mine"...


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## funkdocta (May 29, 2013)

tamara said:


> Nah genuine, I haven't had sex since May and I'm moving house at the end of this month so I'll be busy doing that and then Xmas and new year, haven't got time to be looking for a lover and I haven't got the right head on to be after a one nighter cos I just wanna wear my pyjamas on the weekends and eat food and watch films. I'm writing this year off and starting again tidy next year!


this is criminal!!! Get your ass to Liverpool.


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## JonnyBoy81 (Jun 26, 2013)

once told a chick i would paint her spare room for her when i woke up the morning after..... needless to say no painting got done.

although she made a pretty good job painting her saliva over my knob with her tongue.... sloppy joe


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## Wheyman (Sep 6, 2011)

Im a man


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## maverick1888 (Feb 9, 2011)

Used many lies and got away with it but some don't.

http://news.sky.com/story/1170603/jilted-new-zealand-woman-runs-over-boyfriend


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## maverick1888 (Feb 9, 2011)

crying usually works along with i have ED and cant do it anymore no matter who its with, yeeha im cured


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

funkdocta said:


> this is criminal!!! Get your ass to Liverpool.


Appreciated!


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## Beats (Jun 9, 2011)

man_dem03 said:


> 'No, weve never met before'
> 
> 'I've only slept with two girls before'
> 
> ...


The most original and best one so far!


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## richengineer (Oct 9, 2013)

being a pr**k and wanting it got me it... never had to lie ... women are strange lol i have always got more offers and women try it on when noing i was in a relationship than when i was single ....

i have said a different name like above...


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## TwoCanVanDamn (Jun 22, 2012)

MissMartinez said:


> I wish your face wasn't blocked ut to see whether there was any truth in that!


I'm so ugly my mum used to feed me with a slingshot. When I was a toddler she used to tie a bone around my neck so our dog would play with me.

Feelsbadman


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

funkdocta said:


> this is criminal!!! Get your ass to Liverpool.


Don't listen to him, come manchester instead. I think we could have something really special.

i'm only joking, i just want to leave you looking like a painters radio, but it would be special that night


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

liam0810 said:


> Don't listen to him, come manchester instead. I think we could have something really special.
> 
> i'm only joking, i just want to leave you looking like a painters radio, but it would be special that night


Fùcking hell, been offered Leeds, Liverpool, Pollock! Now Manchester will have to call me Phileas Fogg soon!


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## Tinytom (Sep 16, 2005)

Can't say I've ever lied but did have one girl lie about her age to get me in bed.

Thought she was 18 when she said she wasn't 18 I nearly had a heart attack images of gang beatings of Pedo Tom etc

Thankfully just turned 17 so that's ok.

I was 26. Bargain.

There's some pics in the MA I think. Sort of tasteful. Fit as fcuk as well.


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## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

I lied about my age, but not to bed, was actually wanting a relationship with the girl. Didn't realise when we got talking she was 20, I was 30. So when asked I took 3 years off. That lie lasted 3 years until she wanted to do a 30th birthday party for me, when in fact I was 33 :whistling:


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## just-that-ek (Nov 10, 2011)

Told a girl I was a single parent and that my ex cheated on me with my cousin and they ran off, was almost there then I decided to walk off and p1ss my pants.

Maybe next time..


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## Jay.32 (Dec 12, 2008)

the world is coming to an end in 24 hrs


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## Bish83 (Nov 18, 2009)

Dark sim said:


> I lied about my age, but not to bed, was actually wanting a relationship with the girl. Didn't realise when we got talking she was 20, I was 30. So when asked I took 3 years off. That lie lasted 3 years until she wanted to do a 30th birthday party for me, when in fact I was 33 :whistling:


What happened, did she leave you?


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

tamara said:


> Fùcking hell, been offered Leeds, Liverpool, Pollock! Now Manchester will have to call me Phileas Fogg soon!


Everyone in Leeds and Yorkshire are tight so you'll end up paying for yourself, Liverpool you'll get robbed, Pollock doesn't even exist, so that leaves just Manchester. I'll be nice I'll give you money to stop at the butty shop just up the road from mine when you leave in the morning


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## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

Bish83 said:


> What happened, did she leave you?


No, was concerned how she would react, but kinda laughed it off and took the pi$$ out of me.


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

liam0810 said:


> Everyone in Leeds and Yorkshire are tight so you'll end up paying for yourself, Liverpool you'll get robbed, Pollock doesn't even exist, so that leaves just Manchester. I'll be nice I'll give you money to stop at the butty shop just up the road from mine when you leave in the morning


Oops I think it may have been Cannock, is that Scotland?


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## jack chris (Nov 19, 2013)

Iam lonely want someone special


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

liam0810 said:


> Everyone in Leeds and Yorkshire are tight so you'll end up paying for yourself, Liverpool you'll get robbed, Pollock doesn't even exist, so that leaves just Manchester. I'll be nice I'll give you money to stop at the butty shop just up the road from mine when you leave in the morning


Yeah coz your the epitamy of generousity aren't you you tight tw*t :lol:

You even offered to kiss that geriatric scouse bird for a free bacon butty !!


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Tinytom said:


> Can't say I've ever lied but did have one girl lie about her age to get me in bed.
> 
> Thought she was 18 when she said she wasn't 18 I nearly had a heart attack images of gang beatings of Pedo Tom etc
> 
> ...


Dirty little bastard...


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## Guest (Nov 19, 2013)

I could quite happily chop my little member off!

Women + feelings have made me a shell.


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## MarkF (Sep 20, 2013)

I used "don't worry your bf will never find out" on a "female friend" And it worked lol and the funny thing was her fella bought me a pint the following evening! lol

The dumdass! lol


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

tamara said:


> Oops I think it may have been Cannock, is that Scotland?


I think Cannock is actually in the Helmand province in Afghanistan, so I wouldn't go there as they might stone you to death


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

Milky said:


> Yeah coz your the epitamy of generousity aren't you you tight tw*t :lol:
> 
> You even offered to kiss that geriatric scouse bird for a free bacon butty !!


Ok I'll even let her wipe her fanny before she leaves, how about that then?

For a sandwich I'll pretty much do anything! Oh and now they're trying to set me up with a bird who is Danielle lloyd's cousin who supposedly looks like a Barrie doll. I'm quite upset that they think Im that shallow that I would just date a girl purely on looks


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## Harry Axe Wound (Jul 1, 2013)

Spawn of Haney said:


> I could quite happily chop my little member off!
> 
> Women + feelings have made me a shell.


Poor git. I completely empathise with you


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

tamara said:


> Nah genuine, I haven't had sex since May and I'm moving house at the end of this month so I'll be busy doing that and then Xmas and new year, haven't got time to be looking for a lover and I haven't got the right head on to be after a one nighter cos I just wanna wear my pyjamas on the weekends and eat food and watch films. I'm writing this year off and starting again tidy next year!


No sex is quite nice actually, u do get used to it I went 3 years without ..my choice. It's pretty over rated I think. And when I did back on it ..I just found what I actually do for self is much more powerful. Enjoy


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

liam0810 said:


> Don't listen to him, come manchester instead. I think we could have something really special.
> 
> i'm only joking, i just want to leave you looking like a painters radio, but it would be special that night


Lol painters radio!!!! Now that's original... :thumbup1:


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## Tinytom (Sep 16, 2005)

Milky said:


> Dirty little bastard...


Think that's bad. I may allegedly have bummed her under 18 as well.

Problem was I don't think it was her first time as she guided it in.


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## Radioactive Man (Mar 7, 2013)

tamara said:


> Oops I think it may have been Cannock, is that Scotland?


Cannock is somewhere in the West Midlands if I am not mistaken, Cumnock maybe? that's in Ayrshire, Scotland

Pollok is an area on the west side of Glasgow


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## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

Mine a 12"


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## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> No sex is quite nice actually, u do get used to it I went 3 years without ..my choice. It's pretty over rated I think. And when I did back on it ..I just found what I actually do for self is much more powerful. Enjoy


Really? I don't think I could even begin to compare self service over the touch of another, if that's the case the partner surely needs to loose the L plates and do it properly for you.


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Pain2Gain said:


> Really? I don't think I could even begin to compare self service over the touch of another, if that's the case the partner surely needs to loose the L plates and do it properly for you.


Not saying the touch of another not nice or right just not the same power behind it for me and i think all men would agree with u !! Lol


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## Paz1982 (Dec 16, 2012)

Pain2Gain said:


> Mine a 12"


its about lies you have told to get someone into bed, not lies about what you eat in subway... you're a 6" all day long :lol:


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## shauny13 (Sep 24, 2012)

i was with a "friend" one evening, had a few drinks, ended up telling her about my depression and how citalopram kills your sex drive/makes it hard to shoot your load. I told her because of this i wasn't interested in pulling girls. She was intrigued and said surely you want to try? and i could help you out as a friend.....result.


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## adam28 (Jul 8, 2013)

I promise i will pull it out in time.


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## puurboi (Feb 16, 2011)

"Yeah, I'm developing feeling too I think" - to my last fúck buddy... was the last time we did anything but had been fúcking for a few weeks till that point, she said at the start we should just be fúck buddies and i knew it would go south eventually...


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## tamara (Sep 23, 2012)

Skye666 said:


> No sex is quite nice actually, u do get used to it I went 3 years without ..my choice. It's pretty over rated I think. And when I did back on it ..I just found what I actually do for self is much more powerful. Enjoy


I don't think about it to be honest. I've got some pretty awesome tools to satisfy the urges, not the same as a guy though.


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

Radioactive Man said:


> Cannock is somewhere in the West Midlands if I am not mistaken, Cumnock maybe? that's in Ayrshire, Scotland
> 
> Pollok is an area on the west side of Glasgow


i live in cannock its a dump and a half


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

TwoCanVanDamn said:


> I'm so ugly my mum used to feed me with a slingshot. When I was a toddler she used to tie a bone around my neck so our dog would play with me.
> 
> Feelsbadman


made me larf


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

i never really lied to get anyone in bed. cuz i have a dirty sense of humor anyway i would test the water or just ask if she was up for it and if it looked like a fail id make it out to sound like i was only playing her up.


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## Tom90 (Jan 29, 2010)

One time I slept with a girl from Shifnal, West Midlands. We were talking about accents and I told her I thought her accent was alright, what a blinder that was.


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## BLUE(UK) (Jan 9, 2008)

> Barrie doll. I'm quite upset that they think Im that shallow that I would just date a girl purely on looks


Barrie or Ken? Yes you did really write 'Barrie'. :lol:


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## BLUE(UK) (Jan 9, 2008)

harrison180 said:


> i live in cannock its a dump and a half


You ain't wrong there!! :thumb:


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## BM1991 (Jul 2, 2013)

'I don't usually do this'


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## Southern Karate Guy (Feb 27, 2014)

tamara said:


> I don't think about it to be honest. I've got some pretty awesome tools to satisfy the urges, not the same as a guy though.


At last us men are good for something


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## Chris F (Jul 2, 2013)

harrison180 said:


> i live in cannock its a dump and a half


Cannock aint too bad  go and relax at the hollybush garden centre.


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## Davie L (Jun 29, 2013)

tamara said:


> Fùcking hell, been offered Leeds, Liverpool, Pollock! Now Manchester will have to call me Phileas Fogg soon!


Love reading this **** lol.


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

pumpster said:


> argh im sorry. But truth is iv tried both approaches, tried being generally nice to girls and honest, they don't seem interested or put you in the friend zone, lie and be a bit of a dick and wham bam thank you mam - doesn't make sense to me


well at least your honest about your dishonesty lol


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## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

Loveleelady said:


> well at least your honest about your dishonesty lol


LL, can you answer the question in the OP please.


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## Loveleelady (Jan 3, 2012)

Huntingground said:


> LL, can you answer the question in the OP please.


I cant tell lies!


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## Madoxx (Nov 7, 2010)

Loveleelady said:


> I cant tell lies!


U just did


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