# Virginity loss stories



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Thought this might make an interesting/fun thread, that and I enjoy a bit of writing and I'm a bit bored.

When did you lose it, and who with? Any disasters that you look back on and laugh at now?

My first time was with a girl at college, during my first year. We'd got chatting one day in the common room and became quite friendly as the weeks went by. Think I did bloody well to have her as my first one - think she had Italian parents or one Italian parent, one of the two. She was brunette, olive skin, very pretty face and stunning figure.

We traded numbers eventually and started texting outside of college. We got on to chatting about previous partners one day and she revealed that she hadn't had sex yet, so I told her same with me. A few more texts were sent back and forth and we came to the agreement that we were sexually attracted to each other and we should lose it together. We decided on going to her house during our lunch break the following Friday when we both had a 2 hour lunch break at about the same times - her parents would be at work.

We met down the common room and had a little bit of lunch. I bought some chips but I didn't eat much, felt too nervous and a little bit sick :laugh: Afterwards we walked 15 minutes to her house, I remember my heart was beating quickly and I was nervous and excited at the same time. Could tell she was nervous as well, as there was quite a lot of nervous laughter from her as we were chatting and joking, nothing sex related I might add.

We got to her door and I gulped as I went in. She offered me a drink - I accepted a drink of water as my mouth had dried out, last thing I wanted was smelly breath. She went upstairs into the bathroom to "freshen up" and came back down wearing a pink silk robe. I could see a black lace bra poking out of the top. "Come up" she said, and took me by the hand. I could feel my heart racing at that moment, but I all of a sudden felt like a massive stud at the same time :laugh: We started kissing and undressing each other, and as I took off her bra I saw a perfect set of tits... but anyway, I won't go all Fifty Shades and I'll spare the details, nobody wants to read that bollocks (or if they do, maybe I'll write it in MA one day :wink: ). Think there was about 5 minutes of foreplay and then I lasted maybe a few minutes once in haha. We had a 10 minute cuddle afterwards and then did it again, I lasted about 20 minutes this time  We walked back to college after getting dressed and shared a kiss before going back to classes. I didn't tell my mates anything, but by the stupid grin on my face all afternoon and by the fact they saw us both leaving campus together, I think they knew what had happened and wouldn't let it drop :lol:

I never got into a proper relationship with the girl, but we went on to become "friends with benefits" for about 6 months afterwards and made a habit out of having a good session every Friday lunchtime, and the sex got better and better. The summer holidays eventually came - we met up once or twice, but we eventually stopped texting as we were just doing our own thing. We bumped into each other again at college the following September and it felt a little awkward for some reason. We had a little chat and agreed to move on from each other and just be friends. We'd still see each other down the common room and indeed stayed chummy with each other, but we never went together again, particularly after she got into a relationship over the following Christmas.

Anyway, that's my story. Feel free to share yours, maybe in a less long-winded manner :thumbup1:

Inb4coolstorybro


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## bossdog (Aug 25, 2011)

Lol at your name and the thread you started


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## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

bossdog said:


> Lol at your name and the thread you started


Was gonna inb4 that one, but I thought I'd see how long it'd take before someone made that connection. You were ****ing quick mate :lol:


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

OP starts thread for fun, just to brag he lost his virginity to a stunning bird......you sure this bird wasn't really your dad


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## spudsy (May 13, 2009)

I'll never forget losing my virginity......

I couldn't sit down for a week !


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## BettySwallocks (Aug 1, 2012)

me and my mate went twos up on a fat scrubber off the estate at 15years old, tanked up on white lightning and speed. She was mid to late 40's. My mate actually split his banjo aswell, I've never seen so much blood in my life, nearly put me off [email protected] completely.


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## spod (Mar 25, 2010)

Lost it???

.....i've recently found mine again! :crying:


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## BettySwallocks (Aug 1, 2012)

TommyBananas said:


> That is grim mate.


proper grim, she was nicknamed psycho sue. You know how you have those weirdos in your local village/town that let the teenagers doss at their house? well she was one of those, must of been near on 20stone as well.


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## BettySwallocks (Aug 1, 2012)

TommyBananas said:


> I feel sick.


It's okay bro, everything's gunna be okay.


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## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

barsnack said:


> OP starts thread for fun, just to brag he lost his virginity to a stunning bird......you sure this bird wasn't really your dad


Actually, you're wrong.

It was your dad.


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## Tom90 (Jan 29, 2010)

Slept with my mates Mrs when he left the party. Not proud of it, she was hanging and sh!t. Told me she'd give me a blowjob if I walked her home that night, she lied.

Only ever slept with one girl who was a virgin. 20 year old Scottish girl in Kavos. I didn't know she was a virgin at the time, and I didn't know she was on her period. I didn't bag up, blood everywhere, it was disgusting. Luckily it happened on my mates balcony so I didn't get the look of disgust off the maid when she came to clean lolololol


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## Lewy_h (Jan 4, 2012)

Tom90 said:


> Slept with my mates Mrs when he left the party. Not proud of it, she was hanging and sh!t. Told me she'd give me a blowjob if I walked her home that night, she lied.
> 
> Only ever slept with one girl who was a virgin. 20 year old Scottish girl in Kavos. I didn't know she was a virgin at the time, and I didn't know she was on her period. I didn't bag up, blood everywhere, it was disgusting. Luckily it happened on my mates balcony so I didn't get the look of disgust off the maid when she came to clean lolololol


Sh!t bag


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## SelflessSelfie (May 25, 2014)

Did my best mates sister. But I stuck with her for three years so that makes it ok.


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

> Actually, you're wrong.
> 
> It was your dad.


you better get tested....he died last year of AID's


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## The Sweeney (May 8, 2014)

I was 17 and had been going out with my first proper girl friend who was 21 and a bit shy. We were both virgins. We'd been going out for about 4 months doing manual stuff, and had it all planned.... bad idea.

She got drunk, I got stage fright and in the end it was like trying to play snooker with a length of rope. FAIL

We laughed about it and chalked it up to experience.

A few days later we were in my bedroom at home and it happened naturally without it being planned. Very slow and gentle and I remember thinking to myself "**** me, this is soooo much better than ****ing"

In the end it was a really nice experience that I'm glad I shared with a long term partner who I loved very much at the time.


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## superdrol (Aug 9, 2012)

I was 17, my mate worked in the local co-op, there was this lass who worked there who was fit as fcuk, 26 and my mate had the hots for her... Needless to say she was in the chippy one day a bit trollied trying to avoid some random bloke, cue me offering her a lift home, she jumped me in the car, steering wheel got in the way so we ended up in the hall and then into the front room on the floor... What an experience.... My mate new the crack, a few yes later one of the alpha males in my year was shagging her and bragging about it, I dropped in that I'd slept with her... She flat out denied it... I was gutted but at the same time I didn't care as Id got there before him!

I still would even now, she's still fit! God that was a good Friday night! Ironically I used to get more sex back then with curtains and looking young/inexperienced than I do now lol, think they liked to think they were educating me


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## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

barsnack said:


> you better get tested....he died last year of AID's


Sorry for your loss/I've already been tested after an experience with a tramp in an alley.


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

> Sorry for your loss/I've already been tested after an experience with a tramp in an alley.


that sounds like a more interesting story than your original....explain?


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

@I'mNotAPervert!

Mine was in 1st yr college too, but in those days we didn't have mobile phones so we couldn't text.

We had to write letters! Not type letters on Word, but actually put pen to paper, shove it in envelope, then stick a stamp on it.

Anyway, first time, I didn't know that I'd done it. But, just like cooking, it got better.

Happened in a cold night in my dad's VW Beetle.

The next morning he asked me whose footprints were on the side windows when they steamed up!

The way he asked though, I knew he was proud of me.


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## Bora (Dec 27, 2011)

both 13, top bunk, her mother went out, lasted 2 mins, story over


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## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

barsnack said:


> that sounds like a more interesting story than your original....explain?


I'd rather not if you don't mind, I've done some good work erasing some of those memories with my hypnotherapist and I've been told to avoid trying to recall the events.


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## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> @I'mNotAPervert!
> 
> Mine was in 1st yr college too, but in those days we didn't have mobile phones so we couldn't text.
> 
> ...


Haha, classic. What did you tell your dad?


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Bora said:


> both 13, top bunk, mother went out, lasted 2 mins, story over


Er...I seriously and sincerely do hope that the mother you refer to was not the mother to both of you?


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

I said:


> Haha' date=' classic. What did you tell your dad?[/quote']
> 
> Nuffin.
> 
> ...


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

First time I 'attempted' to lose my V I was about 17, and standing at the bus stop at Cecil square in margate waiting to go home from my mates where I'd been smoking weed and drinking, I was pretty sober though, must have been about 10pm, and these 2 absolute sluts walked past me on the way to their next bar, one of them just came to me, pulled my trackies band open with one hand and then grabbed my ballbag with the other. It was the first propper sexual experience I'd had since I was about 6 (got my 5 year old neibour to suck my cock behind her dad's boat in her garden  ) so i was shocked and shy. She said come with me to the park, I was like ok then lol. So we walked down to dane park and she laid on the damp grass in plain view of everywhere as it's lamp lit. She took her jeans and pants off and I chewed down on her tiny little gash. Then she laid me down and sucked it for a bit, but whatsit it being cold at night, me being high and me absolutely ****ting myself little man was like 'huh nahhh' and she said "your just a ****ing little boy, what a waste of time" got up and walked off. I sat there with my shrivelled withdrawn penis on the damp grass feeling like humiliated as ****. But tekkers brushed himself down, pulled his cacks up and ran after her like a ****ing soldier.

I caught up with her and carried on talking, and I got her number and agreed to meet again the next day to try again. I had it all planned, candles, music, my warm bed, it was gonna be magical, so the next day I text, and text, and then rang, and ran again, and then rang again, and text again, and eventually got a reply saying "**** off don't contact me again".

Some 18 months later, the day before my 19th bday I was living with a mate of mine who was friends with some.little skank, she was 24 and had 3 kids, she was ok looking and she liked me for a bit so went out, and I ended up slipping it in her on her mates sofa. It was ****ing shjte lol. I wanted to seem like I could go forever so when I cum I kept going and hid it lol, then got tired so had to stop with her thinking I'd not blown my load. She stopped seeing me soon after.

And now look at me, gashasaurus Rex! :lol:


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

The Sweeney said:


> I was 17 and had been going out with my first proper girl friend who was 21 and a bit shy. We were both virgins. We'd been going out for about 4 months doing manual stuff, and had it all planned.... bad idea.
> 
> She got drunk, I got stage fright and in the end it was like trying to play snooker with a length of rope. FAIL
> 
> ...


Aaaaah! Lavly!


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## Varg (May 17, 2010)

Tom90 said:


> Slept with my mates Mrs when he left the party. Not proud of it, she was hanging and sh!t. Told me she'd give me a blowjob if I walked her home that night, she lied.
> 
> l


Ha, the only person I've ever known to use the word "hanging" was also from South Wales - Port Talbot.

Anyway, after months of trying to lose my virginity, was minding my own business at a night club and a girl came up, stroked my face and said if you're still here at closing time, you're coming home with me.

Needless to say I was, but she had no rubbers so back at her place I came about 3 times from hand jobs and stuff before her housemate came home and let us use some of hers.

It wasn't fantastic. She was a student nurse with huge tits but also chubby.


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## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

BettySwallocks said:


> me and my mate went twos up on a fat scrubber off the estate at 15years old, tanked up on white lightning and speed. She was mid to late 40's. My mate actually split his banjo aswell, I've never seen so much blood in my life, nearly put me off [email protected] completely.


This is why I love ukm!


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## WilsonR6 (Feb 14, 2012)

Really fat girl, travelled about 10 miles to her house after flirting over text - was a friend of a friend, she was pretty ugly and about 3 inches taller than me too

Nice girl though!

I was high before I decided to go, even higher when I set off and got even more high when I got there. Was awkward to say the least


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## Lukehh (Nov 14, 2012)

Pretty awks tbh.

Was 16 on holiday with parents in turkey in this hotel that was pretty new but mainly foreigners no english speaking people at all. A week in i met these 2 girls who were 18 and english and even though 1 was average and the other a 4/10 i was just so pleased to have found someone my age to chill with.

Anyways one day before i went down to the pool i got horny in the room and for some stupid immature reason ****ed myself off with a empty bog roll holder (yes the cardboard roll) which gave me terrible friction burn on my bellend.

As fate would have it later that night i could tell me and the 4/10 was getting closer and we went to chill in their room. I left them two in the room and was chillin on the balcony when she comes out and shuts the door behind her and i knew instantly this was gonna be it and was pure ****tin myself knowing she was much more experienced than me even admitting to sleeping with some other guy at the start of the holiday.

We ended up kissing (awful she had not long ate a chicken burger and i could taste it) then i bent her over (didnt really wanna look at her) and put it in. Pure agony from the friction burn on my cock from the bastard bog roll. Shagged her for like 2 hours (it was dark when we started and the sun was coming up when i finished). But because of my friction burn pain through the whole process i hadnt really enjoyed any of it and hadnt even had an orgasm... Least she wasnt disappointed though she was knackered!

Karma was on my side though as when i got home i got a gf a few weeks later and she was my first and only ever squirter! Literally was like a water slide when she cum. :laugh:


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## sauliuhas (Dec 29, 2008)

At 15years young, I started lifting, and compete as WL, did ok on a national level, so i was in local village newspapers sports section

Lol, so my confidence grew! At 16 one weekend, I was wondering with my mate, and met them two girls, at other mates house, they were having a drink lol, we pinched the ladies and walked them home, on the way it happened, ouh dear did I struglle to put rubber lol

But that's ok chit happens, next issue was, I couldn't find the glory hole  so she gave me directions: left-up..etc

Then said: "Jee you lacking experience, so who's your first" , I said ouh it's some girl from school(did I fcuk) 

Got bck home at 7am got bollocked by mum, however I thought: that's it, am no longer "innocent" lol


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## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

sauliuhas said:


> At 15years young, I started lifting, and compete as WL, did ok on a national level, so i was in local village newspapers sports section
> 
> Lol, so my confidence grew! At 16 one weekend, I was wondering with my mate, and met them two girls, at other mates house, they were having a drink lol, we pinched the ladies and walked them home, on the way it happened, ouh dear did I struglle to put rubber lol
> 
> ...


You strapped up for your first time? Mate, that don't even count then lol.


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## sauliuhas (Dec 29, 2008)

It's not as bad as the guy above who lost it with toilet roll


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## Bora (Dec 27, 2011)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Er...I seriously and sincerely do hope that the mother you refer to was not the mother to both of you?


hahaha a just realised that does look abit sketchy! -edited :laugh:


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

After all, we are neither Pharoahs or Kentucky hill farmers.


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## Guest (Feb 20, 2015)

14. On a pavilion in a park. Bent her over, stuck it in and pumped away for about 5 minutes whilst feeling a little disappointed with the whole experience and stopping.

I later found out it didn't count as I'd just wedged it between her thighs.

Would of been nice of her to tell me at the time and not after I'd already told everyone.


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## Pancake' (Aug 30, 2012)

Boyyyy.... haha!! now you're taking me back :lol:

Losing it for me was definitely fcuking anticipated at the age of 15 seeing I was rampant as hell! I had chances to lose it before, but I was young and completely bottled them tbh. I could not believe my luck! (still can't) seriously. even my close friends, who knew at the time, that I was a V was all jelly as can be, as I lost it to my mate's sisters best mate, who was 26, slim, taller than me, nicely tanned, long Blonde hair and had implants. 10/10 still till now? one of the fittest girls & best shags I've had, I remember being rather shook at first and then it bypassed, when I gathered sh*t this is actually happening? couldn't believe it! and I really gripped the bull by it's horns pmsl.

what a fcuking session is all's I have to say and remember, I think I thought fcuk this! I've waited long enough and just went ham! she didn't think I was 15, but 17 ahaha!! she also didn't click on I was a V at the time, until I admitted it afterwards and she was in disbelief about it and thought I was joking? I really couldn't of lost it to anyone better tbh. all good typing on a forum, but arrr..... if you could understand lol.


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Bowtie.Boris said:


> 14. On a pavilion in a park. Bent her over, stuck it in and pumped away for about 5 minutes whilst feeling a little disappointed with the whole experience and stopping.
> 
> I later found out it didn't count as I'd just wedged it between her thighs.Would of been nice of her to tell me at the time and not after I'd already told everyone.


Yup, me too pretty much. That's why I wasn't quite sure if I did it or not.

To this day 300 years later, I need her guiding it in.


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## Pancake' (Aug 30, 2012)

BettySwallocks said:


> me and my mate went twos up on a fat scrubber off the estate at 15years old, tanked up on white lightning and speed. She was mid to late 40's. My mate actually split his banjo aswell, I've never seen so much blood in my life, nearly put me off [email protected] completely.


You absolute sickboy! :lol: ahaha!! high 5 for that, you remind me of some the lads I know, one for the team son.


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## AlexB18 (Dec 10, 2013)

Was with my ex, wasnt planned, was around at hers one day her parents were out, we showered together started messing around on the bathroom floor one thing led to another as they say, very unexciting story tbh haha.


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## SwollNP (Oct 8, 2014)

Aged 18 while in London for work, I lost my V abit like this..


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## mrwright (Oct 22, 2013)

BettySwallocks said:


> proper grim, she was nicknamed psycho sue. You know how you have those weirdos in your local village/town that let the teenagers doss at their house? well she was one of those, must of been near on 20stone as well.


Our one of them was a fcking stunning young slim blonde bird


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## BettySwallocks (Aug 1, 2012)

mrwright said:


> Our one of them was a fcking stunning young slim blonde bird


Did you plough through it?


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## Fortunatus (Apr 12, 2013)

my first time, I was 15 smahed on cheap cider and the girlfriend on lambrini or what ever its called we was all camping out, jesus i honesty thought i broke my pecker going in was so sore but got there in the end and it was over within minutes, naturally i felt like a absolutely stud with my 90 second rump. fun times


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

i was 16 and my mate had met some welsh bird on holiday. She came up to see him and offered it him on a plate and he turned her down. Next day we went to the swimming baths and we were in the jacuzzi and she was next to me and he was next to her and next thing i knew she had her hand in my shorts and was w4nking me off! Later on she told me he'd sh1t himself and said no to her the night before, so being the gentleman i was i took her into a bunker on a golf course which was next to the 5 a side pitch my mates were playing footy on and i fcuked in the bunker. Ended up with sand on my c0ck whilst sh4gging and i thought "fcuk me i knew sex was supposed to her the girl first time but not me as well!" Thought i'd got away with him ever finding out until that night we were all p1ssed and my mates dad came to pick him and this girl up and she decided to announce to them that i'd banged her!


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## mrwright (Oct 22, 2013)

BettySwallocks said:


> Did you plough through it?


I didnt even know what ploughing was

Otherwise shed of found me on her bed covered in her underwear wamking like a horny chimp


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## Heavyassweights (Jan 18, 2014)

The Sweeney said:


> I was 17 and had been going out with my first proper girl friend who was 21 and a bit shy. We were both virgins. We'd been going out for about 4 months doing manual stuff, and had it all planned.... bad idea.
> 
> She got drunk, I got stage fright and in the end it was like trying to play snooker with a length of rope. FAIL
> 
> ...


soooooooooooooo cute

have you since accepted your sexuality and found a nice fella?


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## captain pancake (Jan 2, 2015)

must of been near on 20stone as well.


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## Dan TT (May 9, 2012)

In a tent on my mates back garden, all fueled up on booze at age of 15. She sucked it like a proper trooper, to this day still one of best i've had. Then we banged and have her what at that time I thought was a good steaming. Then my mate went and banged her 20 min later, sloppy seconds or what :lol:


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

mine is so dull.

was with a girl i had been going out with at school for ages. sex was innevitably [email protected] but it was a nice moment as we were in (puppy) love


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## empzb (Jan 8, 2006)

Mine was with my current misses. Was 18 at the time.

Tried to get it out the way first of all when we have been dating a few months when I was 17 and she was 16, both V's, but I was nervous as hell and got a soft on. Didn't help it was in my new house that we hadn't even moved in to and on the carpet so burned my knees up trying. Anyway, waited a year. Literally to the day for our year long anniversary. Took her out, had a few drinks, went for a Chinese, got a hotel, she ended up having food poisoning so was sick. I'd had enough so told her it was going in. Was dull, couldn't really feel anything. The position was terrible with her legs inside mine so I couldn't go deep :lol:

A bit of a r***y start but if I didn't I probably still would be now at 27 :lol:


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## Kloob (Jun 3, 2012)

In a room after a house party at 15. Two of my mates asleep on the floor. Pumped a bird (if you could call 20 seconds a "pump") on the couch while Nanny McPhee was on TV.


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## Jammy Dodger (Nov 2, 2014)

18th birthday night out at my brothers uni in London. Staying with him in his student house for the night, on a sofa bed on the landing. Met an American summer exchange student, who was 20 I think. Managed to tell her all sorts of lies about my age etc... In the morning I wanted rid so got my mate to walk her to a tube station who proceeded to give "my number" which was actually his.

Took her back to have my brother and his mate throw some condoms at me and leave me at it. The next morning he delighted in calling my mum and telling her what I'd done... I was mortified. I had also taken a girl I was friends with, and a mate - hed tried it on with her that night and got no where. The train ride back home to the impending awkwardness was matched by her attitude on that train by them two.


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## Total Rebuild (Sep 9, 2009)

16 with probably the first girl I'd 'loved', in a bed room at her friends house while the parents were out. Fueled up on MD 20 20, went at like a sewing machine on speed for probably around 45 secs before finishing. Not sure how much she enjoyed it but at least I wasn't the V in my group of mates any longer, and that's what counts right!


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## PLauGE (Oct 17, 2010)

15 in the middle of a dirty wet quarry, with a bird with a rite mucky tuppy, still not seen a minge as hairy to this day, had far to much white star to perform so was a bit of a disaster, but a fcuks a fcuk


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## Marvin Monkey (Nov 6, 2014)

spudsy said:


> I'll never forget losing my virginity......
> 
> I couldn't sit down for a week !


hahahahaha

14 to my babysitter, classy!


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## FlunkyTurtle (Aug 5, 2013)

15 to a girl with massive perk knockers (still remember em) shame she had a face like a man.

I had an old wooden bed that was falling apart and i really didn't want to do it, she jumped on and i tried to put it in but i was flops-R-US

Managed to get a bit of a lob on, put it in for a couple of minutes and then she starting crying that i didn't love her.

que lying with a johnny on consoling a crying 15 year old slag.

She did give a hell of a BJ though, used to push me into her dads office chair and nosh me off every day after school ha


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## Haunted_Sausage (Jan 2, 2015)

I lost my virginity to my mums best friend on my 10th birthday...

It was my dad.

It's the only time he has ever said he loves me


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Bowtie.Boris said:


> 14. On a pavilion in a park. Bent her over, stuck it in and pumped away for about 5 minutes whilst feeling a little disappointed with the whole experience and stopping.
> 
> I later found out it didn't count as I'd just wedged it between her thighs.
> 
> Would of been nice of her to tell me at the time and not after I'd already told everyone.


Pml.....bless..


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Yup, me too pretty much. That's why I wasn't quite sure if I did it or not.
> 
> To this day 300 years later, I need her guiding it in.


@guiding it in :lol:

This thread is hilarious


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## hometrainer (Apr 9, 2003)

at 14 when i was working on a farm for the summer she was my first love,i was hers and i was devastated when the Farmer sent her off to Market havent eaten Lamb since


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## Varg (May 17, 2010)

Marvin Monkey said:


> 14 to my babysitter, classy!


Is that not child abuse???


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Waited ages had a couple of opportunities but it jus didn't feel right got with the girl I had been chasing for a long time and done the wild thang on a mattress on the floor as her friend slept in a bed in the same room..

Not a lot really happened it was over in a flash it felt right tho and that's the main thing!! After that it just got better and better lots of messing around with each other good times


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## spudsy (May 13, 2009)

Marvin Monkey said:


> hahahahaha
> 
> 14 to my babysitter, classy!


Was he gentle with you ?


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## Pictor (Jan 10, 2011)

I was 17 and got cramp in my thigh on the job lol

Ended up with her 8 years


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> @guiding it in :lol:
> 
> This thread is hilarious


Come on share share!!


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> @guiding it in :lol:
> 
> This thread is hilarious


Well, what can I say? Not everyone has a thimble. Some have a bucket.


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## MrTwisted (Sep 14, 2014)

15 with my now Mrs. On the top of a bunk bed while my 2 best mates tried to get a rub out from her 2 best mates.

I had that top bunk swaying all over the place 

They didn't even get a smelly finger.

Must have been good for her, been together 10 years


----------



## Fortis (Oct 20, 2012)

Lost mine at 15 when I was at secondary school. Was home in my bed with the girl and embarrassingly my dad knocked on the door and asked if we wanted a cup of tea, whilst screwing her. Was strangely funny and still laugh all these years later about it.


----------



## sauliuhas (Dec 29, 2008)

bigchickenlover said:


> Come on share share!!


I was about to say, where's the ladies stories, or are they a bit shy? lol


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

MrTwisted said:


> 15 with my now Mrs. On the top of a bunk bed while my 2 best mates tried to get a rub out from her 2 best mates.
> 
> I had that top bunk swaying all over the place
> 
> ...


Its likely she has nothing to compare it to.


----------



## Mike600 (Sep 6, 2014)

I was 17 I'd been with my girlfriend a year she made me wait a year although did do plenty of finger banging during this time. Planned it one night got drunk and couldn't get it up she got angry, so we gave up. Next day I took her to the groundsmans shed and she got the ride of her life for a couple of mins before She got cramp in her legs. Stayed together

For a couple of years and she turned into a proper dirt bag.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

bigchickenlover said:


> Come on share share!!


Lol.... I am a virgin


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Well, what can I say? Not everyone has a thimble. Some have a bucket.


True... And not all men are great with a sat nav


----------



## sauliuhas (Dec 29, 2008)

Skye666 said:


> Lol.... I am a virgin


says lady with triple 6


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

sauliuhas said:


> says lady with triple 6


Angelic with a hint of devil


----------



## Kristina (Apr 12, 2014)

This thread has been cracking me up no end haha!

The way all you boys talk amongst yourselves... so funny. Jeez I've not even heard half of the slang expressions you lot use!


----------



## banzi (Mar 9, 2014)

Kristina said:


> This thread has been cracking me up no end haha!
> 
> The way all you boys talk amongst yourselves... so funny. *Jeez I've not even heard half of the slang expressions you lot use!*


You should get out more.


----------



## Kristina (Apr 12, 2014)

banzi said:


> You should get out more.


... I'm not allowed. I've been grounded.


----------



## scot-ish (Oct 21, 2014)

Kristina said:


> ... I'm not allowed. I've been grounded.


nae wonder-you wouldnt be allowed out of my room, never mind the house


----------



## The Sweeney (May 8, 2014)

Heavyassweights said:


> soooooooooooooo cute
> 
> have you since accepted your sexuality and found a nice fella?


 :lol:

I had to leave him - he was too rough and wasn't into foreplay.


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Mental how many failed to get it up on their first time, I was a walking hard-on at that age. Still am tbh :lol:


----------



## Haunted_Sausage (Jan 2, 2015)

I said:


> Mental how many failed to get it up on their first time' date=' I was a walking hard-on at that age. Still am tbh :lol: [/quote']
> 
> No issues for me, she was fvcking stunning! One of the best looking girls I've had.... :thumbup1:


----------



## Dan TT (May 9, 2012)

I said:


> Mental how many failed to get it up on their first time' date=' I was a walking hard-on at that age. Still am tbh :lol: [/quote']
> 
> Long and strong as always


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Haunted_Sausage said:


> No issues for me, she was fvcking stunning! One of the best looking girls I've had.... :thumbup1:


Likewise mate :thumbup1: Had a beautiful arse on her an' all, when she turned away from me, bent over and pulled down her cacks I was just sitting on her bed like "dear lawd...." :lol:


----------



## GreatPretender (Oct 17, 2012)

Haha quality thread! Keep them coming! Mines dull so wont waste my time typing it or yours reading it!


----------



## Lotte (Feb 10, 2014)

Funniest thread in ages :lol:


----------



## GCMAX (Dec 31, 2013)

17yo, my mates ex, fake red head town bike, had a big gap in her front 2 teeth so the blowjob was skipped! Did it at her parents house, she told me everyone was out but a guy walked in the bedroom while we were fore-playing and I told him to f off, didn't know it was her brother, he looked offended. About 5 mins later shot my load on her belly and ran for the hills like a scared but satisfied animal.


----------



## DubSelecta (Sep 1, 2014)

BettySwallocks said:


> me and my mate went twos up on a fat scrubber off the estate at 15years old, tanked up on white lightning and speed. She was mid to late 40's. My mate actually split his banjo aswell, I've never seen so much blood in my life, nearly put me off [email protected] completely.


Possibly the best response I could have hoped to see on this thread.


----------



## DubSelecta (Sep 1, 2014)

I made the mistake of choosing long strides instead of short stabby ones. Didn't quite last the target time I'd hoped for.


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

DubSelecta said:


> I made the mistake of choosing long strides instead of short stabby ones. Didn't quite last the target time I'd hoped for.


I never go with long strokes once I've picked up the tempo, not a good feeling when you accidentally come out too far and ram your cock into her perineum at full force :crying:


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Lotte said:


> Funniest thread in ages :lol:


Think it's bordered on being moved Male Animal tbh :lol: Not quite there but it's on the edge.


----------



## Gym Bunny (Mar 25, 2009)

Well if no other ladies will share...

Legends of the fall and pulp fiction had both just been released. The radio kept playing "Billy Ray was a preacher's son" and I was an impressionable teen into dirt biking and determined not to lose my V card to a guy from school.

He was 17 and (to my infatuated eyes) looked like Brad Pitt from Legends. In a bike gang and a surfer. Threw myself at him and his gold earrings. Fact that his nickname was "Billy Ray" prob had a lot to do with it :lol:

Went round to his to watch surfing vids then attacked him when he went to his bedroom to get another surf DVD. We ended up falling off the bed and shagged on the floor. No idea how long it lasted but I was definitely a happy bunny afterwards.

Second time was in the cinema and, until I grew up a bit, I used to tell people that was how I actually lost my V card. Still think of him fondly he was a damn good lay.


----------



## walton21 (Aug 11, 2008)

I was 15 she was 16 slim with massive chebs and a tattoo of a devil on one of them lol oh and she was my brothers missus..............they hadn't been together long and she moved in, they never had sex i dont know why, after a few weeks he went to his mates for the weekend and she invited me to watch brave heart in there room, half way through the film she starts touching me whips my member out and noshes down like a goodun deep throat heaven, ended up going at it on the floor dont know how long but the film had finished and was half way through another film by time i shot my load lol.

Since then she use to sneak in my bedroom on a night give me a blow job and have a good fcuk, she sucked me off on my mates bed once while my mates where playing on the ps1 lol, went on for about a year then they broke up and she moved back home didn't see her again, shame as she was a mint shag and a right dirty slag lol

My brother didn't find out................until about 5 years ago when i finally told him that i smashed his bird, cause he was being a cock with me, he didn't seem bothered so my plan didn't work haha


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Gym Bunny said:


> Well if no other ladies will share...
> 
> Legends of the fall and pulp fiction had both just been released. The radio kept playing "Billy Ray was a preacher's son" and I was an impressionable teen into dirt biking and determined not to lose my V card to a guy from school.
> 
> ...


Hahaha...oh the bunny this made me chuckle :lol:


----------



## Haunted_Sausage (Jan 2, 2015)

Gym Bunny said:


> Well if no other ladies will share...
> 
> Legends of the fall and pulp fiction had both just been released. The radio kept playing "Billy Ray was a preacher's son" and I was an impressionable teen into dirt biking and determined not to lose my V card to a guy from school.
> 
> ...


He sounds dreamy!


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Gym Bunny said:


> in the cinema and, until I grew up a bit, I used to tell people that was how I actually lost my V card. Still think of him fondly he was a damn good lay.


I spose no chance of remembering the film as you were facing away from the screen?


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Kristina said:


> This thread has been cracking me up no end haha!
> 
> The way all you boys talk amongst yourselves... so funny. Jeez I've not even heard half of the slang expressions you lot use!


We could talk of fluffy bunnies, chocolate and cushions, but it wouldn't be the same.


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

I said:


> I never go with long strokes once I've picked up the tempo' date=' not a good feeling when you accidentally come out too far and ram your cock into her perineum at full force :crying: [/quote']
> 
> Can't believe mods allowed that one, but deleted my thread titled "Different women taste different"
> 
> ...


----------



## Kristina (Apr 12, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Can't believe mods allowed that one, but deleted my thread titled "Different women taste different"
> 
> Maybe the mods took a vote and decided that uk-m's official party line is to ram, not munch.
> 
> ...


PMSL.


----------



## Gym Bunny (Mar 25, 2009)

AncientOldBloke said:


> I spose no chance of remembering the film as you were facing away from the screen?


Absolutely no idea. :lol:


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

I said:


> I never go with long strokes once I've picked up the tempo' date=' not a good feeling when you accidentally come out too far and ram your cock into her perineum at full force :crying: [/quote']
> 
> :lol: :lol:.... picked up tempo!! Iv got visions of a jockey with crop and all !


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> :lol: :lol:.... picked up tempo!! Iv got visions of a jockey with crop and all !


 :confused1:

Huh? Wha?

Is that something Northern?


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> :lol: :lol:.... picked up tempo!! Iv got visions of a jockey with crop and all !


Subtle reference to her being ridden and whipped, I see what you're doing ya saucy cow :lol:


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

I said:


> Subtle reference to her being ridden and whipped' date=' I see what you're doing ya saucy cow :lol: [/quote']
> 
> Ohhhhh matron


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> :confused1:
> 
> Huh? Wha?
> 
> Is that something Northern?


Keep up u old git


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

I said:


> Subtle reference to her being ridden and whipped' date=' I see what you're doing ya saucy cow :lol: [/quote']
> 
> Hoi! Stop cock-blocking, you young scamp!
> 
> I know full well what it is!


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Keep up u old git


Old git? Old git?

Why, I orta....!


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Hoi! Stop cock-blocking, you young scamp!
> 
> I know full well what it is!


Fine, I shall continue my cougar-hunt elsewhere :tt2:


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Ya last longer with cougars.

Cos they got buckets not thimbles.

Plus their wrinkles soften you up, thus increasing duration.

And they're dirty!


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Ya last longer with cougars.
> 
> Cos they got buckets not thimbles.
> 
> ...


OI...less bucket and wrinkle chat if u don't mind!! Sweeping generally like that will get u in trouble :ban:


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

I said:


> Fine' date=' I shall continue my cougar-hunt elsewhere :tt2: [/quote']
> 
> Can only be a cougar hunt if ur 'considerably' younger


----------



## SickCurrent (Sep 19, 2005)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Ya last longer with cougars.
> 
> Cos they got buckets not thimbles.
> 
> ...


repped


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> OI...less bucket and wrinkle chat if u don't mind!! Sweeping generally like that will get u in trouble :ban:


Was a general comment on cougars.

Wasn't pointed at you.

I aint got a clue about your age.

I really must get out of this bad habit of subverting threads!


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Can only be a cougar hunt if ur 'considerably' younger


Well, I'm 25... Big enough age gap for a cougar-toy boy arrangement?


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Was a general comment on cougars.
> 
> Wasn't pointed at you.
> 
> ...


You have my full permission to derail my thread, my friend. Crack on :thumb:


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

I said:


> Well' date=' I'm 25... Big enough age gap for a cougar-toy boy arrangement?[/quote']
> 
> Only way to get a definitive conclusion is to ask Skye her age.
> 
> But that's taboo in the western world.


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Only way to get a definitive conclusion is to ask Skye her age.
> 
> But that's taboo in the western world.


Yup it is taboo indeed, certainly doesn't work as a chat up line IME, hence me beating around the bush :wink:


----------



## lazy (May 5, 2010)

On a backpacker couch in Australia when I was 19... It was like pushing a marshmallow through a key-hole, but I think it counted!!


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

I planted an Aussie flag once. Not in Aus, but here in London.

Picked her up in some South African/NZ/Aus bar along the Embankment.

Everything went well at approach, dance and touch-progressing stage, but then disaster struck -

(no she didn't have a cock!).

She just liked her sex way harder and rougher than what I termed enjoyable and it was hard work servicing that girl! What she called bangin was bangin proppa.

I felt like a battery powered toy.

I felt used and left with my delicate little feelings hurt!

:sad:


----------



## zasker (Jun 21, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> I planted an Aussie flag once. Not in Aus, but here in London.
> 
> Picked her up in some South African/NZ/Aus bar along the Embankment.
> 
> ...


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

zasker said:


> :lol: :lol: :lol:


Yeah, cos I was sposed to be the alpha male hunter out looking for women to make em laugh, then shag em.

Turned out I was just a side-show entertainment.

She wasn't aggressive or mean personality-wise, just more aggressive than I liked in the sack.

Reminded me of that Russian spy Xenia Onnatop in Bond Goldeneye.


----------



## Marcus2014 (Mar 24, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> I planted an Aussie flag once. Not in Aus, but here in London.
> 
> Picked her up in some South African/NZ/Aus bar along the Embankment.
> 
> ...


you big puff, you made nailing a chick sound suuuuper gay hahhaahahha


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Yeah, I did, didn;t I? :blush:

(Cough, change of voice to deeper. So you see the bears game last night?)


----------



## zasker (Jun 21, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Yeah, cos I was sposed to be the alpha male hunter out looking for women to make em laugh, then shag em.
> 
> Turned out I was just a side-show entertainment.
> 
> ...


id probably have liked it... can get on board with a bit of rougher sh*t :devil2:


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

You can have her mate.

I still got her email and tel somewhere.

'Kin rough beeatch!


----------



## teenphysique (Jul 1, 2014)

lazy said:


> On a backpacker couch in Australia when I was 19... It was like pushing a marshmallow through a key-hole, but I think it counted!!


hahaha marshmellow through a key hole hahaha

the opposite is a throwing a sausage down a hall way


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

I said:


> Yup it is taboo indeed' date=' certainly doesn't work as a chat up line IME, hence me beating around the bush :wink: [/quote']
> 
> Sorry late entrance........ Who's bush we beating?


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Verno said:


> Sorry late entrance........ Who's bush we beating?


Skye's hopefully, hoping she accepts my offer to be her plaything.


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

I said:


> Skye's hopefully' date=' hoping she accepts my offer to be her plaything.[/quote']
> 
> Sweet ..... I like it dangerous
> 
> No offence Skye


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

@I'mNotAPervert!

Dude her last reply was couple of hours ago, is she playing hard to get?

Hi @Lotte :wub:


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

I said:


> Skye's hopefully' date=' hoping she accepts my offer to be her plaything.[/quote']
> 
> Why not put the 'P' in skye and end up with skyping her?
> 
> But beware, her surname is 666 so if she's Mrs Devil, then I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes when her husband comes a knocking.


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Verno said:


> Sorry late entrance........ Who's bush we beating?


"We"?

There's no we.

This is an intended contract for services between two parties for the mutual benefit of both.


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

AncientOldBloke said:


> "We"?
> 
> There's no we.
> 
> This is an intended contract for services between two parties.


Cool I like a party :bounce:

Is it a bush party?


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Why not put the 'P' in skye and end up with skyping her?
> 
> But beware, her surname is 666 so if she's Mrs Devil, then I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes when her husband comes a knocking.


He's a ****ing choir boy compared to me! A CHOIR BOY!!!

/Arnie accent


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Tell her you're the last hero then.


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Verno said:


> @I'mNotAPervert!
> 
> Dude her last reply was couple of hours ago, is she playing hard to get?
> 
> Hi Lotte :wub:


Nah probably just busy. Hopefully not with another man.


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Tell her you're the last hero then.


Err action?


----------



## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Tell her you're the last hero then.


She better be full commando when I pay her a visit, or one of us is gonna be in deep trouble.


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Or, when you go soft on her the first time you could tell her you'll be beck


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Verno said:


> Err action?


Yeah, action.

diifficult on phone.

easy on pc.


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

> Nah probably just busy. Hopefully not with another man.


That's harsh mate I feel for ya


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Maybe she's reading this and thinking "three idiots with trensomnia"


----------



## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Maybe she's reading this and thinking "three idiots with trensomnia"


Oi I resent that! I don't need tren to be an idiot


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Well they do say AAS merely amplifies what you already got. (Doesn't apply to hair tho)


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

I said:


> Well' date=' I'm 25... Big enough age gap for a cougar-toy boy arrangement?[/quote']
> 
> Oh good lord no..25 too young for me...I have policies I'm forced to stick to in order to avoid...GUILT :cool2:


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Only way to get a definitive conclusion is to ask Skye her age.
> 
> But that's taboo in the western world.


Nah I don't care..I'm 49 due to be 50 in August ..I don't feel it though :thumbup1:


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> Why not put the 'P' in skye and end up with skyping her?
> 
> But beware, her surname is 666 so if she's Mrs Devil, then I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes when her husband comes a knocking.


Lol...u lot I am here u know!!!!!

There's no husband .... :nono:


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

I said:


> She better be full commando when I pay her a visit' date=' or one of us is gonna be in deep trouble.[/quote']
> 
> Lol 'better be' younger guys ( and even in their 30s) always have the chat ...but then ......


----------



## zasker (Jun 21, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Lol...u lot I am here u know!!!!!
> 
> *There's no husband* .... :nono:


probably shouldnt have mentioned that bit.


----------



## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Lol...u lot I am here u know!!!!!
> 
> There's no husband .... :nono:


Oh. So no fun or challenge for our handsome young knight Mr I'mNotAPervert! then.


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Lol.... I am a virgin


Balls


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

Mr no pervert is wayyyy too young for me...lights out !!


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

bigchickenlover said:


> Balls


Hahahaha ....yes but but but.. I was single and didn't sleep with anyone for 5 yrs until very recently so it counts


----------



## zasker (Jun 21, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Hahahaha ....yes but but but.. I was single and didn't sleep with anyone for 5 yrs until very recently so it counts


must have had a very shiny bed post after 5 years.


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Hahahaha ....yes but but but.. I was single and didn't sleep with anyone for 5 yrs until very recently so it counts


You don't sleep!! that's the idea!! you supposed to be awake!! You probly didn't even realise...


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

zasker said:


> must have had a very shiny bed post after 5 years.


Lol I'd like to think so but lasted all of 10 min...****..and I wasn't impressed.


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

bigchickenlover said:


> You don't sleep!! that's the idea!! you supposed to be awake!! You probly didn't even realise...


I was wide awake!!!! I initiated it..I'm a woman who knows what she wants il have u know there's no didn't realize about me chicken face.


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> I was wide awake!!!! I initiated it..I'm a woman who knows what she wants il have u know there's no didn't realize about me chicken face.


You initiated it? Sounds like some kind of experiment to me.. Im sure your a woman who knows what SHE wants, as I a chicken face who knows what a chicken face wants!!

The trouble with me is the women don't want what I want...


----------



## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

bigchickenlover said:


> You initiated it? Sounds like some kind of experiment to me.. Im sure your a woman who knows what SHE wants, as I a chicken face who knows what a chicken face wants!!
> 
> The trouble with me is the women don't want what I want...


Lol....so tell me ...what do u want?


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Lol....so tell me ...what do u want?


A slap, bit of biting, a small punch maybe a bit of pushy pushy just to name a few... generally I like it rough unfortunately I've only ever met one woman who liked the same..

Being the size I am I guess they get a bit scared... Boo!

:blush:


----------



## PLauGE (Oct 17, 2010)

Cringinghellfire


----------



## zasker (Jun 21, 2014)

bigchickenlover said:


> A slap, bit of biting, a small punch maybe a bit of pushy pushy just to name a few... generally I like it rough unfortunately I've only ever met one woman who liked the same..
> 
> Being the size I am I guess they get a bit scared... Boo!
> 
> :blush:


go see a hooker? pretty certain they'd do the nasty stuff.


----------



## Chelsea (Sep 19, 2009)

bigchickenlover said:


> A slap, bit of biting, a small punch maybe a bit of pushy pushy just to name a few... generally I like it rough unfortunately I've only ever met one woman who liked the same..
> 
> *Being the size I am I guess they get a bit scared*... Boo!
> 
> :blush:


Bit scared they might snap you in half you tiny cnut


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

zasker said:


> go see a hooker? pretty certain they'd do the nasty stuff.


Lol not really ready to pay for it just yet.. unless its G4P


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Chelsea said:


> Bit scared they might snap you in half you tiny cnut


Ive been with women with bigger boobs than you, I would have said calves but that would be below the belt


----------



## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

bigchickenlover said:


> A slap, bit of biting, a small punch maybe a bit of pushy pushy just to name a few... generally I like it rough unfortunately I've only ever met one woman who liked the same..
> 
> Being the size I am I guess they get a bit scared... Boo!
> 
> :blush:


I used to fcuk a bird who used to tell me to "fcuk me like you hate me" a long with spitting in her face and biting her till she bled. You'd like her


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

liam0810 said:


> I used to fcuk a bird who used to tell me to "fcuk me like you hate me" a long with spitting in her face and biting her till she bled. You'd like her


Yes yes I would, ive met one in my life who satisfied those needs along with all the regular pulling of hair and slapping bits I cant write on here what she enjoyed but she wasn't satisfied unless id almost killed her, we got on really well she made great sandwiches too


----------



## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

bigchickenlover said:


> Yes yes I would, ive met one in my life who satisfied those needs along with all the regular pulling of hair and slapping bits I cant write on here what she enjoyed but she wasn't satisfied unless id almost killed her, we got on really well she made great sandwiches too


Now this girl doesn't make a great sarnie. I've actually met quite a few in the last few years who love it rough. I thank 50 shades for it


----------



## kniterider (Nov 24, 2011)

I was 16 and drank a bottle of bacardi and couldn't barely walk let alone have sex.

She gets on thumbs my semi in and at that point my mate walks in stark naked (he was trying to do her mate) and goes to me I can't get a hard on. I'm like what the **** why are you in here tell g me?!?

The moat worrying thing out of all of it was I remember the size of his bloody foreskin. Asda a couldn't roll that thing back it was like a dementers hood!


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

kniterider said:


> I was 16 and drank a bottle of bacardi and couldn't barely walk let alone have sex.
> 
> She gets on thumbs my semi in and at that point my mate walks in stark naked (he was trying to do her mate) and goes to me I can't get a hard on. I'm like what the **** why are you in here tell g me?!?
> 
> The moat worrying thing out of all of it was I remember the size of his bloody foreskin. Asda a couldn't roll that thing back it was like a dementers hood!


I think the most worrying thing about this is that you called your mate "G"


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## Chelsea (Sep 19, 2009)

bigchickenlover said:


> Ive been with women with *bigger boobs than you*, I would have said calves but that would be below the belt


I dont believe that for a second......calves maybe :lol:


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Chelsea said:


> I dont believe that for a second......calves maybe :lol:


They were 34FF mate and she was around 60-70kgs so they looked bigger, if you lost some weight?? Oh wait... If you lost a shed load of weight :w00t:


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## Chelsea (Sep 19, 2009)

bigchickenlover said:


> They were 34FF mate and she was around 60-70kgs so they looked bigger, if you lost some weight?? Oh wait... If you lost a shed load of weight :w00t:


 :lol: so she was the same weight as your max bench? :tongue:


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Chelsea said:


> :lol: so she was the same weight as your max bench? :tongue:


Lol!

That's with my Inzer vest on tho!

I use crossfit weights like you in your vids so that's double the gains!


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## Chelsea (Sep 19, 2009)

bigchickenlover said:


> Lol!
> 
> That's with my Inzer vest on tho!
> 
> I use crossfit weights like you in your vids so that's double the gains!


Double the plates, half the weight = double the gains

Yea science bitch!


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## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

Fcuk the weights I want to know who's got the bigger handbag :lol:


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## nWo (Mar 25, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Oh good lord no..25 too young for me...I have policies I'm forced to stick to in order to avoid...GUILT :cool2:


That's okay, don't feel guilty, I don't mind being used and abused by the more experienced lady


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## Verno (Apr 18, 2008)

I said:


> That's okay' date=' don't feel guilty, I don't mind being used and abused by the more experienced lady  [/quote']
> 
> I do Ya mate :beer:


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## guvnor82 (Oct 23, 2011)

First ever girlfriend aged 16 went night clubbing and got chucked out for finger blasting her on the edge of dance floor still remember to this day bouncer marching us both out and all I wanted to do was taste my fingers????

Anyway took her down river after and fuct her senseless for a good 45 seconds can remember jumping in taxi after like Billy big bollocks all proud of myself.

still remember those lovely words she said after I came...........

IS THAT IT.......... ****ing soul destroying


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Hahahaha ....yes but but but.. I was single and didn't sleep with anyone for 5 yrs until very recently so it counts


 @I'mNotAPervert! Looks like you'll be stirring the porridge then mate


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

bigchickenlover said:


> Yes yes I would, ive met one in my life who satisfied those needs along with all the regular pulling of hair and slapping bits I cant write on here what she enjoyed but she wasn't satisfied unless id almost killed her, we got on really well she made great sandwiches too


And you remember the sandwiches, eh?


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

bigchickenlover said:


> A slap, bit of biting, a small punch maybe a bit of pushy pushy just to name a few... generally I like it rough unfortunately I've only ever met one woman who liked the same..
> 
> Being the size I am I guess they get a bit scared... Boo!
> 
> :blush:


Lol..oh I'm sure there are plenty of takers for that ..maybe get out more!!


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> @I'mNotAPervert! Looks like you'll be stirring the porridge then mate


Don't think so...I don't have none of that porridge thanks..


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

PLauGE said:


> Cringinghellfire


Why?


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## AncientOldBloke (Dec 11, 2014)

Skye666 said:


> Don't think so...I don't have none of that porridge thanks..


So, Mr 10minsAfterFive Years musta bin wearing a sock then.


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## Skye666 (Apr 13, 2013)

AncientOldBloke said:


> So, Mr 10minsAfterFive Years musta bin wearing a sock then.


Hell yes ..I'm not a swill bin :laugh:


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## Pancake' (Aug 30, 2012)

liam0810 said:


> I used to fcuk a bird who used to tell me to "fcuk me like you hate me" a long with spitting in her face and biting her till she bled. You'd like her


Haha!! them sorts :laugh: mate... I remember once, this stunning, petite, yet shockingly kinky naughty Blonde, I was just about to literally penetrate in mish and her hand came up and strangled me, I looked at her like WTF! lol. she then let go and whilst fuking, she wanted me to strangle her, god's honest truth, no joke! always the innocent kind, you just would not expect it from too. She freaked me right out! I remember thinking woahhh! steady on girl am not tryna catch a case, I just wanna bust a nut lol. not a nice bj either, I was petrified just hoping I would be ok.


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Starz said:


> Haha!! them sorts :laugh: mate... I remember once, this stunning, petite, yet shockingly kinky naughty Blonde, I was just about to literally penetrate in mish and her hand came up and strangled me, I looked at her like WTF! lol. she then let go and whilst fuking, she wanted me to strangle her, god's honest truth, no joke! always the innocent kind, you just would not expect it from too. She freaked me right out! I remember thinking woahhh! steady on girl am not tryna catch a case, I just wanna bust a nut lol. not a nice bj either, I was petrified just hoping I would be ok.


Sounds like my kinda girl!


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## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Skye666 said:


> Lol..oh I'm sure there are plenty of takers for that ..maybe get out more!!


I go out now and then at night when you are asleep.. Yes takers as im definitely a giver..


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## stoic (Jul 29, 2012)

I bought my girlfriend at the time some flowers from a petrol station by way of a thank you for letting me punch through her hymen.

Stay classy guys :thumb:


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## bigarmsbrah (Apr 8, 2015)

Literally only lost my v card a month ago at age 19, (recently just turned 20) got hit up but some chubby 26 year old single mum on POF

Was horny so said fuk it and went over to hers, sex was terrbile overall, I struggled to stay hard the whole time and didn't even cum.


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## Varg (May 17, 2010)

bigarmsbrah said:


> Literally only lost my v card a month ago at age 19, (recently just turned 20) got hit up but some chubby 26 year old single mum on POF
> 
> Was horny so said fuk it and went over to hers, sex was terrbile overall, I struggled to stay hard the whole time and *didn't even cum*.


Does that even count?


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## Heavyassweights (Jan 18, 2014)

bigarmsbrah said:


> Literally only lost my v card a month ago at age 19, (recently just turned 20) got hit up but some chubby 26 year old single mum on POF
> 
> Was horny so said fuk it and went over to hers, sex was terrbile overall, I struggled to stay hard the whole time and didn't even cum.


pof the downfall of man


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## the wee man (Dec 17, 2014)

bigchickenlover said:


> A slap, bit of biting, a small punch maybe a bit of pushy pushy just to name a few... generally I like it rough unfortunately I've only ever met one woman who liked the same..
> 
> Being the size I am I guess they get a bit scared... Boo!
> 
> :blush:


you need to come to Fife...

plenty women like that here mate.....

there's one local lass,likes you to chap her door,she'll open it with the door chain on....

you've to shoulder the door open,busting the chain,then fling her about,tare her clothes off,then give her all the rough sex you can handle

there's a few biters,and nipple tugger's around as well

you'd love it up here 

crazy women everywhere :thumb:

cheers shaun

P.S. Not my thing


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## Nuts (Aug 19, 2013)

the wee man said:


> you need to come to Fife...
> 
> plenty women like that here mate.....
> 
> ...


Are you sure Shaun? 

Cheers

iain


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## the wee man (Dec 17, 2014)

Nuts60 said:


> Are you sure Shaun?
> 
> Cheers
> 
> iain


there's some seriously scary women up here Iain:scared:

i don't mind getting pounded into the bed, etc,but feck all that....

biting,punching,slapping and some women on top using your nipples, like a set of horse reins :crying:

super passionate sex,yes

getting your self a good kicking in the process,hell no mate :thumbdown:

cheers shaun


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## Phil. (Feb 18, 2015)

the wee man said:


> you need to come to Fife...
> 
> plenty women like that here mate.....
> 
> ...


Sounds like you're just breaking into people's homes


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

bigarmsbrah said:


> Literally only lost my v card a month ago at age 19, (recently just turned 20) got hit up but some chubby 26 year old single mum on POF
> 
> Was horny so said fuk it and went over to hers, sex was terrbile overall, I struggled to stay hard the whole time and didn't even cum.


lol Ibby it's you.


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## Phil. (Feb 18, 2015)

bigarmsbrah said:


> Literally only lost my v card a month ago at age 19, (recently just turned 20) got hit up but some chubby 26 year old single mum on POF
> 
> Was horny so said fuk it and went over to hers, sex was terrbile overall, I struggled to stay hard the whole time and didn't even cum.


Like fvcking a dead mans handshake


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## Brook877 (May 16, 2012)

About 18 and on my uncle's front room floor with a girl called Laura,

I enjoyed it massively, but the fact it was over before it had even got started gave away it was my first time,

I was seeing her for about a year after, she taught me some good stuff bless her..


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## harrison180 (Aug 6, 2013)

I had tried lots of things to get a shag but all failed. Finally I was going out with this girl and we were at mine having a play about etc she then said her parents were out for the day and we could go back to hers the whole afternoon without being disturbed. Fvcking great I thought here we go, you've been waiting for this since you knew what else your d1ck was ment for apart from p1ssing. So in the 15 mins it took to get to hers my brain started talking to me, saying things like what if im no good or do something wrong etc. Got back to hers and no matter how much we tried the little fella didn't want to go to work and the more I tried to start the motor the less it was working and the more angry I was getting. Lucky for me she was nice and just made a joke about it then the next day I nearly wore her out haha.


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## Brook877 (May 16, 2012)

> Literally only lost my v card a month ago at age 19, (recently just turned 20) got hit up but some chubby 26 year old single mum on POF
> 
> Was horny so said fuk it and went over to hers, sex was terrbile overall, I struggled to stay hard the whole time and didn't even cum.


Lol,

I bet she was gutted, expecting a strapping 20 year old lad to come round and plough her like a trooper then you turn up and start thumbing in a semi.


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

Brook877 said:


> Lol,
> 
> I bet she was gutted, expecting a strapping 20 year old lad to come round and plough her like a trooper then you turn up and start thumbing in a semi.


Ive seen pics of her.

Trust me, this woman was not exactly a model. I'm not goodlooking myself, but this girl was nasty.


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## Brook877 (May 16, 2012)

Yes said:


> Ive seen pics of her.
> 
> Trust me, this woman was not exactly a model. I'm not goodlooking myself, but this girl was nasty.


I'll be the judge of that, my inbox awaits.. :wink:


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

Brook877 said:


> I'll be the judge of that, my inbox awaits.. :wink:


Hang on...


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## Phil. (Feb 18, 2015)

Yes said:


> Hang on...


Don't you dare inbox him a pic. Everyone deserves to see


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

Phil. said:


> Don't you dare inbox him a pic. Everyone deserves to see


I don't want to show someone's pic to the entire forum. Sorry.


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## Phil. (Feb 18, 2015)

Yes said:


> I don't want to show someone's pic to the entire forum. Sorry.


Worth a try haha. Was fvcking her like trying to punch smoke?


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## Yes (May 4, 2014)

Phil. said:


> Worth a try haha. Was fvcking her like trying to punch smoke?


It wasn't me who got with her. The person who originally told that story had posted pics of his exploit on a different forum. That's how I got the pics.


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## Nuts (Aug 19, 2013)

the wee man said:


> there's some seriously scary women up here Iain:scared:
> 
> i don't mind getting pounded into the bed, etc,but feck all that....
> 
> ...


:lol:now there's a voice of experience :lol:

Cheers

Iain


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## Brook877 (May 16, 2012)

Yes said:


> Hang on...


Objection upheld, she's grim.

Every girl deserves a stiffy tho so she still gets some sympathy points from me.


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## spudsy (May 13, 2009)

Brook877 said:


> Objection upheld, she's grim.
> 
> Every girl deserves a stiffy tho so she still gets my sympathy points.


PM said pic plse mate, I love a grim un for a shame w4nk


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## graham58 (Apr 7, 2013)

BettySwallocks said:


> proper grim, she was nicknamed psycho sue. You know how you have those weirdos in your local village/town that let the teenagers doss at their house? well she was one of those, must of been near on 20stone as well.


do you still see your kids.:laugh:


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## the wee man (Dec 17, 2014)

Nuts60 said:


> :lol:now there's a voice of experience :lol:
> 
> Cheers
> 
> Iain


i heard it in the pub mate,honest :rolleye: 

door chain lass,is 100% real and crazy scary :crying:

the women are pretty nuts around here :lol:

cheers shaun


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