# The story of the best night of my life. B000M!!!



## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

Okay were shall i start....from the begining i will.

note all that happen is very real.

so was meeting this bird who ive never met before at 8.30, Before i met her as first time i thought id hop on the bus go to co -op and buy a 15 pack of fosters, then went to a park across the street and rank some like a chavvy **** :lol:

then got a bus to "the bus station" were i preceded to drink some more and offer some out to 16/17/18 yr old girls and boys , then started getting free smokes of them , then i made my self alpha male of the group had some chit chat and i went ....all cans drunk apart from a few i lent out (about 3)

went on the pub met girl, was in about 30mins maybe a little longer...then went back to her's....her flat mate was in , i then snuggled up to watch a dvd (booorrring as ****) as soon as said house mate left the room action time was ready ....and happerning ...UNTILL SHE WALKED BACK IN so i precded to drop hints to go to the bedroom lol got to bedroom and then i was told she was sleepy and she will order me a taxi pmsl great :lol

so thought fck that and made my way into town to get me some SLUTS!!!

Got in the club talked to a few doorman mates etc, WASNT LOOKING TO PULL TBH...WASNT GIONG OUT MY WAY AT ALL

WAS JUST WATCHING THE TALENT , DRINKING MY DRINK, AND LISTENING TO TUNES...

must say i bumped into this girl i know sorta from doors and going out anyway *SHE IS THE FITTEST GIRL IN THE CLUB* i said im on my own just chilling out with no one...she offerd me to hang with her gorup of hot chicks....Fine pmsl i did

wasnt coming onto anyof them cba lol but one of the drunk one that was getting ingaged kept coming onto me and littlery was just standing there laughing lol whilst she did it pmsl...anyway got rid of her

obvsouly the other saw...(prob thinking wow , prety alhpa"!)

anyway whilst i was hanging around this girl (fittest in club) i could see loads of blockes eyeing her up and wanting to dance and **** and she was telling them to leave her alone i was just there laughing lol ....

...i even had blokes come up to me and shake my hand and **** :lol: ...yer ok son (**** off)

anyway after club me and her and her mate...went to another place casnino.....

WERE THIS OLD ****ING MUST BE 30-40 YEAR OLD "MARINE" ...WAS COMING ONTO ME NOT IN A NICE WAY TOO LOL IN A AGRASSIVE TYPE OF WAY AND THE "FIT BIRD" :lol:

SWEAR HE CALLED US ****ERS LOL WENT MY FREIND WAS TELLING ME HE LOVES ME AND SHIZ

also tried to buy me drinks and **** :lol:no thanks

anyway she asked if i wanna go back to her "freinds" flat (ILL GET TO THIS ...FUNNY AS ****.)

i was like maybe...

then as we went outside she asked again i was like yer ok

so got to the flat "****ING **** PEICE PMSL PROB WOULDNT OF CAME IF KNEW"

AND THERE WAS ANOTHER FLAT MATE IN THERE...ONE MED SIZE ROOM PMSL AND 4 PEOPLE FFS :lol:

so....the mate and her "flat mate" on the bed...me and the "fit" girl on the floor...

so didnt even try anything still was sat in the chair and she sat on lap(had too as no room lol) and we watched a film ( thank you flat mates ...was fucing borrring as **** u cnt )

anyway the mate and flat mate started to go to sleep and then the fit girl starts rubbing my chest pmsl

a few more times....

boom im in snogging and **** hand down the pussy she was like what about them and stuff i piont at the kitchen :lol:

anyway manged to get her on floor on bedroom "were we would of been sleeping" and then it happend......

......

.....

...

I was shagging this bird on the floor .....

whilst two other girls on the bed next to us lmao ...and she was maoning hard

after 20mins i was done....ATLEAST I THOGUHT I WAS **** ME SHE carried on...no word of a lie...maybe a hour or two didnt want let down as usaul so carried on...

was hard to stay hard

dick was hurting lol after about hour... :lol:

so went for licking....big mistake :lol:

pretty much done every postiion with her whilst 2 other girls on bed next to us lol telling us to shut teh **** up

anyway after two hours little sleep.... THANK GOD. (ABOUT 30MINS SLEEP)

THEN BACK AT IT WTF LOL?

AND THIS CONTINUED UNTILL UNTILL TWO MEN CAME IN THE FLAT......SO WE STOPPED KINDA..

AND EVERYTIME THEY WENT TO KICCTHEN AND ****...BACK AT IT PROPER...COULD HEAR AND **** :lol:

ANYWAY...IT GETS BETTER....

after about another hour....two other girls come round...wtf..here i am lying in bed getting head and **** pmsl in someone else bed.. and there is aobut 6 people :lol: i dont no in room lmao

and this contuied for about another 6 hours...on off sex lmao seruous...

must say tho after two hours...i did get it back up and ready didnt realy hurt again...

anyway got taxi and then taxi driver borught it up what was i diong in a drug den...most notruos drug den :lol: in (not gonna say)...

anyway all true...

my dick huts...

my lips hurt...

fcuk me.


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## LittleChris (Jan 17, 2009)

in English please.


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Just bumping this for later when I have time to read your life story, I'm actually looking forward to reading it! haha 

Edit * PS - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!


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## adlewar (Oct 14, 2008)

5 minutes of my life i'll never get back...........


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## laurie g (Nov 28, 2008)

then you woke up? tell you what if thats you in the pic and the birds you profess to have slept with you must have a big n ob or a lot of money cos your an ugly c unt he he he


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## hermie07 (Sep 16, 2008)

and now you have caught something from a smack head, good night then eh.


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

LittleChris said:


> in English please.


 :lol:


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## Jim206152 (Nov 21, 2009)

Matt 1 said:


> Just bumping this for later when I have time to read your life story, I'm actually looking forward to reading it! haha
> 
> Edit * PS - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!


Dont get to excited, its not even slightly amuzing. In fact I would'nt bother mate


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Jim206152 said:


> Dont get to excited, its not even slightly amuzing. In fact I would'nt bother mate


Ok thanks for the heads up!


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## Twilight (Aug 3, 2012)

Although if its true it is result. My version might have been something like.

Went out last night on a date. It wasnt really happening so I left only to end up banging some other bird later. Result

The End


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

I actually got a boner reading this.

I think this is a true story because its believable plus i doubt they were high quality girls and if you are willing to drop standards all sorts of crazy **** will go down.

I do disagree on one thing though.....you are in no way alpha! lol


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

one thing, my dick hurts...alot think she tear it a little :lol:


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## YetiMan1436114545 (Dec 7, 2007)

LittleChris said:


> in English please.


+1


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

Gee-Spot said:


> Although if its true it is result. My version might have been something like.
> 
> Went out last night on a date. It wasnt really happening so I left only to end up banging some other bird later. Result
> 
> The End


ino but its just the events inbetwwen lol like guys shaking my hand cuase im with these girls lol :lol: or the gay **** or shaggin some bird whilst the 6 other people in room just thought id put it out there


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

nc007 said:


> one thing, my dick hurts...alot think she tear it a little :lol:


I have been there.

After one party i remember washing my dick with soap as i was worried the cuts i got on it while getting a bj would get infected......even drunk that hurt LOL


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## Twilight (Aug 3, 2012)

nc007 said:


> ino but its just the events inbetwwen lol like guys shaking my hand cuase im with these girls lol :lol: or the gay **** or shaggin some bird whilst the 6 other people in room just thought id put it out there


Im just jelous mate. Thats all


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> I have been there.
> 
> After one party i remember washing my dick with soap as i was worried the cuts i got on it while getting a bj would get infected......even drunk that hurt LOL


lol she just kept wanting it and wanting it lol she was 26....i said i was 21...im a little younger


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## craftybutcher (Aug 10, 2009)

Okay were shall i start....from the begining i will.

*Hello I have a story which I would like to tell you, let me begin.*

note all that happen is very real.

*Although it may sound unbelievable trust me it is very real.*

so was meeting this bird who ive never met before at 8.30, Before i met her as first time i thought id hop on the bus go to co -op and buy a 15 pack of fosters, then went to a park across the street and rank some like a chavvy ****

*I arranged a blind date with this female for 20:30 as 8:30am would just be silly. Before I met her I required some Dutch courage and took public transport to the local off license for fifteen cans of the strongest lager I can handle called Fosters.*

*
*

then got a bus to "the bus station" were i preceded to drink some more and offer some out to 16/17/18 yr old girls and boys , then started getting free smokes of them , then i made my self alpha male of the group had some chit chat and i went ....all cans drunk apart from a few i lent out (about 3)

*
I proceeded to take aforementioned public transport, herein called 'a bus', to the bus terminus. I continued to drink my way through the case of lager whereby I happened upon a group of teenagers who were clearly were in need of leadership so I took upon this role with relative ease. They offered my cigarettes as I regaled them with stories of my prowess and general greatness. I had imbibed all but three of my super lager which incidentally I loaned out expecting them back at some point later.*

went on the pub met girl, was in about 30mins maybe a little longer...then went back to her's....her flat mate was in , i then snuggled up to watch a dvd (booorrring as ****) as soon as said house mate left the room action time was ready ....and happerning ...UNTILL SHE WALKED BACK IN so i precded to drop hints to go to the bedroom lol got to bedroom and then i was told she was sleepy and she will order me a taxi pmsl great :lol

*I met the lady at a public house. I talked at her for half an hour then we left for her caravan. She had arranged for us to watch a DVD with her flat mate which I found tedious to say the least. I was quite ready for some fornication by this point and soon as her flat mate left I was ready but fortunately, for her sake, her flatmate walked back in. I made no attempt at hiding my distaste for her blatant clan damning* so I whistled for cab and when it cab near.*

I got bored at this point.

*I made up clam damning as an alternative to cock blocking


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

nc007 said:


> lol she just kept wanting it and wanting it lol she was 26....i said i was 21...im a little younger


I had sex with a woman in her 40s when i was 19....i win!


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

basterd :lol:


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

dont wanna say were from atm tbh :lol: just incase someone from were i live see this pmsl

but yer it was all true and only i made thread was because i was looking back and thinking "fck me" :lol:


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## julesm (May 18, 2008)

and you didnt put a pound on the lotto- missed opportunity there me thinks


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

oh forgot to say....boob job oh yea!


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

Man, this is the funniest read I had in ages! I believe it's true and man, top Q for how you explained it!!! hahahahahahahaha


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

nc007 said:


> dont wanna say were from atm tbh :lol: just incase someone from were i live see this pmsl
> 
> but yer it was all true and only i made thread was because i was looking back and thinking "fck me" :lol:


Seen you around Surrey before..jokes (maybe)


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## bowen86 (Mar 17, 2008)

if you have your own life dont read it. however if you have a fetish for txt spk or guess the ****ing word, read away.


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

bowen86 said:


> if you have your own life dont read it. however if you have a fetish for txt spk or guess the ****ing word, read away.


You sound jealous to me!


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

YetiMan said:


> +1


dont confuse the OP with numbers and arithmetic symbols


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## Julio1436114543 (Nov 27, 2007)

x2


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

Lois_Lane said:


> I had sex with a woman in her 40s when i was 19....i win!


be more specific

i had one, she was 48, i was 22, do i win?


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## Dave 0511 (Feb 13, 2009)

LOL. Good story mate and the tragic thing is it's probably true..... the worst bit is paedoing up to a load of kids, plying them with alcohol in the hope of a quick finger pie round the back of the bus station..... i'd of left that bit out....

its hard to work out if you're the biggest legend or the biggest loser lol


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## Guest (Dec 1, 2010)

hamsternuts said:


> be more specific
> 
> i had one, she was 48, i was 22, do i win?


I did my mates auntie (Late 40's) when I was 17, shes got kids my age haha dirty sod


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## pira (Sep 8, 2009)

You beat me, she was 42 (one month from 43) and I was 25. But she was a stunner and minted.


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

hamsternuts said:


> be more specific
> 
> i had one, she was 48, i was 22, do i win?




nc007, Lois, Hamsternuts

No you dont win :lol:


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

nc007 said:


> nc007, Lois, Hamsternuts
> 
> No you dont win :lol:


PMSL reps, its official NC007 is cool.

Hamsternuts as has been pointed out you lose...


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## gemc1981 (Nov 4, 2010)

craftybutcher said:


> Okay were shall i start....from the begining i will.
> 
> *Hello I have a story which I would like to tell you, let me begin.*
> 
> ...


ROFLMAO!!!!! That was sooo funny!


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## LittleChris (Jan 17, 2009)

ROFLCOPTER!!!! That was sooo funny!


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Ok so basically,

He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.

Fail.


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## Twilight (Aug 3, 2012)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


Hahahahahahahahahahhaha And maybe has Herpes for his trouble hahahahahaha

Funny as


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## Julio1436114543 (Nov 27, 2007)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


 :thumb: :thumb : :thumb:


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## PHMG (Jun 15, 2010)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


Zara, any holes a goal...WIN!


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## RedKola (Nov 27, 2008)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


LMFAOOOO :lol:

EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read it! :lol: :lol: :lol:

.....cue us being called bitter.....lmfao :lol:


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## smartin (Aug 28, 2010)

Nc007 ARE YOU 12?, you should be too ashamed ever to post again.


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## Twilight (Aug 3, 2012)

On the night you saw the top one - but in reality the bottom one is the more likely.


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

RedKola said:


> LMFAOOOO :lol:
> 
> EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read it! :lol: :lol: :lol:
> 
> .....cue us being called bitter.....lmfao :lol:


ooooh - someone sounds bitter


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## 1Tonne (Jun 6, 2010)

nc007 said:


> *my dick huts...*
> 
> my lips hurt...
> 
> fcuk me.












You should find that will make things better. Im sorry for your pain but hopefully you'll learn from your mistake. Think your time would be better spent in the gym, rather than some infected tranny.

Good luck


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

lol she was a babe had bood job too lmao :lol:


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

nc007 said:


> lol she was a babe *had bood job too *lmao :lol:


most tranny do


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

RedKola said:


> LMFAOOOO :lol:
> 
> EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read it! :lol: :lol: :lol:
> 
> .....cue us being called bitter.....lmfao :lol:


Bitter? No. Reading between the lines I can see that what you ladies are really thinking is **Swoon**


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## RedKola (Nov 27, 2008)

a.notherguy said:


> ooooh - someone sounds bitter


I know....shocking innit!?


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## RedKola (Nov 27, 2008)

Captain Hero said:


> Bitter? No. Reading between the lines I can see that what you ladies are really thinking is **Swoon**


Yeah deffooo....slever! :drool:

:lol:


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## dixie normus (May 11, 2008)

This one time at band camp I talked sh1t on the internet, it was so much fun.

Lame as fcuk :lol:


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## rs007 (May 28, 2007)

Captain Hero said:


> Bitter? No. Reading between the lines I can see that what you ladies are really thinking is **Swoon**


Think you are right. She wants to swap out the old rs007 for the newer nc007 model.

I mean he works doors (means he is like all well tough and sh1t)

Can drink 12 cans (vital skill)

Can shag easy mingers (well alpha :thumbup1: )

Writes is all up on a forum to let everyone know just how awesome and alpha he is, which is excellent actually because we are all super interested and look up to that type of thing :lol:

Don't blame her tbh, I'm seeping at the tip thinking about him myself!


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

If you ain't been a part of it, then at least you got to witness, bitches


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Don't worry NC my brother i am with you, fvck the haters!

All you haterz best pour your selves a nice glass of hater aid, me and my boy NC got our hatershades on!


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## rs007 (May 28, 2007)

nc007 said:


> If you ain't been a part of it, then at least you got to witness, bitches


 :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## 54und3r5 (Apr 11, 2008)

So in summary, you [email protected] some dirty drugged up slut while other people watched. Wish you would express yourself better lol!


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## Gym Bunny (Mar 25, 2009)

Frankly I'm impressed the OP managed to do anything other than upchuck after 13 cans of foster! :thumb: :lol:


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Gym Bunny said:


> Frankly I'm impressed the OP managed to do anything other than upchuck after 13 cans of foster! :thumb: :lol:


Well said!

Few people realize that it takes serious skillz to get an erection in front of strangers while drunk!


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## SiPhil (Jun 16, 2010)

I bet she was a babe.


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## smartin (Aug 28, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> Well said!
> 
> Few people realize that it takes serious skillz to get an erection in front of strangers while drunk!


And go on banging 25times with 13cans of beer, this is a real tuff mofo here!!


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

You forgot to mention the bit where you smoked a crack pipe


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

smartin said:


> And go on banging 25times with 13cans of beer, this is a real tuff mofo here!!


I wont even get into the time i downed 2 liters of vodka and serviced an entire female softball team while on a bus...


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> I wont even get into the time i downed 2 liters of vodka and serviced an entire female softball team while on a bus...


You told me it was 3litres...


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Matt 1 said:


> You told me it was 3litres...


Well i DRANK 2 liters but tbh i still wasn't feeling it so another liter was poured up my ass......so not really drinking it.

But i was pretty damn drunk after that!


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> Well i DRANK 2 liters but tbh i still wasn't feeling it so another liter was poured up my ass......so not really drinking it.
> 
> But i was pretty damn drunk after that!


I see... cool story brah!


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Matt 1 said:


> I see... cool story brah!


Aint no big thang!

Just a regular day for me really.........


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

RedKola said:


> LMFAOOOO :lol:
> 
> EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read it! :lol: :lol: :lol:
> 
> .....cue us being called bitter.....lmfao :lol:


Nah I think we're safe..... its a bloke getting slagged off today most of them wont be interested in trying to shag him..... :whistling:



nc007 said:


> lol she was a babe had bood job too lmao :lol:





a.notherguy said:


> most trannys do


hahaha.... :lol:

Ps.... what are "boods"?? :confused1:


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## PHMG (Jun 15, 2010)

NC, i used to get pi.ssed in the park with my mates, go home and w.ank at babestation then run around the street with and erection (actually did this, thank god no one was awake at 2.00am), am i cool too???


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Lois_Lane said:


> Aint no big thang!
> 
> Just a regular day for me really.........


What vodka enemas? Were you slurring your farts after all that alcohol? :laugh:


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

PowerHouseMcGru said:


> NC, i used to get pi.ssed in the park with my mates, go home and w.ank at babestation then run around the street with and erection (actually did this, thank god no one was awake at 2.00am), am i cool too???


Unless you put that erection inside a hoe, no you are not cool get to the back of the class and watch the masters NC and da-con-meister in action!

Zara wat's up babe, you aight?


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## Dazzaemm2k7 (Aug 10, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> I have been there.
> 
> After one party i remember washing my dick with soap as i was worried the cuts i got on it while getting a bj would get infected......even drunk that hurt LOL


love how your acting like you have a penis lol !!

funny girl con


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Dazzaemm2k7 said:


> love how your acting like you have a penis lol !!
> 
> funny girl con


Hey Daz, i keep telling you i am not a girl but the pictures of your penis just keep cumming!

P.S. check out this pm i got, some serious ass kissing here.....i bet that person just wants me to pound their ass what you recon???

oh my **** mate, after watching some of your videos i am now your biggest fan lol !!

i ****in love deadlifts there my fav exercise.

amazing videos mate,

ps- that jump video where you jumped up that ledge = seriously wtf mate ? are you superman ? thats so hilariously impressive lol !


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## BB_999 (Feb 20, 2006)

Lois_Lane said:


> I had sex with a woman in her 40s when i was 19....i win!


I did a 45 year old (minter) when I was 17 - not only that, it was a mate's MUM and she even took it up the @rse!! Surely I win this little competition on that one??



Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


PMSL classic. A real confidence booster for the OP to get such a glowing report of female opinion on his antics.



dixie normus said:


> This one time at band camp I talked sh1t on the internet, it was so much fun.
> 
> Lame as fcuk :lol:


LOL good one.


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Rich-B said:


> I did a 45 year old (minter) when I was 17 - not only that, it was a mate's MUM and she even took it up the @rse!! Surely I win this little competition on that one??


Well turns out i just remembered this other time i nailed a 92 year old women bareback when i was 15.....


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## BB_999 (Feb 20, 2006)

Lois_Lane said:


> Well turns out i just remembered this other time i nailed a 92 year old women bareback when i was 15.....


LOL, when you exceed 50 it becomes a bad thing, you lose points for every year 50+, I can't believe you don't know this golden rule.


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Ok well I finally decided to read the OP's first post.

Firstly, learn to ****ing type.

Secondly, theres not one part which makes me think "yeah, that made it worth posting an entire thread"

Thirdly, I have actually 'banged' a girl with her friends in the same room, and it's not something I would brag about.

Fourthly (is that a word?) You're a ****.

And lastly, is "BOOOOOOOM" code for "This is another bull**** story" ? LOL


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## RedKola (Nov 27, 2008)

Has someone hacked Cons account?! :confused1:

....or is he back smoking crack again? :mellow:


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

Matt 1 said:


> Ok well I finally decided to read the OP's first post.
> 
> Firstly, learn to ****ing type.
> 
> ...


I might be a * c**u**nt* But im a bigger * c**u**nt* then you :lol:


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

nc007 said:


> I might be a * c**u**nt* But im a bigger * c**u**nt* then you :lol:


Again, I wouldn't brag about that either mate LOL.


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## Jim206152 (Nov 21, 2009)

RedKola said:


> Has someone hacked Cons account?! :confused1:
> 
> ....or is he back smoking crack again? :mellow:


I think he is humouring the boy


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## jonesy1234cas (Jan 1, 2009)

why all the bitterness folks? its cristmas


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## treb92 (Jun 10, 2008)

So in a nutshell, you got your leg over. Good story lol not


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

:lol:


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## Rossco700 (Oct 10, 2009)

Lois_Lane said:


> I had sex with a woman in her 40s when i was 19....i win!


Bro, I banged a 63yr old when I was 25..... although not proud of the fact, I indeed win!!!!!


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

Rossco700 said:


> Bro, I banged a 63yr old when I was 25..... although not proud of the fact, I indeed win!!!!!


Sh*t I did a 35year old when I was 22 and I felt pretty guilty... !


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## BB_999 (Feb 20, 2006)

Rossco700 said:


> Bro, I banged a 63yr old when I was 25..... although not proud of the fact, I indeed win!!!!!


Dude, that is WRONG!!


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## Rossco700 (Oct 10, 2009)

Rich-B said:


> Dude, that is WRONG!!


Was the best night of her life pmsl... like I said, not one fo my prouder moments, I'm pretty sure the whole story's on the AL somewhere lol


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## RedKola (Nov 27, 2008)

Rossco700 said:


> Bro, I banged a 63yr old when I was 25..... although not proud of the fact, I indeed win!!!!!


Can't believe you admitted that tbh!  :lol:

Just to clarify......was it man?! :lol:


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## Rossco700 (Oct 10, 2009)

RedKola said:


> Can't believe you admitted that tbh!  :lol:
> 
> Just to clarify......was it man?! :lol:


haha no it was definately a female, however she was a bit of a Jackie Stallone lookalike.... and in my own defence I was so fired up on Stella even if it was a man, it was still getting nailed:lol:


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## Bambi (Jul 1, 2009)

... the f*u*ck is all this?


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Bambi said:


> ... the f*u*ck is all this?


Haha, you don't even want to know! :lol: :lol:


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

everyone slagging you off is only adding to the thread, it's now 7 pages going strong, you've created a legend out of a pretty shít night out mate, you're in no way to be commended for your conquest, but in getting all the haters commenting, bravo sir.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Lois_Lane said:


> Zara wat's up babe, you aight?


Bare problems with all this snow fam innit... AS IF I'm snowed in.... dis global warming ting is BIG.... kmt





Lois_Lane said:


> Hey Daz, i keep telling you i am not a girl but the pictures of your penis just keep cumming!
> 
> P.S. check out this pm i got, some serious ass kissing here.....i bet that person just wants me to pound their ass what you recon???
> 
> ...


Um... I sent you those messages in confidence Con.... please dont pound my ass it sounds sore... :blink: :blink:



Lois_Lane said:


> Well turns out i just remembered this other time i nailed a 92 year old women bareback when i was 15.....


So does all this mean I get bonus points for pulling 21 year olds? :whistling: 



jonesy1234cas said:


> why all the bitterness folks? its cristmas


And it'll soon be Christmas as well....


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## TommyFire (Jul 18, 2010)

When i was 11 and a half i [email protected] a 103 year old bird whilst her 84 year old daughter sat in the corner watching.

Lasted ages too cos i hadn't hit puberty yet.


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

RedKola said:


> Has someone hacked Cons account?! :confused1:
> 
> ....or is he back smoking crack again? :mellow:


Back on the crack again....

Just read Zara's post LMAO very good.

Funny thread made all the funnier by the guys that take it all serious and make rather malicious (sp) posts.


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## Uriel (Oct 14, 2008)

ha ha haaah haaa

Just to say I've not read any of this thread so not lost any of my life ner neerrr


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

Uriel said:


> ha ha haaah haaa
> 
> Just to say I've not read any of this thread so not lost any of my life ner neerrr


I however did lose 10 seconds of my life reading about your nasty gas problem that forced your buddies out of the van in freezing conditions!


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## Uriel (Oct 14, 2008)

Lois_Lane said:


> I however did lose 10 seconds of my life reading about your nasty gas problem that forced your buddies out of the van in freezing conditions!


You loved it!


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

hamsternuts said:


> everyone slagging you off is only adding to the thread, it's now 7 pages going strong, you've created a legend out of a pretty shít night out mate, you're in no way to be commended for your conquest, but in getting all the haters commenting, bravo sir.


Well, tbh I think everything went perfect for him! Met a girl, snogged her, went out looking for a Slag, found one and did her big time. Drank loads met new people!! Man, I wish I had a similar night! hahahahaha


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

when i was 8 i dug up a 200yr old corpse and gave it the time of its life.

i win


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## piggy (Dec 1, 2009)

wots up wi being between 30 to 40 YR OLD? Suppose its good ur seeing a bit off life! GYM ADDICT? Opps u must oF 4got u was addicted to the gym: u shagged a smack rat#


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

piggy said:


> wots up wi being between 30 to 40 YR OLD? Suppose its good ur seeing a bit off life! GYM ADDICT? Opps u must oF 4got u was addicted to the gym: u shagged a smack rat#


Say what now?!


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## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

piggy said:


> wots up wi being between 30 to 40 YR OLD? Suppose its good ur seeing a bit off life! GYM ADDICT? Opps u must oF 4got u was addicted to the gym: u shagged a smack rat#


WTF?!?!?! Ali G joined a gym?¿


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## 1Tonne (Jun 6, 2010)

piggy said:


> wots up wi being between 30 to 40 YR OLD? Suppose its good ur seeing a bit off life! GYM ADDICT? Opps u must oF 4got u was addicted to the gym: u shagged a smack rat#


lol, best grammar award goes to...

oh and last night , i jumped into my time machine and travelled back to 2000BC and shagged some old desert slapper. So technically shes now 4000 years old...so i win.


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## jay631 (Oct 2, 2010)

hermie07 said:


> and now you have caught something from a smack head, good night then eh.


Hmmmmmmmmmm my thoughts as well!! Hope you macked up man!!


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## SALKev (Feb 28, 2009)

What's cool is I saw someone who looked exactly like Stifler from American Pie. That was weird.


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## Majordomo (Oct 20, 2009)

So OP - she slipped you some drugs?

Only thing that can explain your original post


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


HAHAHA


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## paddyrr3 (Oct 15, 2010)

So you managed to pull an attractive smack head and do her in a crack house, well done.....i hope you used a welly or death could be coming your way soon.


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

paddyrr3 said:


> So you managed to pull an attractive smack head and do her in a crack house, well done.....i hope you used a welly or death could be coming your way soon.


lol and i thought this thread was finaly dead :lol:

she was a babe who has her own place , boob job etc quite well off tbh :lol: , her mate obv lives in a **** hole with a smackhead room mate lmao...

and no i didnt wear anything :lol:


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## gemc1981 (Nov 4, 2010)

nc007 said:


> lol and i thought this thread was finaly dead :lol:
> 
> she was a babe who has her own place , boob job etc quite well off tbh :lol: , her mate obv lives in a **** hole with a smackhead room mate lmao...
> 
> *and no i didnt wear anything * :lol:


Dont know whats so funny bout that :confused1:


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

gemc1981 said:


> Dont know whats so funny bout that :confused1:


becuase i found a pack of jonny on my way out :cursing: :lol:


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## TH0R (Aug 15, 2007)

.......and they say the human race is still evolving:rolleye:


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

nc007 said:


> and no i didnt wear anything :lol:


Darwinism in action.......... :thumbup1:


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Darwinism in action.......... :thumbup1:


pmsl :lol:

stand up comedy you do zara?


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

nc007 - No Condom 007, simples. Now we know the origin of your name.


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## russforever (Apr 2, 2009)

wish my life took the same path as yours


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

russforever said:


> wish my life took the same path as yours


Finally some one being honest, good stuff Russ!

And i know you are for real because i have seen your whiskey statuses on facebook LOL

NC007 for member of the year!!!!


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## russforever (Apr 2, 2009)

Lois_Lane said:


> Finally some one being honest, good stuff Russ!
> 
> And i know you are for real because i have seen your whiskey statuses on facebook LOL
> 
> NC007 for member of the year!!!!


LOL  living the dream aint I haha


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

think ill be safe lol....

think i burst blood vessels on my head durring the 6 hours + :lol:

as when i got home everythought i had headbutted something or got in a fight as head two red marks on forehead...


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

AJ91 said:


> Herpes of the forehead is a serious, but somewhat rare one, definitely worth a trip to the doctors though


 :lol: its pretty much gone now but fck me never burst blood vessles before


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## paddyrr3 (Oct 15, 2010)

Barebacking a smack head could be the new extreme sport, although its a lot more dangerous than BASE jumping! :lol:


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## PHMG (Jun 15, 2010)

Bump, because its too good to let it die!

Your the man nc007 (but only cos Con said so and i want to be him  )


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

PowerHouseMcGru said:


> Bump, because its too good to let it die!
> 
> Your the man nc007 (but only cos Con said so and i want to be him  )


And i want to be NC007.....life is unfair at times!!!! :-(


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## dan2004 (May 8, 2007)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ok so basically,
> 
> He sat in a park in THIS weather drinking alone (tramp) then had nowhere to go/no mates so hung around a bus station with some underage chavs, got nowhere on the date with the bird who threw him out in favour of going to bed alone, pulled some junky bird and ended up shagging her in a crack den with an audience of smacked up junkies??? And couldn't satisfy her.
> 
> Fail.


*LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL*


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Haha RE OP was a long one so not got round to reading it until now, but you're a legend... reminds me of some of the sh!t me and my mates have got up too and lol at finding out you was in a drug den... funny sh!t :lol:


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## lolik (Apr 24, 2010)

pics or we don't believe you


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

lolik said:


> pics or we don't believe you


NC007 is the boards most respected member mate, his word is not only good its gospel!


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2010)

oh dear.


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Ha reminds me of a crazy night recent where w was walking home i ended up drinking cider with randoms










Ended up being a pretty mad night from what i can remember


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## SiPhil (Jun 16, 2010)

Right click, save to shopping folder.


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Haha you bastardo :tongue:


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## Pikachu (Nov 12, 2010)

Apparently rapidly drank 5.3litres of Fosters within a short space of time before comfortably bowling on a bus, what a hero.


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

The Raptor said:


> Ha reminds me of a crazy night recent where w was walking home i ended up drinking cider with randoms
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Take it your the one in the middle with the grey polo top on ?


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Craig660 said:


> Take it your the one in the middle with the grey polo top on ?


haha nah mate im the girl on the right...


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

The Raptor said:


> haha nah mate im the girl on the right...


I hope you banged those girls bareback after many drinks (far too ugly to do sober).


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> I hope you banged those girls bareback after many drinks (far too ugly to do sober).


I didn't bang either of them two in the pic but we went back to a house party full of lads and chicks all about 16-19... basically we all got wasted and took strange substances, i was gonna go to sleep in one room and said to a fit one, hey come in here for a drink and a chat since everyones being boring, anyway we got chatting ended up cuddling etc... then the raptor swooped ha

The rest was text book


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

The Raptor said:


> I didn't bang either of them two in the pic but we went back to a house party full of lads and chicks all about 16-19... basically we all got wasted and took strange substances, i was gonna go to sleep in one room and said to a fit one, hey come in here for a drink and a chat since everyones being boring, anyway we got chatting ended up cuddling etc... then the raptor swooped ha
> 
> The rest was text book


Damn you're pretty cool, but i wont swap over being an NC007 fan to a RAPTOR fan quite yet because well.........you tiny compared to the beast NC007!


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> Damn you're pretty cool, but i wont swap over being an NC007 fan to a RAPTOR fan quite yet because well.........you tiny compared to the beast NC007!


Well tbh if i can live under his shadow i'll be happy, and i know i need to pack on some mass before i get near his size


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## Gym Bunny (Mar 25, 2009)

Lois_Lane said:


> Damn you're pretty cool, but i wont swap over being an NC007 fan to a RAPTOR fan quite yet because well.........you tiny compared to the beast NC007!


How can you be so fickle Con???? I am so very disappointed.

Oh and you can can the crack. I learnt how to make meth this afternoon....ahh the things we do to procrastinate. :lol:


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

The Raptor said:


> Well tbh if i can live under his shadow i'll be happy, and i know i need to pack on some mass before i get near his size


Don't we all mate, don't we all!

^^^I don't think making meth is overly hard seeing that toothless ******** manage it. I do however dislike the fact that i need to show a drivers id to get a box of bronchaid and i go on a list of people buying it because the eph found in the product is used in meth production!


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> Don't we all mate, don't we all!


Lol has he even got any pics up other than the profile pic he had up? He's a new legend, a mascot :thumbup1:


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

The Raptor said:


> Lol has he even got any pics up other than the profile pic he had up? He's a new legend, a mascot :thumbup1:


Well Sizar posted up a picture of him (i know NC via facebook) and lets just say Ronnie Coleman would put his shirt back on if he saw NC in the gym!


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

just to say i went out after work and got a glass in my face.

that is all :lol:


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## Lois_Lane (Jul 21, 2009)

nc007 said:


> just to say i went out after work and got a glass in my face.
> 
> that is all :lol:


Unless the glass was actually kryptonite the guy who did that must have a shocked look on his face when the glass just crumpled off you like paper!


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## nc007 (Nov 21, 2010)

Lois_Lane said:


> Unless the glass was actually kryptonite the guy who did that must have a shocked look on his face when the glass just crumpled off you like paper!


well it was at the bar lol...i got in first so he decided to call me a cnut and throw a glass in my face :lol:


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## coflex (May 10, 2010)

just read this from start to finish....where do i sign to become a fan???

lol....fooking great thread as usual nc007......


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## chezzer (Apr 17, 2008)

I love this thread... instant fan


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

What happened ??

What did l miss ??

Whats chinny been up to now ???


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

nc007 said:


> just to say i went out after work and got a glass in my face.
> 
> that is all :lol:


did it improve your looks? :lol:


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## Grim Reaper (Feb 21, 2010)

I bet it ended up like this...


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Grim Reaper said:


> I bet it ended up like this...
> 
> View attachment 52466


Totally unfair and out of order !

Did you ask his bird if you could post this pic ???


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## SteamRod (Oct 1, 2007)

congrats on losing your virginity...


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## anaboliclove (Oct 9, 2010)

RESPECT (but what do you mean drug den like a crack houes or skag pit)its fcukin mad how a relativley normal night can turn into a fcukin mad one int it:thumbup1:


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## Grim Reaper (Feb 21, 2010)

gemilky69 said:


> Totally unfair and out of order !
> 
> Did you ask his bird if you could post this pic ???


I just hope his mum dont see it...


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## stevo99 (Nov 28, 2008)

your a tool nc007


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