# topical jokes about Liverpool FC



## Was_Eric

I'm currently involved in a joke off with a Livepool fan and need some topical jokes about them to fire back with

know any?


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## Scrappy

i was offer 2 free tickets to liverpool end of season dance - i had to turn them them down as im busy next saturday


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## Scrappy

following there last defeate liverpool have set up a a helpline to assist their fans through this distressing time the number is 0800 10 10 10, that number was selected as its easy for the fans to remember 0800 won nothing, won nothing, won nothing


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## Was_Eric

fantastic


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## Markc

Scouser is walking down the high street in Croydon when he sees a video entitled "Liverpool The Glory Years" in the window display of a chairty shop.

He goes in and says to the assistant: "Eh ar kid, ow much for the 'Pool video like?"

After wiping the phlegm from his face, the assistant replies: "£100."

"That's a bit steep innit la?, the lovable cheeky scamp asks, "ow come its dat dear soft lad?"

"Well," the assistant says, "it's £1 for the tape and £99 for the Betamax player."


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## Nidge

FPMSL :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Ashcrapper

Why do pigeons fly upside down in Liverpool?

Because there's nothing worth ****ting on.

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Benitez sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen who had gone to Newcastle.

One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on the field he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won.

Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".

"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time!"

With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, except I'm so sorry".

"Sorry!" exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in the first ****ing place!"

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A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are liverpool fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?"

"Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!"

"Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?"

"No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a liverpool fan."

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liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car".

Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.

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A report out today says 60% of girls under 16 in liverpool are Binge drinking on a regular basis.

I am shocked, who the **** is looking after their kids?


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## Bambi

Just bought a Liverpool FC advent calendar. ****ing typical, all the windows are boarded up and some c*nts nicked all the ****ing chocolate.

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Scientists have discovered that many men in the UK have penises measuring 3 inches or less.

To help solve this problem, they have asked them to identify themselves by flying a Liverpool FC flag from their cars.

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It turns out it's not just MP's expenses that are being investigated now,

Aparently the cleaner at Liverpool FC has been claiming for silver polish for the last 4 years

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What have a Liverpool FC Shirt and a tampon got in common?

They're both red, for c*nts, and scousers never ****ing change them.

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A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious...

what does Hell look like?" So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator." The man said, "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out.

Before him was a lifeless, frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter said, the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed and he traveled back up to Heaven. After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said, "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one more question."

"Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked, "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?" Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered, "Snow and ice, eh? I guess Liverpool FC finally won the Premiership!!"

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What's the similarity between a £1 note and Liverpool FC?

Neither have been any use in England for decades, and both are f*cking useless in Europe.

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Most from sickipedia for which I make no apologies


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## pudj

what do you call a liverpudlian girl in a white track suite? the bride.

what do you call a 30 year old girl from liverpool ? nana.

2 scousers in a car with no music playing,who's driving? the police

whats the most confusing day in liverpool? farthers day


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## Ironclad

Markc said:


> "Eh ar kid, ow much for the 'Pool video like?"
> 
> After wiping the phlegm from his face, the assistant replies


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: + :cool2:


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## T.F.

Liverpool season ticket: Burn After Reading.

Liverpool's next match will be shown on the Adult Channel as 11 @rseholes getting hammered has been deemed too explicit for Sky Sports.

A new Liverpool Oxo cube is to be released, it'll be called Laughing Stock!

 :lol: :laugh:


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## Nidge

Apparently, from september, Liverpool's new sponsor will be Butlins.

Their season finishes in november too.

Looks like reading has once again got the better of Liverpool


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## Was_Eric

Nidge said:


> Apparently, from september, Liverpool's new sponsor will be Butlins.
> 
> Their season finishes in november too.
> 
> Looks like reading has once again got the better of Liverpool


its against the rules to post the same post in 2 different threads


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