# Hard to find motivation, SHE just doesn't get it...



## Feeblebob (Feb 12, 2012)

Just wondering if anyone else has this. I'm keen to get back into some good gym stuff, and posted a journal start some time back.

The thing is, my bird just doesn't get it. She doesn't support me at all, I asked her tonight what we were doing this weekend thinking I could get some time this week to get food in, get organised and that, ready to get started on Saturday. She asked why and I told her, and she just casually said I might just as well leave it till the New Year, no point trying to start sooner.

All my gym food and sups are on a shelf in the garage, we have a fookin huge kitchen and all my sh17 gets relegated to the fookin garage. Really p1sses me off, like its hard enough to get back into building, without someone who makes it as hard as possible.

Anyone else have this?


----------



## Queenie (May 30, 2013)

Why are u letting an obstacle get in the way of what u want? If you're motivated, you'll do it surely? Get her to train with u?


----------



## SwAn1 (Jun 4, 2012)

She wants you to get fat so she can control you and you wont leave. Go train, look awesome and let her wonder whether you'll be there in the morning lol


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

Sounds like a bit of a cvnt. My missus knows full well i'd not be keeping my gym stuff anywhere but the house.


----------



## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

Sorry dude.. but time to grow a pair


----------



## JS95 (Aug 29, 2010)

RXQueenie said:


> Why are u letting an obstacle get in the way of what u want? If you're motivated, you'll do it surely? Get her to train with u?


If only it was that simple :lol:


----------



## IronJohnDoe (Oct 17, 2013)

Dude your woman has to support you&#8230; If she doesn't maybe time to think about it?

Even if you stay together you gotta talk with her and tell her she does not have to obstacle you. Don't let her do it too.

I would not stay with someone going against my passions, my woman always support me in my choices even when she's not fully agreeing and I like that, could not have patience to stay with someone going constantly against me..I would have broke up, getting awesome and finding someone better, but that just me.


----------



## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

Some ppl will never get it. I had this with an ex, she had her 17 odd horses, I had my training. Yet she would get pi$$ed if I didn't want to spend my day standing around watching whilst she'd played my little pony all day long.

Other than that you need to get motivated yourself, if you want it go get it. Move your stuff in to the house and get started. Although you have picked a $hit time of year to start up, gyms closing early, chocolates and dinners left right and center. Wouldn't be too worried about the diet thing right now, just get yourself back in the gym imo.

OP you do need to grow some :thumb:


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

Is this a long term relationship?


----------



## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

My womans drives me to the gym and sits and waits an hour in the carpark for me


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

IGotTekkers said:


> My womans drives me to the gym and sits and waits an hour in the carpark for me


Support a bro with a non lift supporting missus


----------



## dreco (Aug 22, 2013)

Behind every good man there's a great woman. Obviously she's not ideal for you if she doesn't support you in something you're passionate about.


----------



## Classic one (Sep 26, 2013)

Mine likes the fact that I am doing something instead of drinking and getting fat....


----------



## simonthepieman (Jun 11, 2012)

What have you done for her lately?


----------



## Feeblebob (Feb 12, 2012)

Guys, yes, everything stated above is absolutely correct. I guess answer A is that I need to start getting a bit more assertive, no doubt. It's just we don't talk things over, she says her piece and if I disagree (not argue, but just don't agree) then I often get the 'I don't even know why we're together sometimes' comments.

The horses comment made, I can agree with. She has her two greyhounds, and we live our lives around them, that does me in. I've spent a lot of time getting frustrated at work over the past year, and started beering it far too much to get over the bad days. She doesn't like that, but then isn't keen on me doing the gym, properly. She's happy me going a couple of days a week to do some frigg1n cardio, with no change in diet, but that's about it. If I do anything, I do it 100%.

Agreed, not the best time of year to be trying to start again, but I don't want to wait until New Year, if I put it off until then, I'll end up putting it off again.

So points taken, maybe it's not her at fault but me, not just getting on with it regardless. I guess I have some sh17 to sort out, but for now, I'll just get back to gym. For me.


----------



## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

She's probably heard it a thousand times from you and knows you're not going to get your ass to the gym. If you want to go, you will find a way it's that simple. If she sees you're being serious about it then she might start supporting you.


----------



## Feeblebob (Feb 12, 2012)

I guess we'll see.


----------



## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

have you spent the last few weeks waffling on relentlessly about they gym?

if so, then not everyone finds it interesting mate and its no different than if your missus had spent the last few weeks waffling on about something your not into... you would soon shut off.


----------



## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

Feeblebob said:


> I guess we'll see.


Just do it, stop procrastinating. Show her you've got a pair...


----------



## Robbie789 (Sep 6, 2012)




----------



## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

Thing is, recreational training doesn't require any 'support', you go go to the gym a few hours a week and cook your food... 'bout it. Sure it's nice if someone pretends to be interested when you tell them about your new deadlift pb or cooks you the odd meal... but it's not exactly make or break (I'm sure those guys going through prepping for a show may need an understanding partner, but that's a bit different).

If she's being petty about keeping a bag of whey in one of the kitchen cupboards then that's not really her being unsupportive, it's more her just being a dick and probably does this over other matters in your relationship I'd guess?


----------



## A-BOMB (May 4, 2012)

mine was a tad like this when we first moved in, she said i just need to eat what she eats etc and cant have supplements! well i just did what i want anyway and she has got used to it and sometimes cooks for me! your in a relationship not a dictatorship!


----------



## Hera (May 6, 2011)

I think that you need to be driven with or without the support of a partner. My man didn't think I'd achieve my goals and certainly didn't join in with the diet and training, but that didn't change anything...I just got on with it and focussed on my own path.

Each to their own, but I certainly wouldn't let someone dictate where I keep my dietry and training stuff; we share our home and so compromise.


----------



## bigchickenlover (Jul 16, 2013)

Dark sim said:


> Some ppl will never get it. I had this with an ex, she had her 17 odd horses, I had my training. Yet she would get pi$$ed if I didn't want to spend my day standing around watching whilst she'd played my little pony all day long.
> 
> Other than that you need to get motivated yourself, if you want it go get it. Move your stuff in to the house and get started. Although you have picked a $hit time of year to start up, gyms closing early, chocolates and dinners left right and center. Wouldn't be too worried about the diet thing right now, just get yourself back in the gym imo.
> 
> OP you do need to grow some :thumb:


So it wasn't a stable relationship then


----------



## rumbaba (Oct 2, 2012)

A-BOMB said:


> mine was a tad like this when we first moved in, she said i just need to eat what she eats etc and cant have supplements! well i just did what i want anyway and she has got used to it and sometimes cooks for me! your in a !


Exactly this. Just because your in a relationship does not mean you become "one". Thats Mills&Boon fluff and nonsense. You have your interests and they have theirs, and if your relationship is secure then it just works. You don't necessarily have to support or be supported in your separate interests, just as long as there is not any active sabotage.


----------



## Feeblebob (Feb 12, 2012)

Bomb - That's kind of how it is, I've eaten a proper heart-attack inducing diet for too long, the other half in all fairness to her, isn't a cook and works long hours, but it's meant I've eaten more cheese and microwave meal shoite than the average mouse population of a small city. This is one of the reasons I want to improve things, fed up of feeling tired and aching and that. But when I say this is the diet I'll be eating instead, it's all too much like hard work, and I'm just being annoying.

Thanks for the replies to this, I reckon it's set me straight, not just her, my fault too, just do it, don't overthink it. All good


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

OP just needs to put his big boy pants on and tell her "I will eat whatever I want because I'm a grown man"


----------



## Dark sim (May 18, 2013)

bigchickenlover said:


> So it wasn't a stable relationship then


I see what you did there


----------



## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

IGotTekkers said:


> My womans drives me to the gym and sits and waits an hour in the carpark for me


What she isn't telling you is that @The L Man is giving her a damn good rooting for those 60 minutes!


----------



## Smitch (Dec 29, 2008)

Not sure why you'd need permission or emotional "support" for going to the gym.

Isn't this just a normal activity for most people?


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

Smitch said:


> Not sure why you'd need permission or emotional "support" for going to the gym.


As pointed out he doesn't really need support as such but his missus moaning about stupid things really isn't helping his efforts etc.

I don't know why I bother sometimes hahaha


----------



## Smitch (Dec 29, 2008)

sneeky_dave said:


> As pointed out he doesn't really need support as such but his missus moaning about stupid things really isn't helping his efforts etc.
> 
> I don't know why I bother sometimes hahaha


Well, something needs to give, i'd be giving the miserable cow the elbow.


----------



## Classic one (Sep 26, 2013)

Is there any way she might go with you for a couple of times she may get the bug...


----------



## sneeky_dave (Apr 2, 2013)

By the sounds of it communication may be the problem. Doesn't sound like OP has told her her doesn't want to waste his time with her dogs, maybe if he pointed out the amount of time he gives to her crap maybe they can both just have time to do their own thing.

My missus knows damn straight I'll not be going shopping with her or to her mothers, as equally I wouldn't dream of trying to make her come to a car show with me. We then share time doing things we both want to do so we enjoy our time together.


----------



## Boshlop (Apr 1, 2012)

Feeblebob said:


> Guys, yes, everything stated above is absolutely correct. I guess answer A is that I need to start getting a bit more assertive, no doubt. It's just we don't talk things over, she says her piece and if I disagree (not argue, but just don't agree) then I often get the *'I don't even know why we're together sometimes' *comments.


if she is giving you the I don't know why we are together thing over little things then I would be running a mile, sounds like she has herself a bit above you like a lass I used to be with


----------



## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

A-BOMB said:


> mine was a tad like this when we first moved in, she said i just need to eat what she eats etc and cant have supplements! well i just did what i want anyway and she has got used to it and sometimes cooks for me! your in a relationship not a dictatorship!


Im sorry she did and said what?? Lol.

**** sake. Reading this thread i suddenly feel very lucky and grateful of my relationship. She wouldnt not never dare come out with such rules :lol:


----------



## Gary29 (Aug 21, 2011)

@A-BOMB just tell her she's having Dbol for breakfast from now on and if she doesn't like it she can fvck right off out the door.


----------



## IGotTekkers (Jun 6, 2012)

Gary29 said:


> @A-BOMB just tell her she's having Dbol for breakfast from now on and if she doesn't like it she can fvck right off out the door.


This!

Couldnt imagine a woman telling me i cant have something, she would be out that door quicker than she could read the first like of huckleberry finn.


----------



## teramobil (Nov 14, 2013)

funny my bird tried to woke me up 9 in the morning to force me to go to the gym lol i never did though


----------



## Dudeofdoom (Sep 3, 2010)

Missus's always find something to moan about tbh...,

Just compromise a bit ,I just fill the fridge up wiv healthy stuff and let eat whatever ****e she likes.......

(Compromise was she got an American fridge but I get to fill it up 

George Foremans yer friend... Just whack in on an yer sorted no stress healthy eats...

I've also boshed up a nice whey storage system btw - little things keeps em sweet...

I even suggested I buy a weight stack for a cage I'm planning on getting so she can use it as well without having to use the nasty bar..


----------



## Omada (Dec 18, 2011)

I was going to write a thread on this. Love a good moan about the mrs. When I first started training I did so in the evenings. Then kids came along and she started moaning that I should be there to help in the evenings. So I switched everything around now get up at 04:30 every morning to hit the weights. But apparently this also deserves a moaning because now I go to bed half an hour earlier. So I am being selfish. Sometimes there is just no pleasing them..........


----------



## phoenix1980 (Apr 27, 2011)

RXQueenie said:


> Why are u letting an obstacle get in the way of what u want? If you're motivated, you'll do it surely? Get her to train with u?


Here here!! Where there's a will there's a way. OP dont focus on the obstacles that are being thrown up at you because all thats happening is your stalling unable to move, instead focus on ways around the obstacles, you mention a garage is it big enough to put in a few weights etc so you can home work out when your unable to get to the gym?

Side note , Claire love your avi its amazing!! very amazing


----------



## Maxwellthedog (Jun 26, 2013)

A minute spent trying to understand a women is a minute wasted.

Just do what you want and she'll soon get used to it.


----------



## infernal0988 (Jun 16, 2011)

SwAn1 said:


> She wants you to get fat so she can control you and you wont leave. Go train, look awesome and let her wonder whether you'll be there in the morning lol


Same with my recent ex it was all about control finally i told her to fuwk off & i am a much happier man without her. Now i`m on a mission to get fit as FUWK ! And taste her sweet tears of regret and pain.


----------



## Guest (Dec 9, 2013)

Mate I have some of the same problems , all my stuff is relegated to the far corners of the house, she shows little interest , only comment I ever got was, don't get to big. ( bless her)

Now the only pain is the constant lack of food in the house, it's a 50/50 split, and she buys the grub. I would say just take these knock backs on the chin, and concentrate that negative feeling into changing your physique, for the better, with her help or not..


----------



## Dezw (May 13, 2009)

If she doesn't like the gym then she will not understand.

I always find it difficult trying to explain gym related things to people have have no interest in it.


----------



## Armz (Mar 20, 2012)

Unless she's physically stopping you from going the gym which I doubt, then there's nothing stopping you.

Sounds like the OP is looking for someone to blame for his own actions.


----------



## ironman1985bcn (Mar 3, 2010)

My experience on this... She didn't understand why I did it, then she got influenced by me just by being my gf... Decided to give it a shoot, went to see my prep, did the diet... All her family against it, and of course against me, as she was having a "hard time" (the usual when you diet properly)... Got in amazing shape after two months, got tired of it and then hated it, didn't want me to do it, I didn't give a fuk about that and kept dieting... she decided best thing was to split so she could go out everytime she felt like it, and **** other ones (as I prefered staying in and sleeping propperly as I had to work next day and wanted to grow)... She now gained a lot of weight and I look better than ever, living this journey happier than ever and next time I get a girlf friend will have to at least know and understand what this is all about.

This my friend is a lonely journey in most cases mate....


----------



## Queenie (May 30, 2013)

phoenix1980 said:


> Here here!! Where there's a will there's a way. OP dont focus on the obstacles that are being thrown up at you because all thats happening is your stalling unable to move, instead focus on ways around the obstacles, you mention a garage is it big enough to put in a few weights etc so you can home work out when your unable to get to the gym?
> 
> Side note , Claire love your avi its amazing!! very amazing


Thanking you! Hope you're good


----------



## richengineer (Oct 9, 2013)

my partner started by not supporting me etc. like someone said just crack on and then shel see your serious and support u.

i did and now she gets me supplements and cooks me healthy dinners willingly and allows me to have the time to work out as my time and doesnt try to stop me.

plus i got the awesome comment of can you help me get in better shape... result shes joining in the fun


----------



## Feeblebob (Feb 12, 2012)

The OP isn't blaming anyone for his actions. He's just keen to make the most of himself in every way possible. He doesn't want to end up some fat loser with a heart attack on his record while in his late 30's. He works [email protected] hard at work to make the most of that and wonders if his health suffers as a result. Some good gym and diet would help, he knows that. He just wonders why his other half doesn't appreciate the willingness to make the effort for self-improvement. But it seems from some replies that he's not alone. He still doesn't want to give up, and is making steps to dangle a pair in 'er face. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.


----------



## Fat (Jan 2, 2010)

Motivation doesn't do **** for you on the long term, habits and goals do. doesn't matter how many books you read, how many pictures you have seen, there will be times where you wont feel motivated but it's the habit and the hunger to achieve your goals that will make you move


----------

