# Help needed with confidence and self esteem



## Brutal1 (Jan 25, 2011)

Well folks, I thought being strong fit and ripped would give me almost too much confidence, but it seems to be going almost the other way really, Im in good nick abs coming through pretty vascular at 78kg and benching around 145kg, with decent size arms etc, fair enough im losing my hair which will make me look like an ugly fcuk but im starting to think nothing is gonna make me happy.

I struggle to have a laugh and put myself in a position where I feel I need to say something when around people, but just feel like a brainless cnut, and cant spit anything out, I end up just standing there like a ****... I sometimes say somEthing then think WTF did you say that load of ****e for??

Im pretty ocd and just cant work out now how to feel good about myself and just relax and be myself around people, I really thought the gym was the way to go but i feel its almost making me worse.

Id do anything to just feel better about myself and have the confidence to really do and say what i want to but just ran out of ideas now.

What a saddo fcukwit I come across here lol


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Mate we all have our issues, the trick is dealing with them.

Find confidence in the things you are good at, your training, your job etc and talk about them... Being confident doesnt mean being a cocky tw*t, it means being a good listener too..


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## Brutal1 (Jan 25, 2011)

I like that advise Milky mate, Thing is when im in the gym, im pumped up and look and feel good but its short lived and then i seem to be back down to earth with a bang in no time.

I go to festivals and gigs and usually take my top off and get so much attention and hits that you'd really think id be proper confident and cocky, but for some reason it just doesnt stay with me.

Im in a relationship too that im not 100% about so im about to knock it on the head to try and see if it makes a difference, will be hard walking out on my lil boy and step son though, but feel i need to make big changes to get big results????


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## eezy1 (Dec 14, 2010)

HAHAHAHA that was funny as fcuk reading that mate. i already like u


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## Queenie (May 30, 2013)

i dont know what to say to help.... but i know many have been there and come out the other side a different person. my thoughts are with ya x x


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## vduboli (Apr 1, 2011)

Brutal1 said:


> I like that advise Milky mate, Thing is when im in the gym, im pumped up and look and feel good but its short lived and then i seem to be back down to earth with a bang in no time.
> 
> I go to festivals and gigs and usually take my top off and get so much attention and hits that you'd really think id be proper confident and cocky, but for some reason it just doesnt stay with me.
> 
> Im in a relationship too that im not 100% about so im about to knock it on the head to try and see if it makes a difference, will be hard walking out on my lil boy and step son though, but feel i need to make big changes to get big results????


I hope I never have to leave a relationship where children are involved don't think I would be able to do it.

Good luck with whatever you choose!


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## johnny_lee (Jun 15, 2011)

just think who cares what others think and go wild


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## Ts23 (Jan 14, 2011)

have you just cam off cycle mate ?


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## onthebuild (Sep 3, 2011)

have you talked to your partner about this? if your feeling down in the confidence department then maybe its your partner who should be boosting your confidence, telling you you look good etc? i thought thats how relationships worked, or has 'the magic gone' so to speak?


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## SpeciJr (Sep 18, 2011)

Brutal1 said:


> I like that advise Milky mate, Thing is when im in the gym, im pumped up and look and feel good but its short lived and then i seem to be back down to earth with a bang in no time.
> 
> I go to festivals and gigs and usually take my top off and get so much attention and hits that you'd really think id be proper confident and cocky, but for some reason it just doesnt stay with me.
> 
> Im in a relationship too that im not 100% about so im about to knock it on the head to try and see if it makes a difference, will be hard walking out on my lil boy and step son though, but feel i need to make big changes to get big results????


Before you walk out on your relationship and kids make sure it's defiantly the right thing to do. the grass isn't always greener


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## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

Brutal1 said:


> I like that advise Milky mate, Thing is when im in the gym, im pumped up and look and feel good but its short lived and then i seem to be back down to earth with a bang in no time.
> 
> I go to festivals and gigs and usually take my top off and get so much attention and hits that you'd really think id be proper confident and cocky, but for some reason it just doesnt stay with me.
> 
> Im in a relationship too that im not 100% about so im about to knock it on the head to try and see if it makes a difference, will be hard walking out on my lil boy and step son though, but feel i need to make big changes to get big results????


what do you see as happiness ?

maybe talking to your gp would help see if you can get some anti depressants then look at your life .

but im yet to meet anybody that dont have issues its just people deal with them better than others .

it could be worse bro you could be me ....


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Brutal1 said:


> I like that advise Milky mate, Thing is when im in the gym, im pumped up and look and feel good but its short lived and then i seem to be back down to earth with a bang in no time.
> 
> I go to festivals and gigs and usually take my top off and get so much attention and hits that you'd really think id be proper confident and cocky, but for some reason it just doesnt stay with me.
> 
> Im in a relationship too that im not 100% about so im about to knock it on the head to try and see if it makes a difference, will be hard walking out on my lil boy and step son though, but feel i need to make big changes to get big results????


Walking out on your family will not improve your confidence mate trust me.

If you are leaving because you can no longer stand your Mrs then fair enough but do it for the right reasons..

Are you on a course currenty ? I have made some really stupid decisions when on gear, in fact most of them over the last 10 yrs !!


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## DiamondDixie (Oct 17, 2009)

Walking out on your relationship will be a tough thing to do man esp if kids are involved. Is it worth working on it? I read somewhere else that you work away from home offshore?? That must be a big strain on a relationship.


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## MyVision (Apr 15, 2009)

Mate to me it sounds a lot like anxiety, the frequent urination also seems to be caused by it - I had the same problem and it turned out to be nothing physical. It went away after I got prescribed beta blockers, which helped a lot with my general anxiety levels and mood, and also sorted out the bladder issue. Talk to your doctor about it. Good luck mate, I know how tough it can be, been there myself most of my life...


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## Ash1981 (Jun 16, 2009)

Mate sometimes you have to make the change to move on and start your way down another path

Im not saying to leave your family but you have to tread your own path to an extent.

Im sh!t with confidence to, for me its like there is a really confident person inside thats itching to get out but it cant.

Last night my mate asked me to be his best man, id love too but i just couldnt do it, stand up and speak etc etc. i had to tell him no


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## Thunderstruck (Sep 20, 2010)

As metnioned ealrier id go and explain all this to your gp, i think you will find you are depressed which is a chemical imbalance in the brain, nowt you change in your life will make any difference until the imbalance is sorted, thats why even things you love like the gym and the kids arent making you feel better for long.

Get to the gp before you make decisions that arent going to do you any good what so ever. good luck.


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## Adam T (Jun 6, 2009)

Sounds like what ive got mate. Anxiety, depression, ocd....severe lack of confidence in myself, my doc says ive got Social anxiety disorder too.

basically everyday is a battle with myself.....theres ways you can be helped, medication, counselling, CBT

personally ive tried the lot and im still the same...there becomes a point when you somewhat have to accept it, the past year has been slight improvement for me since ive tried to accept how i am and not let it get me

the amount of times ive thought of leaving my gf and jumping on a plane or sumthin....but the grass isnt greener, plus ive got two kids and i just couldnt do it to them, i reckon a lot of my issues stemed from my mum kicking my dad out when i was a kid.......would never put my kids thru that, im willing to sacrifice my happiness for my kids, but thats me....besides u leave and its still the same you just in a different set of circumstances, the problem lies in you not in your position in

life...you have to try to get help from your gp, it may not work but try....meditation helped me a bit....it may be something u always have to deal with....

theres internet forums out there you could join. Mental problems are an illness as disabling as any physical problem and theres nothing to be ashamed of mate

good luck

i could have got u totaly wrong, and im just spouting about myself but still...


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## Matt 1 (May 8, 2010)

Brutal1 said:


> Well folks, I thought being strong fit and ripped would give me almost too much confidence, but it seems to be going almost the other way really, Im in good nick abs coming through pretty vascular at 78kg and benching around 145kg, with decent size arms etc, fair enough im losing my hair which will make me look like an ugly fcuk but im starting to think nothing is gonna make me happy.
> 
> I struggle to have a laugh and put myself in a position where I feel I need to say something when around people, but just feel like a brainless cnut, and cant spit anything out, I end up just standing there like a ****... I sometimes say somEthing then think WTF did you say that load of ****e for??
> 
> ...


Youre alive and healthy, unlike many across the world.. so just try and focus on the positive, lift your head up and act confident and happy..works everythime to change your mood


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## Adam T (Jun 6, 2009)

i think the key is to develop i dont care what others think attitude....people think more of you when you have an opinion and not try to people please. at work i sometimes shake inside when im in an uncomfortable social situation.....i think a lot of it is an inferiority complex...like everyone i meet is better than me and deserves more respect than i do....


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## Brutal1 (Jan 25, 2011)

Ts23 said:


> have you just cam off cycle mate ?


Ive actually just started another cycle mate, 4 weeks into Var and test.

I had 7 weeks off after pct from my last long cycle and have been feeling pretty sh1t, I had bloods done and they came back high test and high estrogen, So I thought sod it and came back on cycle, My cycle is going great and im in the best nick ive ever been in, I have a good job which pays well, nice clothes, nice car but just feel something is missing????


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## Brutal1 (Jan 25, 2011)

ash1981 said:


> Mate sometimes you have to make the change to move on and start your way down another path
> 
> Im not saying to leave your family but you have to tread your own path to an extent.
> 
> ...


Thats ****ter mate, i was best man at my bros wedding, but at the time i was boxing which gave me a lot of confidence, also a bottle of whiskey helped 

I done loads of research and a lot of people said it was the best speech they'd ever heard, but tbh i just stole stuff from speeches done on youtube so it wasnt really me, Its a hell of an achievement to get through it though and im pretty chuffed i managed, One thing that im okay at though is public speaking for some reason it dont bother me much at all??


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## fat controller (Jan 23, 2011)

I have had to make significant life changes recently which were for my benefit alone and the gym was actually my saviour/focus, unlike yourself. I've had to dig deep and get on with things but I always wonder whether I can actually get through it, but you'll be surprised about what the mind and body can take. Always available via PM . Lots of good advice available from a number of the lads on here.


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## Brutal1 (Jan 25, 2011)

Adam T said:


> i think the key is to develop i dont care what others think attitude....people think more of you when you have an opinion and not try to people please. at work i sometimes shake inside when im in an uncomfortable social situation.....i think a lot of it is an inferiority complex...like everyone i meet is better than me and deserves more respect than i do....


Holy sh1t dude, You have explained there exactly what I am, You've nailed it down to a t bud, Its a constant battle to try and prove to yourself and people around you that you are good enough, but really deep down I just feel short, weak and thick as pig ****, OCD is getting worse with me everything has to be perfect, I drive lovely cars and buy the best of clothes just to try and make myself feel better, Im actually getting into a mess with money as Im buying so much sh1t just to try and make myself feel better.

When I go out I get ****ed so quick as im in such an uncomfortable situation with people around me, I think they are all watching me and judging me, its like im not even me, its like im standing beside me watching me and also judging me, ive just realised im not grounded or connected with myself.

Thanks so much for everyones contribution to my Thread, It makes me feel a hell of a lot better, Its not something I think ive ever spoken to anyone about in the past, so a big massive cheers to all and wish you all the best new year, Im at work now so need to get off to bed, I need to be up bright and early at 7am for another 12 hour shift in the morning....happy days.....


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## skinso (Jan 12, 2011)

I'm a bit like urself mate, around certain people I don't fit in but don't let it get to me, is it not all to do with interests? If ur heavy into ur bodybuilding, eating, next training session ext then this is on ur mind all day and if ur circle of friends or work mates don't train then u think uve nothing to say. My interests are bodybuilding my motorbike, when I'm not training I'm thinking about it or how i could better my diet and if the convo is away from these subjects my mind drifts off


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## Agent David (Dec 20, 2011)

Feel for you matey. If i'm honest i've been through some real bad times in the past 10 years and mentally it takes far longer to heal than physically. You feel like a **** because you're a burly bloke and you should be strong and macho and to admit you feel this way does take some balls, so credit to you. The only bad news is that it takes a while to feel better. The good news is that it WILL get better with the right treatment. Go to your GP mate, it took me ages to go and speak to them but the Dr i got was fantastic, very understanding and offered fantastic advice and offered some drugs that would help. Personally i didn't take the drugs but i did get some counselling sessions and they helped no end. You have to accept that you need to try and train yourself to think differently. C'mon now, you've trained your body and succeeded, treat your mind in the same way, train it to focus on all of the positives. Your kids, your physical health, your family, your job. Anything positive you can focus on then do it. I wont lie to you, it'll be hard and it'll take time but persevere with it and it will come good. Remember, don't be scared to ask for help. Nobody will judge you, and even if they do, they're not the type of people you want to be around at anyway so cut them loose. Again credit to you for talking about it in public and best of luck with what the future brings mate. Good luck.


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## L00NEY (Feb 22, 2010)

I`ve been like that where Im overly concerned about what other people thought of me and thus stopped expressing my opinions. its total bollocks mate, ive realised that were all the same and all have our own vulnerabilities etc and no one is better or worse than you.

Something I think that helps is actually expressing your own opinions on this forum because its a safe and convenient way to do so and hopefully you will start to not be so bothered how other ppl perceive you.


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## Brutal1 (Jan 25, 2011)

A wee update on my situation, Just been to the docs and have been referred to a psychologist for my inferiority complex, as this seems to be where the problem is stemming from.

Im now a few weeks into a Tren, test, Var, slin and hgh cycle and loving it, I feel fcukin amazing, sky high confidence, fit, strong and willing to take on anything lol, what a feeling!!!

Got a job interview this week also so hope it all goes well, Problem is trying to make the right decision to leave current position????

Thanks for all your input folks, this thread made me see things different and now I really feel positive for the future and I feel confident that I can turn things around the way i want them to be and be who I want to be


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## jake87 (May 7, 2010)

Milky said:


> Find confidence in the things you are good at


perfect advice right here. Confidence and low self esteem tend to boil down to inferiority, not always, but i think the advice i can give you is it really think about what you are good at and only concern yourself with those things.


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## Guest (Jan 18, 2012)

Brutal1 said:


> I struggle to have a laugh and put myself in a position where I feel I need to say something when around people, but just feel like a brainless cnut, and cant spit anything out, I end up just standing there like a ****... I sometimes say somEthing then think WTF did you say that load of ****e for??


f*ck em, if when you're around people that are making you feel socially awkward i assume you're not talking about close friends etc, if you are then and they still make you feel uncomfortable and awkward then drop them out, if you're not talking about people close to you then who gives a sh1t what they think.


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## Readyandwaiting (Mar 20, 2011)

Well tbh the best thing I did for my confidence was stop training like I have done.

The same issues you talk about I experienced also, once I stopped training my head evened out, I could hold conversations better, wasn't getting constantly tired angry and irritable etc...

It's surprising how much more pleasant your life can be without it. Training doesn't make everyone feel great and confident. Don't get me wrong sometimes I would feel good and confident but then I could get really fckin low and feel shtty and tired.

I find whilst I am not training i can control my temper a lot more and mind my is more calm and centered.

Although I am going for a run now to keep the heart strong.


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