# My decision to start posting again, and how the internet can nearly ruin your life



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

This isn't easy for me to write as I'm not the emotional sort and its taken me ages to decide to do it., but I feel I need to.

Some of you know I left for a bit and have recently started posting again.

Fact is, I was always outspoken. I was a mod on several bodybuilding forums and never bit my tongue. In a male dominated environment this meant I often was one against many in my views but I've never cared what that majority think, I always stand my ground and have my own opinions.

At one point on this site, it got a bit ridiculous, from both sides. Unfortunately the other side decided to make it personal, and in order to try hurt/humiliate/shame me, posted a thread on here "outing" me for being a lapdancer and claiming I was a hypocrite for taking a moral stance in certain issues whilst doing that job. Ironically I was no longer doing that job yet they claimed to have seen me working but thats another matter lol. I immediately admitted it was me they were talking about which helped to dampen the flames, but the damage was done. Whats said cannot be unsaid.

Fact is it wasn't actually a secret among my friends, I just chose for obvious reasons not to publicise the fact. Unfortunately though, people choosing to post it on the internet meant it got all round my acquaintances at home and inevitably, my family.

Not the end of the world you might think? Well, it kind of is when your mother has just been diagnosed with 2 different kinds of cancer and then you get told its not possible to treat her and she only has maybe 2-3 months to live. Its hardly the topic you want the family to be having to deal with when you're facing this.... nor is it what you want your mother to have to contend with in her final weeks of life.

Partially as a result of what happened here and the implications it had with family/relationships (but also obviously relating to my life at home) I ended up not training, struggling to eat and finally having anxiety attacks and not leaving the house for days on end. All this has culminated on me being put on anti-depressants and finally I am starting to feel like myself again. I managed to get back to the gym yesterday for the first time in a long time (though tbh I sat in the car shitting it for about 15 mins before I went in) and thankfully its not too late to recover some of my plans for this year.

At this point I expect you're wondering why I am posting this? Well not for revenge or retribution perhaps surprisingly.

I'm writing it because there are too many people out there (and on here) hellbent on harming others. If it makes just one person stop for a minute and realise the consequences of their actions how ever far removed the person they are harming may seem, then so much the better.

I seriously am not looking for ANY sympathy here so please don't, all I hope for is for people to realise that this is not "just the internet", that there are real people behind the screen and sometimes people take things way too far in their attempt to get one up on someone.

Love & Light, Z-L x


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## T_Woody (Jul 16, 2008)

Feel for you with you'tr mother Zara, keep strong, for yourself and your mum!

I recently started posting again and im glad to see you're name back


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

T_Woody said:


> Feel for you with you'tr mother Zara, keep strong, for yourself and your mum!
> 
> I recently started posting again and im glad to see you're name back


Cheers mate... having a serious moment of doubt about creating this thread now as I'm a very private person and never normally admit weakness but **** it..... its done now eh......? :blink: :crying:


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

welcome back, sorry on the family front, stay postive


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## T_Woody (Jul 16, 2008)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Cheers mate... having a serious moment of doubt about creating this thread now as I'm a very private person and never normally admit weakness but **** it..... its done now eh......? :blink: :crying:


It helps massivly to admit things, even to a forum! Plus this is great place to take mind of stuff, get motivated etc.. i imagine motivation to do ANYTHING is hard for you right now! I ent through depression too, it may seem endless, dark, lonely.. but you WILL get out of it  Keep going!


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## willber328 (May 19, 2011)

im new on here and never spoken to you before but i hope all is well and you get back to your old ways,

hope ya dont get anymore **** from the dick heads that ****ed ya off before hand either.


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

hello again


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## Shady45 (Jan 5, 2010)

welcome back. Sorry for your problems and best of luck in the future


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## deano (Feb 22, 2009)

Simply....welcome home


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## silver-nitrate (Apr 24, 2008)

Welcome back Zara it takes a lot of bottle to confront your demons , good on you


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## vetran (Oct 17, 2009)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Cheers mate... having a serious moment of doubt about creating this thread now as I'm a very private person *and never normally admit weakness *but **** it..... its done now eh......? :blink: :crying:


you havent,respect


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## Fatstuff (Mar 2, 2010)

Welcome back


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## Malibu (May 13, 2010)

welcome back, and well atleast you had to confidence to be a lap dancer


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## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

Hey Zara glad your posting again, I always liked your posts, however outspoken they were. I hope you get over the anxiety attacks pretty soon, they can make your life a misery. Anyway good luck with the training, hopefully you will achieve your goals which will give you a bit of a boost


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## kgb (Sep 13, 2009)

Welcome back. I hope everything is on the mend and you and your mother are on good terms.

People can be ****s, keep posting


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Vin said:


> Good job you came out of retirement Z! This site surely needs some old school sanity, this kids haven't got a clue!!
> 
> Welcome back Z!!


Oh you're here.....! All is well with the world again Vincenzo  x


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## rocky666 (Jul 9, 2009)

Unfortunately unless you have worked in a lapdance bar you will obviously get stereo-typed by the majority. Ived worked quite a few over the years as security and you know what its the total opposite of what people think it is. Ive totally changed my opinion once i worked at one. And you should be proud that you had the confidence and physique to do the job. Im telling you now if a close female friend was strapped for cash i would honestly tell her to do it. At the end of the day you have nothing to be ashamed about. Best wishes to you and your mum and get training lol.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

T_Woody said:


> It helps massivly to admit things, even to a forum! Plus this is great place to take mind of stuff, get motivated etc.. i imagine motivation to do ANYTHING is hard for you right now! I ent through depression too, it may seem endless, dark, lonely.. but you WILL get out of it  Keep going!


Its not so hard now that the meds are kicking in pmsl..... Joking aside though, its helped immeasurably and until they kicked in, I didnt realise how bad I'd felt.....


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## IrishRaver (Feb 4, 2010)

Heart warming story it may be, realistically you should have thought about your career choices knowing it will end up coming back to those you might not of wanted it to.

You're a very accomplished woman in this sport with a recognizable name, so naturally it got back to your mother. The circumstances just suck :/

Glad your back though. I enjoy your sharp & useful posts. Best of wishes from someone whos been through a LOT of **** too.


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## bighead1985 (Dec 31, 2010)

Good luck to ya. We need more females on here with good knowledge and by your amount of post's your clearly willing to contribute


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

rocky666 said:


> Unfortunately unless you have worked in a lapdance bar you will obviously get stereo-typed by the majority. Ived worked quite a few over the years as security and you know what its the total opposite of what people think it is. Ive totally changed my opinion once i worked at one. And you should be proud that you had the confidence and physique to do the job. Im telling you now if a close female friend was strapped for cash i would honestly tell her to do it. At the end of the day you have nothing to be ashamed about. Best wishes to you and your mum and get training lol.


Cheers mate, you're right indeed in what you say. It's not so much the opinion of ppl though as tbh I dont give a rats ass what they think, more just a warning of how having an "internet life" can come back and bite you on the ass lol 



IrishRaver said:


> Heart warming story it may be, realistically you should have thought about your career choices knowing it will end up coming back to those you might not of wanted it to.
> 
> You're a very accomplished woman in this sport with a recognizable name, so naturally it got back to your mother. The circumstances just suck :/
> 
> Glad your back though. I enjoy your sharp & useful posts. Best of wishes from someone whos been through a LOT of **** too.


Hardly ****ing "heartwarming" really is it mate.....??

I could try justify how I would drive 200-400 miles each way to work every weekend so nobody would know me, and made up cover stories for my absence, used a different name etc (and that my mother ALSO knows nothing about my bodybuilding, such is the nature of my life) but the purpose of this is to try make peace in my head with everything thats went on and come to terms with it in my head, not argue so I shall just say that it was hardly a career choice, more a necessity. No more on the subject do I wish to say


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## BLUTOS (Mar 5, 2005)

Fair play maid!

One thing does make me raise an eyebrow is the "double standards" in training, bloke gets bigger, might subsidise his training costs by working doors, woman trains gets killer physique "dances" for some schmuck who aint gonna get nothing other than skinter then silly things get thought n said.

Glad your in a happier place n training, looking forward to what you write about muscle memory and time to get back to previous level/condition.


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## Dananaman (Jan 2, 2013)

How epic . . .


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## BestBefore1989 (Oct 21, 2008)

From what you write, you have nothing to be ashamed of, not your past job nor the effects of what you are going through with your mum and as to your "admitting weakness", well let's just say that you haven't demonstrated any. There is no strength in masking weakness.

Only those who have lost loved ones know what you are going through, I would suggest you try to be positive talk about all the good times you shared together, the laughter, things you did together all the fond memories you share. You have an opportunity, take it


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## IrishRaver (Feb 4, 2010)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Hardly ****ing "heartwarming" really is it mate.....??
> 
> I could try justify how I would drive 200-400 miles each way to work every weekend so nobody would know me, and made up cover stories for my absence, used a different name etc (and that my mother ALSO knows nothing about my bodybuilding, such is the nature of my life) but the purpose of this is to try make peace in my head with everything thats went on and come to terms with it in my head, not argue so I shall just say that it was hardly a career choice, more a necessity. No more on the subject do I wish to say


State the obvious.. it was sarcastic, of course it wasn't heartwarming in the slightest. I do have compassion. Maybe it was sarcasm in the wrong context though, apologies if you took offence.

I've been mistaken again...lol...isn't bodybuilding your choice of career? I thought lapdancing was just an easy way for you to make a *lot* of cash - not that it matters I see nothing wrong with it.

I was hoping to be told I'm wrong and explain why. Because I'm pretty sure my perspective on the matter is right.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

BLUTOS said:


> Fair play maid!
> 
> One thing does make me raise an eyebrow is the "double standards" in training, bloke gets bigger, might subsidise his training costs by working doors, woman trains gets killer physique "dances" for some schmuck who aint gonna get nothing other than skinter then silly things get thought n said.
> 
> Glad your in a happier place n training, looking forward to what you write about muscle memory and time to get back to previous level/condition.


Yep theres that mate.... anyway its all behind me and yep, that's a thought, I may start posting in my journal again, might help me push on a bit 



BestBefore1989 said:


> From what you write, you have nothing to be ashamed of, not your past job nor the effects of what you are going through with your mum and as to your "admitting weakness", well let's just say that you haven't demonstrated any. There is no strength in masking weakness.
> 
> Only those who have lost loved ones know what you are going through, I would suggest you try to be positive talk about all the good times you shared together, the laughter, things you did together all the fond memories you share. You have an opportunity, take it


I'm not ashamed mate, to be clear, my mum has been in poor health for a very long time and I didnt want her to worry. She doesnt disapprove of stuff like that at all but when its your only child you are guaranteed to worry and I didnt want that. Plus, the REST of my family ARE very judgemental and she is defensive of me as she is same as me really attitude wise.

As you say.... make the most of the time.

Obviously I wish all this wasn't happening but in a way I am lucky, I have been given the opportunity to say all the things that were unsaid and right all the wrongs, I've been given an opportunity to make peace on certain matters and tell her all the stuff I left for "one day". In a way mate, I am blessed....


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

IrishRaver said:


> State the obvious.. it was sarcastic, of course it wasn't heartwarming in the slightest. I do have compassion. Maybe it was sarcasm in the wrong context though, apologies if you took offence.
> 
> I've been mistaken again...lol...isn't bodybuilding your choice of career? I thought lapdancing was just an easy way for you to make a *lot* of cash - not that it matters I see nothing wrong with it.
> 
> I was hoping to be told I'm wrong and explain why. Because I'm pretty sure my perspective on the matter is right.


No mate, bodybuilding is a hobby and my business failed during the recession and I was left with debts (inc some of the "non-bank" variety), and no way to pay my rent and bills plus maintain some things I do to support my family...

Is that enough detail for you? lol....


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Fck me if I could make a living out of bodybuilding I'd just pack up my duvet and head to the gym lmfao.....


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## IrishRaver (Feb 4, 2010)

Zara-Leoni said:


> No mate, bodybuilding is a hobby and my business failed during the recession and I was left with debts (inc some of the "non-bank" variety), and no way to pay my rent and bills plus maintain some things I do to support my family...
> 
> Is that enough detail for you? lol....


All I'll say is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've had to deal with some real issues that I shouldn't have had to (esp at my age) as well and came out a better person. Just hard to sleep at night sometimes. Say no more Zara.


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Zara-Leoni said:


> No mate, bodybuilding is a hobby and my business failed during the recession and I was left with debts (inc some of the "non-bank" variety), and no way to pay my rent and bills plus maintain some things I do to support my family...
> 
> *Is that enough detail for you*? lol....


pictures of Lapdancing will do


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

barsnack said:


> pictures of Lapdancing will do


Well we got to 3rd page before someone stooped that low..... pretty good going for this place.


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## offo (Apr 10, 2006)

Always the way though zara :S


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## Earl-Hickey (Apr 20, 2010)

Hey i understand how these sort of forums can mess you up, my best friend who i was having a hard time with saw me on a forum once and ended up signing up and tracking me down, she found some posts id made about her which I either did drunk, or at times of severe frustration, they were not my true feelings but more of a rant when i was mad. Anyway this basically tore our friendship (and what could possibly have been blooming into something more than that) apart, now she thinks i'm a complete asshole because of the stuff i put. I actually had fell in love with her, but the circumstances were complicated and i needed to vent, so i did it to strangers online, anonymously

Id advise everyone to be wary because what you say can be found out, and even if you dont really mean it it can still have very bad side effects


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Earl-Hickey said:


> Hey i understand how these sort of forums can mess you up, my best friend who i was having a hard time with saw me on a forum once and ended up signing up and tracking me down, she found some posts id made about her which I either did drunk, or at times of severe frustration, they were not my true feelings but more of a rant when i was mad. Anyway this basically tore our friendship (and what could possibly have been blooming into something more than that) apart, now she thinks i'm a complete asshole because of the stuff i put. I actually had fell in love with her, but the circumstances were complicated and i needed to vent, so i did it to strangers online, anonymously
> 
> Id advise everyone to be wary because what you say can be found out, and even if you dont really mean it it can still have very bad side effects


Err.... oops mate....!


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Dananaman said:


> I agree with Barsnack, get the pics out. Might cheers some of us up after that long boring depressing read.


I'm very easy to find. Come and ask me to my face. Really. Please do.

Best of luck.....


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## dtlv (Jul 24, 2009)

Guys please show some respect to Zara here - she's a long time and well respected member of UK-M and has posted a serious thread here. I know the crudeness/suggestiveness/asking for pics is a form of banter and not always intended to be as disrespectful as it seems, but it often DOES seem disrespectful anyway... please keep those kinds of comments out of threads that are clearly not looking for that kind of chat.


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## dtlv (Jul 24, 2009)

I should add that in respect of the opening post, i don't think you've shown any weakness at all sharing all that on here - takes guts to show emotions, especially when you know some people are going to be disrespectful about it, judeg you for it or not understand it.

I know what it's like to help look after someone close with a terminal cancer - been through that twice in my life. I hope things go aswell as they can. The only advice I can give is focus on making the best of the remaining time you guys have and don't make it all about the cancer - don't ignore the illness, but as best as you possibly can treat your mum as normal despite it. Also make sure to take care of yourself and how you feel about all this... is far too easy to ignore our own health when we are worrying about someone else - very important not to do this and to take care of yourself as well as support your mum.


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## Conscript (Sep 5, 2010)

Welcome back Zara 

Sorry to hear about your mum. :sad:

We need more female members who have walked the walk like you! (and where's Jem!?!) :wub: :wub:


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## Patsy (Mar 14, 2008)

Threads like this are long in the making, Dont know the OP personally but can so relate to. i know a few members here off the boards personally that know the probs i been dealing with over the past year or so an thats why im so glad i didnt post in my own name from day one! over the past year ive lost everything... financial, homelife, mrs, job (company) legal matters..ect. ended up with nothing after a lifetime of graft living back with my mum, its hard going to having a comfortable life to having eff all, battled alchohol and pescription meds, gone from being in the best health and shape in my life and deteriate in a blink. Some of the boys i know off here personally (you know who you are) been lifesavers, literally. these days i choose to live under the radar which is hard when you know everyone an everyone knows you, FB deleted, number changed fresh start, which is very hard in certain lines of work! to the op i know where you are coming from especially with your mum as im dealing with similar issues too.

Said too my mate a while back, ive hit the bottom im at the middle now an im so glad i didnt fcuk anyone over on my way to the top, because... the journey down is lonely.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Dtlv74 said:


> Guys please show some respect to Zara here - she's a long time and well respected member of UK-M and has posted a serious thread here. I know the crudeness/suggestiveness/asking for pics is a form of banter and not always intended to be as disrespectful as it seems, but it often DOES seem disrespectful anyway... please keep those kinds of comments out of threads that are clearly not looking for that kind of chat.


Thank you mate.... time and a place eh? 



Dtlv74 said:


> I should add that in respect of the opening post, i don't think you've shown any weakness at all sharing all that on here - takes guts to show emotions, especially when you know some people are going to be disrespectful about it, judeg you for it or not understand it.
> 
> I know what it's like to help look after someone close with a terminal cancer - been through that twice in my life. I hope things go aswell as they can. The only advice I can give is focus on making the best of the remaining time you guys have and don't make it all about the cancer - don't ignore the illness, but as best as you possibly can treat your mum as normal despite it. Also make sure to take care of yourself and how you feel about all this... is far too easy to ignore our own health when we are worrying about someone else - very important not to do this and to take care of yourself as well as support your mum.


That means a lot mate... thats exactly the plan. Every day may be our last so we are planning allsorts while she's capable - I've got her a wheelchair but even getting into the car is hard, shes in pain and lives on 1st floor. I only wish I had millions to make the stuff better for her, the day trips etc but even on a budget we'll enjoy it while she can still go out.... then I'll bring things in for us to do... we have similar taste in movies etc (she's very cool my mom, horrors, gothic, gangster etc  )

I can always tell who's been through it by their reaction now mate.

As for taking care of myself.... I kinda have by going on these antidepressants. I've been half heartedly offered counselling. TBH the macmillan trust are pretty great, better than docs and are happy to deal with me direct over my mothers care, as are her doctors and nurses. I'm the only next of kin see so, all the questions and decisions come this way lol....



G-fresh said:


> Welcome back Zara
> 
> Sorry to hear about your mum. :sad:
> 
> We need more female members who have walked the walk like you! (and where's Jem!?!) :wub: :wub:


Cheers mate


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

PatWelsh said:


> Threads like this are long in the making, Dont know the OP personally but can so relate to. i know a few members here off the boards personally that know the probs i been dealing with over the past year or so an thats why im so glad i didnt post in my in name from day one! over the past year ive lost everything... financial, homelife, mrs, job (company) legal matters..ect. ended up with nothing after a lifetime of graft living back with my mum, its hard going to having a comfortable life to having eff all, battled alchohol and pescription meds, gone from being in the best health and shape in my life and deteriate in a blink. Some of the boys i know off here personally (you know who you are) been lifesavers, literally. these days i choose to live under the radar which is hard when you know everyone an everyone knows you, FB deleted, number changed fresh start, which is very hard in certain lines of work! to the op i know where you are coming from especially with your mum as im dealing with similar issues too.
> 
> Said too my mate a while back, ive hit the bottom im at the middle now an im so glad i didnt fcuk anyone over on my way to the top, because... the journey down is lonely.


Mate - everything you wrote - bang on! Every single word... been there, done it and agree with the plan for the future!

I'm also a "Welsh" its my mums name. Took my dads name of Ford aged about 23 but now am thinking wtf why? Contemplating going back


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

l was a witness to this witch hunt and as you know tried to defend you, not that you needed it l just didnt like what was going on.

l am glad your back to give a bit of balance to things.... lets hope these incidents are a thing of the past.


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## Patsy (Mar 14, 2008)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Mate - everything you wrote - bang on! Every single word... been there, done it and agree with the plan for the future!
> 
> I'm also a "Welsh" its my mums name. Took my dads name of Ford aged about 23 but now am thinking wtf why? Contemplating going back


Thing is Zar it takes life to hit rock bottom to realise where you made the mistakes in the first place, do i regret it? yes and no... but im glad i did now while im still young to recover and learn from my mistakes and experiance, wont deny it was hard but some things are out of our control an thats lifes way, trust me if someone would have said to me last xmas things will get better id have laughed, but they have, not much but a lot better an could have been a lot worse, my mum has been a gem aswell she is not well too, so lucky i am to have her.

BTW the first part of my username is my surname and the last is where im from ;-)

I hope it all works out for you


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## kernowgee (Jan 30, 2011)

It takes amazing strength of character to be as open and honest as you have Zara, the weak ones are those sneaking around posting futile crap. You are clearly under massive mental strain, people take online forums way to serious, I would not let anything said here add to your worries, life is not perfect and everyone has skeletons in the closet, if that is the worst of yours then I assure you morally you beat most of us. We are men Moral Neanderthals. I would train as it helps realise the stress best of luck with your aims for this year


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## Dirk McQuickly (Dec 29, 2010)

Good for you Zara-Leoni. Well done for getting back on here and back in the gym. Sorry about your mum.


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

l remember this witch hunt and TBH honest it got silly on here for a while with all the alpha sh*t. Not that you needed it but l did try to defend you and the other girls on here.

l am glad your back to give the site a bit of balance..... Your a good person and deserve some respect...

Welcome back xxx


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## jonno (May 23, 2006)

Respect to you always for having the guts to write this matey.


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## Hera (May 6, 2011)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Cheers mate... having a serious moment of doubt about creating this thread now as I'm a very private person and *never normally admit weakness *but **** it..... its done now eh......? :blink: :crying:


If antyhing you have admitted to strength  I'm so glad to see you back and respect you for sharing your post. Hopefully others will learn from it

xxx


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## Lorian (Apr 9, 2003)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Well we got to 3rd page before someone stooped that low..... pretty good going for this place.


 50+ replies and only 1 reported post - that's an improvement right? 

Nice to have you back.

L


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## Breda (May 2, 2011)

Sounds like a lot of sh!t went down but you've come out the other end no doubt a stronger person. I ain't been on the board long but there's some decent people on here lifes too short to let haters affect you they can go fist!

Soldier on soldier


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## mikep81 (Oct 8, 2010)

Sorry to here about your mum. My dad's going through the same thing at the moment, and I hope things get better.

Reference the dancing thing, I think you've shown courage to post on here, especially admitting how bad it effected you. Onwards and upwards!

Good to have you back.


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## chris27 (Apr 19, 2009)

good to have you back , sorry about your mum zara.


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

Good to see you back Z, hope you have a bit more luck from now on, sounds like a tough time....sure karma will adjust the balance in the future and others will find out what it feels like.

I know you have another little venture and have been loving the pics on FB if I didn't have a little puppy I'd be up there to get one!


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## LeeB (Oct 5, 2011)

anywhere can be improved with the presence of a Zara!!  glad ur back! (not that i ever do more than read the top posts list on here lol)


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## LOCUST (May 4, 2006)

Welcome back seen your posts knocking around various boards for years.

Sorry to hear of the family woes.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Lorian said:


> 50+ replies and only 1 reported post - that's an improvement right?
> 
> Nice to have you back.
> 
> L


Yeah, it actually is 

I waited a while and it seems many of the muppets have fecked aff.... :thumb:



mikep81 said:


> Sorry to here about your mum. My dad's going through the same thing at the moment, and I hope things get better.
> 
> Reference the dancing thing, I think you've shown courage to post on here, especially admitting how bad it effected you. Onwards and upwards!
> 
> Good to have you back.


Ah sorry to hear it mate. Much love to you both x



Magic Torch said:


> Good to see you back Z, hope you have a bit more luck from now on, sounds like a tough time....sure karma will adjust the balance in the future and others will find out what it feels like.
> 
> I know you have another little venture and have been loving the pics on FB if I didn't have a little puppy I'd be up there to get one!


Oh yes, what goes around comes around and yep, karma always balances things out 

Oh you want a kitten.... you know you do! New pics up today of some of the seal point boys and I sent one of my girls off to stud yesterday so there'll be another litter in 9 weeks or so 



leeb said:


> anywhere can be improved with the presence of a Zara!!  glad ur back! (not that i ever do more than read the top posts list on here lol)


Woo hoo..... :thumb:

Yep, I'm a bit like a bad protein fart. You think its gone but its still kinda lingering around.... lmao.... :lol:


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

LOL maybe when we get a bigger place, I bought a King Charles just after xmas and he's going through doggy puberty......fecking nightmare....no cushion, fluffy toy, leg or bag is safe from his loving affection lol

If I know anyone looking I'll have them add you on FB  x


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## steve1234567890 (Aug 30, 2009)

just thought i'd add my voice to the masses! I don't remember seeing the grief on the forum so i can't comment more than it sounds ridiculous from what's been said here. sorry to hear you had a rough time of it all and very sorry to hear about your mum.

that said, I can't think of a time I haven't disagreed with your posts (so you must be a bit odd perhaps!  ) so cool to see you're back, and the forum will be a better place for your return.


----------



## Dai Jones (Dec 1, 2009)

Good to see ya back read many of ya posts, and good luck for ya mum


----------



## illegaldanish (Jun 5, 2010)

The ability to talk about these kinds of things is not a weakness its a strength. Nothing but respect for you for doing that. Steve


----------



## BatemanLondon (Jun 14, 2011)

its nuts how **** like this can happen, but it does go off on a lot of boards. MMA forums are pretty good for this, i know there have been a few forum fights take place (wont mention which one)

You have to wonder if this kind of bullying , torment etc would have happend in the local pub or club or because people sit faceless behind a PC they think they can type something and then walk off and leave it with nothing coming back to them. Just a flick of a switch and its all turned off unless you are on the recieving end of it.

Fair play for coming back and posting again, must be pretty tuff thing to do if you endured a lot of crap on this board.

Sorry to hear the news about your mother its a pretty devasting thing to have happen and to deal with. Hope things turn out ok

I am new hear so this probably doesnt mean much.


----------



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Lorian said:


> 50+ replies and only 1 reported post - that's an improvement right?
> 
> Nice to have you back.
> 
> L


Lol cheers mate, I may make a cute fluffy kittens for sale thread later tonight 

Get yer dog neutered (unless you plan to stud him?). My american bulldog has had the snip and he's a docile big lump 



mikep81 said:


> Sorry to here about your mum. My dad's going through the same thing at the moment, and I hope things get better.
> 
> Reference the dancing thing, I think you've shown courage to post on here, especially admitting how bad it effected you. Onwards and upwards!
> 
> Good to have you back.





Magic Torch said:


> Good to see you back Z, hope you have a bit more luck from now on, sounds like a tough time....sure karma will adjust the balance in the future and others will find out what it feels like.
> 
> I know you have another little venture and have been loving the pics on FB if I didn't have a little puppy I'd be up there to get one!





leeb said:


> anywhere can be improved with the presence of a Zara!!  glad ur back! (not that i ever do more than read the top posts list on here lol)


----------



## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

We are going to stud him I think - we'll see how bad he gets tho lol We are going back to the breeder this weekend (she has a grooming parlour) and we will talk to her about it then. He is a perfect dog, colour, marking, features and we think he will be worth a fair bit, but if he is too much of a pest we will have to rethink - he is perfect in every other sense, he's well trained and affectionate, perfect dog


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## s&amp;ccoach (May 18, 2011)

Sorry I don't believe you were a lap dancer, do we have any photos to support this claim lol.

Glad your back, hope the family thing comes good soon.


----------



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Magic Torch said:


> We are going to stud him I think - we'll see how bad he gets tho lol We are going back to the breeder this weekend (she has a grooming parlour) and we will talk to her about it then. He is a perfect dog, colour, marking, features and we think he will be worth a fair bit, but if he is too much of a pest we will have to rethink - he is perfect in every other sense, he's well trained and affectionate, perfect dog


I think Kev (Leafman) may have a female Cav he wants to mate....?


----------



## mattW (Jan 12, 2009)

welcome back Zara! had no idea all this went on. I did miss your brutally honest posts, always nice that someone isn't afraid to speak their mind even if it goes against the grain. very sorry to hear about your mum, hopefully the time you have with her will give you many great memories to last you a life time. best of luck and again welcome back!


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

this thread is useless without cat pics. lots of cat pics.


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## Hera (May 6, 2011)

Ashcrapper said:


> this thread is useless without cat pics. lots of cat pics.


Ooo, and the videos that are on fb....soooo cute!!! :bounce:


----------



## Andy Dee (Jun 1, 2008)

Sorry to hear about your mum, been through the same sh1t... about a million times, very bad, very very bad :\.


----------



## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Well we got to 3rd page before someone stooped that low..... pretty good going for this place.


was trying to lighten the mood with that comment, sorry if you took offense, obvously we dont know eachother so its hard to know what context i meant, but defo wasn't a dig or anything, just wee bit of banter...my bad


----------



## DiggyV (May 6, 2011)

Welcome back to the board. Being a new comer here, I have not yet come across any of your opinionated posts, but look forward to it. 

Opinions generate discussion, and through discussion we learn.

Also in common with several here, I see no weakness in your OP, only strength. Use that strength to get you through all that life throws at you.

Cheers

Diggy.


----------



## lukeee (Aug 17, 2009)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Cheers mate... having a serious moment of doubt about creating this thread now as I'm a very private person and never normally admit weakness but **** it..... its done now eh......? :blink: :crying:


Ive not read the entire thread so im sorry if someone has already said it but i dont see what weakness? It makes you normal Zara and as far as im concerned what with the amount of whackos on here lately its great to have you back so us normal people that dont have a huge bag of chips on our shoulders can even things out a bit!!

Best wishes to you and yours my dear, we are all rooting for ya! :wink:


----------



## Tommy10 (Feb 17, 2009)

Knowing u personally Zara... I have seen a change in you over the past couple of months...somethins Been brewing...you've been resisting change but it's happened ... And it's all good !! The lioness 's roar is still there but you are seeing things with different eyes ... A new view... A new perspective .... Us Leos store up situations in our mind... Then lock them away... Whatever happened in the past is done ... today And tomorrow are what counts....i really like your post ...hit a few nails for all of us ( not signing off with a kiss you would kick ma heed in) lollll


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## Hera (May 6, 2011)

chilisi said:


> Our 2


So cuuuute!! Ours use our tree like that, although the boy is too fat for the hammock now!


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## Tommy10 (Feb 17, 2009)

chilisi said:


> Our 2


I want one of those Ginger " Go Cat" kittens... Their nuts !!!!


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## garyrehilhu (Jun 27, 2010)

alot of people bully on forums.had it myself and left other boards.think folk should respect others as internet bullying can be serious.

i thought u went quiet zara as u stopped speaking on ripped glutes

all the best


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## gooner fc (Feb 7, 2009)

Welcome back, I've been on this site since 2009 and alot of the more experience members aren't posting on here no more which is a shame, just glad we've got one back. Don't worry about what others think from reading your past post you seem like a descent person. Hope your family will forgive and forget just get your head down and train hard and start posting some pics lol to many pics of blokes on here lol


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## Malibu (May 13, 2010)

this reminds me of a female kai greene lol


----------



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

mattW said:


> welcome back Zara! had no idea all this went on.* I did miss your brutally honest posts, *always nice that someone isn't afraid to speak their mind even if it goes against the grain. very sorry to hear about your mum, hopefully the time you have with her will give you many great memories to last you a life time. best of luck and again welcome back!


haha thats a tactful way to describe 'em, but thanks mate, I appreciate that 



Ashcrapper said:


> this thread is useless without cat pics. lots of cat pics.


You may regret saying that..... 



Katy said:


> Ooo, and the videos that are on fb....soooo cute!!! :bounce:


.....and you 



Pelayo said:


> *Knowing u personally Zara... I have seen a change in you over the past couple of months...somethins Been brewing...*you've been resisting change but it's happened ... And it's all good !! The lioness 's roar is still there but you are seeing things with different eyes ... A new view... A new perspective .... Us Leos store up situations in our mind... Then lock them away... Whatever happened in the past is done ... today And tomorrow are what counts....i really like your post ...hit a few nails for all of us ( not signing off with a kiss you would kick ma heed in) lollll


Aye, you know me too well. Can always tell something majors going on with me when I shut up and disappear.... Same when am gonna properly lose my temper, I go utterly silent lmao  :whistling: But yeah, if a Leo's loud, everythings ok, its when we go quiet somethings going on.

Gies ma kiss ya tight get!!! :wub: :laugh::laugh:


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

chilisi said:


> Our 2





Katy said:


> So cuuuute!! Ours use our tree like that, although the boy is too fat for the hammock now!





Pelayo said:


> I want one of those Ginger " Go Cat" kittens... Their nuts !!!!


OK... Its turned into a cat thread.... you lot started it remember!!! 

T.... My mate has a wee kitten I posted him on FB, tony the tiger, he's just like that!



garyrehilhu said:


> alot of people bully on forums.had it myself and left other boards.think folk should respect others as internet bullying can be serious.
> 
> i thought u went quiet zara as u stopped speaking on ripped glutes
> 
> all the best


Hi Gary - cheers buddy - yeah I just went to ground tbh. Well done at Scottish this year mate


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

One of my litters from Kingsmeadow Sophia:


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## totalwar (Jan 19, 2011)

wecome back

the gym is a good place to get away from life


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## rocky666 (Jul 9, 2009)

Zara-Leoni said:


> One of my litters from Kingsmeadow Sophia:
> 
> View attachment 59695
> View attachment 59696
> ...


i prefer a ligar myself Zara have you seen the size of them?


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## roadz (Aug 28, 2008)

chilisi said:


> Our 2


They Bengals?


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Kingsmeadow Splish Splash (Lorelei) with her litter, and Kingsmeadow Spohia (Noodle) muddling in together, feeding and looking after each others kittens :wub:


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Kingsmeadow Splish Splash (Lorelei)'s current litter:


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## roadz (Aug 28, 2008)

chilisi said:


> Yes mate. The larger kitten is a Bengal cross Egyption Mau though


I've got a Bengal too (see avatar). Absolute nutter and different from any other cat I've come across. His personality is similar to that of a dog.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

chilisi said:


> View attachment 59719
> 
> 
> Charlie waking up
> ...


Ha ha brilliant!

Yeah am enjoying it again mate so its all good. Wont lie, think the antidepressants are having a MASSIVE effect on my motivation levels, for everything not just gym. I certainly aint complaining though as I feel 100x better. Never saw myself as being the sort of person to go down that route but sod it, I feel great, I am motivated, I've got more energy and enthusiasm for stuff so if it works dont knock it I guess eh?


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## lolik (Apr 24, 2010)

welcome back


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

chilisi said:


> Totally. I hated cats before we got these. They meet you at the door when you get in and it seems like they try and talk to you, by making that funny noise


My ragdolls all meet me at the door and talk to me constantly lol 

MiMi my youngest girl who I bred myself is 10 months and shouts at me to be picked up, follows round using her baby voice until I pick her up then she purrs like a maniac haha!

I've got 2 10 week old terrors tearing the place up right now playing games, they make me smile  They're both off to good homes this weekend but I've the other litter of 7 thats 4.5 weeks old to keep me amused plus I've just sent one of my queens to stud on tuesday so hopefully she comes back preggers


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Vin said:


> Trust you Zara to turn this in a kittens thread


It wasn't me, they started it!!!! 

Ha ha, it was a cunning ploy..... this was my plan all along :lol: :lol:


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## Mr.GoodKat (May 18, 2010)

Glad to see you back z, too many old school posters have left here recently because of a small minority.

Sorry to hear about your mom and the troubles you've been having.

x


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## Mr.GoodKat (May 18, 2010)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Kingsmeadow Splish Splash (Lorelei)'s current litter:
> 
> View attachment 59706
> View attachment 59716
> ...


Siamese Chocolate Point?


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

chilisi said:


> Good stuff. I'm on and off intense training myself lately. suffering with doms this week
> 
> When I was on them, it seemed like I was on a constant plateau. Never overly excited, or never really that upset. And tired and lack of motivation sometimes. But if they have your head in the right place, then it must be worth taking them.
> 
> Ha ha my wife would love that. The little one is just starting to find her voice, so we are expecting some good conversations with her.


My friend had similar experience to you, I guess it must be different for everyone...?

I'd love a bengal, am contemplating it and also a british shorthair silver tabby (the whiskas/bacardi breezer cats). I'm going to have to get my back garden slabbed and runs put out there though cos I cant have them all in the house lol. I want to keep a ragdoll stud cat from this litter as there is an absolute cracker but I wont have a male in the house that not neutered as it will spray plus with my females coming in season it'd be unmanageable! If I had runs outside it means I could put the girls out when they come into season as well if I'm not getting them mated, which would make life a LOT easier. Plus in the summer it means they could get outside for a bit which they dont do now.

Anyone fancy volunteering to slab the garden and build me some cat runs....?


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## RACK (Aug 20, 2007)

Nice to see you back Z


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Mr.GoodKat said:


> Siamese Chocolate Point?


Ragdolls.... theres 3 seal point, 2 bicolours (white paws and face markings) and 2 tortie & white but they're very white.... only a couple of very light chocolate patches and red points on the face but white paws


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## Mr.GoodKat (May 18, 2010)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Ragdolls.... theres 3 seal point, 2 bicolours (white paws and face markings) and 2 tortie & white but they're very white.... only a couple of very light chocolate patches and red points on the face but white paws


Lovely cats


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## bally (Feb 15, 2009)

Welcome back zara


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## Mr.GoodKat (May 18, 2010)

Think you've already seen my two but any excuse 

Mylo:










Mido:


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

awww. would have an army of cats if I had the room


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

Ashcrapper said:


> awww. would have an army of cats if I had the room


With opposible (sp) thumbs lmao


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## Hera (May 6, 2011)

Ashcrapper said:


> awww. would have an army of cats if I had the room


Me too! They're the best. Whenever I feel sad or need a hug i can go find a cat! Wish we could have more...and no doubt we will do...


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Mr.GoodKat said:


> Think you've already seen my two but any excuse
> 
> Mylo:
> 
> ...


Sooooo cute :thumb:



Magic Torch said:


> With opposible (sp) thumbs lmao


With an army of opposible thumbed cats, I could take over the world...... :devil2:



Katy said:


> Me too! They're the best. Whenever I feel sad or need a hug i can go find a cat! Wish we could have more...and no doubt we will do...


 :thumb:


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## Hera (May 6, 2011)

Zara-Leoni said:


> :thumb:


We know where to go when we expand our cat army Z!!!


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## Mr.GoodKat (May 18, 2010)

chilisi said:


> A bit risky putting a kitten next to a glass


Yeah, that was taken at my sisters before I picked him up


----------



## dtlv (Jul 24, 2009)

Some beautiful cat pics in this thread!

I miss having cats about... used to have four, and wasn't ever in a household without one until I moved out of home... now when I go and visit people and they have cats, I often spend more time talking to and playing with the cat(s) than the people I've gone round to visit, lol. I also always stop and lavish a bit of attention on cats in the street... am a total softie.

To be fair though, am like that with dogs and just about every other animal too... is just people I usually make sure to avoid!


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Mr.GoodKat said:


> Yeah, that was taken at my sisters before I picked him up


Mylo's a boy am guessing? He's awesome. I take it you have them neutered?

I want to keep a stud cat like I said but I'll feel guilty it being outside in winter. I've a couple of mates would take a "free" ragdoll in their homes in return for me being able to use it for stud duties but boys just spray everywhere and stink the place out


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## Patsy (Mar 14, 2008)

Well seeing as everyone else is whoring their cats out heres my Ragdoll!


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

PatWelsh said:


> Well seeing as everyone else is whoring their cats out heres my Ragdoll!


Cute!!


----------



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Dtlv74 said:


> Some beautiful cat pics in this thread!
> 
> I miss having cats about... used to have four, and wasn't ever in a household without one until I moved out of home... now when I go and visit people and they have cats, I often spend more time talking to and playing with the cat(s) than the people I've gone round to visit, lol. I also always stop and lavish a bit of attention on cats in the street... am a total softie.
> 
> To be fair though, am like that with dogs and just about every other animal too... is just people I usually make sure to avoid!


Ditto mate!!


----------



## Patsy (Mar 14, 2008)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Cute!!


He's an RSPCA rescue Zar, he was only a few months old when i had him, elderley couple couldnt cope with him, he's effing hardwork! Couldnt be without him now though


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## Dazza (Aug 7, 2010)

Good to see you back zara, was bit of a madhouse back then wasn't it, you'll find it a bit more settled now.

And never should you explain your life choices to anyone except your closest friends/family.

Lost my grandmother recently so i know what it's like, just make the most of it.


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## Fatstuff (Mar 2, 2010)

IM allergic to cats  . Never stopped my parents buying them when i was at home though (b4stards)


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## lukeee (Aug 17, 2009)

Right thats it!! Im gunna post a pic of my cat hater Archie the Jack Russell.. Its doing his nut in all these cats!!


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## lukeee (Aug 17, 2009)

Well i would do if i could work out how to!!


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## dingosteve (Apr 26, 2009)

Glad to see you back Zara, to hell with trolls that come on here.


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## PHHead (Aug 20, 2008)

Wow that's quite shocking to hear Zara, some people just have no thought what so ever for other peoples feelings do they.......took a lot of guts to start this thread, good for you and welcome back!


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Dazzza said:


> Good to see you back zara, was bit of a madhouse back then wasn't it, you'll find it a bit more settled now.
> 
> And never should you explain your life choices to anyone except your closest friends/family.
> 
> Lost my grandmother recently so i know what it's like, just make the most of it.


Sorry to hear that mate x



PHHead said:


> Wow that's quite shocking to hear Zara, some people just have no thought what so ever for other peoples feelings do they.......took a lot of guts to start this thread, good for you and welcome back!


Cheers mate, nah, I think ppl forget that theres a real person behind the name..... and that people are quite easy to spot at bodybuilding shows and the like..... :lol:


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## Ironclad (Jun 23, 2009)

People drove you away for living your life?! Fvcks going on with people here? Don't folk realise there's few enuff of us as there is without us crapping on eachother. Ffs...

Welcome home Zara. 

Sent from my HTC Wildfire


----------



## Tommy10 (Feb 17, 2009)

I used to have 2 Siamese .. patrick and Harry.. I swear they were people reincarnated ... They were human.. Talked for Britain and knew everything I said


----------



## DanMac (Dec 18, 2010)

Try not to listen to peoples crap replies or judgements, just carry on with what you love and possibly make friends along the way.


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## Dazza (Aug 7, 2010)

Thanks im fine about it, as you know life goes on eh.



Zara-Leoni said:


> Sorry to hear that mate x


----------



## Uriel (Oct 14, 2008)

im glad ya back zara bud, i'm back on here after a short brealk myself recently....not for any real reasons......

have to say i hate all fuking cats though.......why someone would want those filthy fuking things in the house is beyond me


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## BigBarnBoy (May 7, 2011)

Hey Zara...

Im fairly new here to but been round the block over the years and love it all..

Just wanted to wish you well..dont let them ba**ards grind you down!

You seem a real nice strong woman to me..head up.


----------



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Uriel said:


> im glad ya back zara bud, i'm back on here after a short brealk myself recently....not for any real reasons......
> 
> have to say i hate all fuking cats though.......why someone would want those filthy fuking things in the house is beyond me


Bet your wifes' mates say that about you an' all mate.... beauty is in the eye of the beholder (or the beer-holder in some cases) lmao 

( I WAS gonna say same reason your wife wants you in the house but forsaw that going horribly downhill... :lol: )



BigBarnBoy said:


> Hey Zara...
> 
> Im fairly new here to but been round the block over the years and love it all..
> 
> ...


Cheers mate 

Give it a week though and you'll think I'm a **** same as everyone else though :lol:


----------



## GreedyBen (Mar 8, 2011)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Cheers mate
> 
> Give it a week though and you'll think I'm a **** same as everyone else though :lol:


I love a woman that drops the c-bomb in general conversation!

Hi and welcome back!


----------



## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

GreedyBen said:


> I love a woman that drops the c-bomb in general conversation!
> 
> Hi and welcome back!


It's not really a swear word in Scotland, more a term of endearment..... :lol:


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## Dazza (Aug 7, 2010)

That's great, i should move up to scotland id fit right in


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## Uriel (Oct 14, 2008)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Bet your wifes' mates say that about you an' all mate.... beauty is in the eye of the beholder (or the beer-holder in some cases) lmao
> 
> ( I WAS gonna say same reason your wife wants you in the house but forsaw that going horribly downhill... :lol: )
> 
> ...


It had nothing to do with beholding, they bring sh1te and germs into the house and dead sh1t

My wife wants me for hench cock, cats do that too?


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Uriel said:


> It had nothing to do with beholding, they bring sh1te and germs into the house and dead sh1t
> 
> My wife wants me for hench cock, cats do that too?


They're all girls, I have to pay £300 every time they get a shag :blink: :mellow:

Mine don't bring in any germs or dead things, cos they don't go outside :001_tt2:


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## Jimbo 1 (Jul 25, 2010)

Welcome back i say don't let the f_ckers grind you down,& as the old saying goes only throw stones if you are perfect & know one is,

Never stop training that's what makes us Strong in mind & body,& if you have it flaunt it lol


----------



## Mr Q (Jul 5, 2011)

Zara-Leoni said:


> This isn't easy for me to write as I'm not the emotional sort and its taken me ages to decide to do it., but I feel I need to.
> 
> Some of you know I left for a bit and have recently started posting again.
> 
> ...


I'm new (that doesn't make me any less relevant). I haven't read the rest of the contributions to this tread. And I'm not going to say any more than that I'm 100% behind a person being an individual. Individuality is King.


----------



## will-uk (Apr 12, 2010)

Tar_Face_Oprah said:


> zare you are attention grab girl
> 
> lots liek you on the boards
> 
> ...


WTF are you doing..... Seriously now grow up, everyone has an opinion, just some are best kept to yourself..... :ban:


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Tar_Face_Oprah said:


> zare you are attention grab girl
> 
> lots liek you on the boards
> 
> ...


Hey mate, I can't help it if people like me and not you.

Let me explain this in very simple terms (since its you, I have no option.....  )

Yes I get attention. I dont seek it though. I spend half the time disagreeing and falling out with people and calling them names so, I do not court it as you suggest.

Lots like me on the boards. More hate me, lmfao :lol:

CRY, and then lap up attention.... hahahahahahahaha....... :lol: :lol: :lol: I laughed so hard there I did and involuntary protein fart and now the dogs left the room :lol:

**** off, CRY. Aye right ya ****in donut lol. Come back when you know who your talking to lmfao.......

I assume that was supposed to say "shit" in your face? I've got a bloody big american bulldog who is more than happy to oblige. Lie back and say "aaaahhhh" mate, pmsl.....


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## dtlv (Jul 24, 2009)

Troll posts removed.


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Dtlv74 said:


> Troll posts removed.


Blue will be disappointed, he's stolen the kittens food & cat milk formula 3x today, plus eaten leftovers, his own meal and a couple of rawhide chews. He was saving a big sloppy one for the bloke with the fetish.... :lol:


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## dtlv (Jul 24, 2009)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Blue will be disappointed, he's stolen the kittens food & cat milk formula 3x today, plus eaten leftovers, his own meal and a couple of rawhide chews. He was saving a big sloppy one for the bloke with the fetish.... :lol:


Hahaha, what a nice thoughtful gift... unfortunately the troll is banned now so we can't ask him what address to send it to


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

Dtlv74 said:


> Hahaha, what a nice thoughtful gift... unfortunately the troll is banned now so we can't ask him what address to send it to


Blue likes to deliver in person. 50-odd kg of american bulldog with a high protein diet, snacking daily on protein bars etc, sitting on ur face tends to shut ppl up :lol:


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## dtlv (Jul 24, 2009)

Zara-Leoni said:


> Blue likes to deliver in person. 50-odd kg of american bulldog with a high protein diet, snacking daily on protein bars etc, sitting on ur face tends to shut ppl up :lol:


Yeah, I can imagine quite vividly just how well that might work... :lol:


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## bigkiwi (Oct 2, 2008)

As i said Zara stay strong. You know how to handle fukheads.

Hows the training going?

Want to see you posting up some workouts like you used to show some of these new guys on here just how much you can lift

You were an inspiration to a lot of people previously and will be again when you post up your workouts - get cracking - no excuses


----------



## Double J (Nov 1, 2009)

Welcome back and kudos to you for making that first post. Hope things are on the way up for you personally now and best of luck for the future. Make the most of the remaining time you have with your mum. I lost my dad suddenly overnight and there were so many things I would have done/said had I known he was going to die.


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## Uriel (Oct 14, 2008)

chilisi said:


> View attachment 59742
> 
> 
> Just for you mate


Yea on that occassion I feel for the cat, doesn't know where that ex booty has been lol


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

bigkiwi said:


> As i said Zara stay strong. You know how to handle fukheads.
> 
> Hows the training going?
> 
> ...


Cheers mate 

Hmmm I'm back training now, not as strong but it wont be long in coming back. Diets always decent, my biggest downfall would be not eating enough, but I do tend to eat well. Soon as my strength gets near previous levels appetite will soar anyway. I was at gym tonight actually and had a wee funny moment when I lifted the 90lb dumbells to shift them out my way and someone else later tried to do same and couldn't get one off the floor  :lol: (admittedly this wasn't a strong person but it still made me chuckle  )



SON OF FRANK said:


> Welcome back and kudos to you for making that first post. Hope things are on the way up for you personally now and best of luck for the future. Make the most of the remaining time you have with your mum. I lost my dad suddenly overnight and there were so many things I would have done/said had I known he was going to die.


Thank you  Thats exactly it mate, I know that in that respect I am lucky, having this time that so many people dont get  x


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## spike (Jul 27, 2009)

Hi Z-L -

Remember that unpleasnant thread "outing" you. Didn't like it then, don't like it now.

Welcome back.

Sure your experience will not go unappreciated.

Actually miss the board from a couple years ago and the people like you who have since split.

And sorry to hear what you've had to go through as a result of what went down here.

All the best.


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## bigjonny (Jan 6, 2009)

hey good on you for posting on here your personal experiances , i know how hard it is to talk about things like that and opened up my heart on here when i thought i just wasn't going to make it till the next day ,, in 2 weeks i tried to end my life 3 times , was so down couldn't see any point in going on , , i went back to work on monday and found out my friends dad was waiting to pass away with cancer and was sitting by the phone waiting for the call to go home , he then asked why i had been off for and to be honest it put things into perspective , how could i say to him "aw mate , had a **** time , i've split up with my girlfriend and that and tried to top myself", when the light of his life is slowly ebbing away and going to end any hour , it really hit home how trivial some of the things that had happaned to me ,

i'm slowly day by day getting that little bit better but only with the help off people on here , my family and friends , i know its going to take along time but what i wanted to say was , talk to people about how your feeling , i should have but ended up bottling everything away for years and years until it nearly cost me my life , there's no shame in it at all and it takes strengh to admit something is wrong , if your ever feeling down pm me and i'll help you as much as i can , i'll even come to where ever you are and you can show me the posh parts of your area ha ha and i'll help you through it


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## bigjonny (Jan 6, 2009)

hey good on you for posting on here your personal experiances , i know how hard it is to talk about things like that and opened up my heart on here when i thought i just wasn't going to make it till the next day ,, in 2 weeks i tried to end my life 3 times , was so down couldn't see any point in going on , , i went back to work on monday and found out my friends dad was waiting to pass away with cancer and was sitting by the phone waiting for the call to go home , he then asked why i had been off for and to be honest it put things into perspective , how could i say to him "aw mate , had a **** time , i've split up with my girlfriend and that and tried to top myself", when the light of his life is slowly ebbing away and going to end any hour , it really hit home how trivial some of the things that had happaned to me ,

i'm slowly day by day getting that little bit better but only with the help off people on here , my family and friends , i know its going to take along time but what i wanted to say was , talk to people about how your feeling , i should have but ended up bottling everything away for years and years until it nearly cost me my life , there's no shame in it at all and it takes strengh to admit something is wrong , if your ever feeling down pm me and i'll help you as much as i can , i'll even come to where ever you are and you can show me the posh parts of your area ha ha and i'll help you through it


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## Zara-Leoni (Mar 12, 2007)

bigjonny said:


> hey good on you for posting on here your personal experiances , i know how hard it is to talk about things like that and opened up my heart on here when i thought i just wasn't going to make it till the next day ,, in 2 weeks i tried to end my life 3 times , was so down couldn't see any point in going on , , i went back to work on monday and found out my friends dad was waiting to pass away with cancer and was sitting by the phone waiting for the call to go home , he then asked why i had been off for and to be honest it put things into perspective , how could i say to him "aw mate , had a **** time , i've split up with my girlfriend and that and tried to top myself", when the light of his life is slowly ebbing away and going to end any hour , it really hit home how trivial some of the things that had happaned to me ,
> 
> i'm slowly day by day getting that little bit better but only with the help off people on here , my family and friends , i know its going to take along time but what i wanted to say was , talk to people about how your feeling , i should have but ended up bottling everything away for years and years until it nearly cost me my life , there's no shame in it at all and it takes strengh to admit something is wrong , if your ever feeling down pm me and i'll help you as much as i can , i'll even come to where ever you are and you can show me the posh parts of your area ha ha and i'll help you through it


Cheers mate, I'm glad to hear you're getting better and its good that you've realised all that 

I'm not down though, I WAS.... but that was then and now I'm rapidly getting back into my old routine and dealing with everything and am coping fine. The point of the thread was really the fact that when people get carried away online, its not a username they're hurting, its a real person with a life and a family etc....


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## bigjonny (Jan 6, 2009)

i feel like that , just getting back into training on monday and finding my feet again , i've lost so much weight when i was doing so good , was barfing up a few weeks ago after every meal was that stressed out , now its good to be able to eat and not feel sick , my appiatite is coming back and my desire to train hard , pleased your getting back to normality and wish you well for the future


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