# One line Put Downs



## Patch (May 30, 2007)

I may be being a b*stard here but i love the one liners that shut mouthy fcukers up in an instant!

Heres the one i use most regularly and it still makes me laugh!

"If i want to listen to an a$$hole, i'll fart"

what one liners do you use!


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Although I dont use it:

If I wanted any lip off of you, id scrape it off my D1ck.


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## Conrad1436114525 (Mar 3, 2007)

cant think of any really good one sentance put downs... but the other night this bloke came out with the funniest bbing chat up line...was behind my bar the other night and this guy just pulls up next to these two girls who are waiting for me to fix their drinks and goes "hey ladies...you dont know where the nearest vet is do you?", they look at each other in confusion and shake their heads "no" then he pulls a front double bicep pose and goes "cause these swans are sick"...nd to b honest he had some prety big guns... i thought it was fcuking funny...maby you had to be there to really appreciate it. he really pulled it off well.


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## SD (Sep 3, 2004)

Conrad said:


> cant think of any really good one sentance put downs... but the other night this bloke came out with the funniest bbing chat up line...was behind my bar the other night and this guy just pulls up next to these two girls who are waiting for me to fix their drinks and goes "hey ladies...you dont know where the nearest vet is do you?", they look at each other in confusion and shake their heads "no" then he pulls a front double bicep pose and goes "cause these swans are sick"...nd to b honest he had some prety big guns... i thought it was fcuking funny...maby you had to be there to really appreciate it. he really pulled it off well.


OMG, possibly the cheesiest line I have ever heard! 

SD


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## Conrad1436114525 (Mar 3, 2007)

SportDr said:


> OMG, possibly the cheesiest line I have ever heard!
> 
> SD


true, very true....but he managed to pull it off with some swagger...i nearly dropped their black russians i was laughing so much.


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## Patch (May 30, 2007)

Conrad said:


> i nearly dropped their black russians.


no need to be racist mate?


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## jazzmc (Oct 14, 2011)

"Your funny but your face lets you down",i've used that a few times.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Patch said:


> no need to be racist mate?


That is funny


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## robdog (Dec 2, 2003)

My favourite one is Fcuk you lol!!


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## Robsta (Oct 2, 2005)

robdog said:


> My favourite one is Fcuk you lol!!


yeah, "shut up before I pan ya" normally works as well


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## leeston (May 30, 2006)

i saw kelly osbourne at a music festival a few years ago. They crowd shouted "Kelly you suck"

She immediately responded with - "The only thing I suck is your mom's c0ck"

tickled me for ages that one


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## Mahonski (Jul 29, 2007)

Conrad said:


> cant think of any really good one sentance put downs... but the other night this bloke came out with the funniest bbing chat up line...was behind my bar the other night and this guy just pulls up next to these two girls who are waiting for me to fix their drinks and goes "hey ladies...you dont know where the nearest vet is do you?", they look at each other in confusion and shake their heads "no" then he pulls a front double bicep pose and goes "cause these swans are sick"...nd to b honest he had some prety big guns... i thought it was fcuking funny...maby you had to be there to really appreciate it. he really pulled it off well.


Furckin funny  You've gotto appreciate his effort tho.


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

My fav is "Your a D1ck" I think because its so childish it makes it seems worse lol


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## Paul1 (Jun 30, 2006)

I think this is one of chubbys lines but it goes something like this,

"Look mate, I am a professional........just like your mum"


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## chrisj22 (Mar 22, 2006)

Funny one that always gets me is; 'Get fcked!'. lol

Makes me chuckle that one. :biggrin:


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## Nine Pack (Oct 30, 2006)

*"If your face was your fortune, you'd owe your ar*e a quid!"*


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## TaintedSoul (May 16, 2007)

"Why dont bend over, teach your **** to smile and walk backwards!!!"

"Nice arms... get those from climbing out the abortion bucket!!"

"You make me want to cough up blood!!"

But nothing rolls off the tongue like "u fckin cnt!!!"


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## leeston (May 30, 2006)

did you have yer tea before you came out love

yeah

what did you have, Belgium?


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## leeston (May 30, 2006)

when driving down a road with your mate in the car and and see two women shout:

Oooyyyy sugar, not you the other lump!


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## TaintedSoul (May 16, 2007)

leeston said:


> when driving down a road with your mate in the car and and see two women shout:
> 
> Oooyyyy sugar, not you the other lump!


I like this one...


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## ARNIE (Dec 19, 2006)

bald man say in answer to hey slap head,

only two things have hair and thats cnuts and coconuts,which are you!

man to woman

do you like flowers,yes,then put your tulips on this


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## Delhi (Dec 8, 2005)

What does your PCT look like?

This one gets all the erses and young team at first pass


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## jw007 (Apr 12, 2007)

I often use heavy cheat curls with the olympic bar as part of my power building routine, anyway in some gyms i have trained in i have had pencil necks come up to me advising me the correct form\technique in which to perform a bicep curl, i just say "IF I WANT ARMS LIKE YOU THEN I WILL TRAIN LIKE YOU" shuts em up every time lol


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## Conrad1436114525 (Mar 3, 2007)

"Are your parents siblings?"

"Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!"


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## AussieMarc (Jun 13, 2004)

Conrad said:


> true, very true....but he managed to pull it off with some swagger...i nearly dropped their black russians i was laughing so much.


anyone who drinks black russians can come home to my fridge full of them! love the stuff... but classic line mate. i would be rolling around making rubbish-angels in the bottlecaps on the floor.


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## Harry1436114491 (Oct 8, 2003)

Do you still take it up the @rse.


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## miami797 (Feb 19, 2004)

What, did you forget to wipe your pussy this morning?


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## Patch (May 30, 2007)

miami797 said:


> What, did you forget to wipe your pussy this morning?


that is fcuking disgusting...made me laugh though!

heres some more

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Is that your face, or has your neck just vomited?

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?


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## AussieMarc (Jun 13, 2004)

when someone is bitching at you (male or female) you turn to a mate next to you and say

"did you hear something? i think the baby must be crying again"


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## Conrad1436114525 (Mar 3, 2007)

when i watch neighbours ..i go through a 30 min phase of telling my flatmate to ruck off every time he annoys me!...RACK OFF!


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## Conrad1436114525 (Mar 3, 2007)

AussieMarc said:


> anyone who drinks black russians can come home to my fridge full of them! love the stuff... but classic line mate. i would be rolling around making rubbish-angels in the bottlecaps on the floor.


lol...by the time last orders are called the floor is flooded with a cocktail of split booze...youd need a snorkel mate!


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## AussieMarc (Jun 13, 2004)

Conrad said:


> when i watch neighbours ..i go through a 30 min phase of telling my flatmate to ruck off every time he annoys me!...RACK OFF!


neighbours?

you poof


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## TaintedSoul (May 16, 2007)

I love to say to a a female that is going off on one at me and just when she I cant possibly get her more hyped and fckd right off I politely ask her "is your vagina angry?" or "sorry but I think you have an angry vagina!"

Sends some birds through the roof. Others laugh it off and the argument is over.


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## Conrad1436114525 (Mar 3, 2007)

AussieMarc said:


> neighbours?
> 
> you poof


you cant avoid it mate...its always on..prime time!


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## AussieMarc (Jun 13, 2004)

Conrad said:


> you cant avoid it mate...its always on..prime time!


haha.. yes yes i know i used to be a big fan. they used to stick it right in the middle of the simpsons..

6:00 simpsons

6:30 neighbours

7:00 simpsons..

you were forced to watch it! that show has been going for 20 years or something now hasn't it? 

sorry to steal the thread. you can have it back now.


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## kyrocera (Oct 13, 2004)

"Do you know what sexual position gives ugly children?

No?

Ask your mum and dad?"

---------------------------

"Have you got any naked pics of your missus?

No?

Do you wanna buy some?"


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## Paul1 (Jun 30, 2006)

If a bird is giving you sh1t, you can turn to her and say

"You don't sweat much for a fat bird do you?"

I have seen a fatty cry shen someone said it to her


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## Five-O (May 21, 2006)

I found one funny on the Soprano's -

Bloke talking to his friend

"hey, remember your first blow job?"

other guy; "erm...yeah"

"How long did it take you to make him cum"

pmsl.....

You could slip that one in there if you've got a pain in the **** friend who loves taking the ****, Id think that would be hard to come back from...lol


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## steve.t (May 20, 2007)

To a female whos having a rant at you.... sorry if id known it was that time of the month i would have tried not to upset you!

To anyone annoying you with bulls##t.... do you realise your depriving a village someware of an idiot!


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## leeston (May 30, 2006)

I cant beleive that out of 2 millions sperm - you were the fastest!!


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## ainslie (Jan 20, 2005)

''If i want your opinion, I'll beat it outta ya''


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## HIGHLANDER1436114513 (Apr 11, 2006)

Can you smell something,OH I KNOW WHAT THAT IS,ITS BULL****. OR if short on time and patience,GET DOG FCUKED. mg:


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## leeston (May 30, 2006)

i think you have me confused with someone who gives a f*ck


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## ARNIE (Dec 19, 2006)

leeston said:


> I cant beleive that out of 2 millions sperm - you were the fastest!!


if it was only 2 million he must have just come off cycle


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## Stanco (Jan 7, 2007)

Simple, but works 100% of the time:

"You're mum"


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## shorty (Mar 13, 2007)

your fanny's so wet even the crabs have to wear wellies!!


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## The Rave (Jun 1, 2007)

Conrad said:


> cant think of any really good one sentance put downs... but the other night this bloke came out with the funniest bbing chat up line...was behind my bar the other night and this guy just pulls up next to these two girls who are waiting for me to fix their drinks and goes "hey ladies...you dont know where the nearest vet is do you?", they look at each other in confusion and shake their heads "no" then he pulls a front double bicep pose and goes "cause these swans are sick"...nd to b honest he had some prety big guns... i thought it was fcuking funny...maby you had to be there to really appreciate it. he really pulled it off well.


The 2 girls must have thought that guy was a complete d1ckhead!


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## DANBO (Jan 7, 2007)

I someone tells u to "kiss my ass" or "suck my d*ck" just say, "only if we can cuddle afterwards". Shuts them up straight away.

or

"If i had a face like yours id teach my ass to smile"


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## Rowlf (Jan 10, 2007)

And your name is...?...not important!


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## hertderg (Jun 15, 2007)

These two always make me laugh -

If anyone has a go at you about your weight reply with "I'm only fat cos every time I Shag your lass she gives me a biscuit"

If you are getting stick from a mate who's hair line is reseeding tell him to get a few little rabbits tattooed on his head cos from a distanced they'll look like hares


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## Truewarrior1 (Jan 27, 2005)

"if you want your opinion ill GIVE it to you."

GI JANE FOR THE WIN.


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## megatron (Apr 21, 2004)

You're the load your mum should have swallowed.


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## Patch (May 30, 2007)

Mate,your intelligence must have dribbled down your fathers leg!


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