# I am hurt and upset, not sure what to do.



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

As most of you know I am married.

I give my wife a grand a month to do her bills and groceries, other than that I earn the only money and pay all the bills.

She always complains about money, so at times I help her with the biggest expense the groceries.

I also buy meals so she does not have to cook.

All the house, cars, gas, everything I cover myself.

I do go to the bar about 2 times a week, and the next morning I noticed my wallet a bit lighter.

Saturday Morning I swore I had 5 bucks more in my wallet, I made a mental note.

So, last night when I walked through the door, I did a video of my wallet and the contents.

Today I looked in my wallet and sure as crap, 5 bucks was missing and I filmed it.

For some time I thought I was losing my mind.

I actaully thought that I got so tore up that I would either be spending more money than I thought, or my wife might be stealing from me.

I am not mad, she is stealing from me or it is my 12 year old daughter.

I think it is the wife because she used to leave her purse out and now she does not.

What would you guys do?

How should I bring it up?

This upsets me enough to divorce her.


----------



## tprice (Aug 28, 2011)

do not like!

best thing to do is confront it head on...

you can leave it, but if it upsets you that much you shouldnt let it go.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

Be straight with her m8, ask her! Theres nothing worse than leaving it to fester away in your mind imo m8.


----------



## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

WOW mate i really feel for you bro...

My only advice would be to approach them both , at the same time in a room and actually ask them who was doing it and why ...

other than that then i would secretly leave a note in your wallet clearly stating you know someone is stealing and you want it to stop .... so the person involved stops and not speak about it again ???

if you approach them personally you will have to hear them out mate and take your lead from their response ..

i hope you get it sorted mate, try not to jump to any conclusion or knee jerk reaction though brother XXX


----------



## Twisted (Oct 6, 2010)

As above get them both together and confront them. Its not a large amount of cash but its deeper than that. Maybe there is a reason why your wife keeps her purse away now?

Keep an open mind as to why its going missing there could be a problem which dictates they may need the cash.


----------



## Breda (May 2, 2011)

Bro if it was me I'd get the Mrs and the daughter together, sit them down and say you've noticed money missing from your wallet... One of them will have to cough up or you will at least be able to tell which one you think is bull sh!ttin you

Once the culprit has been identified kick 'em out and wallow in self righteousness


----------



## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

and another point mate , maybe your wife has had money stolen off of your daughter and she didnt want to involve you in that, and so she doesnt leave her purse laying around for that reason... and your daughter may have taken to stealing from you instead ???

at the end of the day its not nice either way , but i would have thought its daft that your wife would be stealing such a small amount , and more than likely to be a kid nicking the odd 5 bucks here and there ??

not sure !!!


----------



## Glassback (Jun 18, 2010)

You know that video you made? Well I'd make another, I'd set a camera up filming your wallet. Then you are armed with the fact bring it up with them and see how honest they are with you. That way you don't accuse someone who is innocent.


----------



## AK-26 (May 29, 2011)

Don't leave it to fester, it will only come up later on even worse than now. plus if it bothers you its best to get it dealt with asap.

Its not nice when things like this happen esp as your working hard for your cash. best to confront and take it from there, or if you want to avoid the confrontation Flinty's idea sounds good about the note in the wallet.

regardless of what you choose to do, i hope it all works out good for you buddy.


----------



## xpower (Jul 28, 2009)

Glassback said:


> You know that video you made? Well I'd make another, I'd set a camera up filming your wallet. Then you are armed with the fact bring it up with them and see how honest they are with you. That way you don't accuse someone who is innocent.


 This idea looks good.

You'll know for sure who the culprit is then


----------



## Big ape (May 5, 2011)

The only other thing u can do is put money else were when ur not in, but again why should u have to do in your own home and wouldnt really resolve the matter personally I would sit ur wife and child down and get to the bottom of it ASAP otherwise could build up to something worse


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> As most of you know I am married.
> 
> I give my wife a grand a month to do her bills and groceries, other than that I earn the only money and pay all the bills.
> 
> ...


points towards your daughter scott , dont confront either just yet what you need to do is confirm who it is , set up a camera that will be recording your wallet when it is most likely to have money taken from it once you know who it is you can sit down pop the video on then say what you gotta say .


----------



## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

Maybe money has been going from your wife's purse as well, thats why shes not leaving it out anymore.....could be your daughter?? You know your family better than us though.

Its a tricky one....the only way to find out is to confront them about it or do what Flinty said and leave a note in your wallet, hopefully it will stop.

Sorry youre hurting mate.


----------



## Mr_Morocco (May 28, 2011)

Confront them both about it bro, i dont like the sound of that though not good at all. Find out why whoever is stealing from you, because thats what it is, stealing.


----------



## vduboli (Apr 1, 2011)

Tackle the situation whilst it's a small amount of money. No need to have a broken home over 5bucks. Wish you the best I hate this type of thing. Do try and think the other way around if someone is stealing money because it's such a small amount maybe they really need a little more cash to cover things but are embarrassed to ask? I hate asking for money even when I am owed It...

All the best


----------



## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

flinty90 said:


> and another point mate , maybe your wife has had money stolen off of your daughter and she didnt want to involve you in that, and so she doesnt leave her purse laying around for that reason... and your daughter may have taken to stealing from you instead ???
> 
> at the end of the day its not nice either way , but i would have thought its daft that your wife would be stealing such a small amount , and more than likely to be a kid nicking the odd 5 bucks here and there ??
> 
> not sure !!!


Great minds think alike, beat me to it.


----------



## supermancss (Dec 2, 2008)

Video,

inform person you know somthing is up.

give them time to think so the first answer isnt "no not me" as this is very hard to come back from.


----------



## MWVEC (Feb 5, 2011)

flinty90 said:


> and another point mate , maybe your wife has had money stolen off of your daughter and she didnt want to involve you in that, and so she doesnt leave her purse laying around for that reason... and your daughter may have taken to stealing from you instead ???
> 
> at the end of the day its not nice either way , but i would have thought its daft that your wife would be stealing such a small amount , and more than likely to be a kid nicking the odd 5 bucks here and there ??
> 
> not sure !!!


I agree with this mate, personally i would confront the situation.


----------



## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

i wouldnt use a video on my own family to be honest, i dont think its a case of really giving them a seeing too as a criminal.. its just a personal insult to think your 2 closest people in the world 1 of them could be be dishonest...

video and all that really does seem OTT for a family situation IMHO ...

if you cant talk about this , or like i say with a note just to make it stop so no one is embarrassed then i think there is something fundamentally wrong in that family situation anyway !!!

and thats a lot bigger problem than a few quid going missing

Just my opinion


----------



## Shady45 (Jan 5, 2010)

Maybe you could say to your wife that money is going from your wallet and that you want her to talk with your daughter with you, as if you don't even consider that it's her. She should be decent enough to not let her daughter get in trouble for her or maybe she will be reluctant to join you in talking with your daughter.

If it carries on, you may have to resort to setting up a camera or something


----------



## Superhorse (May 29, 2011)

Find it hard to believe your wife would steal from you for $5. Is it not more likely to be your daughter?


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

flinty90 said:


> i wouldnt use a video on my own family to be honest, i dont think its a case of really giving them a seeing too as a criminal.. its just a personal insult to think your 2 closest people in the world 1 of them could be be dishonest...
> 
> video and all that really does seem OTT for a family situation IMHO ...
> 
> ...


if you dont film the single culprit then 2 people are guilty until 1 is proved innocent .

scott could ask them both outright but both will say no .

film it get 100% proof of who is stealing , its not just 5 bucks its 5-10 bucks every week for god knows how long it could be 100`s .


----------



## Greshie (Jan 15, 2011)

I agree with Flinty, I don't think some kind of cctv is the answer, I also agree it looks more like your daughter rather than your wife, my advice would be to talk to your wife first along the lines of " I think money has been disappearing from my wallet " and see what her reaction is .........


----------



## QUEST (Sep 26, 2009)

i wouldn't confront the wife with the kids ther justin case it is the wife kids will think its ok to steal ...but ask the kids in front wife see how the wife acts as well ...doubt its the wife tho


----------



## latblaster (Oct 26, 2013)

I sorta know how you feel. My ex wife used to steal any small change, about £4 or £5 that would be on my dresser, or elsewhere. I was so hurt about it. There was an immense row about it. However, I'd be inclined to do what was suggested earlier, & film your wallet. Then you'll know for sure. But none of this is nice. I hope you find a peaceful resolution.


----------



## Mingster (Mar 25, 2011)

Is it possible that whoever is taking the money is taking it for what they consider to be a 'right' reason? I know that the taking in the first place is wrong, but maybe the person concerned is taking it to pay off a debt they are frightened to bring out in the open to you. Perhaps your daughter is being bullied. Perhaps your wife is paying off a bill that she feels you wouldn't approve of, or even paying off a gift for yourself. Has anyone else access to your home?

I know it's an awful feeling and seems like a betrayal of trust at the moment, but try to get the maximum amount of information before any confrontation as words are likely to be said that may prove difficult to forgive and take back. Best of luck to you, mate....


----------



## Dux (Nov 29, 2011)

It's $5, surely, surely your wife wouldn't do something like that over such a small amount of money. If she needed $5 or $10 she'd ask, it's virtually nothing.

To a kid on the other hand, $5 is a lot of money.


----------



## s&amp;ccoach (May 18, 2011)

I would speak to your wife saying you have concerns that your daughter is stealing from your wallet.

This is an opportunity for your wife to come clean, if she implies it's not her then I guess you both have to sit down and confront your daughter.


----------



## KingofHearts (Sep 4, 2011)

Glassback said:


> You know that video you made? Well I'd make another, I'd set a camera up filming your wallet. Then you are armed with the fact bring it up with them and see how honest they are with you. That way you don't accuse someone who is innocent.


I'd be all over this.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Well, first impulse is the wife as she always bitches about money.

She smokes too.

It is not the first time, I happens alot but I just thought I was losing my mind or too drunk to remember.

It has been for a very long time.

5 bucks nobody would notice, 25 bucks yes.

But many times, I think it is so she thinks I wont notice and uses the cash to buy smokes.

I am uploading the video right now.

Will post it


----------



## Glassback (Jun 18, 2010)

I hear you Flinty - my angle is that this way you KNOW who is doing it rather than challenging them both and risk upsetting both, atleast if you knew who is doing it you could approach more subtly.


----------



## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

ask your daughter first on the quiet, and if you believe her then ask your wife on her own as she wont appreciate been made to look a fool in front of your daughter...not a nice situation


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

IMO being such a small amount it points to your daughter mate,

PERSONALLY l just wouldnt leave my wallet lying around anymore and put it down to experience..


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

First one was night before






Next one is morning, you can see that the receipt was 5 minutes before I filmed it.

The ATM clearly shows money was taken out 5 minutes before filming.


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

My ex used to do this to her ex husband when he was steaming so it does go on..


----------



## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

Glassback said:


> I hear you Flinty - my angle is that this way you KNOW who is doing it rather than challenging them both and risk upsetting both, atleast if you knew who is doing it you could approach more subtly.


Hey bro no problem, we would all handle this in different ways mate, dont think there is a wrong or right way , just a way that is going to implicate and upset someone at the end of the day.,..

but if Scott already has a idea its his wife then i feel sorry for that relationship..

Always 3 sides to a story

your side

their side

and the truth X


----------



## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

Hacki did you do the voice over for Chef in South Park?


----------



## gycraig (Oct 5, 2008)

if it was me, id record it FIRST.

and not watch it, then id speak to wife bout it and then if daughter denied it id make us all watch it together


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Well, we did get into it over money yesterday.

She has no value of a dollar.

Daughter does not need money so I doubt it was her.

Wife was upset yesterday and this morning she seemed a bit up tight.

I control all the money, and rightly so, she has had 2 bankrupsy's and I have a home paid off, no debt really, I even paid off all her debt.

But, something scares me big time here.

Been sick pretty damn often with some crazy stuff.

She went on vacation and I got better, she came back, I got bad again.

I cant say that really as I dont feel it to be true, but my buddy suggested I was being poisioned.

Now this.

I need to find out why she feels it ok to do so.

I direct deposit 500 each two weeks into her account.

I think that is going to stop now, and from now on she will get a check from me.

I used to hide my money in my truck as I thought this was happening, I just wished it to not be so.

She can always ask if she needs money, stealing is easier I guess.

This will make a monster out of me.

No sex either.

I just just steal that from her too.


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Hacks l am convinced one of my ex's was poisoning me you know..... always ill the whole time l was with her, she fu*ked off and no where near as bad...

Its not sounding good mate, like you l would be devastated...


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> Well, we did get into it over money yesterday.
> 
> She has no value of a dollar.
> 
> ...


i remember reading some pretty harsh stories from you about your wife doing and saying things to you , i hope you make a good decision on moving forward mate .


----------



## gycraig (Oct 5, 2008)

why are you in this relationship? you sound like you hate each other


----------



## TS99 (Dec 27, 2011)

Pull your tampon out your vag!na and dump her, sounds like she's trying to kill you off for your dolla!


----------



## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

Fcuk me Hacks i would take my sh1t and get out of that relationship personally mate .. really sounds like a fcuked up situation


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Milky said:


> Hacks l am convinced one of my ex's was poisoning me you know..... always ill the whole time l was with her, she fu*ked off and no where near as bad...
> 
> Its not sounding good mate, like you l would be devastated...


I truly am though, I didn't want to believe it myself.

I looked all over just in case the 5 might have dropped.

It didn't, only thing dropped was my heart.

I married her to help her, so she would not have to struggle.

I did my best to make sure that when I retire in 2 years I would not have to worry.

Sad part is she just got her direct deposit check last Thursday for 500 bucks.

Why steal from me?

I am the one that puts food on the plate.

I work overtime so we do not have to struggle.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

gycraig said:


> why are you in this relationship? you sound like you hate each other


I do love her, but really I married her so her and our daughter would have a home.

I love it better here with her, but the deception is killing me.

I need to talk to her about this, she needs to come clean as if she lies, she is done.

I have never cheated on her, never needed to, but now I feel very angry and actually she does not deserve me.

I do not lie, cheat, steal, nor complain.


----------



## gycraig (Oct 5, 2008)

you put up with all the other bull**** but your gonna leave over her taking 5 dollars ?.

you deserve so much better mate


----------



## Prophecy (Nov 26, 2011)

You already know what you need to do... She's your wife ffs. You should be able to talk to her about anything! So go up to her and say 'I've noticed money going missing from my wallet. Have you been stealing from me?' And go from there.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

gycraig said:


> you put up with all the other bull**** but your gonna leave over her taking 5 dollars ?.
> 
> you deserve so much better mate


Its not the money, she/or daughter, did it the night before too, and has before.

I have a feeling that if I confront she will lie.

I could go out and buy a safe and be done with it.

She would hate that.

Time to passcode my iphone too, probably snoops there.

It is a violation of trust.

If I take care of you and you steal from me, why are you with me?


----------



## Rusty_Mann (Oct 31, 2011)

I only really read a few on Hacks posts here... Do what i did leave a paper note in you wallet instead of cash and write in BIG felt tip pen *"I AM WATCHING YOU STEAL MY MONEY... STOP IT !"* If you wnat to get sneaky take a ultra violet pan and write on the notes my wife's stolen this money out my wallet.. or get the ink on the notes and then ask to see her hands under a black light....

Honestly if you build a case against her she will have no argument & if she is poisoning you too get a dr to do a few tests but don't tell him off the bat what your looking for ...


----------



## gycraig (Oct 5, 2008)

hackskii said:


> Its not the money, she/or daughter, did it the night before too, and has before.
> 
> I have a feeling that if I confront she will lie.
> 
> ...


im trying to be sensitive but im sure i remember reading stuff from you about her not ever wanting sex etc,

sounds to me like shes abusing your good nature


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

no need to film it .... http://www.glowtec.co.uk/uv-security-info.htm


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

gycraig said:


> im trying to be sensitive but im sure i remember reading stuff from you about her not ever wanting sex etc,
> 
> sounds to me like shes abusing your good nature


No, I am just a sap.

When she hops in the shower in a bit, I am going through her purse and have a look around.

I want to know why.

I bet she will lie.

Then, her money tap stops flowing, I take total control of finances.

I will buy a safe too.

This will be cause and effect.

But, last year I made the most money ever.

If we split, I am ****ed, financially.

But, that will all end later on.

She will struggle for the rest of her life.

I will be well off.


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> No, I am just a sap.
> 
> When she hops in the shower in a bit, I am going through her purse and have a look around.
> 
> ...


remove money from your accounts leave it with trusted persons or family tell the mrs you have a gambling habit or blew the lot on hookers then divorce .


----------



## bossdog (Aug 25, 2011)

I wouldn't be that bothered about the money I found 100 in my missis draw other day confronted her and found out it was the money left over from thenights we go out shed been saving it up the bitch lost it with her but after a hour calmed down but the poisenening stuff what the [email protected] is that all about


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

i agree with what other people have said, surely your missus isnt nicking $5 off of you?

seeing your first post i'd be 99% sure it was your daughter, given the amount of money you already give your wife would she really be nicking $5 off of you, surely she'd just ask? whereas, i think ths has already been said, to a 12 year old $5 is the world, but you really seem sure it's your missus, if it is your missus is their a chance that because it's such a small amount she doesn't really see it as stealing? for example if she wants to buy a pack of cigarettes and needs the money for them and you're asleep with it being such a small amount she doesn't really see the problem with just nipping your wallet for a fvier?


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

ewen said:


> remove money from your accounts leave it with trusted persons or family tell the mrs you have a gambling habit or blew the lot on hookers then divorce .


or instead of the leave it with a trusted person and tell her you blew it on hookers, cocaine and gambling just actually blow it on hookers, cocaine and gambling


----------



## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

disguise a bear trap and put your wallet in it. when you come home whoever has severe injuries to the hand/arms is probably the culprit


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

I just confronted her and she admitted she did it.

She said it was because I spend money at the bar.

She said she would never do it again and I said fine, go ahead and watch what happens next.

She gave me the 5 bucks back.

I told her it is not about the money, it is about trust.

I told her I dont even know who the **** she is anymore.

I said who the **** are you to steal from me?

I said I thought I was going mad but now I know it was never me.

I told her I filmed it because I suspected her, she said first time.

Well, now I know she is a liar and thief.

I was in the shower when I asked her, the time it took her to answer was a very long time.

She hid the money in the bathroom.

She thought giving it back made things right.

I tell you, I lost alot of respect of her.

All she fixated on was the poison thing.

I told her I never accused her, but timing was crazy.

She promised she would never do it again, I kind of hope she does so I can dump her...........Bitch

Now that I know the new rules to this game.....lol

Pass code my phone now.

Going to buy a safe today too:lol:


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

shame on everyone that was blaming the daughter


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

t4tremendous said:


> shame on everyone that was blaming the daughter


My gut told me it was not her.

She has too much fear of me, not that I would ever lay a hand on her, deception is not her thing.


----------



## s&amp;ccoach (May 18, 2011)

Wow tricky one to deal with now I guess.

Was hoping it was the daughter as its the easiest to fix!

Hope you get it sorted.

Drop the job word on here see how she feels then.


----------



## expletive (Sep 12, 2011)

Feel for you Hacks mate

Not nice when those supposedly close to you betray that trust..

Keep strong mate


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

What do you mean drop the job arod on here and see how she feels?

I almost told her that I put a post about her up here.

That would crush her, but she probably does need to read it, she caused the whole thing.

I honestly feel like just going out and not comming back for some time.


----------



## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

id go for a few beers mate


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

expletive said:


> Feel for you Hacks mate
> 
> Not nice when those supposedly close to you betray that trust..
> 
> Keep strong mate


No kidding, I cant stand to look at her at this moment.

How in her mind she felt justified really upsets me.

I have made so many sacrifices for her I fail to see how she could even think this unless she did not love me.

I am sensitive though, but I guess I feel like a stupid ass now.

A real sap.

I guess in my mind it bothers me so much it will ruin how I feel about her.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Ashcrapper said:


> id go for a few beers mate


Too early for that.

But I will, trust me I will.


----------



## PaulB (Jun 6, 2010)

Well at least the truth is out now and you know where you stand. Dont listen to that idiot Flinty blaming your daughter. FFS Flinty what were you thinking:whistling: 

On a serious note though, I hope you sort things out hacks.


----------



## DiamondDixie (Oct 17, 2009)

hackskii said:


> Too early for that.
> 
> But I will, trust me I will.


When she said it's because you go to the bar, is it a t!tty bar we're talking about and you're paying for 5 dollar dances? lol


----------



## The Oak 2009 (Sep 14, 2009)

She stole $5 isn't that like £3. Why would you even bother stealing that? What is she gonna do with £3?


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Hacks mate my mum used to blow our rent on stuff rather than ask my dad for money as she ( in her opinion ) couldnt handle the questioning from him... then the rent man would call and all hell would break loose...

It was 5 bucks mate, she must have had her reasons.


----------



## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

The Oak 2009 said:


> She stole $5 isn't that like £3. Why would you even bother stealing that? What is she gonna do with £3?


spend it probably


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

DiamondDixie said:


> When she said it's because you go to the bar, is it a t!tty bar we're talking about and you're paying for 5 dollar dances? lol


No, the day earlier I spent a total of 10 bucks at the bar, then she took 5 from me.



Milky said:


> Hacks mate my mum used to blow our rent on stuff rather than ask my dad for money as she ( in her opinion ) couldnt handle the questioning from him... then the rent man would call and all hell would break loose...
> 
> It was 5 bucks mate, she must have had her reasons.


Yah, cuz she is a freaking thief I guess.

I just go on to Amazon and deleted all my credit card stuff there.

No more purchases leaving my wallet from now on.

I should not have to act this way, but it is either that, or just dump her.

No reason to steal from me, she just got paid by me 500 bucks last Thursday.

Yesterday I even bought her some ****ing flowers.

How ****ed up is that?

I buy you flowers and then you steal from me?

Its not the money, it never was, I have money, she wont from now on.


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

hackskii said:


> No, the day earlier I spent a total of 10 bucks at the bar, then she took 5 from me.
> 
> Yah, cuz she is a freaking thief I guess.
> 
> ...


Is it worth splitting up for tho mate dragging it out ?

How will it affect your daughter living in an unhappy home ?


----------



## Fullhouse (Mar 31, 2010)

What a ****ty situation mate, at least you have answers. I know your hurt but maybe she's angry that you go to the bar and she has to stay home doesn't make it right but maybe a reason. She does sound like she has a self-destructive personality though


----------



## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

Sorry to hear this Hack's man! Horrible situation to be in. No good deed.... as they say.


----------



## The Project (Jul 21, 2007)

Have one for me!



hackskii said:


> Too early for that.
> 
> But I will, trust me I will.


----------



## TH0R (Aug 15, 2007)

Different perspective here, you sound a little controlling Hacks, maybe its her way of

breaking free.

The fact you say you give her money sounds like a favour, rather than wanting to, a marriage

is supposed to be as one, no mine and yours.

Either way marriage sounds like a bit of a sham, no sex ?????????? Fvck that.

Hope you all manage to find what your looking for


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

TH0R said:


> Different perspective here, you sound a little controlling Hacks, maybe its her way of
> 
> breaking free.
> 
> ...


He controls the money mate because she has been bankrupted twice.


----------



## s&amp;ccoach (May 18, 2011)

hackskii said:


> What do you mean drop the job arod on here and see how she feels?
> 
> I almost told her that I put a post about her up here.
> 
> ...


Tell her that if she wants extra cash to go get herself a Job instead of stealing from you


----------



## Little stu (Oct 26, 2011)

Ur lucky it's only 5bucks my ex used to get up early on my pay day and clean out my account the cow by time I woke it was spent


----------



## Nidge (Jan 22, 2007)

It starts off small then it gets in to a bigger spiral. Your daughter might be gettng bullied at school Scott and the bullies might be extracting cash from her as a protection racket. My eldest daughter was a bully and when she coughed about everything she was doing taking money from them was the main issue.

When the 5ft 2 inch wife found out she nearly knocked her out.


----------



## pea head (May 28, 2008)

Scott mate...this is bang out of order.

I know from the what i read and when we have spoken you seen a decent guy with good morals...the 5 bucks isnt the point but like you said.....something needs to be done now or else this will consume you.

The rot has set in now and yes i totally understand you must feel like you have been pushed into a corner..its very easy to listen to all the bravado bullsh1t on here....fcuk her off etc...easiest thing to type...not the easiest to do.

However ...this will not just stop here...sounds to me like she obviously does not respect you like you thought.....and i know from personal experience that the fact that you have rumbled her wont make her change...she will resent you for the fact you found out.

Hope you get it sorted mate......


----------



## Readyandwaiting (Mar 20, 2011)

You've mentioned having issues with her before. Personally I would ditch her, sounds harsh but this is some snakey shyt Hacksii. Unless you and her are ultra happy together and can patch things up and work a few things out. It sounds like you are giving everything yet she's still complaining, see how she survives when Mr Bread winner stops giving handouts and hides his money in a better place so she can't steal from you.


----------



## Readyandwaiting (Mar 20, 2011)

I swear I am a thread killer lol seems like no one replies after they see my name in it lol


----------



## The Oak 2009 (Sep 14, 2009)

Ashcrapper said:


> spend it probably


I guess so. Maybe she can hire a divorce lawyer for about 30 seconds with it


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

I had to leave the house.

I came to the bar to drink some water and talk to the guys.


----------



## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

The Oak 2009 said:


> I guess so. Maybe she can hire a divorce lawyer for about 30 seconds with it


or, and this is the crazy part - if shes been doing it consistently over a period of time they will add up to a larger amount. this is called saving up


----------



## The Project (Jul 21, 2007)

Water scott good one you! keep a clear head!



hackskii said:


> I had to leave the house.
> 
> I came to the bar to drink some water and talk to the guys.


----------



## Prophecy (Nov 26, 2011)

Readyandwaiting said:


> I swear I am a thread killer lol seems like no one replies after they see my name in it lol


Did someone say something?


----------



## Dazza (Aug 7, 2010)

I know others say ditch her, but i would however make small changes so if you really need to it can be done.

She clearly doesn't respect you, id watch your back from now on hacks.

Chin up, you have ukm to vent should you need to.


----------



## secondhandsoul (Feb 6, 2012)

.


----------



## Diegouru (Oct 31, 2010)

Sorry about it mate. You should be honest witth her and have a chat, and try to find out what on Earth is going on with your money..


----------



## Dux (Nov 29, 2011)

My apologies for accusing your daughter, my reasoning was I couldn't believe an adult would steal $5 from their partner.

There has been some sickening revelations in this thread. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling at the moment mate.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Dux said:


> My apologies for accusing your daughter, my reasoning was I couldn't believe an adult would steal $5 from their partner.
> 
> There has been some sickening revelations in this thread. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling at the moment mate.


I am pretty beat down.

Just want it to be over.

Buying her flowers yesterday and doing that just hurts.


----------



## Greshie (Jan 15, 2011)

Dux said:


> My apologies for accusing your daughter, my reasoning was I couldn't believe an adult would steal $5 from their partner.
> 
> There has been some sickening revelations in this thread. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling at the moment mate.


I also find it depressing that a supposedly responsible adult would behave in such a manner , which is why I also thought it was more likely to be your daughter, which just shows how dangerous it is to surmise without knowing the people involved. I would feel betrayed too if a partner stole off me .


----------



## Oldam Lad (Jul 13, 2009)

Hi Mate, lots of thing have been said on here. I would first try and discover who it is then ask why are they taking the money, keep cool and don't just blow your top. you may find that there is a real problem


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

Wow you sound like a control freak.

I'm not even married but me and my girlfriend will go into each others wallets if we're short for something. She works nights, when she's asleep in the day if I'm popping to the local shop I'll frequently take a fiver or a few quid out of her bag to pay for something small not worth the effort of using a card for, and vice versa. We never even mention it to each other, if I ever notice anythings gone I just assume she needed it and she's too dappy to ever notice that I had borrowed from her but if she did she might just ask if I had borrowed it and that would be the end of it.

Sharing like this is, in my opinion, part of being in an adult relationship. I trust her judgement when she says/thinks she needs to borrow from me, and as such I wouldn't question it unless she did something extreme like borrow my debit card (we both know each others pins) and withdraw £500 without asking me. Then I might question it, and if she didnt have an explanation I would be unhappy, but to go and have a tantrum over $5 is just fvcking plain weird to me.


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

I have to say with my ex, we always helped ourselves to money because we both earned it and it was household cash. Often one of us would need change, small notes etc and just take it with no explanation needed really. Neither questioned the other's spending. We had a joint account as well as separate accounts for different things and bought what we liked, trusting each other.

Clearly you're really upset and I don't know the whole circumstances of your relationship but you trust her enough with money to give her $1000 per month to spend on the household, which seems odd to me as you've said she's been bankrupt twice, yet you're upset about $5.


----------



## QUEST (Sep 26, 2009)

FrankDangerMaus said:


> Wow you sound like a control freak.
> 
> I'm not even married but me and my girlfriend will go into each others wallets if we're short for something. She works nights, when she's asleep in the day if I'm popping to the local shop I'll frequently take a fiver or a few quid out of her bag to pay for something small not worth the effort of using a card for, and vice versa. We never even mention it to each other, if I ever notice anythings gone I just assume she needed it and she's too dappy to ever notice that I had borrowed from her but if she did she might just ask if I had borrowed it and that would be the end of it.
> 
> Sharing like this is, in my opinion, part of being in an adult relationship. I trust her judgement when she says/thinks she needs to borrow from me, and as such I wouldn't question it unless she did something extreme like borrow my debit card (we both know each others pins) and withdraw £500 without asking me. Then I might question it, and if she didnt have an explanation I would be unhappy, but to go and have a tantrum over $5 is just fvcking plain weird to me.


its not just about the 5$ read the hole thread an you'll see his point


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

roblee said:


> its not just about the 5$ read the hole thread an you'll see his point


the five is the only solid thing in this thread, apart from getting ill and a somewhat paranoid sounding suspicion


----------



## vetran (Oct 17, 2009)

this happened to me with my x wife, one night she must have disturbed me in my sleep and i woke up and saw her dragging my jeans from my side of the bed to her side to riffle my pockets,god knows how many times this must have happened but i kept my mouth shut,i just thought two can play at this game end of


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

Reading the thread, seems strange that she would have to steal money in order to be able to afford to smoke. Is she not allowed to smoke if she wants? You drink after all.

You say it's not about the money, it's about the deception and lies yet when asked, she admitted it and told you why - No deceit, no lies etc.

You don't have to marry someone to put a roof over their head (maybe it's different where you live but not where I live).

If the relationship isn't working, get some counselling. If you want out, end it.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

FrankDangerMaus said:


> Wow you sound like a control freak.


Hardly, but as it may appear so.

She has had two bankruptcy's, collections, repossessions, how ever much I give her she will spend.

I have her on a budget and rightly so, I give her 500 bucks every two weeks.

She can go charge something if she needs something.

I am the only one who works, I work alot, and the grand a month I give her is for basically groceries.

That is more than enough money to cover what it is she wants.

I never touch her money, I never would.

It is the stealing that bugs me.

I generally give myself just enough to last till next pay day, all other stuff pays bills and zero's debt.

I paid off my house using this way as I figured all people would be ok with this.

It is her budget and enough.

Anything else would get spent.

If she needs money, she can go get a job.

I on the other hand miss a day her pay is the same as it is direct deposit.

Mine is the one short.

Remember I pay for all the bills period.

I have not had soap in the shower for a week.

Funny she got paid the 500 last Thursday, yet no soap today after 5 bucks a day missing out of my wallet?

Next thing is I take the money back and go grocery shopping.

If I let her have free rain with the money, it would all be gone and not used to pay off any outstanding debt.

Her idea would be to pay the minimum.


----------



## The Oak 2009 (Sep 14, 2009)

Ashcrapper said:


> or, and this is the crazy part - if shes been doing it consistently over a period of time they will add up to a larger amount. this is called saving up


She would be the 1st woman I have ever known to do that!. Was just meant to be a light hearted comment by the way, no need to get @rsey about it.

I was just trying to make the larger point, that I find it strange that somebody would risk the trust of their husband and possibly their marriage itself - over fairly trivial amounts of money (even if she has saved up $50 or $100 it's still pennies really - I am sure if it was a lot more than that Hacksii would have noticied sooner).


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Leigh L said:


> Reading the thread, seems strange that she would have to steal money in order to be able to afford to smoke. Is she not allowed to smoke if she wants? You drink after all.
> 
> You say it's not about the money, it's about the deception and lies yet when asked, she admitted it and told you why - No deceit, no lies etc.
> 
> ...


That is the thing, why steal when you actually have well enough to do what ever you want.

She uses her ATM on everything so has no cash.

Why hide the money in the bathroom of all places if she knew she was doing wrong?

I don't care if she smokes, she drinks too, I still pay for that but that is a no issue.

She had no other way out, I filmed the money before I went to bed, I filmed it when I slept, it was missing.

Now if it was someone else all the money would be gone.

She wont for the most part give me sex, what am I supposed to do steal that from her (rape), or go somewhere else?

I have not.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

The Oak 2009 said:


> She would be the 1st woman I have ever known to do that!. Was just meant to be a light hearted comment by the way, no need to get @rsey about it.
> 
> I was just trying to make the larger point, that I find it strange that somebody would risk the trust of their husband and possibly their marriage itself - over fairly trivial amounts of money (even if she has saved up $50 or $100 it's still pennies really - I am sure if it was a lot more than that Hacksii would have noticied sooner).


I asked her before when I suspected.

She lied.

Ok, now I know she has lied to me, stole from me, now one could understand why I feel so bad about this situation.

What little she took and I caught her, very bad on her.

I dont trust her.

All she had to do is ask me if she really needed something.

She just got her 500 bucks 3 days earlier.

Could have at least bought some soap for the shower.

I even bought her flowers yesterday too.


----------



## NorthernSoul (Nov 7, 2011)

How long you been together? curious because money that belongs to me is money that belongs to my girl and money that belongs to her is money that belong to me. Whatevers mine is yours kinda thing..she'd tell me she took money but she knows she doesn't have to just like i would if she put a tenner down on the top and if i wanted to go buy the papers and milk or whatever id use it without question.


----------



## NorthernSoul (Nov 7, 2011)

But to answer your question. Deal with it sooner than later, the more you drag it out the more the tension builds and its harder to deal with. And in an end result always think...whatever happens, happens for a reason. 

I've not read the whole way through so if you have already dealt with it, sorry!


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2012)

there's a whole host of other issues you guys have got going on, rather than the problem being the taking of cash without asking. There's definitely some stuff for you two to work on.

It sounds like this money thing has finally made you flip out and maybe lose a little perspective because of generally feeling down about other things going on in your relationship. I'm sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick here and certainly haven't meant to cause any offence.


----------



## NorthernSoul (Nov 7, 2011)

Leigh L said:


> Scott, there's a whole host of other issues you guys have got going on, rather than the problem being the taking of cash without asking. There's definitely some stuff for you two to work on.
> 
> It sounds like this money thing has finally made you flip out and maybe lose a little perspective because of generally feeling down about other things going on in your relationship. I'm sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick here and certainly haven't meant to cause any offence.


I was thinking the same thing. The way you talk in your intro makes it sound like you spoon feed her and cherish the ground she walks on, -I give her a grand a month-. It sounds like she is making you give it her and if you don't she would leave or something. Obviously your a great guy and when your in love you can't control your feelings but if your having to make this relationship work by yourself it's not worth having at all. I mean I'm a guy who thinks relationships shouldn't need work, it should just happen. But of course there are bumps in the road and if both parties don't play a part in mending it then whats the point.

I'd take a long think. BTW, if I have gotten the wrong end of the stick as well then I apologise


----------



## The Oak 2009 (Sep 14, 2009)

hackskii said:


> I asked her before when I suspected.
> 
> She lied.
> 
> ...


I sympathise with the situation mate. Horrible to have to live with somebody that you don't trust. Out of interest have you got any idea where the money is going? (P.S I haven't read the entire thread so apoligies if you have already answered this.)


----------



## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Set up a hidden camera mate, would be the perfect way to find out once and for all


----------



## Papa Lazarou (Jul 4, 2007)

The whole thing makes me feel she has a debt somewhere?


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Well, we had a nice long talk yesterday, she admitted she was wrong and she would never do it again.

After our chat, I realized this has been happening for probably a year.

All this time I thought I was either too drunk to know where the money went, I lost it, or the bartender took it, or I was just losing my mind.

It was none of those, it was the wife taking the money so she said I would have less to spend at the bar.

That's her story.

I do many things for her, in December she got:

$1500.00 (3 pay periods).

$100.00 (Nordstroms gift card from me).

$225.00 (credit card for Kohls).

$650.00 (I bought her an ipad)

$350.00 (bought our daughter an iphone)

And what ever else she pinched out of my wallet.

I got 2 pair of underwear. :lol:

Thing is I never complained at all, not once, that was fine.

But stealing from me is wrong, and so is lying, that is wrong.

I don't do that to her, and I don't expect it done to me.

This has nothing to do with being a control freak, as what ever money she gets, she will spend.

It is called a budget, I have one, so does she.

She wanted to be a stay at home mom, I said ok.

She wanted to home school, I said ok.

She wanted a tutor for out daughter, I said ok.

I have work for 2 more years, and am very close to being totally 100% debt free, hell I even get free electricity from my solar panels.

Everything I do is for a reason, all choices I make are by design to do something.

I want to retire at 55 and it looks like it is 50/50 on this one, very close.

I would love to be set up and retire with no debt and free electricity and owe nobody but just get retirement and medical till I die, for all of us.

I can honestly say that if we co-mingled our money, we would have less and my plan wont work.'

Why?

Because my plan is not the same as her plan.

If she needs money, don't steal from me, go get a job like everyone else.

But, I made it well known, do it again and you wont be living with me.

Her lifestyle will be total crap, and she will have to go get a job, and pay her way.


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Hope your in a better place then now mate...

Realise it hit you hard..


----------



## vetran (Oct 17, 2009)

hackskii said:


> Well, we had a nice long talk yesterday, she admitted she was wrong and she would never do it again.
> 
> After our chat, I realized this has been happening for probably a year.
> 
> ...


and you will have a lot more dosh lol


----------



## Suprakill4 (Jul 11, 2008)

Mate thats shocking, i would finish my missus if she ever stole from me.


----------



## Wheyman (Sep 6, 2011)

This is harsh, It happened to me years ago> I used to work in a restuarant and always put myu tips in a draw, then i noticed it was going missing. horrible as i was living with my family at the time


----------



## Sharpiedj (Oct 24, 2011)

confront her


----------



## biglbs (Jan 26, 2012)

I look the odd one here,but my wife cannot steal what's hers too,thats the way we are.

How about chatting to wife and saying "if you ever need a few quid love take what you need and just let me know so i don't think i have money when i don't."

She will react in any number of ways and you should suss the problem by her ans.

Frankly kids are kids,is she being bullied or anything though?

IGNORE ME TOO OOOPS!GOOD LUCK BUDDY:mad:


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Yah, we cant co-mingle funds.

I follow my plan to the letter, she knows this.

I do feel better now because I did talk to her, and after looking at the situation from my perspective, she realizes that it was just wrong.

Hell, I buy you flowers and the very same night you steal from me?

I asked her before and she lied.

I dont care about the money, that means nothing, lying and stealing is something, even if it is my money.

But, we both have a budget, what I do is simple.

Pay all the bills, the all extra goes on the credit cards, then all the extra goes on the house (which is paid for now).

Doing so I put 54 grand in 14 months into the house to pay it off.

Just one more loan that I should be able to zero this year.

I give myself just enough cash to make it to next check.

I cant spend what I do not have.

That is for beer, and snacks for when I come home from work and relax.

I also visit the bar 2 to 3 times max a week and spend between 10 to 20 bucks total.

Taking the money from me then leaves me with not being able to spend any money at the bar.

I do this every Friday, and Saturday, and some Thursdays.

So, taking that money leaves me with nothing.

Which then I have to use the credit card to buy beer which I hate doing.

All our needs are met, and then some.

She can have anything she wants, without taking from me as I will freely give once we are done with all debt.

She knows this.

My wife does not have sex.

Am I supposed to take it from her because most people have sex?

I mean, its my wife right, how come I cant take the sex from her, we are married?

That would go down like a fart in church. :lol:


----------



## biglbs (Jan 26, 2012)

hackskii said:


> Yah, we cant co-mingle funds.
> 
> I follow my plan to the letter, she knows this.
> 
> ...


I honestly suggest you go see someone before this ends badly,however scary questions will be asked of you both,you have to work with them.

Whatever you do i wish you all especialy the little girl love and srength as a family to cope.x


----------



## m118 (Feb 4, 2011)

sorry to hear you had to go through this stress but its good to hear you spoke with her and things are progressing


----------



## coflex (May 10, 2010)

so, hackskii.....while you are out working hard to establish a comfortable future for you, your wife and your daughter....what is your wife doing?

she doesn't work....why not?

it seems like madness to me that you would fund this woman's lifestyle while she puts nothing back into the finances of the relationship...nor does she put anything back into the sexual side of your relationship.

this is not a marriage/relationship you are in....it's a business deal....

and even then, you're getting the sh!tty end of the stick mate


----------



## 19072 (Aug 11, 2010)

Intamcy, honesty and commitment are the keys to a healthy relationship!

I hope you get everything sorted out hack - you seem a very decent bloke.. maybe too nice for tour own good.


----------



## offo (Apr 10, 2006)

Did the wife acctually view it as stealing? and not just taking the odd dollar here and there??/I know a lot of couples that take a few quid or even a lot of cash out of the other halfs purse or wallet without it being stealing or deceptive. Obviously if she took a while to answer she must of felt bad about it. MM crazy i cant believe she wont let you bang her either... I think you can change the rules on that aswell by going out and bagging a few women mate


----------



## offo (Apr 10, 2006)

it just seems like you are paying for an easy life for her...


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

coflex said:


> so, hackskii.....while you are out working hard to establish a comfortable future for you, your wife and your daughter....what is your wife doing?
> 
> she doesn't work....why not?
> 
> ...


Well, I treat the finances like a business deal.

She does do everything around the house, and I mean everything, I dont have to do anything.

She came back to me as we were split up, but I know she came to me as in the end she didnt have the financial resources to support herself.

I do, so that is where we are at.

I do love her, I feel she does love me.

Sex I would like to have, would be nice.

After all it is normal anyway.

I threatened to call her kids up and tell them what she did to me, she pleaded with me to not do so and did say they would be mad at her.

Its like she is a little kid or something.


----------



## expletive (Sep 12, 2011)

A tricky situation mate

Just remember the biggest tool to help repair this is communication.

I does sound like you still want to be together, if so its worth the effort, just time it right, not advisable whilst the pain is still raw.

My relationship disintegrated a few years ago, took some doing but were stronger than ever now, wasnt easy though

There is no black and white

Stay strong


----------



## Hera (May 6, 2011)

Hacks, I do wonder if her behaviour is a way of trying to regain a degree of control? I appreciate your reasons for managing the money etc, but from her persepective, it must be horrible having your partner control everything....taking money may be a way of undermining it? You also mentioned that she was behaving like a child? I hate to say it, but if you treat someone like a child they will behave accordingly.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. I hope you both sort things out


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Katy said:


> Hacks, I do wonder if her behaviour is a way of trying to regain a degree of control? I appreciate your reasons for managing the money etc, but from her persepective, it must be horrible having your partner control everything....taking money may be a way of undermining it? You also mentioned that she was behaving like a child? I hate to say it, but if you treat someone like a child they will behave accordingly.
> 
> Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. I hope you both sort things out


It probably is that way, she says I have control of everything.

But, that is not entirely true, she controls all the sex.

By taking my money she is getting some of the control over the money back.

To be fair, she says I act like a child too.

But, if I gave her access to all the money, there would not be any.

And I can honestly say I work every day, some times 6 days a week, overtime every day, and do this day in day out always.

If someone spent the money and forced me to work more, I would stop going to work.

As with many relationships, when the woman spends the money faster than the man can make it, there is resentment.

Over time resentment would turn to anger, anger to action.

I am going to avoid all the BS and do it this way.

I know many of my friends wives at work spend, spend, spend and force the men to work more and more overtime.

But, the more money they make, the more the wife spends, and then they work more overtime to make up the difference.

I know a guy that had to work 12 hours a day 7 days a week to just make it.

Wife shut off his cell phone because they didn't have the money to pay it, but she kept hers on:lol:

Problem with the wife is she does not work, and does not know the value of a dollar.

Many marriages end up in divorce over money.

That wont happen with me due to me not allowing her to have as much as she feels like spending.

Remember, she is home all day, and its not the amount of money you make that matters, but the amount you don't spend.

After all, you can spend faster than you can make it, and many people derive happiness from spending.

The issue with control is simple.

She has had 2 bankruptcy's (never known anyone to have two, and very few one), collections, repossessions, and all kinds of credit issues.

Lets face it, worst woman I ever met that could not manage money.

Giving her access to money would be the same as giving an alcoholic access to free booze at a bar.

Never gonna happen.

She complains all the time, but I will not relent on giving her any more than what she needs.

The rest is to make preparations for our retirement.

When I paid off the house, they gave me 900 bucks for overpayment.

I gave it to her just for nothing really, 3 days later she said she was out of money.

I'm like "I just gave you 900 bucks", she says "That was to pay off a credit card."

I'm like, WTF, "when did you get a credit card?"

She says it is to float her, but that is not what a credit card is used for.

This is a common mistake taking money out of your house like it is a bank, then in the end you don't have the resources to pay it back.


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hacks your wife needs a job for her and for you .


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ewen said:


> hacks your wife needs a job for her and for you .


If she wants one, then OK, if she does not want one, then ok.

We don't need her to work if she does not want to, but it would teach her the value of a dollar.


----------



## biglbs (Jan 26, 2012)

Until the cycle is broken either via your love as a family for each other,meeting on even ground,or by some outside proffesional advice,it is gonna go round in circles,you both need to be put back on track,i never believe in wrong and right in these circumstances.

More in errors and misunderstandings.


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> If she wants one, then OK, if she does not want one, then ok.
> 
> We don't need her to work if she does not want to, but it would teach her the value of a dollar.


its not about money mate its about her feeling like a prisoner , she needs her independence and you both need to work together .

she has an issue with money thats clear so if she works she would maybe get to see the value of it , plus you guys get something new to talk about , it takes her mind off mundane crap so she can focus her mind on something positive .

you have your work and your bar your the bread winner , what does your wife have .


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ewen said:


> its not about money mate its about her feeling like a prisoner , she needs her independence and you both need to work together .
> 
> she has an issue with money thats clear so if she works she would maybe get to see the value of it , plus you guys get something new to talk about , it takes her mind off mundane crap so she can focus her mind on something positive .
> 
> you have your work and your bar your the bread winner , what does your wife have .


Well, she absolutely had to home school our daughter, so that is what she does.

Trust me, I would love for her to go to work.

That was all her choice.

She just came back from Seattle where she was there for her oldest daughter (35) to have her second grand baby, for 15 days.

Next month we, (I might not go) are going to Arizona to see her other daughter have her grandson.

I don't know what she has really.

Its not like I want her to be a slave, I don't think she wants to work.

I don't know what would make her happy.

A bigger house, more time with her grand kids, not sure.

But again, that all comes round to more money.

If I had the money I doubt she would ever be home, she would be visiting her 6 grand kids and I would just be cutting the checks for her to do so.

I have no idea what she wants, maybe I should ask her when I get home.

She moved in with me about 5 years ago because she could not make it in Palm Springs even with me subsidizing her living.

She hit bottom, so she came to live with me.

I married her to offer her benefits, security, and it was the right thing to do, and I do love her.

I don't go to the bar every day, but 2 to 3 times max, and only for one hour.

We were going to resorts, movies, dinners, all that stuff once the house got paid off, but in the end that added up big time, especially when I miss time from work to go on vacations.

I have 2 years max work ahead of me, no degrees, no training, once this job goes, no more money.

I really have no choice here.


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> Well, she absolutely had to home school our daughter, so that is what she does.
> 
> Trust me, I would love for her to go to work.
> 
> ...


you always have a choice mate as hard as they are , i think deep down you know what to do .

hope it pans out for the best fella .


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Well, doing nothing also is a choice too:lol:


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> Well, doing nothing also is a choice too:lol:


spat my soup out you cnut :lol:


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ewen said:


> spat my soup out you cnut :lol:


Soup is for pussies anyway. :lol:


----------



## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hackskii said:


> Soup is for pussies anyway. :lol:


lol you wanna share a bowl


----------



## AlbertSteptoe (Dec 26, 2010)

hackskii said:


> That is the thing, why steal when you actually have well enough to do what ever you want.
> 
> She uses her ATM on everything so has no cash.
> 
> ...


sorry to say it but your wife sounds like a sponger. she'll happily rob your money after you already pay for everything but wont even have sex with her husband


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ewen said:


> lol you wanna share a bowl


Only if I can drink it out of your lap!

That would be after you tea bag the soup first. :lol:



AlbertSteptoe said:


> sorry to say it but your wife sounds like a sponger. she'll happily rob your money after you already pay for everything but wont even have sex with her husband


Yah, but she does do alot of other stuff, like complain about not having money. :lol:


----------



## Joshua (Aug 21, 2008)

Sorry to hear about all these problems hacks.

There have been some good recommendations already.

I think that you are right to control the money. Her record suggests that she has serious problems with money control, and IMO should not have access to the main capital, deeds on property, nor underwriting of credit by you. That is a practical matter, however I accept that katy has a point with the perception of control. She ideally needs to feel as if she has some control over money. I am in no way suggesting that you actually give her control, but if she can feel as if she has, eg through more sophisticated budgeting on her spending, or through her getting a small job to supplement her own income, then she may feel better. It is not a matter of you two needing more money, but a job may improve her feelings of control and self worth.

I would be careful in drawing parallels with sex as a transactional arrangement, even if that is what many people do. Sex should be something that people do because they want to, rather than feel obliged to do. When people feel obliged to do so, IMHO it weakens the individual's feeling of self worth (in this case detrimental to her), and that would likely have subtle negative repercussions towards you and your daughter. People need to feel good for them to function optimally.

All the best,

J


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Well, I went out and bought some groceries.

It was spur of the moment, along with some very nice healthy organic take out.

I also bought her a single red rose for a demonstration of my appreciation of my love to her on valentine's day.

I was going to delete this thread but in the end, I need a kick in the balls more than anyone.

I do not unwelcome any honest observation at all.

I love my wife.

She hurt my feelings of that of theft and lying.

That is true.

That is not right.

I am not here to defend myself, nor pick on my wife.

Rightly so, it is my deal, and in the end it is all on me.

To do what I think is right, or to do the right thing (subjective).

Feel free to flame

In the end it is just me

I an selfish actually, hence being on a bodybuilding board.


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

It is not a problem unless I think it is.

Most things are simple

I am simple actually.

I love this board....


----------



## mikep81 (Oct 8, 2010)

I think the first thing you need to do is sit down and talk to each other. Make sure there are no kids in the house and the phones are unplugged and just tell her how you feel. Tell her everything, maybe not about this thread though, but talk about everything that's going on in your head. If you don't do that then neither of you will be able to find a solution as you'll both be trying to second guess each other. And if at the end of talking you decide that separation is the best thing then at least you'll know that you gave all angles a go.

Good luck buddy.


----------



## Imy79 (Oct 19, 2007)

I agreee with the comments, as harsh as it sounds I think your giving more than your receiving. Seems like she has got used to your niceness and like everything in life, sometimes IME if your too nice you get taken for granted. Again just an observation from what you have said, seems like the feelings\respect level are not mutual and are one way. Again, just an opinion and maybe a generalisation, but seems liek she is there for your money and nothing else and due to being a nice guy is having an easy ride. I really can't beleive th emoney she is spending every two weeks that you are giving here, thtas a lot!. Either she has more debt or again is not being honest with you

Agree with you controlling the finances, if she cannot accept that for whatever reason, that can't change. Maybe talk to he rmore about it and question where themoney is goign in a nice way.

Hoep everything works out for you and your wife and duaghter but remember do not let your niceness be taken advantage of  . I think more open communication is required between you both abotu concerns etc.

Hope all sorts itself out


----------



## Imy79 (Oct 19, 2007)

mikep81 said:


> I think the first thing you need to do is sit down and talk to each other. Make sure there are no kids in the house and the phones are unplugged and just tell her how you feel. Tell her everything, maybe not about this thread though, but talk about everything that's going on in your head. If you don't do that then neither of you will be able to find a solution as you'll both be trying to second guess each other. And if at the end of talking you decide that separation is the best thing then at least you'll know that you gave all angles a go.
> 
> Good luck buddy.


Agree with this, would start of by talking openly and getting her take on things and telling her all your concearns\issues\worries


----------



## DT_85 (Jan 6, 2012)

This thread is the exact reason i just leave cash in a pot at home , my mrs is more clued up with our finances than i am so she controls it . but i wouldnt think twice about taking a fiver out of her wallet ( i would tell her after tho ) . but then on the other hand she dont work so i earned the bloody thing anyway lol.

as far as your situation goes pal i wouldnt be able to take someone actually stealing from me and trying to cover it up / hide the money ect . especially my wife , would break me heart


----------



## MattGriff (Aug 21, 2012)

As has been covered confront them both head on, sit them both down and have a family discussion.

I would not have posted such things on the internet and just been open and frank about things.


----------



## Hera (May 6, 2011)

hackskii said:


> It probably is that way, she says I have control of everything.
> 
> But, that is not entirely true, she controls all the sex.
> 
> ...


I completely understand why you control the money and don't think that anyone would argue with that approach, it does however still mean that you have the control.

When I quit my job and career 3 years ago Lorian basically supported me for almost a year whilst I figured out what to do with my life and I was utterly miserable. I think it comes down to identity...my identity when I met him was an independant and successful professional...and then once I quit my job I didn't know who I was. Although I now earn my money, working for my partner made me feel pretty pathetic and that's why I started my own business; I needed ownership over something. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a kept woman and to have the identity of being a wife and a mother and nothing else. I just wonder if for yours and her sake, she needs something else in her life....not even something paid but maybe volunteering or a hobby?


----------



## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Katy said:


> I completely understand why you control the money and don't think that anyone would argue with that approach, it does however still mean that you have the control.
> 
> When I quit my job and career 3 years ago Lorian basically supported me for almost a year whilst I figured out what to do with my life and I was utterly miserable. I think it comes down to identity...my identity when I met him was an independant and successful professional...and then once I quit my job I didn't know who I was. Although I now earn my money, working for my partner made me feel pretty pathetic and that's why I started my own business; I needed ownership over something. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a kept woman and to have the identity of being a wife and a mother and nothing else. I just wonder if for yours and her sake, she needs something else in her life....not even something paid but maybe volunteering or a hobby?


Well, she is 55 years old, she is a stay at home Mom, and home schools.

She is pretty busy but no doubt she has some cabin fever.

Heck, I get it on the week ends and that is one reason why I leave the house to go to the bar.

I just cant be cooped up in the house.

I know she probably leaves the house every day to do some form of shopping.

Yesterday I bought all of us some tuna, avocado, provolone cheese, on squaw bread, so she didnt have to cook.

I also went shopping and bought some things as the fridge is looking bare, then I went and bought her a single red rose.

When I got home she said that buying food meant way more than the rose.

I did this for Valentines day.

I did buy some freeze dried mango wedges and oh man, oh man are those soooo good.


----------

