# Wind



## Bulldog77 (Jun 23, 2008)

LOL i know its a bit of a dodgy subject but any one else start dropping bombs that would gag a maggot when they start dieting??

My wife is climbing the walls LOL

ANy one take anything that would curb my chuffing habits.

Cheers


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## Chris4Pez1436114538 (Sep 3, 2007)

Yh m8 it is usually due to the protein in your body i ain't sure how it fully works but from off the top of my head how it works is something to do with un-digested protein!


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## justdiscovering (May 10, 2007)

digestive enzymes are apparently the way to go i get bannished to the seatee many nights due to satan living in my bottom.


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## dmcc (Nov 25, 2007)

Danone Activia? Or are you not a middle-aged, chardonnay-swilling middle England housewife?


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## beequeth (Mar 8, 2007)

dmcc said:


> Danone Activia? Or are you not a middle-aged, chardonnay-swilling middle England housewife?


LOL - thats so true Dmcc

I have the same problem, if the misses complains to much just dutch oven her when your bed :biggrin::biggrin:


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

Chris4Pez said:


> Yh m8 it is usually due to the protein in your body i ain't sure how it fully works but from off the top of my head how it works is something to do with un-digested protein!


I thought gas was due to carbs......?


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

beequeth said:


> LOL - thats so true Dmcc
> 
> I have the same problem, if the misses complains to much just dutch oven her when your bed :biggrin::biggrin:


ROFL


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## JawD (Sep 15, 2004)

Aye same thing here. Even the dog whines at me sometimes


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## Ollie B (Mar 14, 2007)

im lead to believe its the change in proteins


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## dmcc (Nov 25, 2007)

I agree with Ollie, I notice that when I up my protein intake I'm like a brass band (and immensely popular with the other half). It settles down though. You could try some Boots Wind Relief tablets, they're sort of chalky with peppermint oil, but it soaks up excess gas.


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## warren (Jun 16, 2008)

i haeen on my new diet 5 weeks and only now have i stopped , makes me feel il sometimes with wind trapped lol but to help the famly through it if you feel one brewing go sit on the lavy then really force it out.( dont rty this with out the lavy lol incase you make a miss judgement.


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## donggle (Aug 28, 2007)

i love farting, it's like a release, even better when it's a cupcake for the missus. she loves that.


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## YetiMan1436114545 (Dec 7, 2007)

estfna said:


> i love farting, it's like a release, even better when it's a cupcake for the missus. she loves that.


Dont you find follow through a ****er though, especialy when squating


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## justdiscovering (May 10, 2007)

i have on occasions used the charcoal inserts in me boxers cuz it got that bad ive used wind cheaters,charcoal tablets and none work havent changed my protein for ever still stink like rotting offal.go to the loo 4-7 times a day and they are solid meaty chunks too doc says its just that i eat alot.go figure. use the all the enzyme drinks to do they work do they feck.


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## JawD (Sep 15, 2004)

Great line comes to mind form last night (watched the bucket list). And I quote:

"Never trust a fart"


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## smithy26 (Sep 8, 2006)

my ass stinks


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## BabyYoYo (Mar 7, 2008)

smithy26 said:


> my ass stinks


What a charming thing to say!


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## smithy26 (Sep 8, 2006)

oi women arent aloud in the wind thread. Not really i smell wonderful


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## tony1401 (Mar 8, 2008)

smithy26 said:


> oi women arent aloud in the wind thread. Not really i smell wonderful


*LMAO * :laugh:


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## Ironhorse (Mar 21, 2008)

yeah diestive enzymes and charcoal tabs are your best bet.


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## JawD (Sep 15, 2004)

At approx 3am I apparently "gassed out" our bedroom as my wife elbowed me in disgust


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

JawD said:


> At approx 3am I apparently "gassed out" our bedroom as my wife elbowed me in disgust


LOL impressive


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## JawD (Sep 15, 2004)

Captain Hero said:


> LOL impressive


Well see I thought so as well! She just didnt. At all.

Funny how you are never disgusted by your own aint it. Unless you are ill and its a good way to tell.


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

JawD said:


> Well see I thought so as well! She just didnt. At all.
> 
> Funny how you are never disgusted by your own aint it. Unless you are ill and its a good way to tell.


I think you should do the same too her, wake her up a few mornings a week complaining that she is letting some really bad farts rip, see how she likes it  

Mate some of mine disgust me so I cant imagine how bad they are to others!!!


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## Chris4Pez1436114538 (Sep 3, 2007)

Captain Hero said:


> I thought gas was due to carbs......?


It could be but was told and seem to remember it is with the protein, and thats why if you have a high protein diet then your ass stinks hence all the guys in the gym in the weights section especially the Bodybuilders lol


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## flapjack (Mar 1, 2008)

Not allowed to tell people to Fuk off at work so a nasty fart is a good alternative.


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## dooby (Nov 3, 2007)

They do smell bad I mean I have worked in some god-awful meat places and these guffs smell like a mix between "ripe" offal and sloppy cow pats!

By the time the "body" is sorted it's likely you've gassed all your family anyway cmao <- "Clean My A**se Out"


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## paul172uk (Mar 13, 2008)

ie made my missus gag on several occasions lol


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## uksparky (Mar 7, 2008)

the best thing for wind.....a kite!


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## get me big (Mar 21, 2008)

i am three day's into sorting out my diet yes THREE DAY'S and already the family are telling me ihave some thing dead up my harris lol was worried till i found this windy thread geat stuff looking forward to the middle seat in the work van lol


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## 1988-s.leeson (Feb 24, 2008)

i literally cant go out in busy public areas i would be arrested for biological terrorism!

i HAVE to sleep with my windows open!

disgusting! bloody diet is a nightmare


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## brickhoused (Mar 12, 2008)

My farts absoloutely stink when i up the protein, ha ha especially MRP's and shakes!!


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## get me big (Mar 21, 2008)

haven't started the shakes ect yet your telling me it gets worse lol???????? dissapointing thing is i am a DS and alway's had a way with the ladies, tonight at the club am gonna hide in the smoking section outside


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## brickhoused (Mar 12, 2008)

HA HA HA LMAO!!!


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## wombat68 (Mar 21, 2008)

Isn't it a bit of double standards tho.

I mean when the mrs farts its the most hilarious thing in the world to her but when you drop a bit of a bomb it never seems so funny then.

I wonder why that is lol

*lol my first post on here is to do with farts....quality huh....anyway hi everyone*


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## butcher907 (Mar 30, 2008)

Im surprised i haven't been beat up for my recent performances in the gym since i started a weight gain shake.:sorry: Admittedly I does make it harder to complete a set when my mate does it. I think my missus likes the cupcakes.


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## Ollie B (Mar 14, 2007)

Fooking hell my **** is on fire. Ive run out of boxers as ive blown holes in all of them. Can anyone source me bomb proof boxers?


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## Guest (May 12, 2008)

Bad ass use advanced acidophilus tablets by Solgar they really are worth the money and work ask my cats :lol: they no longer look at their own asses when someone drops their backs


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## The_Kernal (Apr 5, 2008)

Guys we should embrase the gift we work hard for and have fun with it.

I see good use of Cup Cakes, Dutch ovens and Hand grenades. The drive-by tooting is my personal fave, supermarkets, pubs, anywere that you can sly off and laugh your ass off while others worry of a chemical attack.

I guffed in asda yesterday and they asked over the tannoy for a cleaner to isle 5.. Thats Legend, I was narly as proud as i was when my children were born.. :thumbup1:


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## MrGum (May 2, 2008)

I have the same problem - my missus us constantly trying to work out what causes it in order to make me cut it out.

I think it is to do with protein and I've read somwhere that B vitamins help.

Having said that I am a vegan so I live on veg and fart like cows.

mark


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Foul odors is easy, take digestive enzymes with each meal.

Generally this is a carbohydrate issue, and outside of being sick, it is a digestion issue.

Outside of the digestion issue chlorophyll is one of the best defense of any smelly issue, weather it be under arm, breath, or gas, chlorophyll is a good thing.

Milk is one of the biggest contributions to the most smelly gas, this is due to the lactose carbohydrate and our inability to digest this carbohydrate with any efficiency.

Pro-biotics would be another good idea here.

Generally it is due to not digesting your foods, this all will be a mute point once digestive enzymes are added to your meals....


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## scout (Feb 27, 2008)

i come from a long line of farters, ive had medication prescribed in the past for IBS but nothing has worked and the intoduction of a hi carb hi protein diet has deffinately added to the volume of gas produced, Im now eating Pro biotic yoghurt every day to see if it helps. I think it is great how a good stinking fart can turn a load of grown men into a swarm of complaining old ladies, which happens on a very regular basis where i work, it is suggested to me periodically by my work collegues that i require colonic irrigation!!!


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## Patch (May 30, 2007)

I have woken myself up on more than one occasion with an almighty Butt Trump, and i always have a little whiff under the quilt before sharing my creation with the wife.

I'm quite surprised i haven't sh1t the bed yet.


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## pauly7582 (Jan 16, 2007)

Am I the only person here who rarely farts if at all? :huh:And my diet is full of greens and milk...mmm cravendale. Addictive creamy stuff.


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## squalllion1uk (Mar 27, 2008)

Some of these posts are priceless 

lol bad habbit of farting and i end up laughing like a mad man to top it off xD


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

squalllion1uk said:


> Some of these posts are priceless
> 
> lol bad habbit of farting and i end up laughing like a mad man to top it off xD


LOL Farts make me giggle like a little school girl man, I cant help it for some reason I just find it hilarious :laugh:


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## squalllion1uk (Mar 27, 2008)

Agreed tis a bad day when your in the car and its raining and the heating is on full blast and ye let 1 rip xD hahahah >.> got kicked out the car n made to stand in the pouring rain for 10 mins but i was laughing my head off so was worth it


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## TaintedSoul (May 16, 2007)

I have been known to wake myself up and have to leave the room. Or when I come to bed late I crack a killer and the misses wakes up disorintated wondering what the hell smells so bad.

But tonight was brilliant. we driving back from a nice romantic dinner. She cracks one and yeah it's funny as fck so I said well now it's free for all then!! She cringed as today something dug itself from the dead. I crack one, she says "I'm cold" I am about to reach for the window button when she "Oh no I'm not" and proceeds to hang her head out of the car like Ace Ventura.

Thank god we have been dating for awhile......


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

TaintedSoul said:


> I have been known to wake myself up and have to leave the room. Or when I come to bed late I crack a killer and the misses wakes up disorintated wondering what the hell smells so bad.
> 
> But tonight was brilliant. we driving back from a nice romantic dinner. She cracks and yeah it's funny as fck so i said well now it's free for all then!! She cringed as today something dug itself from the dead. I crack one, she says "I'm cold" I am about to reach for the window button when she "Oh no I'm not" and proceeds to hang her head out of the car like Ace Ventura.
> 
> Thank god we have been dating for awhile......


ROFL


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## squalllion1uk (Mar 27, 2008)

hahahahaha  thats classic


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## Guest (May 14, 2008)

Drop one when your in the pit but before you do pull the covers under your chin so it traps it, then give your partner a hug n kick the bottom of the duvet roflmfao :lol: it's a killer


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

pauly7582 said:


> Am I the only person here who rarely farts if at all? :huh:And my diet is full of greens and milk...mmm cravendale. Addictive creamy stuff.


I rarely fart myself, but I do take pro-biotics and digestive enzymes, other than that it is not a daily thing.


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## smithy26 (Sep 8, 2006)

hackskii said:


> I rarely fart myself, but I do take pro-biotics and digestive enzymes, other than that it is not a daily thing.


does that help with the wind then


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

smithy26 said:


> does that help with the wind then


Oh man, more than you know. It also helps with heart burn and a bunch of other things like constipation and better digestion of your foods.

Remember that 70% of your immune system is in the intestines, getting pro-biotics down you helps keep the immune system strong.

Digestive enzymes aid in digestion so there is more effiency of digestion and better assimilation of food.

Basicly gas is from not digesting your food properly.


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## Guest (May 15, 2008)

Just bought some charcoal tablets, ffs its a fast release:thumb:

Lin


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## dagsgaz (Nov 14, 2007)

i laughed so much at this topic:|

the best ones wer at school in assembly when every1 was silent

loud or smelly

the disgust on everyones face is priceless!


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## Jimmy_Cricket (Aug 3, 2006)

Weatherspoons/Lloyds sunday roast gives me the nastiest farts ever:eek:


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## Bulldog77 (Jun 23, 2008)

Just come back to this thread LOL i am sat here with eyes streaming (no i have not chuffed)

I am a firefighter and when we used to have beds and on nights we always had curry you would walk into the dorm and it was like a CS gas attack but with a bunch of grown men lay in bed giggleing at each others chuffs ....priceless


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