# Whats your best chat up lines?



## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Just wondering what you guys use when you go out on a night, personally at the moment i tend to say:

"I know this sounds abit cheeky but can i sleep at yours tonight?" goes down well with some!


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## YetiMan1436114545 (Dec 7, 2007)

Saw it on a advert, going to try it me thinks. Its something along the lines off.

"Your in luck, I've decided to go ugly, early."

Recon it will work wonders.


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## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

YetiMan said:


> Saw it on a advert, going to try it me thinks. Its something along the lines off.
> 
> "Your in luck, I've decided to go ugly, early."
> 
> Recon it will work wonders.


haha wasnt that dave pierce on radio 1 that said that? Im thinking of giving it a go this weekend too  good luck! I wouldnt suggest wearing a white shirt though!


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## Guest (Jun 10, 2008)

i like this one:

- "Grab your coat,"

Girl says - "HA HA yeh good one i've heard this one before..... grab your coat you've pulled......?"

- "No grab your coat, i've got a knife,"

a mate of mine actually used this once, and it went down well lol


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## chrisj22 (Mar 22, 2006)

''Come on, luv, let's go & get a cab back to mine - I'm going to take you on a wild journey for the best minute of your life''.

Think I used something like that to get my missus now. lol


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## Guest (Jun 10, 2008)

hahahhaa chris

i like to keep it simple 'hey babe, nice shoes'

always starts a laugh


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## Ollie B (Mar 14, 2007)

Ive used this once and it worked

"Fancy coming back to my place for a pizza and a fcuk?" She then slapped me across the face. I then said " Whats the matter, dont you like Pizza?"


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## chrisj22 (Mar 22, 2006)

BUMP for Tom's sluttish antics.

Oh, & the Master Gridhor.


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## Ollie B (Mar 14, 2007)

chrisj22 said:


> BUMP for Tom's sluttish antics.
> 
> Oh, & the Master Gridhor.


:laugh:


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## webby (Nov 1, 2007)

"I want to wear you like a hockey mask"

Quick and to the point:thumb:


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## gym rat (Jul 10, 2007)

my name is pinochio, sit on my face and il tell you a lie, works a charm.lol


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## Jay 69 (Mar 4, 2006)

Do you like winegums.....yes.....good wind your gums round this then always get a laugh


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## Jay 69 (Mar 4, 2006)

Or for a slap i use I gonna pack your c**t you dirty little bi**ch


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## The Chauffeur (Dec 3, 2007)

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

Have you got the time? Dont matter your fcuking ugly anyway


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

lol and the old british gas advert was quality - the one which ended is your boiler playing up? Which the family are in the kitchen eating breakfast and the boiler turns to the ugly daughter and say's 'ello supermodel  me and my mates used to laugh about that for aged lol


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## 2tpaul (Feb 27, 2008)

did you just fart cos youve blown me away!


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## benst (Mar 20, 2008)

This one normally gets a laugh theres got to be her and a mate.

have you heard about the two for one special.

no thay reply

Two of you one of me now thats special :laugh:


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## trickymicky69 (Oct 1, 2004)

Im not fred flintstone but I can make your bedrock


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## corbuk (Jan 18, 2008)

1.Break a bit of ice on the bar and say "Now I've broken the ice can I buy you a drink?"

2.Are you wearing spacepants, because your behind is totally out of this world!

3.Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date?

4.What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.


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## chrisj22 (Mar 22, 2006)

corbuk said:


> 1.Break a bit of ice on the bar and say "Now I've broken the ice can I buy you a drink?"
> 
> 2.Are you wearing spacepants, because your behind is totally out of this world!
> 
> 3.Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date?


Fcuk me, they're awful!

:laugh:


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

The Chauffeur said:


> I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.


  Oh dear I laughed.....

But seriously, do any of these work? I'd just **** myself laughing :lol:


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## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Beklet said:


> Oh dear I laughed.....
> 
> But seriously, do any of these work? I'd just **** myself laughing :lol:


yeh chat up lines work  i remembered another one i use 'EXCUSE ME! can i sleep with you?' thats usually when im paraletic tho!


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## Geo (Apr 3, 2007)

A nice smile to the One your After, Never Fails. 

Geo


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## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Greekgoddess said:


> Someone once tried this on me
> 
> Your body is like a spanner, it makes my nuts tighten


did it work?


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## TaintedSoul (May 16, 2007)

Beklet said:


> Oh dear I laughed.....
> 
> But seriously, do any of these work? I'd just **** myself laughing :lol:


Well you just laughed and that should be enough to strike up a conversation.


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## simo (May 26, 2008)

Josef Fritzl's is "Fancy a bit of howz your father?"


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

TaintedSoul said:


> Well you just laughed and that should be enough to strike up a conversation.


True..... :whistling:

I'm no better then - when I was a teenager we had the most bizarre chat up lines...

1. If you were sharing a bath, which end would you sit at?

Most would reply opposite the taps, and we'd just look disappointed and say 'Damn, I thought you'd be one of those wonderful people who sat at the tap end'.... 

2. Have you ever seen an exploding cow? (No I can't remember why, either)

But they actually worked!!! :confused1:

A friend of mine got a slap for the line 'My face leaves in ten minutes - be on it' :lol:


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## Rosko (Oct 15, 2007)

1. Used to tell girls i worked part time in london zoo picking up the penguins when they fall over as they havn't got knees and can't get up on their own!!!!

Loads of them actually believed it and would always say '' ah, bless, thats so sweet!''

2. Was in Malia just before the Athens Olympics and told some doughnut i'd been selected for the GB Table Tennis team and had bought a few mates away to celebrate with my sponsership money from Adidas and was flying straight to Rhodes to meet up with the rest of the squad!!

3. Last one! I got a scar on my shoulder and i've said i was doing free lance camera man in Iraq as there is good money to be made if you get exclusive footage, got caught in a gun fight and yep, you guessed it, got shot in the shoulder!!! Got loads of insurance money and now i'm reassessing my options!!

Nothing like a good blag!!! :thumb:


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## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Rosko said:


> Nothing like a good blag!!! :thumb:


haha agreed! i usually make up loads of bull**** to make meself sound good :cool2:


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## YetiMan1436114545 (Dec 7, 2007)

Its simple, its a number game.

Ask 20 girls "do you want to ****" one will say yes.

Job done.


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## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

YetiMan said:


> Its simple, its a number game.
> 
> Ask 20 girls "do you want to ****" one will say yes.
> 
> Job done.


Ah yeh, darren brown showed this one works! you might get 10 'yes's' in a row if you sample enough!


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## Rosko (Oct 15, 2007)

1 out of 20 sorts.........1 out of 2 hounds!!!!!


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## N2GB (May 23, 2008)

Its ok honey save your money no need to buy me a drink you`ve already pulled ..

I can safely say it works as I now have four kids:whistling: :whistling:


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## Guest (Jun 10, 2008)

Chat up lines are for tools:rolleyes: i hit the club in my Armani shirt and my big gold neckless with my hair all gelled up and i stand around with a cup of water in my hand with the kind of attitude that says "yeah i am better than all of you" and sure enough girls will just walk right up to me and start talking:cool2:


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## nathanlowe (Jan 8, 2008)

This isnt really a chat up line but it worked last week.

Was at a party and in the bedroom with a few of the girls who was smashed.

Said to them, pick a number between one and ten.

And when they replied.

I said, wrong take your top off.

They all actually did so it was a laugh.


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

got slapped for this one, i got a few of them on an email and decided to try a few:

Was in a club in coventry, really loud music, i Went up to the bird and said do you wanna dance... she said no, I said back to her: you misherd me love i said you look fat in those pants. the slap hurt, but it was well worth it, as her mates were laughin too, and i ended up sticking it one of them instead later on up the back alley, in a back alley!!


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## N2GB (May 23, 2008)

itraininthedark said:


> got slapped for this one, i got a few of them on an email and decided to try a few:
> 
> Was in a club in coventry, really loud music, i Went up to the bird and said do you wanna dance... she said no, I said back to her: you misherd me love i said you look fat in those pants. the slap hurt, but it was well worth it, as her mates were laughin too, and i ended up sticking it one of them instead later on up the back alley, in a back alley!!


none of my business but why the tricky brown along the back cushion instead of the easy pink to the centre:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## mrbez (Feb 8, 2008)

If you were a bogey....I'd pick you!


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## Rosko (Oct 15, 2007)

Con said:


> Chat up lines are for tools:rolleyes: i hit the club in my Armani shirt and my big gold neckless with my hair all gelled up and i stand around with a cup of water in my hand with the kind of attitude that says "yeah i am better than all of you" and sure enough girls will just walk right up to me and start talking:cool2:


Mate, you are just too damn cool for school bro!!!! I wanna be in your gang!!!! :rockon:


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## Rosko (Oct 15, 2007)

If we were Squirrels i'd bury my nuts in your hole!!!

They get worse!!


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## evad (Mar 17, 2008)

you people are all so educated i rarely use chat up lines but when they do they are verging on having the ability to have me arrested for many years, things like

"can i see you're gash"

"do you like banannas cos my penis is yellow and bends to the left"

"they call me rebound dave" (only works whe nthey have just been dumped)

other then that the sensible ones are

look through your phone, look confused and state "i cant seem to find your number in here"

or give them yours and say "don't know who's it is but it may come in handy"

believe me i have used the top three a few times


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## duffman16 (Mar 30, 2008)

best one is,

me:Look at my magic watch (pointing at wrist) it tells me your not wearing any underwear

mildly attractive woman:but i am

me: oh must be half an hour fat (tap watch) :cool2:


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## a15x2 (May 23, 2008)

aproach two girls and walk up to the less attractive of the two and say "would you like to dance?"

she will be over the moon that its not her mate for a change and will say

"yes"

then reply

"well fcuk off and dance while i talk to your mate"

works every time :whistling:

alternatively

"how pet do you like chicken? well suck my c0ck its fowl"

excuse me do you fancy a fcuk?

no

well will you lie down while i have one

"is your dad a burglar?" no why? (expecting the inevitable stars line)

"cos your rough as fcuk"

all are gems and a sure way to a ladys heart


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## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

a15x2 said:


> aproach two girls and walk up to the less attractive of the two and say "would you like to dance?"
> 
> she will be over the moon that its not her mate for a change and will say
> 
> ...


That is fcuking class bud! :lol:

Here we go -

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm? (will ALWAYS get you at least a smile)

Inheriting eighty million pounds doesn't mean much when you are single and have a weak heart!

Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

Excuse me, have I fcuked you yet?

Do you know what a man with a 12 inch d1ck has for breakfast? No! Well I have Bacon and Eggs!

Fcuk me if i'm wrong, but are you Elvis?

The list is endless...


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## a15x2 (May 23, 2008)

richardrahl said:


> That is fcuking class bud! :lol:
> 
> Here we go -
> 
> ...


brilliant :lol: :lol:


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## a15x2 (May 23, 2008)

drop you draws and the moneys yours!


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## Gridlock1436114498 (Nov 11, 2004)

Beklet said:


> 1. If you were sharing a bath, which end would you sit at?
> 
> Most would reply opposite the taps, and we'd just look disappointed and say 'Damn, I thought you'd be one of those wonderful people who sat at the tap end'....


 

Reminds me of this one,

*"Hi, Did you know that 40% women masturbate in the shower - and the other 60% sing?"*

"er....what?"

*"And did you know what they sing?"*

"um no (WTF etc etc)"

*"Oh right, you're one of the ones who masturbates then"*


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## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

Hi, I have been watching you dance over there for a while now, and to be honest, you're terrible. Let me buy you a drink and we can talk about it.


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## Blofeld (May 25, 2008)

Rosko said:


> 1. Used to tell girls i worked part time in london zoo picking up the penguins when they fall over as they havn't got knees and can't get up on their own!!!!
> 
> Loads of them actually believed it and would always say '' ah, bless, thats so sweet!''
> 
> :thumb:


ROFLMAO, that's awesome!!! 

"I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good."

Can't remember where I heard this next one, but LMAO when I heard it!

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"


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## therealdeal26 (May 31, 2007)

r u jamaican cuz ja-mai-can me crazy lol

want 2 go halfers on a bastard


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## dmcc (Nov 25, 2007)

"You, me, tub of Nutella." Don't ask, but it worked.


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

davetherave said:


> "can i see you're gash"
> 
> "do you like banannas cos my penis is yellow and bends to the left"
> 
> ...


And you still have bollocks?? :lol:

Actually that reminds me - I have a tube of red lip gloss, and it smells of strawberries.....the name of it? Gash....

My mates got some blokes interested in me when they said I got my gash out in the pub and it smelled great and was really red and shiny (no, really it's true, shame I wasn't single at the time!!)


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## evad (Mar 17, 2008)

> And you still have bollocks??


believe me becklet, the top lines only work when you are dressed in doorman gear and have a cheeky smile

they do not work in other situations 

for the record my penis is not yellow


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

davetherave said:


> believe me becklet, the top lines only work when you are dressed in doorman gear and have a cheeky smile
> 
> they do not work in other situations
> 
> for the record my penis is not yellow


But it bends to the left? 

I'll not start commenting on skins :whistling:


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## Slamdog (Jun 11, 2007)

davetherave said:


> for the record my penis is not yellow


that's only the pus dripping from the end....

never used chat-up lines myself... i used to be a bit like con... only in biker gear... and water? nahh a bottle of jack daniels or wild turkey...


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## evad (Mar 17, 2008)

> But it bends to the left?
> 
> I'll not start commenting on skins


it depends where the lady is doesnt it 

erm i shall not mention skins either


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## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

"Damn you're ugly, but I bet you feel good in the dark."

Or, as she walks by, "Damn it girl!! I thought I was hot!!" Then when you get a nice big smile, introduce yourself and ask if she fancies coming back to yours for the best 3 minutes of her life... You'll have her laughing, guaranteed.


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## dmcc (Nov 25, 2007)

I once said to some random bloke "I'll get my coat, you've pulled." Worked for me...


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

Gridlock said:


> Reminds me of this one,
> 
> *"Hi, Did you know that 40% women masturbate in the shower - and the other 60% sing?"*
> 
> ...


ROFL I like it :tongue:


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

I used to have a 'friend' who, not to put too fine a point on it, shagged everything she could.

Fine, except she lived with her boyfriend. He was quite a nice chap too.

She also tried to pull whichever bloke you were after at the time to 'prove' she was more attractive than you.

She may have had some redeeming qualities, I forget now....

I was at the local meat market hellhole after work one night and some bloke offers to buy me a drink. He was OK, not my usual type at all, but a drink is a drink. Said 'friend' notices, came up as he was coming back from the bar and said 'Oh, have you got Becks a drink? Aren't you going to buy me one too?'

'No'

'Why not?' (yes, she even stuck her lip out)

'Because I don't fancy you'

He scored - he had to for making me laugh so much and taking my mate down a few pegs


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## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

Beklet said:


> I was at the local meat market hellhole after work one night and some bloke offers to buy me a drink. He was OK, not my usual type at all, but a drink is a drink. Said 'friend' notices, came up as he was coming back from the bar and said 'Oh, have you got Becks a drink? Aren't you going to buy me one too?'
> 
> 'No'
> 
> ...


I like it! :thumb:


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

richardrahl said:


> That is fcuking class bud! :lol:
> 
> Here we go -
> 
> ...


ROFL those are wicked


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## Britbb (Sep 7, 2007)

If they come upto me and touch my arm or pinch my ass i have sometimes just said:

(Smiling in a cheeky way and jokingly) haha you like bodybuilders and buff guys?

Wait to hear them say 'yes':

(Pretend my mate is calling me from a few meters away in club)

'Oh sh1t hun, my mates calling me, i gotta go, sorry...erm, um, hey listen, before i go just wanted to tell you that i think youre really pretty:

(Waits for them to respond either 'no im not', or blushing slightly, or 'thankyou')...

Do you go to the gym aswell?

Hey listen hun i really gotta gom why dont you gimme your num and i'll call you if you want? We can go for a drink sometime if you like?

(take number)

(Give kiss on cheek, look in there eyes and smile...give kiss on lips and snog them then say goodbye and walk off).

It takes about 90 seconds in total. If the girl has already been touching my arm, pinched my ass etc then it ussually works every time.

Funnily enough, when i do that it works 90% of the time, yet if i actally stand there talking, showing im a gentleman, being nice, finding out about them etc then i get less success...women are very weird. :whistling:


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

...this one works sometimes..

you want dick?


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## carly (Mar 8, 2008)

Hahaha Britbb you smooth operator lol!! :lol:


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

I have used "relax and enjoy yourself" before.....


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## Britbb (Sep 7, 2007)

carly said:


> Hahaha Britbb you smooth operator lol!! :lol:


Haha but thats not how id want to do it.

It just seems that when i used to work the doors i realised that this was an easy way to get girls lol. I could pretend i was being messaged on the radio and i had to go quickly lol.

I dont know why because if a girl said something like that to me (ok not the muscles bit lol, if shes bigger than me and says 'you like buff girls' haha then i might get scared hehe, flexes her 23 inch arm infront of me it would be overkill lol. But if a girl played a simmilar thing on me i would think shes a sl4g and not bother with her.

Women always go on how they want a man to like them for them, then when it comes to a guy putting in lots of effort and being friendly, talkative with them...they prefer it if he just gets straight to the point and basically says 'do you think im fit, good, now give me your number'...i cant work you ladies out at all...v funny creatures haha:laugh:


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## Rosko (Oct 15, 2007)

Mate, we've got no chance of working out a womens head and how it works........absolutely no chance!!! :confused1:


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## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Blofeld said:


> ROFLMAO, that's awesome!!!
> 
> "I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good."
> 
> ...


The chloroform one is a keeper.

Heres some from my youth. I probably have used one of them but cant remember.

1. How do you like your eggs in the morning? fertilized or unfertilized.

2. Smile and say Hey, wanna go halves on a bastard

3. Back before there were mobiles there was this one- Heres some change for the phone. Ring your mum and tell her you won't be home tonight.

4. This is one I use now. It comes after the icebreaker, but its all about timing. Its along the lines of treat em' mean, keep em' keen.

You remind me of an ex, you have the same smile ....... yeah she was lovely, s*** in bed though....... I can't have another relationship like that..


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## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Chil said:


> 2. Smile and say Hey, wanna go halves on a bastard


haha i think thats gonna be one for sat night


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## Littleluke (Nov 21, 2005)

If you're a natural you don't need a process.. You either have it or you don't  lol


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## Captain Hero (Jun 13, 2004)

Littleluke said:


> If you're a natural you don't need a process.. You either have it or you don't  lol


every natural and every person has a process luke, they probably just arent aware of what they do to trigger positive responses...


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## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Britbb said:


> Funnily enough, when i do that it works 90% of the time, yet if i actally stand there talking, showing im a gentleman, being nice, finding out about them etc then i get less success...women are very weird. :whistling:


Sure are. But to them, nice is boring. You have to stir their interest and get them to think they have to pull you. Women love what they cant have or what you make them think they cant.

If they are hot. Act as if she couldn't have you. Be a bit stand offish and knock them down a peg or two in a joking way with some good one liners.

She wont expect it because they're usually so sick of having guys crawl all over them, confessing they're undying love.

Then I always follow up with being cheeky (not insulting). Show her that you'll have no problem lying to get into her pants. Once you get those laughs and she knows what you're doing. Its like a moth to the flame.


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Britbb said:


> Women always go on how they want a man to like them for them, then when it comes to a guy putting in lots of effort and being friendly, talkative with them...they prefer it if he just gets straight to the point and basically says 'do you think im fit, good, now give me your number'...i cant work you ladies out at all...v funny creatures haha:laugh:


There are certain situations I suppose, but all women are different - I'll get back to you with a coherent explanation when I can think of one.... :laugh:

Personally I get scared off by overly direct men, but then I have no self esteem and think they're taking the **** :confused1:



Chil said:


> Sure are. But to them, nice is boring. You have to stir their interest and get them to think they have to pull you. Women love what they cant have or what you make them think they cant.
> 
> If they are hot. Act as if she couldn't have you. Be a bit stand offish and knock them down a peg or two in a joking way with some good one liners.
> 
> ...


Oh god, have you been reading that PUA stuff?


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## mattylip (Jun 10, 2008)

my line is....................... the word of the day is legs, so how about you and me go back to mine and spread the word!!


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## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Beklet said:


> There are certain situations I suppose, but all women are different - I'll get back to you with a coherent explanation when I can think of one.... :laugh:
> 
> Personally I get scared off by overly direct men, but then I have no self esteem and think they're taking the **** :confused1:
> 
> Oh god, have you been reading that PUA stuff?


Thats one of my points, to be subtle about your intent at the beginning.

Whats the PUA stuff? tell me more.

Everybody knows that women love what they cant have. The rest is just common sense. Be confident, funny and a bit cheeky.

Now tell me what girl doesnt like that .


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## liamhutch (Mar 25, 2008)

GET IN THE VAN!


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Chil said:


> Whats the PUA stuff? tell me more.


Some American crap that tells you how to pull - has all sorts of prescriptive things to do and say to a girl - like putting her down jokingly etc etc. Unfortunately most girls will see blatantly what is going on 

Stands for Pick Up Artist which says it all really.....


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

Beklet said:


> Some American crap that tells you how to pull - has all sorts of prescriptive things to do and say to a girl - like putting her down jokingly etc etc. Unfortunately most girls will see blatantly what is going on
> 
> Stands for Pick Up Artist which says it all really.....


Yeah but all the little 18 yearold slappers havent seen it :whistling:

Its a case of knowing your audience....if you see a 18year old slut then a little PUA will work a treat, if your trying to hit on a 30year old office worker in a city bar you need to adjust your tactics


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Magic Torch said:


> Yeah but all the little 18 yearold slappers havent seen it :whistling:
> 
> Its a case of knowing your audience....if you see a 18year old slut then a little PUA will work a treat, if your trying to hit on a 30year old office worker in a city bar you need to adjust your tactics


True - I suspect the lads using it are just playing a numbers game - how many slappers can I pull, look I'm great, me :lol:

When in all honesty anything will work on them :laugh:


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

True but there are just as many little sluts playing the same game  Try Talk in southend on a Thurs night........


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## Harry1436114491 (Oct 8, 2003)

liamhutch said:


> GET IN THE VAN!


PMSL great line must try that.


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## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

liamhutch said:


> GET IN THE VAN!


This one tickled me. :thumb:


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## Madeira Jon (Jan 11, 2008)

"Hello darling. In bed do you lie on your tummy?"

"NO?"

"Then do you mind if I do?"


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Magic Torch said:


> True but there are just as many little sluts playing the same game  Try Talk in southend on a Thurs night........


Oh god no, sounds awful!!! And they'd probably think someone had brought their mum along.... 



Madeira Jon said:


> "Hello darling. In bed do you lie on your tummy?"
> 
> "NO?"
> 
> "Then do you mind if I do?"


Lol!! :lol:


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## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

They often do - my mate got slapped once by a woman cause he knocked back her daughter.......:laugh:



Beklet said:


> Oh god no, sounds awful!!! And they'd probably think someone had brought their mum along....
> 
> Lol!! :lol:


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Magic Torch said:


> They often do - my mate got slapped once by a woman cause he knocked back her daughter.......:laugh:




Sounds like a bar in our town, was called Chaplins, the place where mums took their daughters to get laid it was not good


----------



## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Beklet said:


> Some American crap that tells you how to pull - has all sorts of prescriptive things to do and say to a girl - like putting her down jokingly etc etc. Unfortunately most girls will see blatantly what is going on
> 
> Stands for Pick Up Artist which says it all really.....


Jeez I googled it and there are whole schools where you can get trained. WTF!!!

What will those crazy american kids come up with next


----------



## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

Chil said:


> Jeez I googled it and there are whole schools where you can get trained. WTF!!!
> 
> What will those crazy american kids come up with next


So, how long did they say it'd be until you get a decision on your application...?


----------



## mattylip (Jun 10, 2008)

the word of the day is legs, so how about you and me going back to mine to spread the word!


----------



## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

lol jst sent a text to a lass i know saying 'what you upto?'

she replied 'nout much jst at mine didnt go to work today'

so i said 'can i come round and bone you? x'

she replied 'yeh drl u still know where a live'

good stuff she a hairdresser aswell  so mite get meself a cut once am finished haha


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

chronic-2001 said:


> lol jst sent a text to a lass i know saying 'what you upto?'
> 
> she replied 'nout much jst at mine didnt go to work today'
> 
> ...


Would that work on a bloke though?

I can imagine it now

'What you up to?'

'Ah nothing much just listening to music and reading a book'

'Fancy a game of Hide the Sausage?'

*victim emigrates*

:lol:


----------



## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Beklet said:


> Would that work on a bloke though?
> 
> I can imagine it now
> 
> ...


Haha course it would, id give it to a lass just for the effort on her behalf. I got a text a while back saying 'i know this is abit out of the blue but you fancy a shag?' turned out it was to get at her bf but it worked


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

chronic-2001 said:


> Haha course it would, id give it to a lass just for the effort on her behalf. I got a text a while back saying 'i know this is abit out of the blue but you fancy a shag?' turned out it was to get at her bf but it worked


Hm I'm still convinced he'd cack his pants...... 

Might have to try it...need Dutch courage first......


----------



## davey d (Jan 8, 2007)

If i told you , you've got a cute little body would you hold it against me..

Works sometimes....


----------



## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Beklet said:


> Hm I'm still convinced he'd cack his pants......
> 
> Might have to try it...need Dutch courage first......


nooo thats the worst thing you can do, just send a reasonable text like 'what you upto?' they will probs reply 'nout much you?' then just send something like 'i was hoping to be doing you  x' if it dont work there no bad just say it was a joke, ive done it off m8s phones to lasses they like but would never dare ask themselfs plenty of times, 10/10 it works!


----------



## Chil (May 20, 2007)

richardrahl said:


> So, how long did they say it'd be until you get a decision on your application...?


lol

Its been refused, instead they have asked me to teach the course:lol:


----------



## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Beklet said:


> Would that work on a bloke though?
> 
> I can imagine it now
> 
> ...


Before you finished the question and had the chance to blink, he would have invented a teleportation device, built it and beamed you over to his..

And they say men cant figure out women!!!!!!!!!!

Laws of nature 101 - *women love to have sex*, (due to having an organ designed specifically for that purpose), *m**en need to have sex.* Hence the teleportation device.


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Chil said:


> Before you finished the question and had the chance to blink, he would have invented a teleportation device, built it and beamed you over to his..
> 
> And they say men cant figure out women!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Laws of nature 101 - *women love to have sex*, (due to having an organ designed specifically for that purpose), *m**en need to have sex.* Hence the teleportation device.


Some men are quite picky though......:laugh:


----------



## chronic-2001 (Jun 15, 2008)

Beklet said:


> Some men are quite picky though......:laugh:


Nooooo! lasses say im too picky but at the end of the day if they offered, i wouldnt be a man if i turned them down lol, guys give off the impression of being picky to big themselves up haha


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

chronic-2001 said:


> Nooooo! lasses say im too picky but at the end of the day if they offered, i wouldnt be a man if i turned them down lol, guys give off the impression of being picky to big themselves up haha


OK..... must admit I've had 2 such texts from male friends in the last couple of weeks - had to turn them both down as I was still attached at the time of one, and the other has a girlfriend....I have some morals


----------



## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Beklet said:


> Some men are quite picky though......:laugh:


When its on the table in front of them. Men cant help themselves. It happens but its rare. If shes attractive its guaranteed. If shes not, wait till they're ****ed.

Anyone that says otherwise is a liar.


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Chil said:


> When its on the table in front of them. Men cant help themselves. It happens but its rare. If shes attractive its guaranteed. If shes not, wait till they're ****ed.
> 
> Anyone that says otherwise is a liar.


Right then......I'll take a bottle of Sambuca and I'm set!!


----------



## Tinytom (Sep 16, 2005)

Britbb said:


> Haha but thats not how id want to do it.
> 
> It just seems that when i used to work the doors i realised that this was an easy way to get girls lol. I could pretend i was being messaged on the radio and i had to go quickly lol.
> 
> ...


LOL I can relate to that.

I dont have chat up lines.

Although when I get molested by tarts in the club I normally say very sternly 'Can I help you?' Good test of their confidence and if they are actually playing 'doorman game' or if they really fancy you or not. i.e. the ones just being cock teases will fcuk off quick smart.

A good one that Me and GridHor did when he came down from Hortown with Lorian is this

A bird was chatting to me and it wasnt really going anywhere so GridHor walks past and I say 'Take this girl off me please....' Grid looked distraught and shouted 'no way'

Total smashing of her self perception and closed it nicely.

One you can use that incorporates NLP double binds is this

say hello or whatever and break the ice chat for 30 seconds and say

'Sorry I just can't get the thought of kissing you out of my head so would you like to sit somewhere or is here fine for you'

Two things will happen - either she will say 'I dont fancy you' in which case you havent wsted time or money

Or you'll end up kissing her.

DOuble binds deliver a result with the illusion of choice

the illusion of a choice in the Kiss, each choice ends in the close and the only real choice they have is sitting or standing up.

lots of double binds can be used in PickUp as Grid will tell you on his courses. I havent been on one of them I just apply the techniques from my NLP courses.

9/10 times you'll get a kiss as she's already talking to you. This works the other way as well for women, I've had it done to me in the past. Its not sleazy or cheesy at all, the confidence boost to the recipient of that comment is quite high and lets face it in the first few minutes of the conversation most of the attraction is instinctual not mental.

Showing confident body language and non aggressive postures is the key to dleivering such techniques.


----------



## megatron (Apr 21, 2004)

Tinytom said:


> LOL I can relate to that.
> 
> I dont have chat up lines.
> 
> ...


It's wierd how you guys make a science out of it, I just ply them with boose and drugs.


----------



## Tinytom (Sep 16, 2005)

megatron said:


> It's wierd how you guys make a science out of it, I just ply them with boose and drugs.


Yes but Im tight and dont want to spend money.

I could always club them Caveman style and drag them back to my Cave I suppose. :thumb:


----------



## richardrahl (Nov 19, 2007)

megatron said:


> It's wierd how you guys make a science out of it, I just ply them with boose and drugs.


 :lol: :thumb:


----------



## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

heres some good come backs

Male comebacks to female comebacks to male chat up lines

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat minger.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: There's no need to get on your knees and suck me off just yet

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a sh*t where you go.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: That explains the moustache then!

(CLASSIC!!!!)

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilised.

Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your ****.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been shagged.

Man: Would you like to dance?

Woman: I'd rather eat glass.

Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look fat in those pants.

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.

Man: Just as well cos I've been shagging your mum while your dad watches.

Man: You're pretty

Woman: P*ss off.

Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat slapper.


----------



## shauno (Aug 26, 2007)

just talk to them like youve known them years, ask them for there opinion on something that is completely random.

compliment them, and see what happens.


----------



## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

itraininthedark said:


> heres some good come backs
> 
> Male comebacks to female comebacks to male chat up lines
> 
> ...


I've seen these in action fcukin funny, mate mate is so quick with these, he asked a girl for the time once to break the ice outside a club and she said really snappy Nooooo, then he said so quick back, it dont matter cause your fcuking ugly anyway!

hahaha


----------



## warren (Jun 16, 2008)

amate of mine is a bit sick in the head and we were talking about this thread and he sas his favorite

''hey, you wanna be monkey faced??'' if they look puzzled then they dont know wat it is and prob a bore, if she says yes than its a good night if no then they wouldnt be fun anyway hahaha


----------



## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

wtf?? monkey faced lol lol ha ha will have to try that one tonight


----------



## warren (Jun 16, 2008)

monkey face - to shoot your load in a womans face and then rub her face in your pre cut pubes so they stick to her face

or ask if she likes pirate sex, - have sex with her standing up then poke her in the eye and kick her in the shin and she will be jumping round on 1 leg holding her eye screaming ''oooooooo aaaaaaaaar' yet again if she knows what it is then heppy days youve puled a slaper, if not and agres wooohoooo but if declines then she aint no fun hahahaha


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

warren_1987 said:


> monkey face - to shoot your load in a womans face and then rub her face in your pre cut pubes so they stick to her face
> 
> or ask if she likes pirate sex, - have sex with her standing up then poke her in the eye and kick her in the shin and she will be jumping round on 1 leg holding her eye screaming ''oooooooo aaaaaaaaar' yet again if she knows what it is then heppy days youve puled a slaper, if not and agres wooohoooo but if declines then she aint no fun hahahaha


Ah now I have to disagree - I know what they are but I've never done them - and there's no way I'm a slapper :laugh:

Except I thought the angry pirate involved jizzing in her eye and kickiing her in the shin...... :whistling:


----------



## squat_this (Jan 14, 2006)

itraininthedark said:


> heres some good come backs
> 
> Male comebacks to female comebacks to male chat up lines
> 
> ...


Oh my god those had me in stitches. The 1st one is the funniest! Reps for them!



warren_1987 said:


> monkey face - to shoot your load in a womans face and then rub her face in your pre cut pubes so they stick to her face
> 
> or ask if she likes pirate sex, - have sex with her standing up then poke her in the eye and kick her in the shin and she will be jumping round on 1 leg holding her eye screaming ''oooooooo aaaaaaaaar' yet again if she knows what it is then heppy days youve puled a slaper, if not and agres wooohoooo but if declines then she aint no fun hahahaha


You want to strawberry cheesecake a girl mate...jizz on her face and then punch her on the nose...the end result will look familiar to the dessert!


----------



## nowatchamacalit (Jun 12, 2008)

Didn't read the whole thread so someone might have said this already, got it from Only Fools and Horses:

Slap her on the ass and say:

'Fancy a curry love?'


----------



## Magic Torch (May 30, 2005)

nowatchamacalit said:


> Didn't read the whole thread so someone might have said this already, got it from Only Fools and Horses:
> 
> Slap her on the ass and say:
> 
> 'Fancy a curry love?'


Repped


----------



## nowatchamacalit (Jun 12, 2008)

lol

Never used it, but my mate did on a girl he knew quite well.


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

And you're trying to pull with these lines? :lol:


----------



## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

warren_1987 said:


> monkey face - to shoot your load in a womans face and then rub her face in your pre cut pubes so they stick to her face
> 
> or ask if she likes pirate sex, - have sex with her standing up then poke her in the eye and kick her in the shin and she will be jumping round on 1 leg holding her eye screaming ''oooooooo aaaaaaaaar' yet again if she knows what it is then heppy days youve puled a slaper, if not and agres wooohoooo but if declines then she aint no fun hahahaha


Are you hoping these will still be applicable after the age of 16 years old?

I would leave the room if i heard a guy talking to a woman like that in pity, horror and shame


----------



## megatron (Apr 21, 2004)

Magic Torch said:


> Actually the last time I had to use a chat up line it was just loads of banter for 2-3 mins about work, where your from yawn yawn then I said I have to go now....finished my drink...then you wanna come have sex? lol she just looked at me for a second and said what? Then I repeated it and she said yeah. haha the best 5mins of her life LMFAO


ROFL did you say it in a sort of disinterested way?


----------



## wogihao (Jun 15, 2007)

I think chat up lines are tacky. I tend to think of ron Burgendy "I want to be on you.." haha.

I meen most of the girls you know are going to be up for it or not, depends on there body language i guess - they always did what i said so it never called for tricks i guess.

I guess none of you guys have had some fella try and use a line on yourself in a club/bar? it must have happened to someone else lol. Usualy im friendly when guys are intrsested and just explain that im not that way inclined but if they use some **** line then im generaly a bit more frosty.

See imagine how you would feel if some random slapper used a line on you? what would your impression be compared to if she just started a normal conversation?


----------



## warren (Jun 16, 2008)

Beklet said:


> And you're trying to pull with these lines? :lol:


hahahaha no not really , although he might



Lost Soul said:


> Are you hoping these will still be applicable after the age of 16 years old?
> 
> I would leave the room if i heard a guy talking to a woman like that in pity, horror and shame


i woudnt actually use them hahaha, and wouldnt have too. i have been with my gf since i was 16 so never really tried puling over the age of 16 lol


----------



## YetiMan1436114545 (Dec 7, 2007)

A good one I found, years ago.... Was more of a double team.

Me and my best mate would go in to town, chat up some ladys... Then he would come out with... Do either of you girls have any fillings in your teeth?

They would normaly reply with yes, why? Even if they said no, why it would work.

He would then go on to say, that you know when you touch a fork on your filling or something metal on it you get that twang pain? They would be like yea... He would say well me mate Thor has his cock peirced and I was wondering if it was the same....

This would generaly strike up great conversation, a bambardment of questions about it, a request of viewing which was denied as only get it out if its needed.... The would result in a back alley BJ after showing or a trip to their house.

Worked wonders. Obviously you had the odd classy women who would not do it but most were intriuged(sp)


----------



## squat_this (Jan 14, 2006)

YetiMan said:


> Worked wonders. Obviously you had the odd classy women who would not do it but most were intriuged(sp)


Odd classy woman in Aldershot...no there fvcking isn't!


----------



## YetiMan1436114545 (Dec 7, 2007)

squat_this said:


> Odd classy woman in Aldershot...no there fvcking isn't!


How true (thank **** I dont live in Aldershot lol) Dont think I ever had a rejection from Aldershot, only Camberley/Fleet/Guildford I found some classy women... Although the Camberley one could be debated.


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

YetiMan said:


> A good one I found, years ago.... Was more of a double team.
> 
> Me and my best mate would go in to town, chat up some ladys... Then he would come out with... Do either of you girls have any fillings in your teeth?
> 
> ...


Ha ha no it doesn't (but then I don't have any metal fillings and I made him take it out - didn't want any more!!! :laugh


----------



## The Project (Jul 21, 2007)

Try this one on a lady- How do you like your eggs in the morning, fried or fertilsed.


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

The Project said:


> Try this one on a lady- How do you like your eggs in the morning, fried or fertilsed.


The correct answer is 'scrambled' :lol: :laugh:


----------



## The Project (Jul 21, 2007)

3 points to you, my good lady.


----------



## ghd314 (May 27, 2008)

therealdeal26 said:


> want 2 go halfers on a bastard


Brilliant.


----------



## leveret (Jun 13, 2007)

Never used a chat up line, but then again they wouldn't work on the kinda girls i go for


----------



## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Tinytom said:


> LOL I can relate to that.
> 
> I dont have chat up lines.
> 
> ...


Neuro Linguistic Programming, thats heavy.

Are you studying to be a counsellor or shrink, Tom?


----------



## xzx (Jun 6, 2008)

One that gets a laff "Hey is that a ladder in your stocking or a stairway to heaven"


----------



## Chil (May 20, 2007)

Beklet said:


> Right then......I'll take a bottle of Sambuca and I'm set!!


Sambuca will do the job. Although hawaiin tequilas give less of a hangover and are much tastier.


----------



## dmcc (Nov 25, 2007)

Liam said:


> Never used a chat up line, but then again they wouldn't work on the kinda girls i go for


They prefer a couple of used £20's?


----------



## wogihao (Jun 15, 2007)

dmcc said:


> They prefer a couple of used £20's?


I guess all the young bucks are copying the celebrity football players now..

http://www.italymag.co.uk/italy/crime/ronaldo-fears-career


----------



## smithy26 (Sep 8, 2006)

Liam said:


> Never used a chat up line, but then again they wouldn't work on the kinda girls i go for


wot the kind that have passed out


----------



## warren (Jun 16, 2008)

i live in newcastle and was speaking to a couple of bouncers outside tiger tiger, and he was telling me that a kieron dyer was outside with mates when a few girls walked past, and one guy with the girls says (looking at kieron dyer)'' thinks he can get any lass he wants,'' then shoued over to him '' hey kieron can you do this' and flicked a empty bottle up and caught it on his foot, dyer then replied ''maybee not but can you do this'' and set fire to a stack of £20 notes and offered the girls with him all a drink and they went ahaha


----------



## hertderg (Jun 15, 2007)

Heard that story a few times Warren,£50 notes when it was told to me,if it's true it just confirms what most Newcastle fans thought of him.


----------



## hertderg (Jun 15, 2007)

I once told a lovely lass with freckles that "a girl without freckles was like a sky without stars" Worked a treat for me. :blowme:


----------



## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

sniffing womens hair as they walk past and pulling a rabbit face while making a hissing sound.. doesnot work,


----------



## kyrocera (Oct 13, 2004)

taken from TV show cant remember.

"your in luck, ive decided to go ugly, early!"


----------



## greg fear (Nov 8, 2007)

YOUR IN LUCK IVE DECIDED TO GO UGLY EARLY

thats a gd one to get a slap


----------



## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

hah ha ha haa.. will try that one tonight!!!


----------



## Delhi (Dec 8, 2005)

"there is no point looking at my mate, he is gay"


----------



## greg fear (Nov 8, 2007)

itraininthedark said:


> hah ha ha haa.. will try that one tonight!!!


lmao give it ago

tell me what happens


----------



## The Chauffeur (Dec 3, 2007)

Hold my pint while i go for a $hit, if shes still there on your return you've scored.


----------



## jjb1 (Jun 28, 2007)

thats a classic ^

i know a guy with a porche turbo we worked on the door together, we use to take bets how long it would be till he mentioned it to the girls..... sad b-sterd lol

thing was some daft bints shagged him for a ride init too ;-/


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Delhi said:


> "there is no point looking at my mate, he is gay"


lol!!!! :lol:



jjb1 said:


> thats a classic ^
> 
> i know a guy with a porche turbo we worked on the door together, we use to take bets how long it would be till he mentioned it to the girls..... sad b-sterd lol
> 
> thing was some daft bints shagged him for a ride init too ;-/


Oh bet he pulled some right classy birds......


----------



## Stig (Oct 8, 2007)

Oh this thread has been quality

We have been trying a few out for a laff to see what reaction we would get, the best one so far for me is ''if u were a bogey...... id pick you'' haha quality


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Are they working though? :laugh:


----------



## Scrumpy (Jun 23, 2008)

"Hey wanna ****? if not mind laying back while i have one?"


----------



## shauno (Aug 26, 2007)

If your not taking it, im raping it.


----------



## donggle (Aug 28, 2007)

never used a chat up line in my life. i just start talking as you normally would. what can i say? i'm a charmer.


----------



## Rosko (Oct 15, 2007)

Gravity said:


> Because my my beliefs I do not think of chatting up girls as appropriate.


How do you nick a bird then mate? Cave man style, no need for words just club her unconcious and drag her to your lair?!!!! :laugh:


----------



## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

hmmm club her unconcious.... you've given me an idea for this weekend.. Whats the best technique for this rosko??


----------



## linkbailey (Oct 3, 2007)

try, if you was a car door i would slam you all night !


----------



## The Chauffeur (Dec 3, 2007)

hackskii said:


> Tell her that she is the sunshine in your life, the song in your heart, the air you breathe.
> 
> Tell her that her voice is as smooth as oil and her lips drip honey.


have to try this one when i'm single again.


----------



## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

Gravity said:


> I can talk to them. But what I ment to say was I can't talk to them in a lude way.


didnt know the pope was on this forum :confused1: :confused1: :confused1: :confused1:


----------



## webby (Nov 1, 2007)

Ive got a 10 inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears:thumb:


----------



## Stig (Oct 8, 2007)

Beklet said:


> Are they working though? :laugh:


When you say it tongue in cheek the girls just seem to laff instead of cringe, and it is a nice ice breaker then for a good conversation


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Stig said:


> When you say it tongue in cheek the girls just seem to laff instead of cringe, and it is a nice ice breaker then for a good conversation


True - being cheeky is definitely more likely to work than being sleazy :laugh:


----------



## wogihao (Jun 15, 2007)

Beklet said:


> True - being cheeky is definitely more likely to work than being sleazy :laugh:


Does anyone say these lines in a serious manner though - thats just mindblowing. :lol:


----------



## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

wogihao said:


> Does anyone say these lines in a serious manner though - thats just mindblowing. :lol:


Yes, those who are old school and still think its funny or those who lack the social skills to attract females

I have heard quite a few similar and the response 9 out of 10 times is treated with the contempt it deserves


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

wogihao said:


> Does anyone say these lines in a serious manner though - thats just mindblowing. :lol:


Oh yes.....and these people are seriously confused about why they don't work :laugh:

I'm all for ****-taking - I just can't deal with 'earnest' people


----------



## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

Beklet said:


> I'm all for ****-taking - I just can't deal with 'earnest' people


There goes hemingways chance of a ride then

Anyhow, I believe very few people develop the skills to ineract and are becoming more hindered by technology such as chat rooms and texting.

Back when i were courting which started in the 80s gent would talk to woman, display some chivalry, walk the lady home and politely ask for a number. A gentle peck would end the evening and a relationship would be built once you had phoned the home phone and made it through the security system they called "her father"

This of course made a man get some ability to talk.

Nowadays

Man drunk, woman in club slightly less drunk

Man "I think you are fit, can I have your number?"

"No"

Ok, slide round the bar, rinse and repeat

"I think you are fit, can I have your number?"

This time the 18 year old mother of 5 is feeling a bit down and hands out her government funded mobile number.

Our drunken gent then, around 2am texts "Oryt, fan c avin sum fun" followed by some retarded smiley face

Two outcomes...one low self esteem forces her to go to his, second she doesnt respond

Said social degenerate then repeats procedure the following week until he can get some 'ass to impress da lads'


----------



## wogihao (Jun 15, 2007)

Lost Soul said:


> There goes hemingways chance of a ride then
> 
> Anyhow, I believe very few people develop the skills to ineract and are becoming more hindered by technology such as chat rooms and texting.
> 
> ...


Ohhh i was laughing so hard reading that last bit.


----------



## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Lost Soul said:


> There goes hemingways chance of a ride then
> 
> Anyhow, I believe very few people develop the skills to ineract and are becoming more hindered by technology such as chat rooms and texting.
> 
> ...


Lol - then she becomes mother of 6.......:laugh:

Ah yes, used to get asked that too when I was a teenager - 'You courting yet?'

Like I'd have told them!!! My mother would have grounded me for ever!!!

Cheeky is different to being a drunken lech, chatting up the easy looking targets....

I'm far too old to need my parent's approval anyway :lol:


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## Madeira Jon (Jan 11, 2008)

Hello darlin' do you sleep on your tummy?

No?

Then can I?


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## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

Beklet said:


> Cheeky is different to being a drunken lech, chatting up the easy looking targets....


Agree although I think stereotypical male humour can be too crude for the more 'classy lady'



Madeira Jon said:


> Hello darlin' do you sleep on your tummy?
> 
> No?
> 
> Then can I?


In todays society I would expect the answer from the majority of females in the UK to be:

"Sure, do you want the east or the west wing?"

In fact thinking about it on recent inspection of UK nightclubs I wouldnt be surpised to hear:

"sure....but you will have to be quiet as i saw a program and it says they can hear eveything you say at 8 and a half months"


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Lost Soul said:


> Agree although I think stereotypical male humour can be too crude for the more 'classy lady'


Are you implying that I might not be very classy? :lol:


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## El Ricardinho (May 30, 2008)

Lost Soul

''Back when i were courting which started in the 80s gent would talk to woman, display some chivalry, walk the lady home and politely ask for a number. A gentle peck would end the evening and a relationship would be built once you had phoned the home phone and made it through the security system they called "her father"

R u serious? Seems to me you were missing out as from what i hear from my older friends, it was as easy back then as it is today. No father's advice was, or is, ever needed.The chicks were just a bit more discreet.


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## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

Beklet said:


> Are you implying that I might not be very classy? :lol:


Quite the opposite, you seem switched on and avoid the cliches associated with the lesser specimins of your peer group when you post 



El Ricardinho said:


> R u serious? Seems to me you were missing out as from what i hear from my older friends, it was as easy back then as it is today. No father's advice was, or is, ever needed.The chicks were just a bit more discreet.


Correct to some extent, but the idea of free love was overhyped somewhat. I am talking about relationships and not sex. There was less fear of STIs but there were more morals around when it came to courting and the progression from that.

Girls were also less promiscuous at younger ages in comparison to todays society


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2008)

El Ricardinho said:


> Lost Soul
> 
> ''Back when i were courting which started in the 80s gent would talk to woman, display some chivalry, walk the lady home and politely ask for a number.


I must be old school, chivalry works with me more than a tongue in cheek chat up line..................they get a laugh but imply 'being skuttled up a back alley night'

I love a man who opens a door for me and lets me walk in first etc I'm an old romantic at heart, and trying to find this these days is practically non existant.

What could be more nicer than when your cold and a guy offers you his jacket to walk you to a taxi, I'd fall for it every time............but I'm a big softie 

Lin


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## MrGum (May 2, 2008)

I'm the shy type. I used to wait for the lady to approach me.

One night I had been dancing with this young lady for a while and she was obviously getting fed up waiting for me to make my move. So she said to me:

"Are you gay?"

Well, she pulled!

Mr Gum


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

Lin said:


> I must be old school, chivalry works with me more than a tongue in cheek chat up line..................they get a laugh but imply 'being skuttled up a back alley night'
> 
> I love a man who opens a door for me and lets me walk in first etc I'm an old romantic at heart, and trying to find this these days is practically non existant.
> 
> ...


Ah well I want the world, you see - chivalry and cheek :laugh:

I have a bunch of very good male friends (all around 40 which may be why they're like that) who are perfect gentleman when we're out. They make sure I'm OK, that I get home OK and generally look after me but they're still 'lads' at heart and cheeky with it :thumbup1:

Love it - not up for all this posturing 'playa' bullsh1t at all - cocky arrogant little gimps don't interest me at all...



MrGum said:


> I'm the shy type. I used to wait for the lady to approach me.
> 
> One night I had been dancing with this young lady for a while and she was obviously getting fed up waiting for me to make my move. So she said to me:
> 
> ...


Ha ha I'm actually appallingly shy in real life. I can happily talk to any bloke, laugh and joke and have a great time.

Until I fancy him.

I'll either become a feeble wreck incapable of stringing two words together because I'm convinced it's obvious and he thinks I'm a troll 

Or I just never get the guts to say anything.

I really am rubbish. I'm out on the lash tonight for a friend's birthday with two of the biggest male tarts in town. I'll have to watch them in action :lol:


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2008)

one of the best i witnessed (not mine) was in spain when i was working the doors an english guy (who lived there) went up to a bird with huge tits and said ""WOW What a great cleavage i want to take you back to my place stick my cock in your tits and come all over your face" to which she replied ok and they both got into a taxi and left.

I asked him if it was a set up because there was a few people around , no it was not.

There are some slappers areound aren't there !!! amazing to see normal women trun into total slags when on holiday.

I have always lived in touristy spots ;o).


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

mmmm slaaaaagss.. nothing quite like them, they do us all a good service, we should appreciate them...


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2008)

itraininthedark said:


> mmmm slaaaaagss.. nothing quite like them, they do us all a good service, we should appreciate them...


 Of course.....agree totally........slap wenches are brilliant...............if all you want is an 'empty bucket' at the end of the evening :laugh:

Suppose it beats paying for a prostitute :thumb:


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

fat slags are good too, as long as your mates dont see you leave with them, normally pull this breed of slag when im bulking. the reason being your guranteed a good fry up in the morning! and if your lucky, theres normally some chiken or kebab meat stuck in there teeth, but you really got to bury your tongue into there mouth to get that stuff out.


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## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

itraininthedark said:


> fat slags are good too, as long as your mates dont see you leave with them, normally pull this breed of slag when im bulking. the reason being your guranteed a good fry up in the morning! and if your lucky, theres normally some chiken or kebab meat stuck in there teeth, but you really got to bury your tongue into there mouth to get that stuff out.


Is this your unique brand of humour or do you really hold women , and yourself come to think of it, in such low esteem?


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

not really..NO, why do you???? im not really gonna talk about pulling a fat ba*tard am i?? and then burying my tongue down his neck??... i treat others as id like to be treated myself...


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## El Ricardinho (May 30, 2008)

come on LS, credit were its due, that was quite a funny statement!!


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## Lost Soul (Apr 5, 2008)

El Ricardinho said:


> come on LS, credit were its due, that was quite a funny statement!!


Im not sure if he was being truthful hence why I asked as I know many who honestly think like that 

They see a shag to be a shag as long as they are female and alive :confused1:


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## Stig (Oct 8, 2007)

Do they have to be alive tho? will warm not just do................ lol

Another one a 60 year old work told me was ''can i way your tights?...... then if they do happen to say yes you proceed to grab them, shake them whilst shoting whhhhaaaaaaayyyyy

Now they might just let him because he is old


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

Stig said:


> Do they have to be alive tho? will warm not just do................ lol
> 
> Another one a 60 year old work told me was ''can i way your tights?...... then if they do happen to say yes you proceed to grab them, shake them whilst shoting whhhhaaaaaaayyyyy
> 
> Now they might just let him because he is old


 :lol: :lol: :thumb: :lol: :lol: ha ha too funny... :rockon:


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## xzx (Jun 6, 2008)

romper stomper said:


> There are some slappers areound aren't there !!! amazing to see normal women trun into total slags when on holiday.
> 
> Just ask , "any chance of a f*ck"
> 
> You'll get plenty slaps, but law of average sez you'll get a few f*cks as well. FACT!


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?


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## ardsam (Jul 30, 2008)

The best one I've ever heard is

Can I Fcuk your cnut


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## Tasty (Aug 28, 2007)

The best one I have ever used, I walked over to a table with two girls on, took the ice cube out of my drink, smashed it on the table and said "right, now I've broken the ice, which one of you ladies fancies me most?"

went down well


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## itraininthedark (Oct 3, 2007)

Tasty said:


> The best one I have ever used, I walked over to a table with two girls on, took the ice cube out of my drink, smashed it on the table and said "right, now I've broken the ice, which one of you ladies fancies me most?"
> 
> went down well


:laugh::laugh: knowing my luck id break the table, or some ice would splinter into a birds eye!!!


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## Beklet (May 13, 2005)

ardsam said:


> Can I Fcuk your cnut


'I dunno, maybe you should ask him.....' :lol: :laugh:


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## ShaunMc (Apr 28, 2008)

Beklet said:


> 'I dunno, maybe you should ask him.....' :lol: :laugh:


lol made me laff


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