# The UKM Confession Box



## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Lol people are confessing stuff recently so thought i'd do a thread for random confessions... i'll start.

My training has been crap this year despite being on cycle, i am 4 jabs behind and i have been eating too much junk and feel crap, i promised myself that i'd be 100% smashing the gym but the last few weeks have been exceptionally terrible.

On saturday night a girl slipped and broke her nose in my hotel room in Benidorm and passed out, instead of spending the night looking after i got her mobile phone out her bag and called her friends and asked them to collect her... and then went back out on the piss

Oh father i have sinned... lol add some more :thumbup1:


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## BillC (Jun 11, 2009)

I am really really enjoying being on cycle this time a little too much and know it is going to be very hard to come off. Despite near killing myself last week pinning 2ml plus into a blood vessel. Was glad to come off last cycle, can't see it being the same this time.


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Dear father,

I am developing a crush for the god that is Uriel.....his Ian Beale-ish-ness has finally won me over....

The problem l also have is due to a huge case of the trots l have an extremely sore anoose and am scared he wont wont me when he see's how red it is !!


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

its alright, Uriel likes 'em like a broken catflap


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## laurie g (Nov 28, 2008)

i have a white sock fetish and womens trainers size 4s hmmmmmmmm


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Raptor said:


> Lol people are confessing stuff recently so thought i'd do a thread for random confessions... i'll start.
> 
> My training has been crap this year despite being on cycle, i am 4 jabs behind and i have been eating too much junk and feel crap, i promised myself that i'd be 100% smashing the gym but the last few weeks have been exceptionally terrible.
> 
> ...


Raptor do you live in benidorm then?


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Raptor do you live in benidorm then?


No mate hence me staying in a hotel  ... but i live about 30 mins away, which = not good for your training :/


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Where is a must in beny? I'm off there in may on my stag


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## deep85 (Aug 11, 2010)

i fancy most of the girls off my big fat gypsy wedding. Iv always had a thing for the "slutty" look....

dont ask me why.. I like chavettes


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

deep85 said:


> i fancy most of the girls off my big fat gypsy wedding. Iv always had a thing for the "slutty" look....
> 
> dont ask me why.. I like chavettes


even the northern lass's mum?

the bright orange one?

aw man you're rough


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

deep85 said:


> i fancy most of the girls off my big fat gypsy wedding. Iv always had a thing for the "slutty" look....
> 
> dont ask me why.. I like chavettes


Mate I've been watching this for weeks and o don't think I've seen one I wouldn't ride yet. They all have unreal bodies


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

considering they probably eat the worst kind of shíte, they have lovely bodies

i'd make their caravans rock


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## Críostóir (Dec 12, 2009)

Forgive me UKM for I have sinned. Its been too long since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sins......


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Where is a must in beny? I'm off there in may on my stag


Just go to the english quarter mate.. its booming there, Hippodrome and all the surrounding bars are top


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Raptor said:


> Just go to the english quarter mate.. its booming there, Hippodrome and all the surrounding bars are top


Is a cock fest there? I sure hope not


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

I p!ssed on the back of my little bro's head when he was sat on the floor playing with his matchbox cars... I was about 6 (just felt I needed to clarify my age there, mitigating circumstances and all that lol)


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## 44carl44 (Apr 24, 2013)

deep85 said:


> i fancy most of the girls off my big fat gypsy wedding. Iv always had a thing for the "slutty" look....
> 
> dont ask me why.. I like chavettes


 Mate I think every one is the same


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Is a cock fest there? I sure hope not


it's the luck of the draw with a lot of places like that, i went to tenerife for a fortnight, and it was rubbish, about 5:1 ratio of blokes to women

all the bar staff said that the week before it was all women! AARRGGHH


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

2004mark said:


> I p!ssed on the back of my little bro's head when he was sat on the floor playing with his matchbox cars... I was about 6 (just felt I needed to clarify my age there, mitigating circumstances and all that lol)


reps


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

hamsternuts said:


> reps


It's not been mentioned since... sort of one of them unspoken things


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Is a cock fest there? I sure hope not


Wouldn't say so mate, these were they type out on saturday 










There is 100's of girls in Beni even this time of year, when you there?


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## 44carl44 (Apr 24, 2013)

2004mark said:


> I p!ssed on the back of my little bro's head when he was sat on the floor playing with his matchbox cars... I was about 6 (just felt I needed to clarify my age there, mitigating circumstances and all that lol)


 Mate I ****ed on my brother and I was 23.long story short we were both in the army an we were out on the ****.my brother got smashed and feel asleep out side after a club so me and 4 other lads ****ed on him.I did feel bad when I got up in the morning but it's all good


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

hamsternuts said:


> it's the luck of the draw with a lot of places like that, i went to tenerife for a fortnight, and it was rubbish, about 5:1 ratio of blokes to women
> 
> all the bar staff said that the week before it was all women! AARRGGHH


Should of come last week! That old chestnut!!


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## Sk1nny (Jun 5, 2010)

Many years ago I pulled this girl from the bottom 2% of hotness in a club sneaked offto her place without my mates seeing me. When she got undressed unexpectedly I got really horny for her and we had 4 good long sessions on the trot with no break in-between or any loss of wood. (roid free no drugs and after a few too many shandys) I was so impressed with my efforts but too embarrassed to tell my mates I'd slept with this girl lol


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

44carl44 said:


> Mate I ****ed on my brother and I was 23.long story short we were both in the army an we were out on the ****.my brother got smashed and feel asleep out side after a club so me and 4 other lads ****ed on him.I did feel bad when I got up in the morning but it's all good


phhhhaaaa :lol:

If I hadn't done the same thing I'd say that was sooo wrong :lol:


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## Barry Seal (Sep 27, 2010)

I fancy Kirsty Allsop

BS


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

Sk1nny said:


> Many years ago I pulled this girl from the bottom 2% of hotness in a club sneaked offto her place without my mates seeing me. When she got undressed unexpectedly I got really horny for her and we had 4 good long sessions on the trot with no break in-between or any loss of wood. (roid free no drugs and after a few too many shandys) I was so impressed with my efforts but too embarrassed to tell my mates I'd slept with this girl lol


be proud man, in tenerife i smashed a bird who was practically a mutant, and i made sure all the lads knew it

she had no neck, and a hairy muff that almost went as high as her nipples


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## SteamRod (Oct 1, 2007)

i'm force feeding like a mother****er.Actualy I reckon I am on a 4 month binge I havent stopped eating in months All good food. ive put some HGH in to stop me getting fat. F0ck this is getting expensive.


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Raptor said:


> Wouldn't say so mate, these were they type out on saturday
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Were you with those type of birds? If so r u some sort of local legend and can I hang around with you when I'm there lol. I'm there 13-17 of may


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## aka (Jun 25, 2010)

deep85 said:


> i fancy most of the girls off my big fat gypsy wedding. Iv always had a thing for the "slutty" look....
> 
> dont ask me why.. I like chavettes


lol me too


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Were you with those type of birds? If so r u some sort of local legend and can I hang around with you when I'm there lol. I'm there 13-17 of may


Lol there were 4 birthday parties this weekend from my area that went Beni, they were attending some girls 17th LOL


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Raptor said:


> Lol there were 4 birthday parties this weekend from my area that went Beni, they were attending some girls 17th LOL


Tidy!!! What made you move over there then? Do you ever regret it


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Tidy!!! What made you move over there then? Do you ever regret it


No mate love spain, although i'd certainly not want to live in Benidorm lol... a piss up there is enough


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## deep85 (Aug 11, 2010)

Ukbeefcake said:


> Mate I've been watching this for weeks and o don't think I've seen one I wouldn't ride yet. They all have unreal bodies


im glad someone agrees! there is something about them that just does it for me


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## hilly (Jan 19, 2008)

this is in the wrong place for me to confess in


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## PHMG (Jun 15, 2010)

i trim my pubes really short to make my coc.k look bigger!


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## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

I confess I love them gypsies women! There I've said it and I feel great. Big woop you wana fight about it.


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## laurie g (Nov 28, 2008)

lol to all those who have a thing for all those gypsy GIRLS who are literally that, hmmm about 13 downwards, i watched it yest, 8 year ols were dressed like sluts, extend the love towards them as well:whistling: dont get me wrong- if thats your thing , not my issue just need clarification please


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## Nidge (Jan 22, 2007)

Dear father I have started to sit down when taking a p!ss, does this mean I'm turning to the other side?


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## Greyphantom (Oct 23, 2003)

Nidge said:


> Dear father I have started to sit down when taking a p!ss, does this mean I'm turning to the other side?


more likely a sign of age mate...


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## Khaos1436114653 (Aug 28, 2009)

I once turned down Lindsey Dawn McKenzie......


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

Nidge said:


> Dear father I have started to sit down when taking a p!ss, does this mean I'm turning to the other side?


nah i do that, can't be bothered to aim

get some funny looks with your árse wedged in a urinal though


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2011)

x


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## miggs (Jan 8, 2011)

Once I ****ed this really fat bird while on rugby tour in easten Europe some where, she was soo fat she looked like a whale, to make maters worst one of the lads took a pic of here ridding me and they sold it at the club anualy charity auction... God damm it..


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## miggs (Jan 8, 2011)

miggs said:


> Once I ****ed this really fat bird while on rugby tour in easten Europe some where, she was soo fat she looked like a whale, to make maters worst one of the lads took a pic of here ridding me and they sold it at the club anualy charity auction... God damm it..


Well come to think of it, Its a good thing as I raised money for charity.. Thank god makes me feel so much better


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

miggs said:


> Well come to think of it, Its a good thing as I raised money for charity.. Thank god makes me feel so much better


you don't need a reason to ride a chubber

you just need plenty of room


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## Double J (Nov 1, 2009)

Nidge said:


> Dear father I have started to sit down when taking a p!ss, does this mean I'm turning to the other side?


That's only ever a problem if your balls touch the water. If they do it's Nursing Home time :lol:


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## Double J (Nov 1, 2009)

miggs said:


> Once I ****ed this really fat bird while on rugby tour in easten Europe some where, she was soo fat she looked like a whale, to make maters worst one of the lads took a pic of here ridding me and they sold it at the club anualy charity auction... God damm it..


LMAO. Now don't you feel better with that massive load off your chest?

The confession probably helped too


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## GM-20 (Feb 5, 2009)

The fact you have been in benidorm is enough of a sin....


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## Kerrse (Jan 5, 2011)

laurie g said:


> lol to all those who have a thing for all those gypsy GIRLS who are literally that, hmmm about 13 downwards, i watched it yest, 8 year ols were dressed like sluts, extend the love towards them as well:whistling: dont get me wrong- if thats your thing , not my issue just need clarification please


They certainly grow large chests young then !


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## Khaos1436114653 (Aug 28, 2009)

romper stomper said:


> must have been a good dream Khaos !!
> 
> @raptor
> 
> decribe the hippodrome


i was working the doors in croydon, she's messy when she's drunk


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## Tommy10 (Feb 17, 2009)

GM-20 said:


> The fact you have been in benidorm is enough of a sin....


exactly

to the OP.....ive confessed enough..lol !!


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## Dai Jones (Dec 1, 2009)

Khaos said:


> I once turned down Lindsey Dawn McKenzie......


I hope you are kiding, I just googled her


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## craftybutcher (Aug 10, 2009)

blah blah Rolos blah blah


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

blah blah standard rolo response blah blah


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## craftybutcher (Aug 10, 2009)

Well it would be the fifth time this year. The response, not being touched for a packet of Rolos


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## AlbertSteptoe (Dec 26, 2010)

no idea why but that pic made me :lol:


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## AlbertSteptoe (Dec 26, 2010)

Khaos said:


> I once turned down Lindsey Dawn McKenzie......


i downloaded a porno and had a **** over her after seeing her on brainiac the other week hahaha


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

craftybutcher said:


> Well it would be the fifth time this year. The response, not being touched for a packet of Rolos


i know, and i always follow it with me being the other party

i love our routine


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## AlbertSteptoe (Dec 26, 2010)

2004mark said:


> I p!ssed on the back of my little bro's head when he was sat on the floor playing with his matchbox cars... I was about 6 (just felt I needed to clarify my age there, mitigating circumstances and all that lol)


i did that when i was little when he was in the bath. i got a right hiding afterwards


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## Khaos1436114653 (Aug 28, 2009)

Dai Jones said:


> I hope you are kiding, I just googled her


nope i aint kidding, she's reminds me of Jordan except her knockers are real....


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## Dai Jones (Dec 1, 2009)

Khaos said:


> nope i aint kidding, she's reminds me of Jordan except her knockers are real....


well if ya going down the Jordan routen then I see what ya mean, but damn I wouldn't of


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## Double J (Nov 1, 2009)

Khaos said:


> nope i aint kidding, she's reminds me of Jordan except her knockers are real....


Not sure if I should rep you for your honesty or neg you for your stupidity 

Seriously though, have you since regretted turning her down?


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

craftybutcher said:


> blah blah Rolos blah blah





hamsternuts said:


> blah blah standard rolo response blah blah


Haha i love you guys and your sense of humour


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## RACK (Aug 20, 2007)

I've started wearing baggy t-shirts! Oh the shame!!!


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## miggs (Jan 8, 2011)

hamsternuts said:


> you don't need a reason to ride a chubber
> 
> you just need plenty of room


Hamsternuts we had plenty of room as we were on a beach..


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## RACK (Aug 20, 2007)

miggs said:


> Hamsternuts we had plenty of room as we were on a beach..


Did it get awkward when Greenpeace tried draggin her back to sea?


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## Nidge (Jan 22, 2007)

hamsternuts said:


> nah i do that, can't be bothered to aim
> 
> get some funny looks with your árse wedged in a urinal though


PMSL ya cnut.


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## Tommy10 (Feb 17, 2009)

RACK said:


> Did it get awkward when Greenpeace tried draggin her back to sea?


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

when is see huge people i always say...get the harpoon out :lol:


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## liam0810 (Jan 6, 2011)

I once double teamed a fat bird with my mate and was so ashamed i told him not to tell anybody. Anyway i thought i had got away with it, until i was in the pub the weekend after and he had sent all our mates the video of us banging her! The worst part was i went back to hers about a month later to kn0b her again coz she promised to make me a sandwich. That was a very dark period of my life... and i never got that sandwich


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## Sk1nny (Jun 5, 2010)

Nidge said:


> Dear father I have started to sit down when taking a p!ss, does this mean I'm turning to the other side?


I've had to do this for years, as my foreskin is too tight. I should really get it sliced but I'm too scared. How many confessions there lol


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

Sk1nny said:


> I've had to do this for years, as my foreskin is too tight. I should really get it sliced but I'm too scared. How many confessions there lol


does it not go back at all?

how do you shág?


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## Nidge (Jan 22, 2007)

Sk1nny said:


> I've had to do this for years, as my foreskin is too tight. I should really get it sliced but I'm too scared. How many confessions there lol


Can you not do it yourself?? It's easy with a Stanley knife and some cat gut.


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

if your foreskin is constantly in the 'covered' position, surely you don't get full feeling during sex? must be like wearing a really thick jonny


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## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

Nidge said:


> Dear father I have started to sit down when taking a p!ss, does this mean I'm turning to the other side?


i have to sit down to p1ss mate or i will p1ss all over the bathroom lol.... (prince albert piercing) it a nightmare fvckin squirts everywhere but the toilet ....


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## Sk1nny (Jun 5, 2010)

Maybe you can give me a hand nidge 

It isnt always covered it is tight as fook when I fvck though and splits a lot. I'm gonna have it done this year, maybe!


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## Incredible Bulk (Sep 19, 2007)

my missus was whacking in posts into the ground using a dirty great big post whacker

(http://www.treatedfencepost.com/Tippman-propane-hammer.jpg)

she was getting into the motion of it as she is only 5ft 3 so more of a 'raise on the toes and crash downwards'

well...on one she didnt get the post quite central so crashed down full pelt and ended up nutting the post whacker.

she flew back and nearly KO'd on the floor with an egg of a bump rising fast, i was comforting her (stifling laughter) (she was crying) but every time i think of it i cannot stop myself laughing and wish i had it on camera


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## scobielad (Feb 27, 2010)

I confess....I'm sad that nobody is reading my journal....I'm guessing that is because it is ****?


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Incredible Bulk said:


> my missus was whacking in posts into the ground using a dirty great big post whacker
> 
> (http://www.treatedfencepost.com/Tippman-propane-hammer.jpg)
> 
> ...


Fair play to the girl, its fu**ing hard work doing that as l know to well....


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## Incredible Bulk (Sep 19, 2007)

i know its hard!! i had to whack in good 30 of the buggers lol.

thats why i love missus though, hands on.... happy to get stuck in


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Incredible Bulk said:


> i know its hard!! i had to whack in good 30 of the buggers lol.
> 
> thats why i love missus though, hands on.... happy to get stuck in


I misjudged the bloody thing once and near knocked myself out with it !!


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

I ate 2 french bread pizzas, a big mac and large fries, large milkshake, 13.5" dominos half n half pizza, garlic cheese bread, chicken wings (got to get protein in) and a tub of ben and jerrys on saturday. Cardio started on Monday...


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## FatScrub (Nov 16, 2010)

haha not suprising most confessions are about girls.

Well.....same with me!

Girls girls girls

One in particular for me....and it ****ing hit me hard

I thought I was too old for this ****.

The last time I felt like this was when I was 17 and that was a very long time ago.

Like I'm drugs or something, I'm wired up man, proper superhero syndrome when I think about her (which is every minute)

I'm ecstatic man


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

FatScrub said:


> haha not suprising most confessions are about girls.
> 
> Well.....same with me!
> 
> ...


What you going to do for the ransom, fingers in the post etc? Her family probably worried by now im guessing


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## FatScrub (Nov 16, 2010)

Well you have a point but you know what scares me?

I tend to be a bitter [email protected], especially when it comes to relationships and women.

My alpha levels really low right now but at the same time I haven't felt as energised as this since years! As cliche as it counds I never thought I would feel this way again.

I haven't had any emotional feelings for any female for 15 years easily.

And now this.

There's no manual for this **** and I feel like i'm going bat**** insane man


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

FatScrub said:


> Well you have a point but you know what scares me?
> 
> I tend to be a bitter [email protected], especially when it comes to relationships and women.
> 
> ...


my advice would be to constantly call and text her to find out where she is at anytime of the day, stop her from contacting her friends and family, and keep her indoors if possible

oh, and tell her she's getting fat so she won't have the confidence to leave you

job done, this relationship advice has been brought to you by Hamsternuts.


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## aka (Jun 25, 2010)

just had six turkish delight


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## Guest (Feb 10, 2011)

x


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## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

My confession has to be, Im starting to generally "get" Romper stomper and its making me feel all wierd and sh1t, i have agreed with a couple of his comments even in the last month and i feel that im losing my mind, please forgive me father !!!!


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## Dirk McQuickly (Dec 29, 2010)

I quite like the "we sell any car dotcom" adverts


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## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

I drink my evening protein shake through a straw!


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## Dirk McQuickly (Dec 29, 2010)

greenspin said:


> I drink my evening protein shake through a straw!


You've gone too far


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## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

Also, I thought this thread was called 'The UKM Confusion Box......'


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## flinty90 (Jul 1, 2010)

greenspin said:


> Also, I thought this thread was called 'The UKM Confusion Box......'


either way you fit in mate cos your confession was needed, and your certainly confused, seeing as your imitating a german leader in your spare time ....

However i think your bid to become the worlds best Hitler impersonator at least shows you have ambition mate !!!!


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## Shorty1002 (Mar 17, 2009)

deep85 said:


> i fancy most of the girls off my big fat gypsy wedding. Iv always had a thing for the "slutty" look....
> 
> dont ask me why.. I like chavettes


Worst bit having to sit there watching it with the missus, pretending your hating the whole ordeal... While trying to hide a raging hard on!


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

flinty90 said:


> My confession has to be, Im starting to generally "get" Romper stomper and its making me feel all wierd and sh1t, i have agreed with a couple of his comments even in the last month and i feel that im losing my mind, please forgive me father !!!!


Nothing wrong with Mr Stomper


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## a.notherguy (Nov 17, 2008)

my confession is that i have a confession to make..

i feel much better now ive got that off my chest.


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## dingosteve (Apr 26, 2009)

Im slowly losing it and realising that most of people around me are utter failures and make me sick, and the idea of everyday life is utterly absurd. Thanks for the opportuinity to let this out, il now wait for the straightjackets


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## Twisted (Oct 6, 2010)

I Once had a posh w&nk in a condom then fell asleep with it on only to have another go in the morning! I was 13 and not much "happened" honest


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## Guest (Feb 10, 2011)

Dai Jones said:


> I hope you are kiding, I just googled her


you needed to Google Linzi Dan Mackenzie??? now thats a sin!


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## Dai Jones (Dec 1, 2009)

mikex101 said:


> you needed to Google Linzi Dan Mackenzie??? now thats a sin!


O god damn more pic's poped up and I'm in work, my confession is I'm off to the gents


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## 2004mark (Oct 26, 2013)

Apart from those tlts she's not all that... but omg! What a pair of tlts :lol:


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## Nidge (Jan 22, 2007)

Dear father, some of the lads in the pub were talking about vvanking. One lad said that if you sit on your hand till it goes numb, it feels like someone else is vvanking you off. I went home that night and tried it.

It didn't work for me. It just felt like I was sitting on my hand.


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## craftybutcher (Aug 10, 2009)

I got a boner when I watched that bit in Brokeback Mountain.


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

craftybutcher said:


> I got a boner when I watched that bit in Brokeback Mountain.


SEE !

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU NEED A DIS-LIKE BUTTON !


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## austin84 (Nov 18, 2010)

Khaos said:


> i was working the doors in croydon, she's messy when she's drunk


Messy?

she would have been very messy when I was done with er!!!


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## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

craftybutcher said:


> I got a boner when I watched that bit in Brokeback Mountain.


I've not seen this film. But heard it was about two men doing each other. So, why did people go to watch it? And what bit?


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## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

CRD said:


> Y.F.B, Y.F.B


Y F B Y F B Y A A T P


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## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

CRD said:


> W.A.A.T.P?


Yes, but only if you use lube.


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## Greenspin (Dec 27, 2010)

CRD said:


> F.O :cursing: :lol:


What does WAATP mean. Mine was the rest of the verse for you fat [email protected] you fat [email protected] 'you ate all the pies'


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## Rhys 11 (Dec 9, 2010)

hamsternuts said:


> my advice would be to constantly call and text her to find out where she is at anytime of the day, stop her from contacting her friends and family, and keep her indoors if possible
> 
> oh, and tell her she's getting fat so she won't have the confidence to leave you
> 
> job done, this relationship advice has been brought to you by Hamsternuts.


Don't forget the backhand to remind her fighting back isn't allowed..

:innocent:


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

hamsternuts said:


> my advice would be to constantly call and text her to find out where she is at anytime of the day, stop her from contacting her friends and family, and keep her indoors if possible
> 
> oh, and tell her she's getting fat so she won't have the confidence to leave you
> 
> job done, this relationship advice has been brought to you by Hamsternuts.


If all else fails......


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## Khaos1436114653 (Aug 28, 2009)

flinty90 said:


> My confession has to be, Im starting to generally "get" Romper stomper and its making me feel all wierd and sh1t, i have agreed with a couple of his comments even in the last month and i feel that im losing my mind, please forgive me father !!!!


you too, whew i thought i was just me......


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## Khaos1436114653 (Aug 28, 2009)

Twisted said:


> I Once had a posh w&nk in a condom then fell asleep with it on only to have another go in the morning! I was 13 and not much "happened" honest


ha ha ha


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## Nidge (Jan 22, 2007)

Dear father, I woke up this morning with a raging erection, I felt a hand on working up the inside of my leg onto my erect man stick, I looked down under the quilt and I was playing with myself.


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## Incredible Bulk (Sep 19, 2007)

i used to pi55 in a housemates coke bottle he always had in the fridge.

every morning he used to run down the stairs in steel toe cap boots and slam the door @ 5am because he was always late for work.

wears thin after a while.

my other housemate used to like leaving her tampon applicators lying around the floor after stuffing her clunge with a baby sheep, that stopped after i placed them over her boyfriends and hers toothbrush.

yes... shared houses are so much fun when you are a sadistic cnt like me and feel wronged


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## Gee-bol (Jul 2, 2009)

i prefer it when girls dont fully agree to sex and you kinda have to force yourself on them..to much test me thinks haha


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

sitting on your hand til it goes numb is out of date now

now, you soak your hand in a bowl of water first, so it feels like your nan's doing it.


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## Incredible Bulk (Sep 19, 2007)

Gee-bol said:


> i prefer it when girls dont fully agree to sex and you kinda have to force yourself on them..to much test me thinks haha


ahhh the 'ol battering ram situation.... poke her with it for long enough and she'll give in

if not toss off over her hair when she's asleep...that'll teach her


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## Dai Jones (Dec 1, 2009)

Incredible Bulk said:


> ahhh the 'ol battering ram situation.... poke her with it for long enough and she'll give in
> 
> if not toss off over her hair when she's asleep...that'll teach her


I'm not the only one who's done that then


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## Gee-bol (Jul 2, 2009)

Incredible Bulk said:


> ahhh the 'ol battering ram situation.... poke her with it for long enough and she'll give in
> 
> if not toss off over her hair when she's asleep...that'll teach her


haha most girls love havent it pushed on them..most wudnt admit it though..well thats what i tell myself anyway haha


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## hamsternuts (Feb 8, 2009)

yeah i had to do that the other nght, bloody steroids

good fun though, if not for her


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## Raptor (Feb 16, 2010)

Incredible Bulk said:


> ahhh the 'ol battering ram situation.... poke her with it for long enough and she'll give in
> 
> *if not toss off over her hair when she's asleep...that'll teach her*


Or if she really is fast asleep just make out with her best friend and say you thought it would be ok as she has let it happen before :lol:


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## SteamRod (Oct 1, 2007)

Sk1nny said:


> Maybe you can give me a hand nidge
> 
> It isnt always covered it is tight as fook when I fvck though and splits a lot. I'm gonna have it done this year, maybe!


make a point of getting it right back every day in the shower. I remember mine used to be like that a few months of daily riding sorted it.


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## Ashcrapper (Jul 3, 2008)

Dai Jones said:


> I'm not the only one who's done that then


brave man, I wouldnt admit to tossing off over his birds hair. hes a big bloke


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## maskill86 (Feb 2, 2011)

Dear ukm please forgive me

I have done wrong I think.. I have gone to work well been here half hour now and I have left my gf handcuffed to the bed.. That will teach her for eating my tuna salad at tea time.. If I am feelin better about her wrongin me I mite unfree her when I go on break in couple hours...


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## Dai Jones (Dec 1, 2009)

Ashcrapper said:


> brave man, I wouldnt admit to tossing off over his birds hair. hes a big bloke


Haha I see what I've done there


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## grantinerfe1436114737 (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't know how but I've got mouses in my flat. a month ago I found a dead one in my bottle of olive oil, so I decided to catch them alive and kill them in different ways. that's my confession but I won't say what i've done to them because I most likely get a ban xD


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## Kev1980 (Jan 18, 2011)

dear father i have 2 confessions

1. i've drunk booze the past 4 nights

2. I've been back in the gym for 6months after 5 years off and already i think i want to try steriods (oral) in the hope of some quick gains


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