# no sleep for almost 54 hours



## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

So... its got too the point were i havnt slept in about 54 hours, not 1 nod off, nothinggggg, im totally fcuked to be honest, im a nervous wreck, cant look at people in the face, confidence is low, anxious about even leaving the house, iv never been like this in my life, im a confident guy, duno weather this is the drugs im on or its because lack of sleep ( insomnia ) if any 1 knows id like a opinion?? anyway, iv stopped my blast and started cruising on 250mg test every 10 days, any 1 know if this will help or is it best too come off ?? like i said im new to all this S HITE, i feel and people are saying i should go to a nutty house lol, i know it sounds funny but im literally a walking shaking mess. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


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## C.Hill (Nov 21, 2010)

Take it your on tren? If so, what dose mate?


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## Dezw (May 13, 2009)

I've been awake for 96 hours before due to cocaine madness in my earlier years, your mind seriously starts to play tricks with you.

Take it easy mate and relax a bit, what drugs are you taking? Gear won't cause this.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

C.Hill said:


> Take it your on tren? If so, what dose mate?


i was on a gram of tren the last 3 weeks, before that 800


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## lumpo (Aug 8, 2012)

diazepan or some quality sleepers will sort you right out. I've never been as bad as stated above but when I've not been able to sleep I've had a steaming hot bath, mug of horlics and a diazepan and it's knocked me right out...get on it mate.


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## Dave 0511 (Feb 13, 2009)

I did say before you were on a lot for a young lad... and you said it was fine lol.

You need to come off mate for the time being.

This is the problem with AAS, people take it, then on one medication for one side effect, another med for the side effect of the first one etc etc

It's not worth walking around nervous, shaking, unable to conduct day to day business just for the sake of being big/ripped etc....


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## C.Hill (Nov 21, 2010)

A gram of tren a week??? At 22??! You deserve no sleep lol


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

C.Hill said:


> A gram of tren a week??? At 22??! You deserve no sleep lol


i was for the last 3 weeks yeh, i was fine on 800 so i thought id do a gram for the last month.

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Dave 0511 said:


> I did say before you were on a lot for a young lad... and you said it was fine lol.
> 
> You need to come off mate for the time being.
> 
> ...


i just got too greedyLOL i cant even function now, even why im on here im looking with 1 eye, crazy sh it, im gona end up in a looney bin


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

any 1 know if i cruise on 250mg of test it wil put my test level back up and sort al this sh it out? or am i best off coming off al togtehr?


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

20mg Dizaepan can even put me to sleep on the best coke


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## Dave 0511 (Feb 13, 2009)

Just come off for a bit mate and re-evaluate that's what you need to do.

Benzodiazepimes can work in the short term but are a ticket to the looney bin in themselves!


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

i feel like crying why im typing about whats happening too me lol, then i feel like smashing the house to bits, i was dumb, learn by your mistakes tho eh.


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## L11 (Jan 21, 2011)

Sounds like you need some weed, one more drug cant hurt.


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## C.Hill (Nov 21, 2010)

I would cruise on test for a few weeks then come off altogether mate, hope you get back to normal soon


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## Dave 0511 (Feb 13, 2009)

Yep, all the game of life mate, just keep your cool and think....

"In 6 months, what decision will I wish I made now"


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## eezy1 (Dec 14, 2010)

ull be fine mate all u need is a goodnights kip. ride it out and do whatever u gotta do to get some


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## mojo-jojo (Jul 8, 2012)

Lol drop the tren or taper down at least


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

mojo-jojo said:


> Lol drop the tren or taper down at least


did you read anything i said?


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## Irish Beast (Jun 16, 2009)

Benzos or a bottle of whiskey. Or both!

I got hold of some UK pharma grade vallies last weekend and they absolutely KO's me even after a big session on the charlie!


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Irish Beast said:


> Benzos or a bottle of whiskey. Or both!
> 
> I got hold of some UK pharma grade vallies last weekend and they absolutely KO's me even after a big session on the charlie!


charlie?? do you want me in a nutty house ?


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## mojo-jojo (Jul 8, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> did you read anything i said?


If I'm honest I couldn't be ar5ed to scroll through all the posts lol


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

mojo-jojo said:


> If I'm honest I couldn't be ar5ed to scroll through all the posts lol


why say something stupid then lol, im off tren obviously.


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## Growing Lad (Feb 14, 2009)

Trens built up and hit u like a train. Errr tren makes me into

A raving looney. U just gta get thru it, depending on ace or enanthate just ride it out. Had some dark days on tren! Never again.

Chin up bro ul get thru it, try n relax. Listen to music in bed or sumin


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## mojo-jojo (Jul 8, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> why say something stupid then lol, im off tren obviously.


Cus I'm a cnut,

but il buy the rest of your tren off you haha


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## cult (Nov 7, 2009)

OP, i dont know much about gear because ive only really took test but i think youve a serious problem. I would never put myself through all that just to be ripped. Your the type that fcuks themselves up by taking gear like that. IMO, you are abusing it from what ive read up on gear.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Wow, that sucks.

Hormonally you are all out of whack.

I think what is going on here is you have been on heavy androgens and even when you lower the androgens (test only at 250 every 10 days) you are crashing.

Actually HCG should help some here.

I would get to where you can handle testosterone alone at around 150 a week with no crash, use an AI at around .5mg adex 3 times a week, then do a power PCT.

Some DHEA would not be a bad idea as well this will help with your mood some.


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## lxm (Jul 26, 2011)

enjoy the moving shadows... enjoy the knocking at the door..... the shutter vision... Been there and done that! the human mind can see crazy things when needing a rest


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## Mighty Sparrow (Apr 10, 2011)

Hot bath, mug of tea and a crap film. You'll be out like a light zzzzzzz


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## Biffa_Bacon (Aug 7, 2011)

cult said:


> OP, i dont know much about gear because ive only really took test but i think youve a serious problem. I would never put myself through all that just to be ripped. Your the type that fcuks themselves up by taking gear like that. IMO, you are abusing it from what ive read up on gear.


Mate if he wanst to cane the meds, its up to him nowt wrong with it.

To the OP. Chill out mate, your worrying and its making things in your mind worse. Itll leave your system in the next week or two. In the meantime get some weed and stodgey food. Smoke, eat then sleep then in 24 hours or so you will feel a bit better.

I would tred a bit more carefully with tren in the future, nwot wrong with caning a large dose if you want to but up it in smaller amounts till your used to it. IMO


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## vduboli (Apr 1, 2011)

Do you not work?!


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## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

Craig660 said:


> 20mg Dizaepan can even put me to sleep on the best coke


Bloody wuss get em down ya


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## BodyBuilding101 (Mar 8, 2006)

Got to A&E, say you cant sleep..maybe they can help? Unless you know anyone that can give you sleeping meds asap....

i thought your dad looked after you mate? Surprised he let you take 2.5g of gear per week at 22 and 1g of that being tren! mg:

if its tren-a then side should wear off fast, if its tren-e buckle down for the ride mate...its going to be rough :gun_bandana:

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Got to A&E, say you cant sleep..maybe they can help? Unless you know anyone that can give you sleeping meds asap....

i thought your dad looked after you mate? Surprised he let you take 2.5g of gear per week at 22 and 1g of that being tren! mg:

if its tren-a then side should wear off fast, if its tren-e buckle down for the ride mate...its going to be rough :gun_bandana:


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

hackskii said:


> Wow, that sucks.
> 
> Hormonally you are all out of whack.
> 
> ...


So you think i should take 150mg every 10 days mate? and some ai's ??

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hackskii said:


> Wow, that sucks.
> 
> Hormonally you are all out of whack.
> 
> ...


So you think i should take 150mg every 10 days mate? and some ai's ??

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hackskii said:


> Wow, that sucks.
> 
> Hormonally you are all out of whack.
> 
> ...


So you think i should take 150mg every 10 days mate? and some ai's ??


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

vduboli said:


> Do you not work?!


I do work but its becoming a joke, i cant concentrate, focus on thigs talk to people properly, duno wtf is wrong with me, i feel depressed 24/7, never been like this in my life, i honestly feel like im gona go insane.


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## loftus (Mar 9, 2012)

f..k that i got 2 pots of rip blend and after reading this horror story i have decided i aint touching it..i just gona stick to 8 wek sus and prop courses and a small 2ius of hgh and i sleep for england...do ya reckpon hgh will help ya sleep hodgy..as i had insomnia and sweats on my last course of sus but this time with the hgh added no probs with sleep or sweats...


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## Love2DL (Aug 29, 2012)

Stop taking tren then ya looper lol you're not going insane mate - your symptoms are common of sleep deprivation. But in saying that, it's not a nice feeling at all. Switch to test and do any of the suggestions already mentioned in this thread to get a decent night's kip!


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## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

hodge your tren is far too high like i said ages ago .

bang some hcg and get aromasin .


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Gso3 said:


> Stop taking tren then ya looper lol you're not going insane mate - your symptoms are common of sleep deprivation. But in saying that, it's not a nice feeling at all. Switch to test and do any of the suggestions already mentioned in this thread to get a decent night's kip!


I don know weather its not sleeping or its because im shut down but its gettin worse day by day, i honestly think ill end up in hostpital soon

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ewen said:


> hodge your tren is far too high like i said ages ago .
> 
> bang some hcg and get aromasin .


do you think all thi s shi t is because im not sleeping or because im shut down?


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## eezy1 (Dec 14, 2010)

ewen said:


> hodge your tren is far too high like i said ages ago .
> 
> bang some hcg and get aromasin .


nice beard mate :laugh:


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## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

HodgesoN said:


> I don know weather its not sleeping or its because im shut down but its gettin worse day by day, i honestly think ill end up in hostpital soon
> 
> - - - Updated - - -
> 
> do you think all thi s shi t is because im not sleeping or because im shut down?


shut down without doubt also hormones are all over in the wrong way .


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

Gso3 said:


> Stop taking tren then ya looper lol you're not going insane mate - your symptoms are common of sleep deprivation. But in saying that, it's not a nice feeling at all. Switch to test and do any of the suggestions already mentioned in this thread to get a decent night's kip!


Give it to me for half price then


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

ewen said:


> shut down without doubt also hormones are all over in the wrong way .


Dne loads of big cycles and never been like this, duno wtf is wrong with me, hope i recover soon or im gona have to sack work and the gym, thats how bad its getting.


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2012)

1st things first, stop panicing. Everything that is going on is temporary. It won't stay with you permanently so no need to sack anything.

Do what the lads say and you'll soon get back in balance.

Nothing makes sense right now as you haven't slept and your brain won't process stuff properly.

Just read the advice they give, do what they say, and don't question it, Hackskii and Ewen know their stuff, so they'll advise you. (As do the others, just I cannot remember more than 2 names in a go lol )

Don't try to analyze any of it now, you'll just make it worse. Get the AI in you, the HCG in, and you'll start to feel better sooner rather than later.


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## Bad Alan (Dec 30, 2010)

Seeing as how you and Scott are not friends lol I would listen to hackskii guy knows his **** and could no doubt help you on the road to recovery. Drop him a PM mate.

Good luck

- - - Updated - - -

Seeing as how you and Scott are not friends lol I would listen to hackskii guy knows his **** and could no doubt help you on the road to recovery. Drop him a PM mate.

Good luck


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

ewen said:


> hodge your tren is far too high like i said ages ago .
> 
> bang some hcg and get aromasin .


Thats what you need ok Ai and hcg and a super pct,,,Im not surprised at all why you are suffering now after that cycle,,,far far too much gear especially tren,,its a none forgiver.

Youll be ok so dont worry about it,,as said it will balance itself out.

All these big cycles catch up on you in the end..imo its just not worth it


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Bad Alan said:


> Seeing as how you and Scott are not friends lol I would listen to hackskii guy knows his **** and could no doubt help you on the road to recovery. Drop him a PM mate.
> 
> Good luck


Who do you think DutchScott goes to for PCT advice and fertility?

Ok, back to the original poster.

150mg testosterone enanthate per week.

.5mg adex a week to start nothing more.

DHEA @ 25mg ED

20mg nolva ED

HCG at 2000iu twice a week

3mg to 6mg melatonin at night before bed.

ZMA before bed.

5000iu Vitamin D

5-HTP

The gear will be within normal ranges so you have that covered.

The adex will just manage estrogen, being too high or low can affect mood.

The nolva will protect your nuts and nipples from the heavy aromitization of HCG

The DHEA will support your adrenals right now as those are jacked up no doubt.

The melatonin will help you sleep and possibly bump natty GH levels if you can get into REM sleep.

The ZMA will be there for you to aid in sleep, and those minerals support testosterone levels.

The vitamin D will help the HCG, and once your levels return to normal support your natural testosterone levels.

The 5-HTP will help you bump up the feel good hormone serotonin, not to mention the HCG will bump pregnenolone, which is another feel good hormone and bump up natty test levels even on your TRT dose.

There, every stone is overturned, if you follow this advice you WILL feel better, and start your road to recovery.

In a week or two's time, I can modify anything to accelerate this if need be, or modify.

You have all the information here to fix you up.

Outside of that with scrip drugs, I cant help you, I dont use them.

And dude relax, just follow directions, simple road map.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

hackskii said:


> Who do you think DutchScott goes to for PCT advice and fertility?
> 
> Ok, back to the original poster.
> 
> ...


thx buddy


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## Ragingagain (Sep 4, 2010)

hi im no expert but i thought id say.

i just did my first lot of tren at 500 mast 500 test 1.5g, and yes i cried the other day like a little bitch and its all totally ****ing new to me and a shock... ive gone through 10 phases in one day. not sure for leep but for mood ghrp-6 is amazing, i started pct and was using that happier than ive ever been... i had to stop and im close to killing myself.

good luck hopefully youll be good soon, but personally i wouldnt worry about getting in the gym in this state, time off will help. more drugs=more problems definitely

oh and amazing physique btw, im same age and look like sh1t. also do stuff that makes you happy, listen to music and go out more..... for mood, but for sleep i have no idea sorry


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Like a Boss said:


> hi im no expert but i thought id say.
> 
> i just did my first lot of tren at 500 mast 500 test 1.5g, and yes i cried the other day like a little bitch and its all totally ****ing new to me and a shock... ive gone through 10 phases in one day. not sure for leep but for mood ghrp-6 is amazing, i started pct and was using that happier than ive ever been... i had to stop and im close to killing myself.
> 
> ...


I cried today for the first time, im depressed as fook, never been depressed in my life, gf went to her mams for a break yesturday due to i cant talk to her, im really goin cray, if im not ok in a week or so, im gona have to check my self in some were or im going to do something stupid to my self, iv never felt like this in my life, im really loosing it, its scary.


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

hackskii said:


> Who do you think DutchScott goes to for PCT advice and fertility?
> 
> Ok, back to the original poster.
> 
> ...


You forgot to mention once he is feeling well again he will have a nice tan to go with it


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## Ragingagain (Sep 4, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> I cried today for the first time, im depressed as fook, never been depressed in my life, gf went to her mams for a break yesturday due to i cant talk to her, im really goin cray, if im not ok in a week or so, im gona have to check my self in some were or im going to do something stupid to my self, iv never felt like this in my life, im really loosing it, its scary.


try ghrp-6 mate seriously... i have almost evert=ything ive ever wanted at this stage of my life so the happiest ive ever been, but the other day even though i kep reminding myself all i wanted to do was cry...

then last night i sat on my bed crying like a bitch and felt suicidal for the rest of the day, feel soo lonely and needy, almost cried whilst talking to the receptionist at work about the weather lol,,, since then i started to go out and i feel ok.... its soo ****ed up what hormones can do..... hang on in there mate... id def go for a decent pct and hacks advice about hcg is def the way forward.

stupid on;;; try cranberry juice mate... seriously one of the lads mentioned it ages ago i tried and i stopped feeling crap....welll its worth a try mate.


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## DianabolLecter (Sep 9, 2012)

zimovane 7.5mg, i take it through my cycles, knocks me out at night, great stuff.


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

Better off doing ghrp2 unless he wants the crazy hunger pans


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Craig660 said:


> Better off doing ghrp2 unless he wants the crazy hunger pans


what will ghrp 6 do, never tried this before?


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> I cried today for the first time, im depressed as fook, never been depressed in my life, gf went to her mams for a break yesturday due to i cant talk to her, im really goin cray, if im not ok in a week or so, im gona have to check my self in some were or im going to do something stupid to my self, iv never felt like this in my life, im really loosing it, its scary.


Dont panic too much it will pass, i was once a complete mess after taking too many vallies took a while to get back to normal but it happened eventually. Just take it as a harsh lesson to cut down on the gear.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

kingdale said:


> Dont panic too much it will pass, i was once a complete mess after taking too many vallies took a while to get back to normal but it happened eventually. Just take it as a harsh lesson to cut down on the gear.


If you were me right now mate, you'd be worrying like hell, like i said i can see my self checking in hostpital if it doesnt get better soon, im going crazy literally.


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> If you were me right now mate, you'd be worrying like hell, like i said i can see my self checking in hostpital if it doesnt get better soon, im going crazy literally.


yeah i know it isnt nice when your going through it at all been there just with recreational drugs not steroids it is awful. But the best thing is to do the pct and just ride it out. what is actually making you want to go to hospital? lack of sleep plays tricks on your mind the best thing for you is to sleep.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

kingdale said:


> yeah i know it isnt nice when your going through it at all been there just with recreational drugs not steroids it is awful. But the best thing is to do the pct and just ride it out. what is actually making you want to go to hospital? lack of sleep plays tricks on your mind the best thing for you is to sleep.


not been able to talk to people, im a wreck, bag of nervs, anxious to go anywere, face goes hot, eyes burn, facial expressions change when talking, cant make eye contact, cant sleep, cant eat, feel sick, mind is racing, depressed as fcuk lol, this is not me at all, its the complete opposite 100%, iv done aas for a long time and never new anything like this could come from them, this is the craziest thing thats ever happend too me and the worst, i feel like i want to sleep and not wake up.


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> sleep and not wake up.


Thats just the lack of sleep and tren ****ing with your mind mate. If i was you i think i would probably take something to get some kip if you have tried laying down for a while and not sleep as soon as you get some kip you will feel so much better. Lack of sleep messes with you alot more than people think.


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## LIL-SCOOB-23 (Jun 16, 2012)

Come of the gear mate


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> not been able to talk to people, im a wreck, bag of nervs, anxious to go anywere, face goes hot, eyes burn, facial expressions change when talking, cant make eye contact, cant sleep, cant eat, feel sick, mind is racing, depressed as fcuk lol, this is not me at all, its the complete opposite 100%, iv done aas for a long time and never new anything like this could come from them, this is the craziest thing thats ever happend too me and the worst, i feel like i want to sleep and not wake up.


Welcome to my world. I feel like this most days, and have done for over 15 years. My excuse is being bi-polar, yours is a complete and utter system imbalance. Difference is, you can fix yours, you can come out of it fine. So just do the PCT advice you've been given and take heart from the fact what you are feeling now is just a learning experience, and you'll not do a cycle like that again.

Stop thinking it's all going pear shaped and start telling yourself that none of the bad feelings are real, it's just a blip. Don't look to other people for answers, start fighting your own feelings, and get ****in mad with it. Don't let it run you, you run it, you won't be depressed, you won't cry, you'll man up and get through it. Even if it means going bonkers in the gym and hitting weights harder than ever.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

OldManRiver said:


> Welcome to my world. I feel like this most days, and have done for over 15 years. My excuse is being bi-polar, yours is a complete and utter system imbalance. Difference is, you can fix yours, you can come out of it fine. So just do the PCT advice you've been given and take heart from the fact what you are feeling now is just a learning experience, and you'll not do a cycle like that again.
> 
> Stop thinking it's all going pear shaped and start telling yourself that none of the bad feelings are real, it's just a blip. Don't look to other people for answers, start fighting your own feelings, and get ****in mad with it. Don't let it run you, you run it, you won't be depressed, you won't cry, you'll man up and get through it. Even if it means going bonkers in the gym and hitting weights harder than ever.


im not in controll of my self mate, iv tried trust me, im shut down at the worst.


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2012)

you aren't in control of the imbalance, but you are in control of your own mind.

It's a scary place to visit, when you are at rock bottom.

But that's the point, and you need to keep telling yourself this, it's just a visit. You aren't going to be clinically depressed or anything like it in a few weeks. Once your body sorts itself out, you'll look back at this and feel embarrassed.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

OldManRiver said:


> you aren't in control of the imbalance, but you are in control of your own mind.
> 
> It's a scary place to visit, when you are at rock bottom.
> 
> But that's the point, and you need to keep telling yourself this, it's just a visit. You aren't going to be clinically depressed or anything like it in a few weeks. Once your body sorts itself out, you'll look back at this and feel embarrassed.


duno mate, my gf's fcuked off to her mams, i cant socialise with my mates, work is horrible, life is just gone, in the space of a few days, duno how thhis can happen in a few days


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2012)

It can happen in a few minutes when things are so far outta whack as they are in your system right now.

There aint no magic answer here, this will take a bit of time to put right, but the guys have told you what to do with the PCT, so the sooner you get that underway the better. You really are just gonna have to ignore the bad feelings, because no matter how bad you feel, it's not permanent, if I was you, i'd do a DVD marathon or something and take my mind of it all.


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## flecks (Dec 1, 2011)

lumpo said:


> diazepan or some quality sleepers will sort you right out. I've never been as bad as stated above but when I've not been able to sleep I've had a steaming hot bath, mug of horlics and a diazepan and it's knocked me right out...get on it mate.


definetely this get a valium down you, youl be asleep for days  )


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Do you have air in your lungs.

I suggested you do something.

You need to relax.

Don't tell me I don't understand.

Calm down.


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## flecks (Dec 1, 2011)

Its your bodys reaction to the tren. Basicly it is saying ouch I dont like this in me dont take anymore. The effevcts will go. DONT WORRY MATE........you will be fine. Get some sleep if you haven already. I srously recoment some tomazipam / valium as short term solution. Which wll give you a good nights sleep and refresh your cognitive thinking brain function. Also take lots of omega 3 maybe 3 tabs 3 times a day which is known to improve brain function, maybe fresh fish and whole vegtables and gentle excercise. It goes without saying drop the tren mate and dont worry youl make a speedy recovery.

also like to ask anyone with knowledge, is what he is experiencing any relation to test flu? hormonal influx?


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## Zorrin (Sep 24, 2010)

I can't be bothered to read all the pages of this thread, but I went for more than a week without sleep a couple of years ago, smoking crystal meth. Do I win?

Its not the drug that makes you crazy, its the lack of sleep, food and drink. It didn't help that my thai wife, and the girls who were working for her that week, were going completely nuts. Eventually, you don't even know who's in the house. That car across the road is watching us...And you only remember odd flashbacks. When you're sleep-deprived, short-term memories don't get stored, and you're like a goldfish.

the chinese dealer was sweet on one of the girls in our...well, brothel. He knew I was a chemist, and his meth was cut with MSN. So I dissolved it out with dry acetone, leaving behind uncut methamphetamine powder. there were little bowls candles, straws - everywhere. Meth dealers in the UK are always cool, well-spoken chinese guys, and he was finding it fascinating, and kept fetching more samples for me to purify. My wife kept answering her phones, booking customers at the wrong time, the doorbell would ring unexpectedly. Eventually, I insisted the phones were turned off, because it was getting stressful and crazy., and the girls were looking messy and wild-eyed.

I've since discovered that even a minute's sleep completely sorts you out on meth, it's like rebooting a computer. Sex, too. I can be wide awake for days, but when I shoot my load, my wife struggles to get out from under my snoring dead weight. But eventually, you have to recoup every minute of sleep that you've missed. Cocaine is like borrowing sleep on a credit card - you have to pay it back, and then some. Meth is like an interest-free loan that can be extended almost indefinitely (especially if you know how to make it), but it still has to be paid eventually.

Thai people use a short-acting benzo called "Happy 5" to get to sleep, but I think good old valium or temazepam are better. Most steroid sites sell valium.

Melatonin (not Melanotan) tricks your body clock into thinking its bedtime.

Nitol (or the cheaper Tesco or Boots equivalent) contains an antihistamine, diphenhydramine hydrobromide, the same one that's in benylin cough syrup.

Nitol herbal works just as well, it has valerian in it.

If you have a zinc deficiency, you can't get your legs comfortable. ZMA sorts it in 30 minutes.

It sounds like you've run out of the neurotransmitter serotonin. Have a whey protein shake (which has grams of tryptophan and tyrosine), and a vitamin B complex tablet. B6 and B12 are needed to convert amino acids into your neurotransmitters.

I hope sleep visits you soon. In the meantime, don't do anything you wouldn't normally do, don't try to fix your life, and don't make any changes you can't reverse. Nothing was wrong before your insomnia started, the world is still a beautiful place, and nothing is wrong now. at least you're male, you always have a tiny seed of rationality. The only thing to do with thai women is tell them to shut up, sit them down, and make them look at a buddha on the mantlepiece. get them to practice thai traditional massage on each other, and they start nodding off.

Be careful with ephedrine. Its only one oxygen atom different from methamphetamine. Methamphetamine isn't the same as amphetamine (speed), by the way. Its half-life is 48 hours, its the king of the wakey wakey jungle, and costs 3 or 4 times as much as coke in this country.


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## Wh33lz (Mar 26, 2011)

diazepam if you can get some mate. Will help massively with your anxiety issues and help you to sleep.


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## Zorrin (Sep 24, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> duno mate, my gf's fcuked off to her mams, i cant socialise with my mates, work is horrible, life is just gone, in the space of a few days, duno how thhis can happen in a few days


Life hasn't changed - the only thing that's changed is your ability to enjoy it. Unless you've done hallucinogenic drugs for years to the point of boredom with them, you think that the whole world has changed, and you're the same. It always coincides with grey skies and bad weather, which IS the outside world but just a sod's-law coincidence.

This summer, I was unemployed. My wife smashed the flat up and walked out on my birthday, dissappeared for a week, then f*cked off to her dad's on our wedding aniversary without telling me. She phoned from her dad's - in northern thailand. My electricity meter ran out I had to walk through the puddle from my melting freezer in the dark, having constantly wet socks. Then I couldn't afford candles. The gas boiler needed electricity to switch on, so no hot water. My 15 year-old cat was whining from hunger, I had to use my last few 1p coins, then cut open some royal mint coin sets my aunty sent me every christmas.

But you know what? I wasn't depressed. I did a bit of training with a bench and free weights, I had a tub of whey protein, and training makes you feel good, because you are actually reversing that slow decline into the grave - most people's bodies get worse and worse from 18 until they die.

I had one unemployed mate who stayed my mate. I gave him an old laptop to sell for me to someone he knew, and I haven't seen him since. There was virtually no human contact with anyone, except when I went to sign on, and a drug dealer I was occasionally making stuff for. He had a gambling problem, didn't pay me, haven't seen him since, and I hadn't slept for days. They say don't trust a thin chef. Don't trust a meth chemist who has to sleep. Even my internet connection was cut off.

I actually control the weather with my mind, and my drug comedowns always coincide with miserable weather. That's why its been such a bad summer. Sorry everybody!

My dole payment was almost entirely swallowed by my unapproved overdraft, but I got my electric back on. I got someone else's internet connection if I took my laptop into the garden. I put my CV online. Within an hour, i was getting calls (my mobile was incoming-only). The following morning, I got a call at 9AM, interviewed at 11AM (had to pay the taxi with coin collection coins), offered a job by 2PM, start on Monday.

That was 3 weeks ago. My wife is back. She Paid for half a car to say sorry. I work nights, real easy IT job, £175 for 6 hours. I've achieved my ambition of owning a car that everything works on (although its 10 years old). But I never felt depressed, because life is special, and full of humour. The world is a beautiful place. The sun is still shining, but hidden behind the grey clouds of insomnia. What you think, and how you feel when you are tired, aren't important. You won't be able to remember these things when you sleep, and the sun comes out.

Have some sympathy for women who go crazy with hormone changes every month, like you are now. They never learn. We can see its just PMT, but to them, their life is terrible. Then afterwards, they laugh at themselves.

More importantly. 99% of men envy you. You've got a great body, and a 6-pack. I can see that you have internet access, and electricity. You even have a job, and an (estranged) woman.

You lucky bastard!

Switch the computer off and go to bed.


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## Sambuca (Jul 25, 2012)

thats to some sh1t there mate. n1 for putting it up for the world!


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

If you do get vallium's dont get into a habit of taking too many or taking them all the time that will cause a whole new load of problems.


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## Guest (Oct 4, 2012)

fcuk benzo's dont go near them, will end badly !

first of all i completely understand how you feel, no matter how alone you feel, and how no else has felt that bad, trust me on one thing, i can guarantee i have. i wont go into details, but my panic disorder has got so bad at time i have thought there was only one way out, but fortunately i haven't been down that road

from what i can tell from your posts, you feel like your going 'mad'. you arent! and you need to understand this. i know you have told yourself this before but you need to keep doing it

your mind will cling onto every negative thought, and magnify them out of proportion. they will do fcuk all for you at a&e, i have sat in front of a doctor and told her i dont want to be here anymore, and she may well have told me to fcuk off. and why do they do this, because they know with certainty that it will pass

i truly understand controlling your thoughts right now is very difficult. just get the fcuk up, get a shower and go for a long walk. do it! dont convince yourself you cant. i believe in you mate

dont dwell on here, actions speak louder than words!

i have stared this fcuking devil straight in the eyes, and i truly share your pain

feel free to PM me


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Hell, even a deep breath right now would be a good thing.


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## Zorrin (Sep 24, 2010)

BigAndy said:


> i truly understand controlling your thoughts right now is very difficult. just get the fcuk up, get a shower and go for a long walk. do it! dont convince yourself you cant. i believe in you mate
> 
> dont dwell on here, actions speak louder than words!


Seconded.

You will sleep.

Then you will get your sense of humour back.

Then your bird will come back if she loves you, or

you will meet a woman that actually likes you, and smiles when she looks at you, and you will realise just how badly your last bird was treating you.

There are all sorts of clever new meds like SSRIs, but when you can't sleep, and you "think too much", a 10mg diazipam will give you the reboot that your stuck-in-a-loop operating system needs.

Did you know that it's impossible to kill yourself with a valium overdose? Check wikipedia.

If you can't sleep, click the "random article" button on wikipedia, and then see how many clicks on links it takes you to get to "adolf Hitler". Usually only 3 or 4. the trick is to find the words "german" or "war" or "europe".

Hey, look how many pages of people understand, want to help you because you're a good guy, or have just plain old been bitten by the tren serpent! You don't get 5 pages out of a "advice on first dbol cycle" thread, or even a thread that has something to do with a penis.

All us big hard bodybuilders are getting our kleanex out and sobbing "me too! I thought I was the only one who cries during X-factor!"


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## rootbag (Mar 29, 2012)

My advice would be to pick up some Zopiclone from United Pharmacies. No long term solution at all, but if you pay the extra for quick delivery you should have them in a few days, and they'll knock you right out.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

i got an hour and 30 mins sleep last night, still feel just as bad though, started pct today so ill see what happens, took 2 weeks off work today aswell due too not been able too talk to any 1.


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## Guest (Oct 4, 2012)

tread very carefully when comming of, for me things got better when i came off, but now its as bad as it has ever been. i had to come off though, didnt want to go to gym , leave the house at all, constant vomitting, for days on end, chronic stomach ache, sh*ts, i usually wake up being sick, and then continue until mid afternoon. trust me it will be fine, talking about it does help, but i think sometime out of your house will help, seriously a walk out, will do the world of good.

im not going all GP on you, but self medication is an exceptionally bad idea IMO. zopiclone did absolutely nothing for me. nytol makes me worse. diazepam , yeah works great when you taking it, and then when you stop your problems just come back tenfold, and thats just asking for addiction, and you really dont want to go down that road.

just get out of your house. i dont care where you go, just go for a walk, drive about for abit. read a book, enjoy your favourite food, watch your favourite tv programme, i know these things arent much comfort to you right now, but you seriously need to avert your mind from the thoughts you are having now, and sitting here, thinking about how sh*t it all is, really wont help.

your mind feeds off every negative thought you give it. better times will come, i know you probably dont believe me, and if someone told me that i wouldnt believe them, but it will!


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## Zorrin (Sep 24, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> i got an hour and 30 mins sleep last night, still feel just as bad though, started pct today so ill see what happens, took 2 weeks off work today aswell due too not been able too talk to any 1.


Don't forget to train now you have more time on your hands. That effing tren hangs around for ages. Your brain is getting the bad, so your body may as well get the good. I've got a feeling this will be the longest thread ever, because you're helping other people with it. I went for 3 days and nights without sleep just this week - take a look at my posting times - but I've done so many drugs that i know which voices are real, and which ones aren't.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish reading "Catcher in the Rye", then I'll go to work on the nightshift, backwards re-recordings of heavy metal songs playing on my MP3 player as I kensington lock laptops to desks in an empty building. Around 3AM, I will make my usual crank call to Myleene Klass. she always cries, and I get off on it. Then I'm going to clean the streets....I am the chosen deliverer of god's vengeance.

Only joking. I'll come home and have some weetabix, and probably post on here again.


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## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

Zorrin said:


> I can't be bothered to read all the pages of this thread, but I went for more than a week without sleep a couple of years ago, smoking crystal meth. Do I win?
> 
> Its not the drug that makes you crazy, its the lack of sleep, food and drink. It didn't help that my thai wife, and the girls who were working for her that week, were going completely nuts. Eventually, you don't even know who's in the house. That car across the road is watching us...And you only remember odd flashbacks. When you're sleep-deprived, short-term memories don't get stored, and you're like a goldfish.
> 
> ...


ROFLMAO !!! 

What a varied life you lead gear, crystal meth, purifying Triad drugs, hookers- wild eyed ones to!, blowing your load and rebooting your meth hungry frame......

I actually want to be you! But just for a day


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Pain2Gain said:


> ROFLMAO !!!
> 
> What a varied life you lead gear, crystal meth, purifying Triad drugs, hookers- wild eyed ones to!, blowing your load and rebooting your meth hungry frame......
> 
> I actually want to be you! But just for a day


Wow, and to think I was out of control with alcohol and a few rips off of the ol green stuff.

My down time is relaxing drinking an ice cold beer and watching the news.

I do have a dog if anyone is interested:lol:


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

hostpital tomorrow morning, i cant take this anymore, im so angry, so depressed, burning up over nothing and im by my self all day an dnight, all i do is think bad things and get my self worked up LOL, i can honestly say i totally fcked my self up, what a t it i was for abusing a course like i was on, never again.


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## goonerton (Sep 7, 2009)

try and keep things in perspective, you are not thinking rationally at the moment . your life has not suddenly [email protected] up in the period of a few days.

i used to get like how you sound every time i took speed when i was younger(hence only 2 or 3 times ever) next day would seem like my world was coming to an end, would start to think absolutely everything was going to [email protected] etc etc...

then a few days later i would be right as rain and think wtf was going on in my brain!. going to hospital is probably a good idea as no doubt they will give you something to sleep, and its probably the lack of sleep that's the main cause for how you're feeling. just try and keep yourself relaxed as much as possible.

you probably just freaked your bird out as you seem a bit manic at the mo, no doubt she'll be fine once she sees your back to normal.


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## zak007 (Nov 12, 2011)

HodgesoN said:


> hostpital tomorrow morning, i cant take this anymore, im so angry, so depressed, burning up over nothing and im by my self all day an dnight, all i do is think bad things and get my self worked up LOL, i can honestly say i totally fcked my self up, what a t it i was for abusing a course like i was on, never again.


have you given hacks advice a try?


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## Warman (Aug 13, 2010)

This is why its dangerous to jump in at the deep end.

Hope all goes ok for you at hospital mate, if not get some valium and just fall asleep infront of tv so your mind is occupied. 1 hour and a 1/2 is a start eh.


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## zack amin (Mar 13, 2012)

wonderfull world of tren, you should clear up, you need to clear your mind first tho, just relax and clear your mind your off the tren so itll start to ease off, time and patience


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## Natty.Solider (May 4, 2012)

I know what its like being a prisoner in your own mind. I spent the best part of a year wishing I was somebody else becuase I couldnt understand what was happening to me or shake it off. It commanded 24 hours of my day, ruined sleep, I was almost scared to sleep. This thread has been hard for me to read because I hate to think anyone is feeling similar to how I was feeling. What a few people are saying to you in this thread is true about you needed to relax. You will have a swtich in your brain, you just need to find it and flick it and realise your running this show. Find solace in that you know why this is happening


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

i jut need too know what it is whats triggering this shi t, i dont know and no 1 wil probably know due too i was taking , 1gram of tren, almost 2gram of test, 600mg mast,100g dbol, 50iu slin, 5 iu gh, clen, t3, what a dumb fcukin idiot i was, done so many cycles in the past, been cocky gets you no were, glad iv learnt though.


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## kingdale (Nov 2, 2010)

the gram of tren i imagine.


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

why not stop posting the same things over and over, put the laptop down and go to fooking bed


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

barsnack said:


> why not stop posting the same things over and over, put the laptop down and go to fooking bed


are you fcukin stupid or what? i lay in bed 6/10 hours each night and get nothing most night, dont you think thats what i want ? a good night sleep?


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## rchippex (Jan 20, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> i jut need too know what it is whats triggering this shi t, i dont know and no 1 wil probably know due too i was taking , 1gram of tren, almost 2gram of test, 600mg mast,100g dbol, 50iu slin, 5 iu gh, clen, t3, what a dumb fcukin idiot i was, done so many cycles in the past, been cocky gets you no were, glad iv learnt though.


All I can say to that cycle is WOW. Seriously heavy.

Good thing is that you have learnt from your mistake. In a few weeks you will be back to normal once the tren wears off (which it will) and you will have learnt a very important lesson. As well as that you have put it on here so that others can learn from your mistake too which can only be a good thing. I wish you all the best in your recovery. It is only a matter of time and patience even if it doesnt seem like it now. Just remember that as each hour goes by less and less tren will be having an effect on you and eventually it will be at a level that means you can get your head down and recharge the batteries. The lack of sleep is the hardest thing and can do seriously odd things to your thoughts but so long as you recognise it is the tren and lack of sleep then you will be ok. A trip to the docs for reassurance may help ease your mind and get you to sleep. Im sure we are all wishing you a speedy recovery either way mate.


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## Porkchop (May 24, 2012)

Dude, have you tried going to the chemist (local, I wouldn't recommend driving in your condition), or boots and getting some sleep aids? Not the herbal ones but the anti histamines, like sleepeaze. They are good at helping you to drop off.

Also, give a time limit on the net or phone etc. Say midnight. I've heard that even lying down for a few hours trying to relax can help the body and mind regenerate more than if you're up doing stuff.


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## barsnack (Mar 12, 2011)

HodgesoN said:


> are you fcukin stupid or what? i lay in bed 6/10 hours each night and get nothing most night, dont you think thats what i want ? a good night sleep?


i think stupidity got you were you are now


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## BodyBuilding101 (Mar 8, 2006)

HodgesoN said:


> i jut need too know what it is whats triggering this shi t, i dont know and no 1 wil probably know due too i was taking , 1gram of tren, almost 2gram of test, 600mg mast,100g dbol, 50iu slin, 5 iu gh, clen, t3, what a dumb fcukin idiot i was, done so many cycles in the past, been cocky gets you no were, glad iv learnt though.


that's an intense cycle, why so much gear mate?

you'd think you'd be competing for the olympia on them doses


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## Wh33lz (Mar 26, 2011)

barsnack said:


> i think stupidity got you were you are now


*where


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Porkchop said:


> Dude, have you tried going to the chemist (local, I wouldn't recommend driving in your condition), or boots and getting some sleep aids? Not the herbal ones but the anti histamines, like sleepeaze. They are good at helping you to drop off.
> 
> Also, give a time limit on the net or phone etc. Say midnight. I've heard that even lying down for a few hours trying to relax can help the body and mind regenerate more than if you're up doing stuff.


got them mate, recomended dose is 50mg, i took 400mg for 3 days and never slept a wink


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

barsnack said:


> i think stupidity got you were you are now


i agree.


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## Porkchop (May 24, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> got them mate, recomended dose is 50mg, i took 400mg for 3 days and never slept a wink


 sh1t!


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## Guest (Oct 4, 2012)

> i jut need too know what it is whats triggering this shi t, i dont know and no 1 wil probably know due too i was taking , 1gram of tren, almost 2gram of test, 600mg mast,100g dbol, 50iu slin, 5 iu gh, clen, t3, what a dumb fcukin idiot i was, done so many cycles in the past, been cocky gets you no were, glad iv learnt though.


you are triggering these issues. knowone wants to hear this answer, its a hard pill to swallow, but the chances of this being a physiological issue are slim, its is your psychological reaction to a change in your hormones.

we have all made mistakes, and i am certainly not one lecture on drug use, whats done is done. i understand your feelings of desperation, maybe going to the hospital will give you piece of mind, but they are highly unlikely to do anything. there is the crisis intervention team which you can be referred to, but you have to actively suicidal, and this means actually wanting to kill yourself. even if you have suicidal thoughts this does not constitute as enough to warrant intervention- and i was told this by a gp at a drop surgery when i went, when i was in a similar postion

you did the right thing in comming off, and seeking medical help may ease your mind,

but you NEED to take your mind off these problems, i know you want to go to see a dr, and they say, take this pill and you will be fine, but it aint going to happen

do something else, go to the hospital see what they say, i am sure they will say book an emergency appointment with your gp for monday, do that

and do things to take your mind of it. i guarantee it will help


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## Guest (Oct 4, 2012)

> got them mate, recomended dose is 50mg, i took 400mg for 3 days and never slept a wink


its worth noting that most people who take above the recommended dose suffer from restlessness, i get the sensation that i want to kick my legs out, certainly not conducive to sleep

take 50mg, and go for a walk, come back and watch your favourite tv programme, sitting on here wont help you


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## TheThomo25 (Apr 13, 2011)

barsnack said:


> why not stop posting the same things over and over, put the laptop down and go to fooking bed


There's a time & a place to be rippin it into someone who's done something wrong/stupid & this isn't one of them! We are all meant to be here for each other in times like this. I know if you had any probs & the wrong frame of mind, the last thing you'd want to hear from the only people you've got to talk too is pointless comments that don't offer any support!


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## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

Try to relax. I have done 2g Test, 1g Tren and 1g Mast for 12 weeks, will fck anybodys mind up. Liquid divorce. As soon as it clears, you'll be fine.

Just dont worry.


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

Huntingground said:


> Try to relax. I have done 2g Test, 1g Tren and 1g Mast for 12 weeks, will fck anybodys mind up. Liquid divorce. As soon as it clears, you'll be fine.
> 
> Just dont worry.


when I read stuff like this, it makes me think some people just shouldnt take AAS, or they have underlying issues...


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> i jut need too know what it is whats triggering this shi t, i dont know and no 1 wil probably know due too i was taking , 1gram of tren, almost 2gram of test, 600mg mast,100g dbol, 50iu slin, 5 iu gh, clen, t3, what a dumb fcukin idiot i was, done so many cycles in the past, been cocky gets you no were, glad iv learnt though.


whats the big deal? I did 2g test, 1g eq, 600mg tren and 150mg (eventually 300mg) anadrol on top, with T3, T4 and 'slin. For over 6 months, then moved ot my current cycle of 4g test and 200mg winny (winny month on/month off).

Test & tren (high androgens, including mast) are CNS stimulants at high doses. Clen is a stimulant, and T3 at over 100mcg/day will accelerate your heart rate.

First, drop the t3 back to 50mcg, and drop the clen. that should fix it up; if that fails, change the tren for eq, and the dbol for either tbol or anavar. Drop the mast, and the test should be fine.

You've now developed a phobia regarding sleep- order some zopiclone and use it for a week only. You will get to sleep no issues.


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## Huntingground (Jan 10, 2010)

ausbuilt said:


> when I read stuff like this, it makes me think some people just shouldnt take AAS, or they have underlying issues...


Why Aus?? Everybody reacts differently to different compounds. I tend to stay away from TREN now. Are you questioning whether I should take AAS.

4 g of gear will sometimes mess with people's heads.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Doses are individual, from person to person.

Dude could be suffering from some form of heart failure.

Not trying to cause distress.

But, some cycles are completely reckless, based on some hearsay.

Validating because you have not dropped dead yet (aus), reckless.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

I guess Alpha doses are where its at right? :death:


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## criticalmass (Oct 5, 2012)

wow... was thinking of trying test as a first cycle. After reading this I am scared ****less and don't think ill ever go to the darkside.... and I'm an ex heroin addict, this sounds worse srs.


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## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> i jut need too know what it is whats triggering this shi t, i dont know and no 1 wil probably know due too i was taking , 1gram of tren, almost 2gram of test, 600mg mast,100g dbol, 50iu slin, 5 iu gh, clen, t3, what a dumb fcukin idiot i was, done so many cycles in the past, been cocky gets you no were, glad iv learnt though.


Holy sh1t!


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## Sharpy76 (May 11, 2012)

Did you go hospital fella?

How you feeling now?


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## TheThomo25 (Apr 13, 2011)

Sharpy76 said:


> Did you go hospital fella?
> 
> How you feeling now?


X2! How's things going mate? Hope everyday gets easier for you, if you need to talk pal most of us are here for u!


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## Zorrin (Sep 24, 2010)

He can't answer.

Someone convinced him, in his sleep-deprived state, that he was having heart failure. Its hard to type wearing a straightjacket.

Don't worry mate. the chances are that your heart is OK. Drugs all wear off. Thats the best (and worst) thing about them.

Maybe he followed every one of our suggestions, and he's been asleep for 3 days!


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## Guest (Oct 6, 2012)

Actually I should imagine he's sleeping like a hibernating squirrel right about now. If he's done the right thing and followed the slow down advice given.

Extreme amounts of anything can cause problems, even water.


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## Zorrin (Sep 24, 2010)

OldManRiver said:


> Actually I should imagine he's sleeping like a hibernating squirrel right about now. If he's done the right thing and followed the slow down advice given.
> 
> Extreme amounts of anything can cause problems, even water.


I had to make a COSHH form for every chemical used at a nuclear site in the early 90s. Even one for water!

"Danger. Asphixiant". Well dur. So is everything (except air).

My boss caught me mucking about with liquid nitrogen, freezing things then smashing them, so she gave me the job as punishment. "if I catch you doing that again Zorrin, I'll slap you like a ginger stepchild!". You don't forget a threat as funny as that.

Note: Threats of casual violence against subordinates in the workplace are a serious matter. I don't condone them in any way.


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

Huntingground said:


> Why Aus?? Everybody reacts differently to different compounds. I tend to stay away from TREN now. Are you questioning whether I should take AAS.
> 
> 4 g of gear will sometimes mess with people's heads.


Well in general, most react a certain way, then theres a few outliers (its statistically called the the "bell curve"); so what I meant was when I read about the bad/horrible sides, I question why the person would put up with them, when its basically a hobby/vanity.

4g of gear may well mess with my head (in regards of my logical thinking ability) but on the bright side, I feel great and dont have any sides, so I'm pretty damn happy (and dont know if my heads not right :lol: ). From my perspective, perhaps from my days on MDMA in the 90s, I love everyone and hope everyone on AAS has as positive experience as I do...

Meant nothing bad mate, just sorry you (and others) have less than positive experiences on AAS :surrender:



hackskii said:


> Doses are individual, from person to person.
> 
> Dude could be suffering from some form of heart failure.
> 
> ...


I actually agree with you- my point was actually I take the doses I do as I never seem to have a negative experience (apart from sweating on tren and high dose test, but I consider that just an inconvenience)

I really meant when I said, that when I read the sides some people have, I wonder why anyone would bother...


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## goonerton (Sep 7, 2009)

OldManRiver said:


> Actually I should imagine he's sleeping like a hibernating squirrel right about now. If he's done the right thing and followed the slow down advice given.
> 
> Extreme amounts of anything can cause problems, even water.


i wouldn't be surprised if he was kept in hospital, i think mentally he was really in quite a bad way, some sort of substance induced psychosis/mania, think he may have been at a stage where probably unable to to slow himself down without help.

hope he's ok anyway.


----------



## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

ausbuilt said:


> Well in general, most react a certain way, then theres a few outliers (its statistically called the the "bell curve"); so what I meant was when I read about the bad/horrible sides, I question why the person would put up with them, when its basically a hobby/vanity.
> 
> 4g of gear may well mess with my head (in regards of my logical thinking ability) but on the bright side, I feel great and dont have any sides, so I'm pretty damn happy (and dont know if my heads not right :lol: ). From my perspective, perhaps from my days on MDMA in the 90s, I love everyone and hope everyone on AAS has as positive experience as I do...
> 
> ...


First off Aus I respect your opinion, help you've given me (and others) and your knowledge base massively, if u didn't know that u do now, but I feel I've just got to say this. I'm pleased you made this most recent post though it re assures me it will be taken as is meant.

When you post about the doses that you take there are many here who take that as a green light to try and not, emulate you but thats if you can do it so can they!, when you posted the other day asking what the big deal was about his high doses, I had to stop myself posting a reply I had typed in a half thought out rage of the moment.

Just in the last couple wks I've have 2 guys pm me for advice (seems to happen a lot although I never preclaim to know anywhere near what id like to) in specific high dose courses/blasts these arnt the first Wont be the last that do PM me, there's one common denominator in each message and thats you mate.

They always say well Aus does this.......

After your post it made me think that maybe you didn't realise that lads look to what your doing as the answer for there goals,and that you post those types of things without considering it is not for every one and or that the lads look up to in that way and are willing to copy what you do just because it's you doing it.

Obviously there willing to do that because of the respect and reputation you have on here.

I can't Tell you what to do Nor should I even try, but it would be nice to see a bit more restraint or cautionary advice added to posts you make about your doses, I just don want to see any one Fcuking themselves up like this lad (not saying he's followed u in this case)

As I said I'm hopeful that you will see where I'm coming from and not be offended with me saying these things.

That's it bit long I know but I just felt I had to put it out there.

AL


----------



## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

Zorrin said:


> He can't answer.
> 
> Someone convinced him, in his sleep-deprived state, that he was having heart failure. Its hard to type wearing a straightjacket.
> 
> ...


Meth run out now buddy?


----------



## MrM (Feb 6, 2012)

Irish Beast said:


> Benzos or a bottle of whiskey. Or both!
> 
> I got hold of some UK pharma grade vallies last weekend and they absolutely KO's me even after a big session on the charlie!


Hope you don't mind me asking but what were the benzos? I've just worked through some **** msj vallies - that certainly had some compound but not diazapam. Was able to get Roche for ages that were very nice and made for a nice relaxing Afternoon but the msj's were pish.


----------



## newborn (Nov 29, 2011)

is this guy alive?


----------



## ItsaSecret (May 28, 2012)

holy ****ing **** you're on a mega cycle, is all that necessary?

how old are you, someone on first page said you're "young"

you know even just closing your eyes and lying in bed for a few hours will do you the world of good, even if you don't sleep.


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## iElite (Jan 17, 2012)

At the end of the day, some substances just don't agree with certain people. I know a few lads locally that cannot hack Tren at all. I know your circumstances are different, but tone it down, get healthy, run your PCT and recover. Then when your clear minded have a sit down and get back to the drawing board.


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

Pain2Gain said:


> First off Aus I respect your opinion, help you've given me (and others) and your knowledge base massively, if u didn't know that u do now, but I feel I've just got to say this. I'm pleased you made this most recent post though it re assures me it will be taken as is meant.
> 
> When you post about the doses that you take there are many here who take that as a green light to try and not, emulate you but thats if you can do it so can they!, when you posted the other day asking what the big deal was about his high doses, I had to stop myself posting a reply I had typed in a half thought out rage of the moment.
> 
> ...


Fair points.

I always take the view I'll just post based on facts (where I back up with journal articles of studies) or personal experience.

Dan Duchaine famously said "the majority of people don't have an issue with this drug/dose" but, "don't assume you're the majority"

The fact is the majority of people do have a similar drug reaction (its called the bell curve statistically) but the "oultliers" will always react differently.

I certainly dont know everything; my main aim is to promote an honest truthful no bull$hit answer.

While I may have taken high doses of many things, my main point is I've not had any side effects/bad experiences, which is what leads me to try more etc Its about progression, and every individual needs to consider how they react- i really mean when I say that when i read some of the sides people have (on quite modest dosages compared to me) I'd say if it was me, I would eiher lower the dose or stop- you should feel BETTER on AAS so that you train better; you shouldnt feel worse!


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ausbuilt said:


> Well in general, most react a certain way, then theres a few outliers (its statistically called the the "bell curve"); so what I meant was when I read about the bad/horrible sides, I question why the person would put up with them, when its basically a hobby/vanity.
> 
> 4g of gear may well mess with my head (in regards of my logical thinking ability) but on the bright side, I feel great and dont have any sides, so I'm pretty damn happy (and dont know if my heads not right :lol: ). From my perspective, perhaps from my days on MDMA in the 90s, I love everyone and hope everyone on AAS has as positive experience as I do...
> 
> ...


I know you mentioned the bell curve, but it also works your way as well.

Not wanting to whip a dead horse here but I to get many guys asking me about some of the stuff that you post and should they use them.

Remember Aus, you use, site injection stuff with no ester, SEO oil, DNP (up to 600mg or more a day), slin (on keto diets), stims, T3/T4, Oxys, orals, injectables, 500 grams of protein a day, and all kinds of stuff.

That is cool, but some of the doses I actually think either is a wind up or I am actually shocked that you can get away with the doses you mention as half that would have already killed me.

Being in this game for a super long time, I have seen many things, when guys talk about grams of tren I think wow, dudes are just out of control.

I remember reading a guys journal about him ramping up tren doses, and it was over weeks time, good read and dudes articulation was totally awesome, but at the end where he was shooting more than a gram of tren a day he did seem a bit off.

One thing I remembered him playing miniature golf at a gram a week and he said he was totally soaked in sweat from playing that.

As I sit back and watch some of the things that happen, and I can name names here but to be fair to the guys that have medical issues, I wont, but sadly some dudes are in total denial of the risks.

All for the sake of ascetics.

I can get personal bests, rip muscle from bone at 500mg a week of test.

My biggest cycle of 500 test, 200 tren, 200 mast put me in the hospital for stage II stroke range, I had a BP of 186/116 and they were freaking out, on another cycle I was urinating blood, ketones and calcium.

Anyway, I always preach caution about cycles, and what one guy can do another cant.

I remember seeing one dude on this board with his crazy cycles and honestly he looked like death, sure he is huge, but it came at a cost.

One more with a friend of mine, had pancreatitis, kidney damage, high blood pressure, a HDL of just 5, and anxiety, depression, ED, and the cardiovascular system of a 70 year old man (doc said this), he looked better than 90% of the guys on this board, but actually he almost did not make it from the pancreatitis.

He was a guy that said to me one day if he could make it to 190 pounds he would be happy.

He made it to 190 then said if he could make it to 200 pounds he would be happy, and it kept going and going and going.

This is not normal thinking.

Rant over


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

hackskii said:


> I know you mentioned the bell curve, but it also works your way as well.
> 
> Not wanting to whip a dead horse here but I to get many guys asking me about some of the stuff that you post and should they use them.
> 
> ...


You're right, I may be an outlier myself. Can't argue the logic. Perhaps I thought I was in the "majority" as I DO/HAVE DONE all the things you mention (and always been honest on dose- even DNP ramped up to 1300mg/day)but I never was the "trailblazer".

The esterless AAS+ SEO shots where from A.L. Rea

The doses for AAS- mixture of A.L. Rea and Paul Borresson (yep hes dead..)

'Slin on Keto diets (Duchaine notably, and yes, hes dead)

500g protein/staying on cycle all the time: BigA from Professional Muscle

I just try things I read, and I never invented an approach.

However, the internet is a big place, and the number of people in all the forums who have done the things I've done does seem to be limited or a small % (as can be seen here).

However, with t3 and dnp and 'slin I've always emphasised measuring temp or BP or BG etc as required to tailor results rather than recommending a random number- this way you get a dose that works for you.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ausbuilt said:


> Well in general, most react a certain way, then theres a few outliers (its statistically called the the "bell curve"); so what I meant was when I read about the bad/horrible sides, I question why the person would put up with them, when its basically a hobby/vanity.
> 
> 4g of gear may well mess with my head (in regards of my logical thinking ability) but on the bright side, I feel great and dont have any sides, so I'm pretty damn happy (and dont know if my heads not right :lol: ). From my perspective, perhaps from my days on MDMA in the 90s, I love everyone and hope everyone on AAS has as positive experience as I do...
> 
> ...





ausbuilt said:


> You're right, I may be an outlier myself. Can't argue the logic. Perhaps I thought I was in the "majority" as I DO/HAVE DONE all the things you mention (and always been honest on dose- even DNP ramped up to 1300mg/day)but I never was the "trailblazer".
> 
> The esterless AAS+ SEO shots where from A.L. Rea
> 
> ...


What is funny is I have all of Author L. Rea's books, I am familiar with Dans stuff, and I have read many posts on BigA on professional muscle, he got flaimed about 8 years ago on this board for SEO suggestions.

1300mg DNP?

Oh man, just got a chuckle out of that, dude you live on the edge man, and to what I thought about your big doses just got called and raised. :lol:

Wow.

Trust me Aus, you are in a minority on the doses you can get away with.

Ok, remember that guy that had the pancreatitis?

Well, his brother has been to the Mr. USA 2 or 3 times, and he never quite got his pro card, been second and third but you need a first place to get that for pro, he never quite got that.

He said and I will quote him here "the guys with the best pharmacy gets the prize."

I know what he meant, the guys who have access to the most stuff, the deepest pockets, and can handle the sides the best, get the biggest.


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

hackskii said:


> What is funny is I have all of Author L. Rea's books, I am familiar with Dans stuff, and I have read many posts on BigA on professional muscle, he got flaimed about 8 years ago on this board for SEO suggestions.
> 
> 1300mg DNP?
> 
> ...


interestingly BigA has a successful company (synthetek) selling SEO.... and his forum is doing well too; based on his companys website, and what we know about pro's doing site shots with SEOs these days, the people flaming away 8 years ago are probably eating their words.. but even the use of SEO has its fair share of idiots- like the dudes with 31" arms etc that look like $hit... so forgetting about dosage/drugs any tool can be mis-used...

As for the DNP, the first time I ran it i ran it at 400mg/day. The second time I ran it, I started on 200mg/day, and ramped up every few days by another 100-200mg (I could do this as I capped my own at 100 and 200mg, and I got the DNP direct from the manufacturer). i kept measuring my temp every 2 hours (I was on leave at the time) and thought I'd go until i got to elevated core temp wise... which NEVER happened- as I was DRENCHED walking around the house in a towel all day,a nd sleeping on a towel etc. after being on 1300mg for 3 days (21days in total) I was scared to increase my dose, as I had trouble breathing (took clen to open the airways), and people who heard me sleep thought my breathing was that laboured I might not wake up... hence i've posted, temp is not a problem if you're not dehydrated and can sweat, but respiratory issues can kill you...

As for the point the Mr USA competitor made, I've heard it said that what makes "pros" is the fact they have the genes to deal with the drugs, training and food, that not everyone has... could be something to that....

Maybe I handle drugs well, but I'm still no pro (far from it!!!) maybe I'm not taking enough! LOL Only half joking, I have a one on one session with a Pro on friday and am getting his opinion on my cycle... am interested to hear the feedback!


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ausbuilt said:


> interestingly BigA has a successful company (synthetek) selling SEO.... and his forum is doing well too; based on his companys website, and what we know about pro's doing site shots with SEOs these days, the people flaming away 8 years ago are probably eating their words.. but even the use of SEO has its fair share of idiots- like the dudes with 31" arms etc that look like $hit... so forgetting about dosage/drugs any tool can be mis-used...
> 
> As for the DNP, the first time I ran it i ran it at 400mg/day. The second time I ran it, I started on 200mg/day, and ramped up every few days by another 100-200mg (I could do this as I capped my own at 100 and 200mg, and I got the DNP direct from the manufacturer). i kept measuring my temp every 2 hours (I was on leave at the time) and thought I'd go until i got to elevated core temp wise... which NEVER happened- as I was DRENCHED walking around the house in a towel all day,a nd sleeping on a towel etc. after being on 1300mg for 3 days (21days in total) I was scared to increase my dose, as I had trouble breathing (took clen to open the airways), and people who heard me sleep thought my breathing was that laboured I might not wake up... hence i've posted, temp is not a problem if you're not dehydrated and can sweat, but respiratory issues can kill you...
> 
> ...


Well, BigA posted his thoughts on pro's and it is shocking what he wrote about how much the winners use.

He was spelled it out quite well before the post got deleted, I think it is still on professionalmuscle actually.

He pretty much mirrored what I mentioned about the USA guy.

Let me see if I can find it.


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

Well, BigA posted his thoughts on pro's and it is shocking what he wrote about how much the winners use.

He was spelled it out quite well before the post got deleted, I think it is still on professionalmuscle actually.

He pretty much mirrored what I mentioned about the USA guy.

Let me see if I can find it.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

I found it, but it might be easier to read here:

Taken from professionalmuscle forum and written by the owner and IFBB Pro:

This site was always set up as an advanced site, where you can find TRUTHFUL information about bodybuilding, not bul**** and ideology promoted by people who generally have agendas.

This is the truth:

If your diet, training, health and rest are completely up to scratch, the more steroids you take, the bigger you will get. It's as simple as that.

Pros have got their diet, training (health for the most part) and rest up to a standard that works for them perfectly, but they are only the size they are due to the drugs they take. Don't beleive the crap from anyone, that they are not, even from the 'in the know' people that are on this board. Those very same people for the most part have used/use extremely higher dosages than what they preach. Why do they preach the low dosages? - various personal agendas.

Reality is that as a rule, 1g per week of test non stop year round is the 'off' time for the pros. Gear is added as it's obtained - no real detailed cycles as such. As long as they take the high dosages of gear, they'll grow (as long as the diet, training, health and sleep is up to scratch as mentioned previously).

Several grams of test per week, several grams of anabolics per week, up to 2g/week of tren, a **** load of orals, insulin several times a day year round, GH as much as can be afforded - 15 to 30IU/day, etc.

BUT, pros have the genetics to have their bodies accept the gear, and generally not get sick on it.

And ancilliary use is huge - liver aids to the max, anti-e's, dht blockers, cardio supps, cholesterol supps, etc.

Still, most of them are complete wrecks. They can't control bodily functions,

they pass out from walking a flight of stairs, they get drenched in sweat from tying their shoelaces. Gyno, baldness, dry skin, gout, excess bodily hair, acne, etc are ALL existant in virtually all of them.

It is not a healthy sport, drug use is ENORMOUS, but to ignore it and to preach otherwise is pathetic and not what this site is about.

BTW, Synthetek's books have on them who's who of current pros ordering Syntherol constantly. They ALL use it extensively. It is pathetic though, when one orders a bottle and their credit card gets declined due to not enough funds. You think a 30+ yo would have his life in order more than that.

Anyway, I'm sick of seeing the bull**** that has been promoted on this site the last few years. This site was originally set up as an uncensored place where you can find the truth about advanced performance enhancing, regardless of consequences. It's getting back to that.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

I read that years ago, still shocking to me today.

Guess I feel like the mother of the board, trying to keep the hens safe, out of harms way.

Though some times I do want to pack in the mod thing, stop posting, but something inside me always suggests not to, do not know why either.

Makes me sad that some lose sight of the path, and one's direction, solely to pursue a selfish ambition to look good because society suggests so, or it is supposed to bring some sort of happiness.


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## Porkchop (May 24, 2012)

From what I've seen, there's plenty of people that should be grateful you didn't pack it in mate. In most of the 'distress' threads (help! I've got gyno after x amount, help! Did all this with no PCT and now look etc), you've always given them rock solid advice.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

So i got back from hostpital, kept me in a few day's, totally fcuked my body up good style, blood pressure is at scary levels, hormones all over the place, test levels totally shut down and he told me they have give me some kind of psychosis, they gave me aloud of sh it meds and told me to take them for 8 weeks, i put them in the draw at home and gona continue on with my pct and 150mg test every week, i can tell you all now i will never be doing a gram of tren and all the high dose sh it i was on for a long long time, im 22 and my insides are like a old mans which is not nice to hear, iv totally fcuked my off season up due to been a big headed idiot, learnt by my mistakes and wont be going wild like this for a long time.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

still havnt been sleeping either, 2 hours a night max, 1 hour if im lucky, honestly at the lowest point of my life right now, cant wait too get some sleep and too feel back in the real world.


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## latblaster (Oct 26, 2013)

I'm very concerned about this, have you seen your GP yet? If not I strongly recommend that you do so tomorrow, do not put it off.

If you mention aas, he'll tell you to come off obv, so your next question must be to ask him about sleep, as the effects of aas will continue for some time as you well know.

Edited: Didn't see your earleir post.


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## Sambuca (Jul 25, 2012)

You have learnt a really valuable lesson mate and good on you writing it for us.


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

Honestly mate go and get yourself some nice weed have a big spliff youll be out like a light ..


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## Guest (Oct 8, 2012)

They've given you meds and you've put them in a drawer ? Seriously they probably have given you better stuff than your PCT , what did they give you ? I bet there are some sleeping tablets in that too, worth using.


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## Fit4life (Sep 16, 2011)

HodgesoN said:


> So... its got too the point were i havnt slept in about 54 hours, not 1 nod off, nothinggggg, im totally fcuked to be honest, im a nervous wreck, cant look at people in the face, confidence is low, anxious about even leaving the house, iv never been like this in my life, im a confident guy, duno weather this is the drugs im on or its because lack of sleep ( insomnia ) if any 1 knows id like a opinion?? anyway, iv stopped my blast and started cruising on 250mg test every 10 days, any 1 know if this will help or is it best too come off ?? like i said im new to all this S HITE, i feel and people are saying i should go to a nutty house lol, i know it sounds funny but im literally a walking shaking mess. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


eat some english lettuce or foods high in tryptophan

I know how you feel, mine is with stress regarding what to do for future but hey we all get that on occasion

relax and use the tryptophan or lettuce, juice 5 english lettuce and drink immediately, its bitter so add something to improve the taste

kaza


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Sambuca said:


> You have learnt a really valuable lesson mate and good on you writing it for us.


indeed mate

- - - Updated - - -



bens1991 said:


> Honestly mate go and get yourself some nice weed have a big spliff youll be out like a light ..


iv been diagnosed with psychosis, are you crazy, weed is the last thing i need right now.


----------



## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

OldManRiver said:


> They've given you meds and you've put them in a drawer ? Seriously they probably have given you better stuff than your PCT , what did they give you ? I bet there are some sleeping tablets in that too, worth using.


they couldnt tell me hardly anything about steroids mate, they dont know s hit, so gona do a full pct and see how i am from there, i didnt tell them about my insomnia due too i was thinking they will prescribe me with diazipam and i dotn want to go down that root.

- - - Updated - - -



Fit4life said:


> eat some english lettuce or foods high in tryptophan
> 
> I know how you feel, mine is with stress regarding what to do for future but hey we all get that on occasion
> 
> ...


might give it a try.


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## bottleneck25 (Sep 25, 2009)

Weed helps everything mate my aunty have bipolar only way she gets on with day to day life is by smoking weed !


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## Conscript (Sep 5, 2010)

When I had problems sleeping I used to listen to hypnosis videos which led me, through advertised links, to something called ASMR roleplay videos, they basically simulate relaxing experiences with a softly spoken female voice, very relaxing and always send me to sleep, youtube ASMR!


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

bens1991 said:


> Weed helps everything mate my aunty have bipolar only way she gets on with day to day life is by smoking weed !


not with pyschosis mate lol.


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## silver (Feb 18, 2010)

Sh1t man, i thought i was bad being up for nearly 42 hours


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

Sambuca said:


> You have learnt a really valuable lesson mate and good on you writing it for us.


Has he really when hes put the meds in a cupboard that the hospital have given him and he says he wont do this in a long whil instead of never again.Even worse hes only 22 year old.

If this was me i would be saying im never going near aas again as life is too important to me.

In truth this shows that some are just not suited to taking aas and should stay clear from it.

I really hope this wises him up or he wont see 30 years old....


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

BigTrev said:


> Has he really when hes put the meds in a cupboard that the hospital have given him and he says he wont do this in a long whil instead of never again.Even worse hes only 22 year old.
> 
> If this was me i would be saying im never going near aas again as life is too important to me.
> 
> ...


im in off season mate, competing year again for me next year, only did 2 shows this year, hopefully be back on in around 10 weeks time and recoverd, wont be doing insane doses though.


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

HodgesoN said:


> im in off season mate, competing year again for me next year, only did 2 shows this year, hopefully be back on in around 10 weeks time and recoverd, wont be doing insane doses though.


Not trying to get at you buddy tho at 22 its insane.Drop the shows and get out and enjoy life as if you keep doing that you wont have a heart left in time.

I can understand the passion when competing tho you will ruin yourself or wont be around long abusing your body like that.

What good will a trophy be sitting in your livingroom if you end up dead or ruined for good.

Enjoy bodybuilding hell yeah tho abusing it like that and youll pay


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

BigTrev said:


> Not trying to get at you buddy tho at 22 its insane.Drop the shows and get out and enjoy life as if you keep doing that you wont have a heart left in time.
> 
> I can understand the passion when competing tho you will ruin yourself or wont be around long abusing your body like that.


go out with my mates who are sniffing everyweekend, popping pills, doing full weekend benders ? if i dont do bodybuilding this is what i would be doing its a fact, i go out occasionaly and have a little drink with them but make sure im home for 12,2 am with no rec drugs in me, with out bodybuilding this wouldnt be the case.


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

HodgesoN said:


> go out with my mates who are sniffing everyweekend, popping pills, doing full weekend benders ? if i dont do bodybuilding this is what i would be doing its a fact, i go out occasionaly and have a little drink with them but make sure im home for 12,2 am with no rec drugs in me, with out bodybuilding this wouldnt be the case.


Then find new mates that dont its simple.

What your doing is just as bad or even worse,,your using aas like they abuse drugs


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## ItsaSecret (May 28, 2012)

BigTrev said:


> Then find new mates that dont its simple.
> 
> What your doing is just as bad or even worse,,your using aas like they abuse drugs


lol not exactly easy to **** your mates off and find new ones. though you dont have to take drugs amongst ur drug taking mates easy as that really


----------



## Bruze (Nov 5, 2011)

HodgesoN said:


> im 22 and my insides are like a old mans which is not nice to hear.


What do you mean by that mate? What's wrong with your insides from AAS?


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Bruze said:


> What do you mean by that mate? What's wrong with your insides from AAS?


just totally shut down at the moment mate.


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

ItsaSecret said:


> lol not exactly easy to **** your mates off and find new ones. though you dont have to take drugs amongst ur drug taking mates easy as that really


Well theirs a saying if you stand in sh1t it spreads so if the ones you run around with are doing things you are against then they arent really your mates in the first place.

Mates usually have things in common thats why they hang about together.

Very difficult for a recovering alcoholic to stand in a pub so he or she steers clear of the influences

Just hope he gets sorted out soon and feels better


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## ItsaSecret (May 28, 2012)

BigTrev said:


> Well theirs a saying if you stand in sh1t it spreads so if the ones you run around with are doing things you are against then they arent really your mates in the first place.
> 
> Mates usually have things in common thats why they hang about together.
> 
> ...


tjhat is true but he doesnt have much of a choice there lol, become a party animal, or hang around with other juiceheads... (refering back to alcoholism)


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## Porkchop (May 24, 2012)

Hodge, seriously, I think you need to reconsider the meds that they gave you. Take them anyway. if they diagnosed you with psychosis then no doubt they would have prescribed anti psychotics or something. Run your pct, but that won't sort your head out. Take the meds too.

If you post what they gave you, might be able to help with what they are.

Plus if they are anti psychotics, they will definitely send you to sleep lol.


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## infernal0988 (Jun 16, 2011)

Omg not you ffsake ? Your one of my favorite members mate you were their for me and i will be here for you mate. If you need anything that i can help with just ask just PM me mate.


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## Craig660 (Dec 8, 2005)

Please tell me you have been to sleep since you created the post ???


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Craig660 said:


> Please tell me you have been to sleep since you created the post ???


an hour some nights yes, if im lucky.


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## ausbuilt (Nov 22, 2010)

HodgesoN said:


> So i got back from hostpital, kept me in a few day's, totally fcuked my body up good style, blood pressure is at scary levels, hormones all over the place, test levels totally shut down and he told me they have give me some kind of psychosis, they gave me aloud of sh it meds and told me to take them for 8 weeks, i put them in the draw at home and gona continue on with my pct and 150mg test every week, i can tell you all now i will never be doing a gram of tren and all the high dose sh it i was on for a long long time, im 22 and my insides are like a old mans which is not nice to hear, iv totally fcuked my off season up due to been a big headed idiot, learnt by my mistakes and wont be going wild like this for a long time.


How is this any surprise? Of course your test levels are shut down, you're on a cycle... thats to be expected, but even without PCT that comes back in about 4 months at worst:

"...After 3-4 months of testosterone treatment, 60-70% of men no longer have sperm in their ejaculate, and most other men exhibit markedly diminished sperm counts. Male hormonal contraception is well tolerated, free of serious adverse side effects, and 95% effective in the prevention of pregnancy. Importantly, male hormonal contraception is reversible, with sperm counts usually *recovering within 4 months of the discontinuation of hormone treatment*."

from: http://www.nature.com/nrendo/journal/v2/n1/full/ncpendmet0069.html

As for blood pressure, plenty on here monitor it at home with arm/wrist cuff, and take Enalapril or similar ACE inhibitor to control it on cycle if required (and I use enalapril to reduce bloat from deca, regardless of BP- as enalapril cannot reduce your BP lower than normal).

I bet you never measured your Blood Glucose levels when on 'slin either....

POint being, its not the dosages alone that was your problem, you didint monitor and manage your sides properly...

As for psychoses, the drugs may exacerbate the problem (as you mentioned for weed) but they did not cause it- you have an undelying mental health issue that needs treatment.


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## Hit_the_weightS (Jan 26, 2012)

This is why steroid use is given a bad name. The doctor you saw at the hospital knows fcuk all about steroid use but now has an opinion based on your abuse and that's how the bad reputation spreads.

No offence mate but you give aas users a bad name.

I wish you a speedy recovery.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

ausbuilt said:


> How is this any surprise? Of course your test levels are shut down, you're on a cycle... thats to be expected, but even without PCT that comes back in about 4 months at worst:
> 
> "...After 3-4 months of testosterone treatment, 60-70% of men no longer have sperm in their ejaculate, and most other men exhibit markedly diminished sperm counts. Male hormonal contraception is well tolerated, free of serious adverse side effects, and 95% effective in the prevention of pregnancy. Importantly, male hormonal contraception is reversible, with sperm counts usually *recovering within 4 months of the discontinuation of hormone treatment*."
> 
> ...


lol i dont mate, never had psychoses in my life up until now, doctors said it was due to steroids lol.


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## Hit_the_weightS (Jan 26, 2012)

Was you seen by a shrink or was it just a normal doctor who diagnosed psychosis?


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## rchippex (Jan 20, 2012)

bens1991 said:


> Honestly mate go and get yourself some nice weed have a big spliff youll be out like a light ..


Or make your psychosis a million times worse. :nono:

Great to see your at least ok. Hope recovery doesnt take too long for you.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

ausbuilt said:


> but even without PCT that comes back in about 4 months at worst:


Actually, it can be up to a year, and even longer, my twin was shut down for a year with a deca cycle and has bloods to prove it.

I told him what I would do to correct much of what is going on here.

Low androgens can cause panic attacks, depression, and many things, all bad.


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## jake87 (May 7, 2010)

Conscript said:


> When I had problems sleeping I used to listen to hypnosis videos which led me, through advertised links, to something called ASMR roleplay videos, they basically simulate relaxing experiences with a softly spoken female voice, very relaxing and always send me to sleep, youtube ASMR!


lol asmr is the bollocks. the most ridiculous stuff like opening parcels or smoothing crinkly paper knocks me out


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## Conscript (Sep 5, 2010)

jake87 said:


> lol asmr is the bollocks. the most ridiculous stuff like opening parcels or smoothing crinkly paper knocks me out


Haha yeah I love it, Amal is my favourite...  ...Nail tapping china has me out in minutes lol,


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## Porkchop (May 24, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> lol i dont mate, never had psychoses in my life up until now, doctors said it was due to steroids lol.


If the docs said it was due to steroids, then they would have given you something that is effective to treat your psychosis FROM STEROIDS. So my advice, take the meds, and run your PCT.


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## latblaster (Oct 26, 2013)

Some of the anti psychotics, such as Olanzapine will help you sleep & calm you down.

But you don't have to take my advice, but I know it helps.


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## Guest (Oct 9, 2012)

just read through this thread and am amazed you waited so long before seeking help , if you have been diagnosed with psychosis (you want to hope it was the AAS ) , take the meds you have been given , antipsychotics are classed as major tranquillisers (things like diazepan /valium are minor tranquillisers) , they will calm you down and help you sleep.

like i said hopefully it was the AAS, as there are many psychological conditions that can cause this and trust me you dont want any of them.

if you dont take the meds there could be a chance you get worse and end up being sectioned , trust me again you dont want this , being sectioned is one of the few places you have no rights and can be forced to take treatment- they say when you get out not you.


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## newborn (Nov 29, 2011)

There are a million causes of psychosis;

Sleep deprivation

Certain chemicals that people are geneticaly vunerable to

Vitamin deficiancies

Imbalance of sex hormones

Under or overactive thyroids (Hyperthyroidism, Hyporthyroidism)

Endocrine failure

High levels of coritsol (Cushing's syndrome)

Basically a combination of all of the side effects of the ridiculous cycle you were on has caused this.

My best friend who used to be a bodybuilder got psychosis about 14 months ago, he has never actually said what caused it, presumably because he didnt want anyone to know that he was on anything, but let me tell you, he was like a ghost for 6 months. His normal self was a social, funny, leader of the pack sort of lad that always went on nights out, had a full time job as a personal trainer and a girlfriend, lost it all in a week due to the psychosis. It took him about 8 months to get back to his normal self, he wasnt even there in the head anymore, he had that 1000 mile stare.

You will be a fool to ever do a cycle like that again, its pretty obvious you are predisposed to psychosis, and you will absolutly 100% lose it again if you start doing any cycle like your last.

And for gods sake take the medication the doctors gave you, going on a PCT WILL NOT FIX YOUR PSYCHOSIS, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE.


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

And to sum it all up,,,if he doesnt listen to this good advice hes been given then there must be more active cells in alcatraz prison than in his brain.....THE END


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## Porkchop (May 24, 2012)

BigTrev said:


> And to sum it all up,,,if he doesnt listen to this good advice hes been given then there must be more active cells in alcatraz prison than in his brain.....THE END


Lol.

He's right OP!


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

newborn said:


> going on a PCT WILL NOT FIX YOUR PSYCHOSIS, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE.


I seen guys crash that were so bad they were suicidal, not to mention had massive anxiety, depression, jacked lipids, so yes, low androgens can make a man crazy too, so once his levels return back to normal you can rule out androgens.

I think it would be helpful, not to mention the DHEA from adrenal fatigue.


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## infernal0988 (Jun 16, 2011)

OKEY FAWK THIS! Im lowering my dosage!


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

just to inform you all, the docs said im in a sort of psychosis form due to not sleeping, i still havnt slept longer than 1 hour a night, at the moment im happy if i get 1 hour each night because its only a few days a week i get this, soon as im recoverd ill be able to sleep and i should be back too my normal self and feel like im in society again.


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## Natty.Solider (May 4, 2012)

all the best mate


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Imback to my normal state, ill be starting my journal back up again as im starting a blast again monday.


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## Guest (Oct 26, 2012)

you just got back to normal and are hitting it again so soon?


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## BigTrev (Mar 16, 2008)

HodgesoN said:


> Imback to my normal state, ill be starting my journal back up again as im starting a blast again monday.


After reading just what you put there i hate to say i have no sympathy for you now..

Anyone with sense would have learnt a lesson over that.

Dont get me wrong im not saying your a bad lad and i dont even no you.You just seem to be on a suicide collision

STEROID ABUSE IN ITS GLORY


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

BigTrev said:


> After reading just what you put there i hate to say i have no sympathy for you now..
> 
> Anyone with sense would have learnt a lesson over that.
> 
> ...


i just turend 22, im expecting big thingd from my self in the future, aas will get me there, now dont get me wrong i will not be taking doses of any sort like i was on before, so ill see how a low dose goes for me on monday, if i fcuk up again, then i know to quit for a while, al i can do is try.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

pugster said:


> you just got back to normal and are hitting it again so soon?
> 
> View attachment 98743


no time too waste.


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## The Cheese (Sep 22, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> i just turend 22, im expecting big thingd from my self in the future, aas will get me there, now dont get me wrong i will not be taking doses of any sort like i was on before, so ill see how a low dose goes for me on monday, if i fcuk up again, then i know to quit for a while, al i can do is try.


FFS man. You already f*cked up. "Again" shouldn't even come into the equation.

Right now, you should be sitting back, getting yourself together and taking your time, not jumping back onto cycle like an idiot.

22 and you're expecting big things? What's that then? A coffin?

Unless you sort yourself out, you'll be lucky if you see 23. How's that for a bright future?


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## Guest (Oct 26, 2012)

at 22 you have plenty of time , you have already shown a predisposition to psychosis thro AAS abuse, if you arent careful maybe the next time you will end up getting sectioned and held against your will -where you will receive copious amounts of psychiatric drugs against your will which will **** you up even more and will have a mental health note on your medical records which will bugger up most job opportunities for the rest of your life 

*other than that ..carry on


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

The Cheese said:


> FFS man. You already f*cked up. "Again" shouldn't even come into the equation.
> 
> Right now, you should be sitting back, getting yourself together and taking your time, not jumping back onto cycle like an idiot.
> 
> ...


thats why my leg weighs more than your full body, cause im dedicated, how old are you xxx


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## rchippex (Jan 20, 2012)

Good to hear your ok bud. Not going to preach about whether its wise to get back on again so soon. You know what you want and are driven to achieve it. I can respect that and also your honesty in saying it. Just be careful and keep your eyes open for the warning signs.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

Look i went through a stage of been fcuked up because i was at the highest 1200mg tren and 1800mg sust, along with 30iu slin dailu, 5iu hgh daily, 100mg dbol, 100mg oxys and peps, it had its effects on me, i was stupid, idiotic, nw im just gona do it nicely and go with smaller blasts, like half the dosage and see how i go


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## Guest (Oct 26, 2012)

rchippex said:


> Good to hear your ok bud. Not going to preach about whether its wise to get back on again so soon. You know what you want and are driven to achieve it. I can respect that and also your honesty in saying it. Just be careful and keep your eyes open for the warning signs.


most ppl who experience serious mental health problems dont have warning signs.... because they dont know they are ill - to them everything is fine and dandy.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

rchippex said:


> Good to hear your ok bud. Not going to preach about whether its wise to get back on again so soon. You know what you want and are driven to achieve it. I can respect that and also your honesty in saying it. Just be careful and keep your eyes open for the warning signs.


nice 1 mate


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

pugster said:


> most ppl who experience serious mental health problems dont have warning signs.... because they dont know they are ill - to them everything is fine and dandy.


your acting like im insane, i was sht downbadly WTF, liek i said iv never been in thaat state in my life before, its gone and il make sure it wil neverbe back.


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## The Cheese (Sep 22, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> thats why my leg weighs more than your full body, cause im dedicated, how old are you xxx


I'm 44. The way you're going, you won't get anywhere near that.

Now, instead of the snotty remarks and acting like a kid, sit down, take a deep breath and think about what you're doing. You've got your whole life ahead of you. That may sound like a cliche but it's true nonetheless. Don't f*ck it up for a quick result that may end up putting you out of action for good.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

Hey buddy, why not totally recover and once this is done decide what direction you want to go?

You know that once you recovery your next cycle will be more productive right?

I think you are thinking with more emotion than logic, not at all a dig what so ever, but in light of what just happened you might want to get some time from that last experience before you decide which path to take.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

The Cheese said:


> I'm 44. The way you're going, you won't get anywhere near that.
> 
> Now, instead of the snotty remarks and acting like a kid, sit down, take a deep breath and think about what you're doing. You've got your whole life ahead of you. That may sound like a cliche but it's true nonetheless. Don't f*ck it up for a quick result that may end up putting you out of action for good.


Had no idea you were that age.

For some reason I thought you were in your 20's.

Nice skin by the way, not gay that is why I thought you were young.


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## infernal0988 (Jun 16, 2011)

Or you just could lower your dosages abit run some milder compounds maybe go on a cruise for 10-15 weeks?


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## rchippex (Jan 20, 2012)

pugster said:


> most ppl who experience serious mental health problems dont have warning signs.... because they dont know they are ill - to them everything is fine and dandy.


So surely that very statement by definition says that he wasnt 'mentally ill' but suffering the effects of AAS induced sleep deprivation and hpta shutdown.

Im not condoning what he did dose wise etc btw. Everyone makes mistakes. I do appreciate his drive for success though. Some people have it, some dont. Some people make mistakes as a result of wanting something so badly. I bet 99% of pros do insane amounts of gear but you still respect them for their success. In a few years time when hodgeson has achieved what he wanted only he has the right to decide if it was worth what he put himself through. He will also learn a lot along the way.

For what its worth I would personally continue recovery for a while longer and then cruise on a low dose for a while to observe the affects.


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## The Cheese (Sep 22, 2012)

rchippex said:


> So surely that very statement by definition says that he wasnt 'mentally ill' but suffering the effects of AAS induced sleep deprivation and hpta shutdown.


Wasn't he diagnosed with psychosis?

But that's irrelevant. Nobody is saying to the guy not to cycle again. What they're saying is give it a little time for mind and body to get back into a healthy rythmn before jumping back on again.


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

rchippex said:


> So surely that very statement by definition says that he wasnt 'mentally ill' but suffering the effects of AAS induced sleep deprivation and hpta shutdown.
> 
> Im not condoning what he did dose wise etc btw. Everyone makes mistakes. I do appreciate his drive for success though. Some people have it, some dont. Some people make mistakes as a result of wanting something so badly. I bet 99% of pros do insane amounts of gear but you still respect them for their success. In a few years time when hodgeson has achieved what he wanted only he has the right to decide if it was worth what he put himself through. He will also learn a lot along the way.
> 
> For what its worth I would personally continue recovery for a while longer and then cruise on a low dose for a while to observe the affects.


i have been cruising mate, thats wgats got me bacl to my normal state.


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## rchippex (Jan 20, 2012)

The Cheese said:


> Wasn't he diagnosed with psychosis?
> 
> But that's irrelevant. Nobody is saying to the guy not to cycle again. What they're saying is give it a little time for mind and body to get back into a healthy rythmn before jumping back on again.


I believe it was induced pschosis though which is very different and can affect anyone under the right circumstances. I agree he should take a little time.


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## sam2012 (Mar 28, 2009)

If you suffered from some form of drug induced psychosis you would be stupid to go back on. It makes no sense to me why anyone would put there body through that. I won't preach because to be honest you go ahead mate and jab up but just be aware that you have been given a second chance. Most people take years to recover from a mental breakdown like that regardless of whether or not it was drug induced. Next time you might not be so lucky

You can be as big and strong as you like. The moment you lose your health whether mental or physical you can wave bye bye to any gains or any decent future for that matter.


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## Guest (Oct 26, 2012)

rchippex said:


> I believe it was induced pschosis though which is very different and can affect anyone under the right circumstances. I agree he should take a little time.


induced or not it was still psychosis, but to be honest i think theres some pretty solid evidence what it was induced with 

at the end of the day i guess its up to the op , good luck to him either way.


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## latblaster (Oct 26, 2013)

Mate, just leave all non -prescribed drugs alone for a while, you will benefit from this.

If you don't take a proper rest & things do go badly wrong, you could get sectioned or have a psychotic episode that will fvk you up!!!

Listen to what we are saying, please.


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## hackskii (Jul 27, 2003)

How much are you using in your cruise?

What gear as well?


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## HodgesoN (Sep 9, 2012)

hackskii said:


> How much are you using in your cruise?
> 
> What gear as well?


250 test every 10 days, monday ill blast again on, 800mg test enth, 300mg tren enth, 600mg mast, 80mg dbol and see how things go on a lower dose, back to my normal big headed self now so its all good.


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## Pain2Gain (Feb 28, 2012)

HodgesoN said:


> 250 test every 10 days, monday ill blast again on, 800mg test enth, 300mg tren enth, 600mg mast, 80mg dbol and see how things go on a lower dose, back to my normal big headed self now so its all good.


Seriously?

I think your stark raving Fcuking bonkers to jump back onto those sorta doses so soon, no one here wants to see you fcuker up again and this is now bordering on idiotic sorry but someone has to say it!

You carry on at this rate and I truely fear you may well be the the next big media headline, and frankly they'd be right to blame your addiction to steriods for your death!


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## Britishbeef (May 12, 2011)

HodgesoN said:


> 250 test every 10 days, monday ill blast again on, 800mg test enth, 300mg tren enth, 600mg mast, 80mg dbol and see how things go on a lower dose, back to my normal big headed self now so its all good.


Good luck mate nice sensible doses, I'd drop the tren altogether coz it is a head tax at the best of times... but that's just me


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## need2bodybuild (May 11, 2011)

Drop the tren ffs


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## shauny13 (Sep 24, 2012)

latblaster said:


> Mate, just leave all non -prescribed drugs alone for a while, you will benefit from this.
> 
> If you don't take a proper rest & things do go badly wrong, you could get sectioned or have a psychotic episode that will fvk you up!!!
> 
> Listen to what we are saying, please.


unfortunately you can't help anybody who won't help themselves.


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## Marshan (Aug 27, 2010)

shauny13 said:


> unfortunately you can't help anybody who won't help themselves.


He pipes in with....2 months later:thumb:


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## shauny13 (Sep 24, 2012)

mixerD1 said:


> He pipes in with....2 months later:thumb:


just seen it mate, only been on here two and a half months myself.


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