# Legal advice needed



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Split from my ex around a year ago and now see my daughter twice a week for dinner and one day every weekend. Things ain't to bad with her mum really. But...

I would like to take her on holiday for a week but her mum says I can't. She thinks my daughter won't cope without her but the truth is she won't. Anyway since we have split she has been on 3 holidays for a week each time 2 being abroad.

I'm not even looking to take my daughter abroad this year just maybes to buttons or summit. It just annoys me cos she says she will call the police if I take her for longer than 3 days. 1 rule for 1 and not the other.

I'm basically asking what can I do is there some legal law which says I can do what I want? Surly if she prevents me it would go the same way?

Any help would be much appreciated.


----------



## Ackee&amp;Saltfish (Mar 18, 2011)

Name on birth certificate?

Welcome by the way


----------



## cuggster (Aug 3, 2011)

Aslong as your on the birth certificate mate, she cant do fvck all, and if she trys stopping you, speak to a solicitor, and if the courts lay out the fact that your both parents and you have the right to spend time with your daughter and she doesnt want you to, then she's gonna get a hammering from the judge


----------



## dipdabs (Jun 14, 2012)

Urgh, women!


----------



## Dux (Nov 29, 2011)

Can't really advise mate but you should speak to your solicitor about it.

I wouldn't have thought she'd be flat out able to stop you taking her unless its in school time and she argues it will affect your daughters education.

I'm fortunately in a situation where my ex happily lets me have mine as often as is possible so I haven't encountered anything like this.... Yet.

Good luck, keep us informed


----------



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

I did this last year to butlins and my daughter was fine she couldn't care less that she hasn't seen her mum. It's just her mum being controlling. Just done a lot of reading and it doesn't seem like she can do anything. I think I will say we are going for 3 days and then bell her once away and say we're there for the week.

I suppose going abroad would be difficult as get mum has her passport.


----------



## Blinkey (May 14, 2012)

You really need to speak to a pro about this one. There are so many ifs and buts in child access it is a total minefield.


----------



## LuLuJJ (Jan 15, 2012)

Yeah, if you're name's on the birth certificate you have as much right as her so a court would rule in your favour for this.. saying that though, you would get in trouble for kidnap if you didn't have mums permission unfortunately lol, ring up citizens advice, they're free and very helpful with this sort of thing, they will tell you the exact steps to take and tell you how likely it is that you will win such a case.


----------



## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

I had to take my ex to court to take my son on holiday mate, it may be your only option.


----------



## Craigyboy (Feb 9, 2012)

Now adays every father has parental rights ( this never used to be the case if you wernt married even if your name was on birth certificate!! )

But now BOTH parents have an equal right and responsibility. So you have to either agree n dates times etc. and get on with it or go down the court route, to which your ex wouldn't have a leg to stand on and it will cost her in the long run, as a civil case is paid for by the losing party.

Your ex can try and be as awkward as she can be, but ultimately if you go on hols and she phones the cops there ain't much the cops can do as you have not kidnapped or endangered your own child


----------



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

I will bell citizen advice 2ma thanks ppl


----------



## Smitch (Dec 29, 2008)

Ukbeefcake said:


> I did this last year to butlins and my daughter was fine she couldn't care less that she hasn't seen her mum. It's just her mum being controlling. Just done a lot of reading and it doesn't seem like she can do anything. *I think I will say we are going for 3 days and then bell her once away and say we're there for the week. *
> 
> I suppose going abroad would be difficult as get mum has her passport.


I wouldn't do that, all trust will go out the window then.


----------



## BettySwallocks (Aug 1, 2012)

i can vouch for this one mate, just spent the last year fighting my druggy ex in court which cost me twelve grand but none the less worked because i have sole responsibility for him now :thumb: from what ive gathered if your names on the birth certificate nowadays by law parents have equal rights so truth be told you could pick your kid up and just never take her back and the police wouldnt do **** until shes been to court and got an order requiring that the child resides with her which would take longer than a week, obviously you dont want to go upsetting her because shes the mother of your child but if you want to take your kid on holiday just do it. your well within your rights.


----------



## latblaster (Oct 26, 2013)

Go to a mediation service first, try & reach an amicable solution.


----------



## montytom (Mar 6, 2012)

Its a shame when it ends up like this. My mum and dad used to be like this but they are back together now. I really hope you get this sorted as its not fair on the child either as you cannot take them away with you. All the best


----------



## liftmore (Aug 2, 2010)

Mmm, been there done that and got the tshirt.

I went the legal way and it caused a LOT of pain and upset for all involved. Personally I would not advise going the "legal" route with solicitors as they tend to wind up the situation a lot and cause many more problems by stirring the situation into a money making machine.

I think however difficult it is always best to try and work this out between you both without getting solicitors involved.

I wish you the best of luck,


----------



## Highlight (Oct 10, 2012)

Feel your pain mate, been there myself.

Legally you have the right to take her on holiday unless your ex has a residence order in her name. (I doubt she will because you only get them in court and you haven't mentioned having been).

Having said that though, the last thing you want to do is antagonise the situation because as you don't have any formal arrangements in place, she could just stop you seeing your daughter full stop and there would be **** all you can do about it short of taking her to court for an order which can take AGES....

Your best bet is to sort this out amicably by sitting down and talking to her or by attending mediation. Just lay out to her in a calm way how its not fair that she takes her on holiday but you don't etc. You can always show that you will take her somewhere in the UK first to make sure she is ok with it etc before you think about future holidays abroad... If that doesn't work then I'm afraid you may need to go to court. This will take some time but isn't necessarily as expensive as you think. It is possible to get free advice and represent yourself. As long as the situation is a straightforward access agreement (and you haven't given any indication of any other problems) then the court should give you a straightforward contact order which is in the best interests of your daughter and this will include the right for her to spend time with you on holiday, as well as set agreements about weekends, weekdays, pick up drop offs etc.

Been in a very similar situation to you and come out the other side of it so if you need any more info then feel free to ask mate.


----------



## Highlight (Oct 10, 2012)

Forgot to mention mate, you need to show by your actions that you are doing everything in the best interests of your daughter so as tempting as it might be to just take her for 3 days but then not return her for a week, the stress and arguments etc that that would cause will not do your little girl any favours and any judge would take a seriously dim view of things like that if it ever got brought up in court in the future.


----------



## LuLuJJ (Jan 15, 2012)

Hope you sort this out fella it's not fair you have to miss out cause your ex is being selfish!!


----------



## Madoxx (Nov 7, 2010)

Take her camping in the spring for 3 days, if she copes well without mum take her for 5 days over half term, then build up to the week


----------



## LuLuJJ (Jan 15, 2012)

madocks said:


> Take her camping in the spring for 3 days, if she copes well without mum take her for 5 days over half term, then build up to the week


That's a good idea cause then she won't have a leg to stand on if you build up to it.. Frustrating yeah but at least she hasn't got anything against you and you've done it the right way!


----------



## thefunk007 (Jan 6, 2013)

Just sit down and have an adult conversation about it, I mean I don't know how old your daughter is mate but why not involve her in the discussions with your Ex and ask her is she would like to go away for a week and spend some time just with Daddy.

Of course you are entitled to see and spend time with your little one, but be sensible about it and get the Mum to agree, I appreciate I don't know her and how awkward she can be, but if you demonstrate maturity and that all you want to do is spend the time with your daughter enjoying each other company she would be a very cold person if she didn't want her to go and enjoy herself.

I am not for one second saying you have not tried this tack, but I find that most situations can be resolved with a proper discussion, I mean I am sure the Ex would have a nice break as well.

Sometimes people are spiteful but remain calm and level headed and just keep chipping away a little at a time, you shouldn't have to I know, but saying you will take her for a few days and then deciding to extend things will makes things much worse for you and your daughter and I'm sure you don't want that.


----------



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

After a lengthy heart felt txt last night to the ex she has called me this morning and said I can have her for 5 days. I settle for that to keep the peace. I think she realized I'd be a Cnut when she wanted to go away.


----------



## LuLuJJ (Jan 15, 2012)

Ukbeefcake said:


> After a lengthy heart felt txt last night to the ex she has called me this morning and said I can have her for 5 days. I settle for that to keep the peace. I think she realized I'd be a Cnut when she wanted to go away.


Well done Daddy!!


----------



## Uriel (Oct 14, 2008)

im divorcing and have a 5 year old girl i see as much as i can, least 2 days a week

its true we have equal rights on paper but if an ex say keeps the child - whats your choices lol???

ANYTHING you do on your own would be illegal ..........if i went and booted my ex's door in to take my daughter i'd be in a world of sh1t..........or picked her up from school where my ex would be making a huge scene... so it all depends on your ex being reasonable with you (something VERY few of them are capable of)

The reality is we dads walk on eggshell with ex cnunty wifes because they have us by the bollox

i play the game and wait just so i see my daughter regularly...when she is older and has her own mind she can come and go as she likes - free from cnut face


----------



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

LuLuJJ said:


> Well done Daddy!!


Ha cheers!


----------



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

Uriel said:


> im divorcing and have a 5 year old girl i see as much as i can, least 2 days a week
> 
> its true we have equal rights on paper but if an ex say keeps the child - whats your choices lol???
> 
> ...


I know how u feel mate, firmly by the balls they got us!!!!

Just Gota ride it out and stay off the tren


----------



## jafc (Dec 28, 2012)

Pleased you got your wish to take your girl away mate:thumb: thats great news!

Theres been some great advice on this thread that i'm going to hijack!! My ex is having our little boy in the last week of April and is already being very hard work. Thought about going straight down the court route cause then we both know where we stand and theres no arguing, however after reading this thread i might wait and see if she starts playing ball. It's hard to know what to do for the best isn't it.....just want to see my boy regularly.


----------



## Highlight (Oct 10, 2012)

Uriel said:


> im divorcing and have a 5 year old girl i see as much as i can, least 2 days a week
> 
> its true we have equal rights on paper but if an ex say keeps the child - whats your choices lol???
> 
> ...


This is only true if you haven't been to court. If you have a court order stating contact timings etc, if she then breaches it you can get her in a world of **** and take her back to court.

I said it before but court doesn't need to be expensive. If you take (reputable) free advice and represent yourself, as long as its a straightforward request like contact timings etc then you won't have any major dramas. I paid for a solicitor initially but once I was confident with what needed to be said and done I just represented myself. Reckon I probably saved myself 3-4 grand doing that and got exactly the results I wanted.

Court orders aren't for everyone as they can sometimes antagonise a situation, but if your ex is being awkward, messing you about, witholding contact or using it as a threat (all of which happened to me) then its often your only option.


----------



## Ukbeefcake (Jan 5, 2011)

jafc said:


> Pleased you got your wish to take your girl away mate:thumb: thats great news!
> 
> Theres been some great advice on this thread that i'm going to hijack!! My ex is having our little boy in the last week of April and is already being very hard work. Thought about going straight down the court route cause then we both know where we stand and theres no arguing, however after reading this thread i might wait and see if she starts playing ball. It's hard to know what to do for the best isn't it.....just want to see my boy regularly.


I'd just see how it goes first, with payments to her thou pay it through the bank detailing what it's for. Also your payment covers everything so if she starts asking for more sh1t then explain u don't have too. My ex was hitting me with all sorts of extras, not that I'm a tight ass but I must spend £40 a week on my daughter when she's with me with meals and days out etc so she ain't missing out. Just means I'm not lining my greedy ex pockets the ba stard!!!

Also major sure u are on the birth certificate cos else u will find it more difficult to see your child.

I came to the conclusion that my daughter probably does want to see her mum more than me and they do have a special bond ( mother daughter) so I see her every other day.

I would try and set a plan with your ex as to which days you have your baby and then stick to them. Kids like and need routine and my daughter has adapted great to it all.

Good luck pal!


----------



## jafc (Dec 28, 2012)

Ukbeefcake said:


> I'd just see how it goes first, with payments to her thou pay it through the bank detailing what it's for. Also your payment covers everything so if she starts asking for more sh1t then explain u don't have too. My ex was hitting me with all sorts of extras, not that I'm a tight ass but I must spend £40 a week on my daughter when she's with me with meals and days out etc so she ain't missing out. Just means I'm not lining my greedy ex pockets the ba stard!!!
> 
> Also major sure u are on the birth certificate cos else u will find it more difficult to see your child.
> 
> ...


Thanks mate good bit of advice. It's my first one so all a bit new really appreciate the advice mate I'll take it on board, I'll let you know how it goes, could be after some more words of wisdom soon!!!

Thanks again buddy


----------



## alinshop (Jan 11, 2013)

Welcome.


----------

