# Bum Hair



## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

Any men get there **** crack waxed / shaved / veeted?...

I'm fed up with the hair :laugh:


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## The Ultimate Warrior (Dec 20, 2010)

I had a pic to go with this post but don't wanna get banned again!

So on a serious note. I like it, doesn't it serve a purpose? Mines like a net that catches renegade turtles should they slip out


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## JS95 (Aug 29, 2010)

Always thought this myself, remember some thread saying that ass crack hair was useful because it stops them chafing LMAO


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## JS95 (Aug 29, 2010)

JPaycheck said:


> catches renegade turtles


 That phrase just made my day :')


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

JPaycheck said:


> I had a pic to go with this post but don't wanna get banned again!
> 
> So on a serious note. I like it, doesn't it serve a purpose? Mines like a net that catches renegade turtles should they slip out


Fu*k me its all coming out tonight !

You like mary hinges and now clinkers !!


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

Tbh, i'm bored of it right now, think it's time for a cull then it can grow back... Nothing worse than a sweaty crack!


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## The Ultimate Warrior (Dec 20, 2010)

Milky said:


> Fu*k me its all coming out tonight !
> 
> You like mary hinges and now clinkers !!


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

What a very gay thread, l should neg you !

I will pm you with my erm reasons as to why its gay and l should neg you.....


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## Mitch. (Jul 26, 2011)

http://leedeth.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/do-not-shave-your-ass-hair/

This might sway you into keeping it.


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Only a really vain bastard would use a beard trimmer with no gaurd on it to trim there, l mean a REAL man like a sweaty hairy ar*e full of clinkers dont they !!


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

Milky said:


> Only a really vain bastard would use a beard trimmer with no gaurd on it to trim there, l mean a REAL man like a sweaty hairy ar*e full of clinkers dont they !!


First time I ever trimmed my pubes, I used some clippers without a blade... Ended up catching the underside of my cock and ripping it with the clippers, luckilly nobody was in the house so I jumped in my ready made bath with my bleeding cock with its flap of skin hanging down ****ing out bordeux!!

I learnt from that, use a guard then a razor!


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

mitch6689 said:


> http://leedeth.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/do-not-shave-your-ass-hair/
> 
> This might sway you into keeping it.


Too late.

Just veeted the mother****er!


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## Ironclad (Jun 23, 2009)

mitch6689 said:


> http://leedeth.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/do-not-shave-your-ass-hair/
> 
> This might sway you into keeping it.


 :lol:


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

strangely feels liberating with no **** hair, mind you i'm only walking around the house and it's not hot hot yet :laugh:


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## CMC1314 (Jun 7, 2011)

maybe trim it but deffo dont shave it... id just leave mine alone thnx


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

CMC1314 said:


> maybe trim it but deffo dont shave it... id just leave mine alone thnx


We all will mate dont you worry about that mate !!


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## mikep81 (Oct 8, 2010)

mitch6689 said:


> http://leedeth.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/do-not-shave-your-ass-hair/
> 
> This might sway you into keeping it.


I was going to mention that article. It had me in stitches when I first read it!!


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## MRSTRONG (Apr 18, 2009)

i veet on a regular basis , as a result i get my weiner sucked as its more appealing plus im not adverse to a finger in the bum at the right moment


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

Gotta rid the hair...

Veet: chest / balls / armpits

Grade 1 'the lawn'

Not a good look, balls hairy like gooseberries an a lawn like the Jackson 5!!


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## Dazza (Aug 7, 2010)

I have recently made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny balls of **** were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass-cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me knowing that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling place. Eventually I would have to do one of two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its 'Can't-Be-Flushed' threshold.

As I was contemplating this problem, I had what seemed at the time to be a brilliant idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements, things like "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK, or "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know?

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass-cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. And I mean it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4-block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair, ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum-sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that's what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

All I can say is friends don't shave your ass hair!


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## Rob_14 (Jun 11, 2011)

mitch6689 said:


> http://leedeth.wordpress.com/2006/12/03/do-not-shave-your-ass-hair/


that was a very entertaining read


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

chilisi said:


> Veet. You wipe less after, but you fart louder


Telling me... Missus givin' me some dirty looks on the sofa tonight as I let rip...


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## Justin Cider (Jul 18, 2010)

Like somebody blowing a wet raspberry in a belly button...


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## Dananaman (Jan 2, 2013)

I shave mine. Itches like fucck and took time to perfect the art. But totally worth it. Makes for easy clean up after shiites and the misses won't lick it when it's hairy.


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## Replicator (Apr 4, 2009)

one of the best and cheapest ways to get rid of bum hairs is this......................but I will tell you now this is only for real men , wimps pick another thread right now.

go out on the road on a hot day and find one of they patches where the tar has a nice black pool of tar ............you know, the ones we used to poke sticks in when we were kids

just rub some of that between your but cheeks and by the time you get it all off there will not be a hair in sight.............not a fvckin one :thumb:


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## Harelquinn (Jun 25, 2010)

wouldn't advise it, when it grows back in stubbles it doesn't tickle.


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## Conscript (Sep 5, 2010)

chilisi said:


> Veet. You wipe less after, but you fart louder


 :lol: :lol: This is so true! 

Which brings me to my point - veet man myself!


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## Milky (Nov 30, 2008)

Replicator said:


> one of the best and cheapest ways to get rid of bum hairs is this......................but I will tell you now this is only for real men , wimps pick another thread right now.
> 
> go out on the road on a hot day and find one of they patches where the tar has a nice black pool of tar ............you know, the ones we used to poke sticks in when we were kids
> 
> just rub some of that between your but cheeks and by the time you get it all off there will not be a hair in sight.............not a fvckin one :thumb:


I have easy access to lots of bitumen based materials so if anyone wants any pm me...


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## Bamse (Feb 5, 2011)

Milky said:


> Only a really vain bastard would use a beard trimmer with no gaurd on it to trim there, l mean a REAL man like a sweaty hairy ar*e full of clinkers dont they !!


That sentence came out (no pun intended) a lot more gay than I think you intended it to.


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## cas (Jan 9, 2011)

Dazzza said:


> I have recently made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.
> 
> No, I was not constipated. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny balls of **** were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass-cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me knowing that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling place. Eventually I would have to do one of two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its 'Can't-Be-Flushed' threshold.
> 
> ...


fuuucking LMAO


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